starlet86 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 MINE JUST SHOWED UP AT MY FRONT DOOR. Initially I thought to slam it in his face. I didn't. I stared at him, gawping, catching flies and unable to speak. I was raised to have manners so I asked him if I could help. I asked him if someone had died!!! Could I be anymore dramatic!? Anyway he said we needed to talk and he'd prefer not to do it standing on the street in the rain. I wont lie, I was intrigued. Then something happened, he said sorry. He actually took my hand in his, looked me dead in the eye and said he was sorry. I shook him off and asked him what he was sorry for and he just said everything and that he would be eternally grateful if I would even consider trying to work on "us" at a friendship level and see how things progress. He told me he still has some issues to work out, but he has realised that he misses me, he loves me, that he would like to see if our relationship could be resurrected. He did say he is not making any promises, that he doesn't want to rush things and he would like to start slowly and only as friends as he feels it would be reckless to jump back in to a relationship when we have a lot of work to do and things to work through... I told him to leave. Since he left I've cried. He's texted me to say, "you don't need to decide now. I will give you the time you need, but please think about what I said." WHAT THE HELL!?!!??!!??!!?!?
Chi townD Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Well, you ALMOST got what a lot of dumpee's dream for. The reason I say almost is he tried to friend zone you instead of trying to get back with you; with 100% commitment and work on his part. It all depends on how you feel about it. If he hurt you too much. Then move on. If you want to see if you can reconcile the relationship, then no friend zone. Tell him you didn't get into a relationship with him for the end result being that you are nothing more than a friend to him. If he still has sh*t to work out, then he needs to work that out for himself and not bother you with it. You are not his friend. 1
crazy1234 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Dont go back.He's like the sweet knife right now that will soon cut you when the sweetness is gone.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I dont think he's trying to friend zone her though. Sounds like he's trying to get his foot in the door, hoping it leads back to where they once were?
suladas Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Well, you ALMOST got what a lot of dumpee's dream for. Negative. You got what most dumpees still too close to the situation want. Well actually, I would get some satisfaction about my ex crawling back and turning her down. But i'm not dreaming for it, I couldn't careless actually.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I dont think he's trying to friend zone her though. Sounds like he's trying to get his foot in the door, hoping it leads back to where they once were? I doubt that.
Leigh 87 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 omg. THIS HAPPENED TO ME. Last night, my ex showed up at my door too. Except he brought 6 puppies with him. That his dog recently had. Knowing that I love him and would never turn down adorable puppies. ..................... Seriously though. My ex said the EXACT same things as yours did. " I am still in love with you, I want to get back together with you, I BADLY want to be with you, except it would be reckless to just jump into a relationship with you straight away. We need to hang around each other to see if we can work things out" My ex also agreed to be loyal, that he was not interested in dating others since he wanted ME. ........................ I flat out said no. ....................... I know it is SO tempting. I mean, I love my ex to death. I could have still had him come over, hug me in my sleep, the whole 9 yards. We both LOVE being around each other. ...................... The thing is, they mean well, but there is a high chance that, even after they hang around us as friends and EVEN IF they see that we got along very well with no arguing and everything was PERFECT between us.. ..They would probably STILL realise that they did not want to be with us. There is a good chance they just miss us A LOT because they genuinely love to be around us. They love us as people. They WANT what we once had, because what we had was special to find and it is not easy to just find someone else like us. .... They could be coming back just because they cannot find anyone else and really loved being with us at the time. And wants those happy times again, because it hurts them too much to move on totally from us. Easier to try to grasp at the woman they are missing so much than to do the RIGHT THING and move on entirely. Since they probably do not love us ENOUGH. OR they would not have left? ............................ That is just my take on it. They miss us, they love us, what we had with them is not just easy to find again and therefore they stay single for some time and come back, albeit FALSELY. .......................... IF they truly ARE In love with us, they will go No Contact for even longer and then STILL realise that they want us. And not because they are lonely and cannot find someone else. Once they get over missing us so much, lets see if they STILL want us back. ............................ And yes, my ex went as far as to say the words " I do want you back" UGH. Good luck with it. I hope you can stick to No Contact.
Author starlet86 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 I haven't made a decision yet, but I did reply to him late last night just saying, "please give me time to think about this." and he said, "of course, I don't want either of us to make any sudden decisions and then end up back here." Honest to his word he hasn't contacted me. Today in work he smiled at me and walked on, where as before he would have stopped and tried to converse with me. It is like he is trying to be true to his word. I don't think he is friend zoning me. He tried that a while ago, I think he is just wanting to move slowly and see if we can sort through the things that caused us to behave the way we were, the things that caused us to split and the things that have happened since. I wouldn't feel secure in a relationship with him just now, forgiveness is something that you can maybe do quickly, but rebuilding trust is a very slow process.
Ordinaryday Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 it's your own fault for standing there listening to him. You should have said "leave now or I will call the police and report you for trespassing" and if he did not leave immediately you should have got out your mobile and called them. I'm not joking.
Author starlet86 Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Maybe you live in a different world from me, but the police don't just come to your door because someone has knocked on it. I didn't ask him to leave because I wanted to know why he'd made the effort to appear. It was a few days ago now and he's been true to his word. I am yet to make a decision, but I most definitely wont be making it on the grounds of what people say on the internet. If I hadn't been upset and confused over his initial visit, I don't think I would have been normal. Most people dream of what happened to me, happening to them.
Author starlet86 Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 So I sent my ex an email, after some soul searching I actually realised that some of my ex's behaviour was probably acceptable. I wasn't the nicest person to him in the beginning. He only tried to make me happy and I was pretty unresponsive. He made me happy but I wanted my cake and to get fat. Last night I was writing down all the bad stuff he had done and doing a sub-paragraph about what had happened for him to act that way and I started to notice that there was a lot of "I had just" "I would say" "I would do" all followed by very negative behaviour. Anyway I use right inbox with my gmail account and I was notified that he'd read it. He responded in a text and I just sent a simple one back saying, "I understand." There has been no more contact. I had struggled with NC for so long, but today I haven't contacted him, I was notified that he had read the email again this morning and I did wonder why he was re-reading it, I over thought it and had a panic that he might have been showing someone and having a laugh at my expense, but if he is doing that then there is nothing I can do. I didn't try and contact him, I haven't and I am pretty sure my mobile phone is somewhere around here. Usually I'd have it glued to me. I would text myself to make sure I wasn't having network issues, but today I feel at ease. I think finally admitting he wasn't always the bad one and that I had made mistakes to has helped. I am not saying we should all go sending emails to our ex's if we are struggling with no contact. What I am saying though is realising that I was just as bad sometimes as he was helped me to come to terms with why he acted the way he did. I still haven't decided if we are going to try and be friends and see how things progress. I am having time out to sort some things I have to out and so is he. We are focussing on ourselves and then we may revisit that prospect in the future. I am just more at ease with myself than I have been in months and it feels pretty damn good.
LostInLove79 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Starlet, how long has it been since the breakup? Were you the dumper or dumpee? Had he previously made attempts to contact you, or was this completely out of the blue?
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