Brandi1988 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) I met this guy over 3 months ago at a club. I am the usual type in the club that dont like to be talked to or bothered by any man, I just go out to have a good time with my girls. This night I ended out standing by this guy it was something about him. I was instantly attracted and he wasn't chasing ever girl in the club like most the other men. So I decided to talk to him about how often he come to this club and that sparked the whole conversation. He asked me to dance with him and I never dance and we started dancing. I swear I have never felt so comfortable with a guy and we danced and he actually kissed me. I intially kissed him but then turned my head. We exchanged numbers that night. The first month we hung out everyday and I stayed the night with him most the time because I have 2 kids and they were out of state with their dad. His biggest issue out of everything was my age I was 24 and he was 39. He said he eventually forgot about my age because I was really mature for my age. We got along so well. After my kids came back I could only see him about once a week, between working and my kids that's all the time I had. He said he understood and when we did see each other once a week we had a good time. Sex was involved but I never felt like that was a basis of the relationship. Sometimes we would have sex and sometimes not. He did tell me that if he knew what he wanted (because he was trying to move and find a different career) he would make me his woman because I was a good woman. He just didn't want to makes any promises to me because he didn't know where we was going to end up. He felt like he was going through a midlife crisis. I respected it but over the time spending with him my feelings just kept getting deeper involved. He previously had back surgery and after he met me his back started giving him issues. He use to consult me about a lot because I was a nurse. Every time he went to the doctor or anything he will ask my opinion. About 3 weeks ago everything changed. He became very distant and when I called or texted him he will just answer my questions and that's it. He wouldn't try to make a effort to talk to me. I had called him one day and asked him what was going on and he said he was just depressed about his back. He said his mom and daughter told him the same thing. I told him I would be there for him and reassure him that everything would be okay. Well days went by and still nothing from him. So I gave him a call and I asked about his back and he told me he's going to have a procedure. I tell him I can be there for him and pick him up and he said he will let me know. I asked if he was upset about something and he said no. The next day i thought he might of needed company and he didn't really act like he wanted me around. Days went by again and I didn't hear anything. So the day of his procedure I text him and wish him that everything goes well. Than after the procedure I texted him again to make sure everything went well. The doctor told him he had to have back surgery. We talked for a while and I let him know again I was there for him. Well 2 days went by and now it has been 2 weeks since he has even acquired about how I have been. I go through alot of stuff in my life and I couldn't imagine giving the person the cold shoulder because I was depressed. I was thinking well maybe he have found another woman his age and didn't want to continue what we had going on. I also thought maybe he just wasn't interested in me anymore. So I called him and I just asked did he still want to talk to me. He ask me to explain what talk mean and when I told him the first thing he says is well I told you I didn't know where we was going to go. I got upset because when I told him a concern to him that's all he can say not how can I fix it. I told him not to worry I wont text him or call anymore and he said is that how we going to end. We talked for a few more minutes before we hung up. 8 days later and I haven't heard anything from him. At first I was saying to myself I don't need no one like that but now I'm sad because i geuinely believe he was a good man and had a good heart. When I needed someone to talk to about my problems and when I said nothing was wrong he just knew I was having problems at work or home. I miss him and I hate for him to think I'm not there for him in his time of need. Did I do the right thing just to end this or should I have came at this a different way?? Edited June 14, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 You want a relationship, and he very clearly told you from the very outset that he didn't want one. Your behaviors, the expectations that you are voicing all indicate that you still very much want a relationship with him. Not happening. It's important to hear what the other person is saying rather than simply focusing on what you want and the fact that he seems to be a good person. He may very well be a fantastic person, but he still does not want a relationship with you. Your efforts to convince him otherwise are all for naught. You have to move on. Find someone who wants the same things that you do and wants those with you.
InsaneTrombone Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Yeah 100% move on please. You're looking really desperate constantly sending him texts and hes not responding at all for days / weeks at a time. If he was interested, he would be talking back to you. He's getting your texts and choosing not to speak to you. He's not interested for one reason or another, just accept that and move on for yourself.
Author Brandi1988 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Yeah 100% move on please. You're looking really desperate constantly sending him texts and hes not responding at all for days / weeks at a time. If he was interested, he would be talking back to you. He's getting your texts and choosing not to speak to you. He's not interested for one reason or another, just accept that and move on for yourself. He has always answered my text and calls. He just stop initiating the conversations. It went from him contacting me and inviting me over everyday into me doing all the initiating. I don't think I'm desperate, just concerned if he really is depressed. He could just simply tell me he wasn't interested anymore and I would leave him alone.
Author Brandi1988 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 You want a relationship, and he very clearly told you from the very outset that he didn't want one. Your behaviors, the expectations that you are voicing all indicate that you still very much want a relationship with him. Not happening. It's important to hear what the other person is saying rather than simply focusing on what you want and the fact that he seems to be a good person. He may very well be a fantastic person, but he still does not want a relationship with you. Your efforts to convince him otherwise are all for naught. You have to move on. Find someone who wants the same things that you do and wants those with you. Actually I'm ok with not wanting a relationship. He is a good guy and I don't want to mess anything up with him romantic relationship or not. I can be a great friend in their time in need. We never had a arguement or disagreement for things to just change in the matter of 48 hrs. Thats what im confused about.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Do you get this upset when one of your female friends doesn't initiate communication? He doesn't want what you want. That's why you're doing all the work. Let him go. It's all too much from his perspective.
spiderowl Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 He indicated the age gap was a problem and that he wasn't sure where he was going to be (so didn't make any promises). I know that you have fallen for him and couldn't help that. It could be that he just didn't feel the same way about you or it could be that he's already attached. Once someone is ill and are surrounded by friends and family, they would only keep in touch if they weren't already attached. If he has a wife at his bedside, he's going to be out of touch. I may be wrong of course, but at the least it sounds like he was just having a bit of fun and unfortunately you were looking for more.
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