ddlovexx Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Hey there, I've always had trouble with guys and confrontation. I'm not rude or aggressive... but I've just found that none of them ever want to talk it or or be honest. My ex constantly lied to me and ultimately cheated and left me for another girl. When I confronted him he usually responded with lies on top of lies, or not at all. Another guy I was just talking to stopped talking to me out of nowhere really. I wasn't going to say anything but gave him a "hey, if feelings have changed that's totally okay, you can just say it." And he's completely beat around the bush and won't say that feelings have changed but they obviously have. He'll say it's a bad time to talk and then post all over FB... so I know he's just running away from a simple 2 minute talk. It's okay because I don't really have feelings for him after all this anyway, but I don't like the way it's gone down. It's happened in the past as well with other guys. I find that any time I ask for an honest answer, they can't really give it to me. At first I thought there was something wrong with me but I'm starting to think maybe all the guys I pick are just big babies. I'm a really sweet girl, I don't attack these guys in any way but I do ask for honesty. It helps me deal and I don't really like loose strings. I almost feel like these guys don't respect me or my feelings because they can't even give me a simple answer... it's always a game. Any input? Ugh... this is why I like older men! haha
Author ddlovexx Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 I don't think that necessarily means anything. Sometimes you meet a lot of wrong ones before you meet right ones. You can't deny that most men would rather jump off a bridge than just admit they're not interested anymore.
Harradin Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I hate confrontations/arguments but I'm blunt and I will tell people how it is (always honest,) whether they want to hear it or not. Feelings conversations are annoying, especially if you don't have feelings for someone.
therhythm Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I love when people make generalizations like all guys do that or all girls do this... There is around 3 billion guys in the world... do you really think they all hate confrontation? All generalizations are wrong... including this one! 3
sillyanswer Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 No, but I think that lots of people are afraid of confrontation.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 People of both genders and in between are socially and emotionally illiterate and in denial and don't see confrontation as a learning experience. But how does anyone get to show who they truly are (if that happens to be a positive thing that he or she prides themselves on) if one side jumps to early conclusion and shuts the other side out based on that wrong conclusion? They don't. And life's lessons don't get learned. History repeats itself.
TrishAntos Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 some guys just dont want to confront girls in my experience
Carenth Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Not limited to guys most people in general have an aversion to confrontation as it is generally not a pleasant experience. 1
Author ddlovexx Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 To the one attacking... it was a question! And not all girls have a meltdown... both times my exes cheated and left, I dealt with my emotions in private. I've always held a strong exterior for the most part. Not all girls are nuts. And I barely had any feelings for this guy, was more annoyed that he couldn't admit the truth and was beating around the bush as if that was going to spare my feelings... only more of a letdown. I get that not ALL guys do this but in my experience majority of guys run away instead of just saying "Hey, it's not working." I don't need a full blown feelings talk, all I did was ask if feelings changed. And thanks to those who admitted their similar experience.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 To the one attacking..... :D:D and you know who you are.
ltjg45 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Well, I'm not afraid of confrontation but, then again, I'm not exactly out there dating either so it's not like people would know that about me anyway.
KungFuJoe Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Depends on how much I care really...but I admit that I was bad with confrontation. In my defense, this was in my early 20s and I think it was more immaturity and lack of confidence than anything, but I would be the kind of guy that would just ignore her calls if I didn't want to see her anymore. I once got fired from a job because I flaked on a date with a coworker and didn't show up to work for the next 2 days because I didn't want to face her. Finally figured I'd come to work and face the music and the Office Manager came to see me right as I showed up and told me to just leave.
sweetkiwi Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I am a female and I don't like confrontation. If I know someone likes me a lot I try not hurt them, as is easy to do when feelings are invested.
