So crushed after losing her...

[whichwayisup]

I am currently writing my sad story as a word document, but it is getting REALLY long. So I think I'll sum it up in a short post...I am a 42 yr old male and I am in a dead end relationship with my daughter's mother, we live together, but I have been in a relationship on the side for the past 4+ years with the woman of my dreams, my soul mate, my everything.

 

About a month ago, my love, "GG", went into emergency surgery for an appendectomy, and I wussed out and didnt go to the hospital for fear that i would get caught and lose my daughter. GG was crushed that I didn't visit her, and she ended it with me.

 

We didnt talk for a week, then i contacted her and she told me she was moving on with some guy from her daughter's soccer team - one of the dads who came over to take care of her. I died. Another week went by with no contact. She drives by my work in the morning for her work, so I got into work early 2 weeks ago and made a sign on a big piece of paper that said "IFLU" (our way of texting "I F&*^* Love You") and i ran out to the street, and when i saw her car coming, i held up the sign. She pulled up to me and put down her passenger side window, and i said "I miss you" and i completely lost it...she got out and hugged me as I sobbed in her arms, telling her i loved her so much. We got in her car and pulled to the side, and i told her i didnt want to lose her, and i would start the process of moving out so i could be with her. She said this soccer dad was just a nice guy helping out, nothing happened, and she would end it with him so we could be together.

 

So i started the search for a place to live, I stopped being so afraid of being seen with her in public, I went to HER office for the first time, met her coworkers, i met her son, it seemed like everything was going to fall into place.

 

Then on Monday morning I got this email from her -

 

"Please dont hate me. But I know u will cause I would. I need a break from this...I need time to think. Something changed in me after my operation...i changed. ive never been able to snap back. I know u r going to be destroyed right now but this is all wrong. I can't let u leave your home feeling the way I do. Please give me this time to figure out my feelings. I'm so sorry...I do NOT want to hurt u. I need to work this all out. Please forgive me..."

 

I am so crushed. So lost. I know this is it with her...we were just talking about getting MARRIED and now she's gone.

 

I'll try to post the LONG version of this story tomorrow, but, I just wanted to get this out there because I am so hurting, and support would be appreciated...

 

Two things. Sorry man, but you blew it by not even visiting her. that hurt her, you were not there for her. And it seems it hurt her enough to want to end it with you. She does love you but she now knows she cannot rely on you when things are rough and tough in this world.

 

second thing? you still are with your daughters mother. Already you are making plans! Why DO that to the mother of your child? Such disrespect. If you don't love this woman (mom of your child) TELL her the truth, own it and say goodbye to her as you two being a couple. BE a father, BE a good co parent with her. Most of all, don't be a wuss anymore! You've passively sat back and done nothing. Sorry to be blunt, but you need to wake up and make changes in your life. end things at home because it's not working out, regardless of what the OW does or doesn't do.

[coffeebean201]

if you are meant to be together, then it will happen.

 

but sounds like maybe counselling would help

 

i wouldn't throw away a pretty decent relationship if it is fixable.

 

don't underestimate how hurt she is by the duplicate relationships

[waterwoman]

She's the love of your life, you ended the relationship with your dead-end partner, but you couldn't make it to the hospital when she's having surgery. Hmmmm.....wonder why she's given you the bum's rush? I can't imagine

 

I am not even going to go in to the disrespect of staying in an avowedly 'dead-end' relationship and having an affair for 4 years. If it was so bad wtf didn't you get out of it earlier?

[eddyctv]

I tried calling GG this morning. I knew she wouldn't answer her phone, so I just left a message for her. I told her I wasn't a blubbering mess, and my boss is out today so feel free to call me. I kept it very light. I know she won't call. Oh well.

 

For those of you who are saying I am disrespecting my daughters mother, trust me, she had disrespected me for YEARS before I even CONSIDERED cheating on her. I never left because, well, I guess it was a self-esteem thing, I just bottomed out. I figured, this is what I have to deal with to stay with my daughter. I never wanted to be that dad who left, and I would deal with it until she was older and out of the house. But, now I am seeing that life is short, I am in love with someone else, and if I left I would still see my daughter all the time.

 

After my bawling episode with GG, I told her no more "fantasy land"...I started looking for a place to live, and I actually made plans to meet up with an old friend who has just gotten divorced and has his own place - I am going to hang out with him tonight. GG brought her son to my office so I could meet him, and we were making plans for me to meet her daughters...it seemed like everything was falling into place, but then she ended it Monday.

 

I know it was probably stupid for me to call her this morning, but I saw her car on the way to work this morning, so I figured YOLO. I dont know. I dont know whats going to happen.

 

Hopefully things will work out with my friend tonight and I can crash there. We shall see. I just feel like I can't go on without her in my life. I guess we ALL feel like that.

[Jonah]

Give her space. It's not the end. Write her love letters but save them. For months... Just wait. Then just a little tap here and there. A hello now and then a smile. You are waiting for this other to screw up. And he will screw up. meanwhile... Get yourself free or you will repeat this.. Perhaps with someone else. Your woman finds out and you will realize who your true love its after all. Think of her hurt. Would you want that?