Am I being clingy and acting like a crazy woman?

[suusie]

My first post here, so sorry for the wall of text!

 

Ok, so...

I am currently in a long distance relationship and have been for close to a year.

 

I should first start off with a bit about myself I suppose. I am agoraphobic and have extreme anxiety and self esteem issues from a sexual abuse incident last year that caused me to be uncomfortable around men. I met my boyfriend online, and was very upfront with him about my issues from the beginning. When he asked me to be in a relationship, I made it very clear I did not know when I would be able to meet him because of my agoraphobia. He told me he didn't mind waiting, and just wanted to be with me regardless.

 

During our relationship I started noticing things that seemed off to me. Due to many past relationships that ended with people cheating, I admit I am a bit paranoid sometimes, but not without reason. When we first met, I realized I already somewhat knew him-he was actually the ex of someone I knew online, but I was under the impression that relationship had ended. I came to find out he was still talking to her when we first started dating, and even worse that he contacted her right before Valentine's Day asking her why she stopped contacting him, and that he never thought she would really stop talking to him. We were together for 4 months at this point, and were having no problems that I knew of. He denied it at first, but when I told him I saw the message with my own eyes, he quickly changed the story to "she must have changed the sent date on it to make it look like it was recent." Totally legit and believable (insert sarcasm here).

 

I let it go, but that was a huge break of trust for me. I have never been fully able to move past it, and have since then constantly worried they are still talking. She recently popped up on friend of his' Facebook, which seems like a huge red flag to me.

 

Also came across a conversation between him and some random female on facebook, that was blatantly hitting on him, he said he was taken, but in the next breath told her where he hangs out and that she should hang out there too sometime. But of course, his excuse was he is a nice person and she seemed like she was lonely and needed friends.

 

Lately he has gotten a job. Our communication has been cut in half. The change is obvious, and he will make plans to talk with me and most of the time "fall asleep" or go out and something "comes up" that prevents him from sticking to his word, or sometimes even texting me to let me know he won't be around until 3 am or the next day.

 

I have told him numerous times I feel we are drifting apart and that I need time to connect with him. He keeps saying he will stop blowing me off, then does it again and tries to make me feel bad for being angry and upset about it.

 

I don't know if I am being clingy. We had a huge fight today that he started by saying he feels like i don't trust him, and when I calmly told him why I do have a few issues, he got angry and told me that the fact I have not met him is a questionable action on my part, but he ignore it because he loves and trusts me. My agoraphobia is a major setback to my life, and the fact he would even say that to me was like a slap in the face.

 

After arguing for hours we finally calmed down and I asked that we spend some time today together, trying to fix things and just talk. He decided to go out with some friends. By about 10 pm, when he was still out with his friends, I got really angry because it's like really? We fought all day, you say you love me and want us to work, you didn't consider staying in and keeping your plans with me? Again, it turned into my fault. This time because he intended to head home, but I texted him and was upset because I was sitting around like a **** waiting for him.

 

I feel like I am the only one putting in effort, and he thinks he is doing nothing wrong and is being a good boyfriend..

[sweetkiwi]

All you need to know is that you don't trust him. It's already over. Time to heal and move on. Best wishes.

[LoveBytes]

First off, I'm sorry to hear about your Agoraphobia and Anxiety Issues. That alone makes a relationship harder, and when you put a long distance relationship on top of that..

 

I can relate to how you are feeling somewhat. I was once in a relationship where my needs weren't being met emotionally, and found myself asking if I was just being needy and expecting to much. Don't feel bad for wanting (NOT NEEDING) things emotionally, since right now all you can rely on is that emotional connection with this being a long distance relationship.

 

Don't ever put yourself down or allow someone to make you question your sanity when it comes to a legitimate mental condition. That was a very very low blow, and just that comment alone should have you re-evaluating being with this person. Someone that truly respects, loves, and understands you as a person would not go there.

[melodymatters]

I have had bouts of agoraphobia before so I truly feel for you, BUT, you two have never met and it's been a year ????

 

You need to get healthy first before you spend time and effort worrying about a relationship, and frankly I've never met a mentally healthy man who would curtail his life for a YEAR for someone he had never even met.

[HeavenOrHell]

I woud move on, you're not in a real life r/ship if you've never met or spent any time together, you don't know someone properly until you meet them, until you meet a lot of it is fantasy.

 

You're not getting your needs met.

[veggirl]

Have you even met him in person?

 

Your thread is sad. Instead of engaging in an online "relationship" you should be tackling your real life issues so you can make a real life connection. You should not depend on the Internet for a social life.

 

Sounds like your bf has met someone irl who has caught his eye and he'd rather pursue real life, physical relationships. He's clearly checked out of this situation, I think it's matter of time before he either cheats or calls it quits.

[suusie]

Have you even met him in person?

 

Your thread is sad. Instead of engaging in an online "relationship" you should be tackling your real life issues so you can make a real life connection. You should not depend on the Internet for a social life.

 

Sounds like your bf has met someone irl who has caught his eye and he'd rather pursue real life, physical relationships. He's clearly checked out of this situation, I think it's matter of time before he either cheats or calls it quits.

 

And did I anywhere say I am not working on my life issues? I have had this disorder for 6 years. I have no social life outside of the internet because I cannot leave my house. Look up the meaning of a condition if you do not know what it means before you call someone "sad" and imply they need to just get over it and go out and enjoy the world.

[veggirl]

And did I anywhere say I am not working on my life issues? I have had this disorder for 6 years. I have no social life outside of the internet because I cannot leave my house. Look up the meaning of a condition if you do not know what it means before you call someone "sad" and imply they need to just get over it and go out and enjoy the world.

 

I didn't call YOU sad, I called the situation sad. It wasn't a dig at you! You said you have the issues from an incident that occurred a year ago. How do you get help if you don't leave the house? Legit question.

 

Regardless, it just sounds like bf is over it. Maybe he met someone, maybe he doesn't want to deal with an ldr that has no clear chance of being an in person meet or relationship.

 

You don't sound clingy, he sounds detached.

[HeavenOrHell]

I know what you're saying but she could be having a therapist come to the house, until she feels strong enough to go out, I have done that because of agoraphobia, or she might be trying self help or getting help/support from friends.

 

I didn't call YOU sad, I called the situation sad. It wasn't a dig at you! You said you have the issues from an incident that occurred a year ago. How do you get help if you don't leave the house? Legit question.

 

Regardless, it just sounds like bf is over it. Maybe he met someone, maybe he doesn't want to deal with an ldr that has no clear chance of being an in person meet or relationship.

 

You don't sound clingy, he sounds detached.