Author ddlovexx Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Depends on how much I care really...but I admit that I was bad with confrontation. In my defense, this was in my early 20s and I think it was more immaturity and lack of confidence than anything, but I would be the kind of guy that would just ignore her calls if I didn't want to see her anymore. I once got fired from a job because I flaked on a date with a coworker and didn't show up to work for the next 2 days because I didn't want to face her. Finally figured I'd come to work and face the music and the Office Manager came to see me right as I showed up and told me to just leave. Yeah, honestly it might be an immaturity thing because he's not a bad guy... just young I guess and doesn't want to face the situation.
jf2good Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Guys communicate..... unlike women we don't need 10,000 words to say we are hungry, upset, sad, mad or whatever. Sometimes we don't use words at all to communicate, take for example men whistling at a hot girl, we are really saying a lot. As far as confrontation it is can we win this fight, should we flee the fight, or try to avoid it. There is no need to confront someone if there is no winner, but women will argue just for the sake of argument, to hear their own voices, for what purpose I have no clue. Of course not all women and men are the same. My brother gabs on and on like an old women. My phone conversations with him are like him talking 20 minutes to my one line response. Okay you ask for an honest answer, the answer is we don't want to talk to you, Yes not talking is an answer. If you want to know why he cheated, the answer is because she was there. YES that is it, that all there is too it, nothing more, nothing else needs to be said. Okay I have said enough, too much and it isn't the answer you want, Too bad, sorry.
gaius Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Usually if you're excessively sweet and overly good to people you will end up getting the passive aggressive dump. It's hard for most people to dump you forthrightly after you've been so good to them I think. Conflicts with the conscience. They can't even bring themselves to say it out loud. Better to be a little bit of a bitch or an arsehole. That behavior's not just limited to guys either, one of the most valuable lessons one of my ex girlfriends taught me. 3
therhythm Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 To the one attacking... it was a question! And not all girls have a meltdown... both times my exes cheated and left, I dealt with my emotions in private. I've always held a strong exterior for the most part. Not all girls are nuts. And I barely had any feelings for this guy, was more annoyed that he couldn't admit the truth and was beating around the bush as if that was going to spare my feelings... only more of a letdown. I get that not ALL guys do this but in my experience majority of guys run away instead of just saying "Hey, it's not working." I don't need a full blown feelings talk, all I did was ask if feelings changed. And thanks to those who admitted their similar experience. Uhhh??? Am I the one attacking? I just said you should not generalize your personal experience with some guys to the world male population... But if you take offense in something so simple I can imagine why guys avoid confrontation with you...
skydiveaddict Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I almost feel like these guys don't respect me or my feelings because they can't even give me a simple answer... it's always a game. Any input? Ugh... this is why I like older men! haha Could be a wise choice. Some of us older guys are good skydivers too. That's a good date. Not a lot of idle talk. Just out the door you go.
Emilia Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Ugh... this is why I like older men! haha Older men have just learned to manipulate you better. My ex constantly lied to me and ultimately cheated and left me for another girl. When I confronted him he usually responded with lies on top of lies, or not at all. You need to learn to cut people out of your life who are not good for you. Do you really think that it's worth having a conversation with liars? Why bother? Another guy I was just talking to stopped talking to me out of nowhere really. I wasn't going to say anything but gave him a "hey, if feelings have changed that's totally okay, you can just say it." And he's completely beat around the bush and won't say that feelings have changed but they obviously have. He'll say it's a bad time to talk and then post all over FB... so I know he's just running away from a simple 2 minute talk. It's okay because I don't really have feelings for him after all this anyway, but I don't like the way it's gone down. Why? The end result is that he isn't talking to you. Why does it matter what the reason is? He isn't your boyfriend. It's happened in the past as well with other guys. I find that any time I ask for an honest answer, they can't really give it to me. At first I thought there was something wrong with me but I'm starting to think maybe all the guys I pick are just big babies. I'm a really sweet girl, I don't attack these guys in any way but I do ask for honesty. It helps me deal and I don't really like loose strings. I almost feel like these guys don't respect me or my feelings because they can't even give me a simple answer... it's always a game. Any input? You are too emotional.
