idk23456 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 So me and my ex were together for 15 months, it was really serious and we were eventually even planning marriage. I'm 22 and shes 21, so maybe to young to be thinking this, but we were truly in love. Anyway she was going to school far away for like half of our relationship, and we would see each other every month for like 5-7 days but the rest of the time we would be apart. However, due to the prices of plane tickets being rather expensive, we went 3 months without physically seeing each other. During this time I became kinda needy / jealous, always wondering what she was doing. This was primarily due to the fact that i missed her so much. Anyways, she broke up with me, because she needed space and because of this, or so she says. However, shortly after she got into another relationship with someone else. It never seemed to be that serious and they actually just broke up yesterday. She told me last night that she was single again, but its what she wanted and needed in the first place, and that she still wants to be single. I really want to get back together with her, as i'm still deeply in love with her, i think about her constantly all day, she's everything to me. I really think that if she gave us another chance we would work, but she doesn't seem to want to do that right now. What should I do? Do I have any chance of getting her back? I appreciate any help I can get.
BustedUpInside Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 That is so tough! I really feel for you right now. I am going to try and be as honest as possible and I want you to remember that I am trying to help, so even if it is hard or hurts your feelings a little, try and keep an open mind to what I am saying You are still in love with your ex and you want to try and get her back. It seems like right now would be the perfect time because she is single after having realized that the rebound relationship was a mistake. Unfortunately, realizing that the new guy wasn't the right one does not mean that she has changed her mind about ending your relationship. I do not think it will benefit you to try and reconcile right now. She is probably trying to adjust to being single and getting over the recent break up and so any attempts you make to "win" her back will probably just push her further and further away. The only thing you can do is try to live your own life. Let her go for now. It's not even a good idea to let her know that "you'll be there for her" because in the end you will just be friendzoned or even worse she will use you for emotional support and then find a new man and you will be stuck in the exact same position all over again. The only answer is to let her figure this out on her own. You live your life as if she is never coming back. That way, you have a shot of being happy. Maybe she comes back, maybe she doesn't, but it doesn't do you any good to wait for a day that may never happen. I know that it is a terrible answer because you absolutely do not want to be apart from the one you love, but you can't have a relationship if only one person is in love and since you can't force her to feel the same way, you are going to have to leave her alone. Good luck!
Author idk23456 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Thanks for the Reply Since we first broke up she's always seemed to agree that we could possibly give our relationship another chance in the future. Part of me thinks that because we were really serious that maybe it became too much for her at such a young age and she wants to experience more before settling down. I'm just having a hard time with the uncertainty. Should i not be her friend? Keep in contact? I really want us to be together in the end and I don't want to push her any further away. I've never felt this way about any girl before. She really means the world to me. Another thing thats hard is that lots of stuff around my house..that i use everyday were gifts from her when we were together...so many things and places remind me of her... Its been about a month since we broke up and I'm still not really over it. the longest we went no contact since we broke up was a week and it was really hard on me. So part of me thinks that being her friend for now, if possible, would be the best course of action. But I really would be doing with the intention of getting another chance with her in the future. She sends me such mixed signals all the time and I don't know what to do
Simon Phoenix Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Thanks for the Reply Since we first broke up she's always seemed to agree that we could possibly give our relationship another chance in the future. Part of me thinks that because we were really serious that maybe it became too much for her at such a young age and she wants to experience more before settling down. I'm just having a hard time with the uncertainty. Should i not be her friend? Keep in contact? I really want us to be together in the end and I don't want to push her any further away. I've never felt this way about any girl before. She really means the world to me. Another thing thats hard is that lots of stuff around my house..that i use everyday were gifts from her when we were together...so many things and places remind me of her... Its been about a month since we broke up and I'm still not really over it. the longest we went no contact since we broke up was a week and it was really hard on me. So part of me thinks that being her friend for now, if possible, would be the best course of action. But I really would be doing with the intention of getting another chance with her in the future. She sends me such mixed signals all the time and I don't know what to do Being her friend and staying in close contact is a terrible idea if your goal is to get back with her. She can't miss something that doesn't go away, not to mention that your desire to be her boyfriend will not allow you to put your best foot forward. You need time away to reset your emotions and she needs time away from you so she can possibly miss you. And yes, NC is hard. Most things worth doing are. If life was supposed to be easy, message boards like this wouldn't exist.
