Swanny Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 hello all! im knew here so just saying hi and saying my recent story. I just recently met this girl and im going nuts over her. In the past i have had the same problem with this 'love at first site thing' and its always gotten me hurt. We r not together but we both r just looking for a good time. I think that she is looking for a casual relationship, but i want more. We havent had sex yet but we have slept together after partys and have fooled around alot the following morning (i wake up early when shes sleeping next to me). We have been talking and its been driving me nuts. She's looking for 'exellent company' which in other words means a non offical boyfriend, like.... casual sex and casual relationship, but im gonna get hurt cos im falling for her. Somehow i think its lust between each other, meaning that we both just want to have sex and then that'll be it. But i dont want the ride to stop. I have been talking alot to friend and everyone i ask says a different thing. See im looking for a serious relationship (as I have not had one in the past, they r all just ... fun things! if u know what i mean). One friend suggested that i would be lucky to have sex with her, but didnt say what the resolve is. Another said to stick with it and just be friends. Have sex if u both feel like it and just keep it cool. Another friend said "use her." I just tryed to ignore that... Another friend said that she might be testing me, seeing if she can trust me enuff to go out with me. See this girl... comes across as the kind of girl that lets ppl walk all over her. And she doesnt mind. She has said to me that she doesnt want us to be together in a relationship becos she will hurt me. But, isnt that the risk u take when u start a relationship? She just got out of a bad relationship, so maybe there is somthing there (she avoids the topic). somethings u should know about me: I have sub-clinical depression which WAS getting better till this one came along, im back on the herbal treatment. I have a panic disorder, the shrink hasen't worked out what it is yet, he thinks its a social phobia. I am obsessive compulsive, with cleaning. Been out of a bad relationship not too long ago.... heart was broken and what u see above appeared. someone plz help, im dying here and i need to know what to do. I've fallen hard for this girl. Thanx for any help!
Author Swanny Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 not help at all huh? its ok i understand... happens all the time in forums... ill just got to another one or some ****...
kellyp1 Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Any relationship is work and basically, both people have to want it and want to put the time in to make it work. It sounds like that is not happening for her. Basically, she laid it all out on the table and wants you to either agree or walk. I am betting most guys don't walk, at least right away, as she is offering the goods up front. Decide what you want and stick with it though. I think you might really surprise her if you turn her down and it could work in your favor. Know if you get involved and grow closer, she might just run anyway. My Mom always told me, don't take a job if you don't want to do the work. This looks like some work for you!
Author Swanny Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 wow thanx alot for that! it really helped! keep em coming!
dizi Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 "not help at all huh? its ok i understand... happens all the time in forums... ill just got to another one or some ****..." She says that she doesn't want to be in a relationship because she would hurt you...Usually this means that she knows she couldn't live up to your demands and expectations. From the above post, I hate to say it a the risk of sounding like a jerk, but you sound kind of demanding, like if someone doesn't answer you right away you instantly feel rejected. I say this with respect, not to slam you, k? The fact that you even bothered to mention your mental illnesses leads me to believe that you may blame it on failed relationships. I'm compulsive too, and have been where you are in relationships-I've had someone say the same thing to me, and that is because they could tell I would demand more than they were willing to give. If she just got out of a serious relationship, and she gets walked on a lot, she might be very reluctant to "get serious" with anyone right now. Besides, you just met her, right? Give it some time for her to get to know you a little better. Don't make demands on her. In order for her to be in a relationship with you, she does need to be able to trust you, so be patient. And above all, have FUN! That may be what she needs right now. Good luck
Author Swanny Posted October 13, 2004 Author Posted October 13, 2004 Yes as a matter of fact i do blame them on failed relationships in the past.... the mental illness's that is.. Im not demanding or pushing any thing on her... i have to admit sometimes i can be a bit like that but im just trying to play it cool (easyer said than done). I asked her out this friday (she has school during the week) to a party, and she said maybe.... Because there is a 18th somewhere, either friday or saturday.... So.. i got my hearts set that she does come.... hopefully....
dizi Posted October 13, 2004 Posted October 13, 2004 Well, Swanny~ Don't play it too cool I don't know how old you are, but maybe you should ask her out on a date instead of just to parties where you end up making out, since you want a "serious relationship". " She's looking for 'exellent company' which in other words means a non offical boyfriend, like.... casual sex and casual relationship, but im gonna get hurt cos im falling for her. " When she says 'excellent company' does she actully mean excellent company, or was she specific that all she wants is a casual relationship? Take her out to a nice dinner and a walk -let her know you think she's special! Let us know how it goes
Author Swanny Posted October 13, 2004 Author Posted October 13, 2004 im 18, shes 17. 18 is the legal drinking age here in Aus. Same for everything, purchase of smokes and and aloud to buy porn etc. and to vote too. neways... we r both party ppl. I try to take her out and she's always busy cos she is still at school. She has said that she "....isn't looking for sex, but if it happens then it happens." And then when she's around me we both make the moves. But, im a really cautious guy, im always asking "Is this ok?" or "does that feel good to u?". Do u think that, that might be a problem? I just called her b4 cos i heard that she was a little bit down. So i called to see how she was, she sounded ok. Over the phone she is a different person tho. I think she is a nymph. neways, thanx for all the help and keep it coming! its all loved from me!!!
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