PutARingOnIt Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Ugh... this is why I like older men! haha Older men are no better. I was dealing with a 43 year old and he played the same games that guys 20 years younger play. He is a 43 year old jackazz.
Author ddlovexx Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Usually if you're excessively sweet and overly good to people you will end up getting the passive aggressive dump. It's hard for most people to dump you forthrightly after you've been so good to them I think. Conflicts with the conscience. They can't even bring themselves to say it out loud. Better to be a little bit of a bitch or an arsehole. That behavior's not just limited to guys either, one of the most valuable lessons one of my ex girlfriends taught me. This makes sense... I rarely show my bitchy side. It's just not in my nature. Emilia... I may seem "too emotional" but this is just who I am. I didn't cry over this guy and I'm over it... just annoyed with the situation. And I did cut strings completely with my ex. I just like solid answers- don't like to be left wondering what the hell happened. I personally find communication to be key in most areas of life. Leaving someone hanging is childish and annoying. And JF2good... if these guys had actually communicated, I wouldn't have had to post this... lol 1
Emilia Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Emilia... I may seem "too emotional" but this is just who I am. I didn't cry over this guy and I'm over it... just annoyed with the situation. And I did cut strings completely with my ex. I just like solid answers- don't like to be left wondering what the hell happened. I personally find communication to be key in most areas of life. Leaving someone hanging is childish and annoying. You are investing too much in people who don't return the favour. The sooner you understand this the sooner you learn not to get caught up in trivial nonsense. 1
candie13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Some lessons we learn only with the experience, so no worries, everybody has had hardships of some sort. While it's not your fault for meeting bad boys, but it is your choice to linger around them, after you've figured them out. It makes no sense: if you catch a guy lying once, what do you think will happen, he'll change and never lie again? And after you've caught him lying repeatedly, how come you don't realize he will end up leaving you? What I don't understand is your position: men are big babies. Now, they are not. You are simply allowing them to take whatever they feel like taking from you and not give anything in return. Stop taking shyte. You can still very nice in the process - God knows I'm way too nice in leaving guys as well, but I am not cutting them anymore slack. Once a liar, always a liar, unless proven otherwise. He ain't calling? Well, I'm taking the hint and moving on as well, maybe start dating other people or simply stop seeing him altogether, if I feel he's being disrespectful. Ideally, they will be upfront about their feelings, but men are not so intune with their inner self, compared to women. They are more instinctive, I feel, analyze their feelings and situations a lot less and simply do whatever they feel that is good for them to do. I dunno, to me, your issue is not the other men and how they behave - also, I agree to your point, that honesty and straight forwardness is rare these days. To me, the issue is you, because you choose to stick to your victim mentality, instead of looking at facts and doing the math by yourself. Maybe you just secretly hope that if you treat someone really well, they will treat you really nice, instead. It's your choice to put in more, that's it. Why don't you just think of what you like and what you feel like doing instead of trying to please every single guy? It's like you only feel you're valuable if other guys think you're valuable... maybe some self esteem issues? 2
JourneyLady Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 . Okay you ask for an honest answer, the answer is we don't want to talk to you, Yes not talking is an answer. If you want to know why he cheated, the answer is because she was there. YES that is it, that all there is too it, nothing more, nothing else needs to be said. Okay I have said enough, too much and it isn't the answer you want, Too bad, sorry. While you are right, that not-talking is an answer TO YOU, we can't be expected to mind-read. We might want to know if it's the answer, or if you haven't contacted us because you're in the hospital, had an accident, had an immediate out of town or country assignment from work, or a death in the family... We can't be expected to know which of those things it might be. So "avoiding" is not being honest, because it allows us to think there could be some other reason for non-contact. Not to mention the guys that have to wonder why they were in the hospital for days and the lady didn't contact them -- because she assumes the non-contact means he doesn't want to see her > because of jerks who do the fade... You are hurting your fellow men in that process, do you see that?
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