BustedUpInside Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Should i not be her friend? Keep in contact? I really want us to be together in the end and I don't want to push her any further away. I've never felt this way about any girl before. She really means the world to me. The problem is that you can't really be friends with someone that you still have romantic feelings for. You will always have an agenda and therefore the friendship will ultimately just end up hurting you or her or both. I know you think that leaving her alone will push her away, but in reality, the more you push for a reconciliation that she is not ready for is where you will really end up making distance between you both. Think about it like this. She ran away from the relationship. She is still running. You keep running after her, trying to catch up. She keeps leaving markers for you to find her (saying that maybe you can be together, saying she doesn't want to lose you) but every time you get close she rejects you and runs faster. Now, you want to be friends, but all that does is continue the same race. She keeps running and you keep running but you are never going to close in. What you have to do is STOP RUNNING. Just stop chasing her. Turn around and start walking your own path. Put away all the things that remind you of her. You don't have to throw them away or burn them or anything but put them in a box and put them away for now. Don't call her, text her, look at her Facebook, and don't respond to any calls or texts either. The only thing you should respond to is if she makes a genuine, sincere, and direct attempt to get back together. She has to say those words, "I want to get back together." This will actually force the issue and make her make a decision either way. She will have to slow down too. She will notice that you aren't chasing her anymore. She will either turn around and follow you, or she will walk her own path too, but you will be living your own life instead of waiting around for her to decide your life for you. It is up to her if she wants to give the relationship another try, but it is up to you whether you are going to wait for her to make that decision. Personally, I wouldn't want to waste time waiting for something that may not ever happen. Just live your life as if she is never coming back. That way, either way, you are making yourself the priority in your own life. 1
Author idk23456 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Thanks for all the help guys! This is going to be really hard for me but ill give it a try. Part of me is afraid that if I don't keep in contact with her then she will end up forgetting me and just moving on. Another thing is... I haven't seen her in over 4 months now. We haven't seen each other in person since we broke up. The last time we did everything was perfect... She was supposed to come back here but because we broke up she ended up not coming back. I really feel that if we saw each other in person and had like lunch together or something we could work things out. I know now may not be the time for that, but I'd be willing to fly out there to give it a try. If I just don't contact her or see her she may never realize how we feel towards each other when we are physically together. Should I maybe go no contact for a while, then maybe down the road set up some sort of meeting? Or would full no contact be better in this situation too. Thank you so much for your help.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Thanks for all the help guys! This is going to be really hard for me but ill give it a try. Part of me is afraid that if I don't keep in contact with her then she will end up forgetting me and just moving on. Another thing is... I haven't seen her in over 4 months now. We haven't seen each other in person since we broke up. The last time we did everything was perfect... She was supposed to come back here but because we broke up she ended up not coming back. I really feel that if we saw each other in person and had like lunch together or something we could work things out. I know now may not be the time for that, but I'd be willing to fly out there to give it a try. If I just don't contact her or see her she may never realize how we feel towards each other when we are physically together. Should I maybe go no contact for a while, then maybe down the road set up some sort of meeting? Or would full no contact be better in this situation too. Thank you so much for your help. This whole post is fear talking and fear will kill you. She didn't forget about you. That whole thought process is absurd. You were a big part of her life and she'll never forget you. Hell, I remember girlfriends I had 15 years ago. But yeah, your thought process is going to nuke this thing if you act on it. Grand gestures of flying out to meet her work in the movies, but movies are for entertainment. In real life you'll make her uncomfortable and put her in a position to resent you. At this point you have to hang back and perhaps the love you showed her will trigger her once her emotions have settled and her guard has been lowered. But your thought process is 100 percent wrong right now and if you act on it, disaster will happen. 1
BustedUpInside Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 This whole post is fear talking and fear will kill you. She didn't forget about you. That whole thought process is absurd. You were a big part of her life and she'll never forget you. Hell, I remember girlfriends I had 15 years ago. But yeah, your thought process is going to nuke this thing if you act on it. Grand gestures of flying out to meet her work in the movies, but movies are for entertainment. In real life you'll make her uncomfortable and put her in a position to resent you. At this point you have to hang back and perhaps the love you showed her will trigger her once her emotions have settled and her guard has been lowered. But your thought process is 100 percent wrong right now and if you act on it, disaster will happen. This is totally right. She is not going to forget you no matter what you do. Your goal is to not smother her. Give her and yourself space. This is the only way this situation will even have a chance of working out the way you want it.
Author idk23456 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Thanks a lot guys Ill try to take this advice. I appreciate the help!!! 1
BustedUpInside Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Good luck! I really hope that everything works out the way you want it to. Even if it doesn't, I hope that you are able to stay happy
Author idk23456 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Happiness had eluded me for the past month but hopefully ill find it sometime soon. I really hope that me and her can work things out, especially since I'm pretty sure us not seeing each other for 3 months may have ruined what could have been a life long love. If it was meant to be then it will be I guess.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Happiness had eluded me for the past month but hopefully ill find it sometime soon. I really hope that me and her can work things out, especially since I'm pretty sure us not seeing each other for 3 months may have ruined what could have been a life long love. If it was meant to be then it will be I guess. Three months isn't crap dude. My sister is getting married to a man who she was broken up with for nearly a year and didn't interact with for most of that time. I have another friend getting married who was broken up for nearly a year for his fiance and had no contact most of that time. Not saying that you are destined to be with her, but you have to get the clingy, smothery, wussy "it'll never happen because I haven't seen her since xxx" out of your system. How much time you guys go without seeing each other is completely irrelevant. I can't stress enough to you how wrong your thought process is right now.
Author idk23456 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Haha I know, we were together those 3 months just apart, we've been broken up for a month. It's funny because the logical part of me knows that my thought process is wrong but the emotional part of me is taking over haha, I feel weak. I'm going to try my best to be strong. 1
Author idk23456 Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Hey guys sorry I just have another question. Should I attempt to reach out to her in the future at all? If we go no contact for a while? How long should I wait? How should I do it? I just can't imagine never talking to her again
Immortality Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Hey guys sorry I just have another question. Should I attempt to reach out to her in the future at all? If we go no contact for a while? How long should I wait? How should I do it? I just can't imagine never talking to her again Once you embrace the advise of the other posters (rather than just think about it), such a question will not come to your mind. You need to start imagining YOUR life, not hers. You will forget her. You will move on. Everything in life ends; embrace change. If she gets back in touch, you MAY be interested and you may not (and should perhaps not be). Most importantly, whomever you find later will be better than her.
Author idk23456 Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Thanks for the reply. I guess its just hard for me to see clearly right now.. I have a hard time giving up hope that we may have another chance. There was a point where I was positive she was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I think she felt the same way. Everything was just perfect. She's the only girl i've ever truly loved. I wish i could just move on but my mind is killing me, it won't let me stop thinking about her.
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