maturityassets Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) I just realized I want nothing more than to be friends with my ex. It just sort of dawn on me that we are both only 20 years old and I understand why she called it quits. We're both not yet mature for that serious relationship. Also, both of us just seek to reach maturity with different paths. She legitimately just wants to be single and live an autonomous lifestyle of just doing the things she pleases in doing, which can involve hooking up with other guys. Me on the other hand, someone who suffered from social anxiety as a child and in my teenage years (started therapy when I was 18 in college and have gotten over that anxiety a huge extent), wish to mature by having relationships and seeing how I interact with people exclusively and learn to trust them. I don't regret anything I did that may have killed a future hope at getting back together because I would have been living for a false hope of us getting back together. If her and I remain platonic friends, that's fine. I wouldn't rule her out 5-6 years down the road but as of now, before the age of 25, there is no way I should expect a relationship of such significance. So I think soon I'm going to start my new relationship with the new girl, E, because I realized I just want to be happy in the present as a 20 year old. In that time I can be friends with R. I'm not being a nice guy. I'm just seeing it as it is. Two young adults, who barely have a clue to who they are, who did trust each other, just have different desires at the present. I'm B and she is R. I'm not good and she is not bad or vice versa. Just two individuals on different paths Edited June 13, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Cool, Then cut off "R" and don't be concerned about being "friends". I agree, 20 years old? Neither one of you knows where you'll be in 5-6 years. Most likely not around each other. Enjoy life!
SimonSerenade Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 That's really sad to hear how love can't conquer feelings like that, that's the way of the world though now for most people, people would rather sleep around or just plain be on their own, it really is sad that when most people find that special relationship and have that commitment they give it away for something sleezy like that, I wouldn't recommend being her friend unless your 100% over it and even then it's going to be hard to forget her in that way entirely. I'm like you, I've always expressed myself in long meaningful relationships and weirdly enough that life style of partying and whatever never appealed to me and never will, my ex is 21 so I can kind of understand where she's coming from, I'm 25, 26 in September so I would rather just be with someone meaningfully or be on my own, strangely, I don't think I'd find anyone else who fits me quite as perfectly as she did so I might find it hard it hard when I do decide to move in and find someone again. I'd certainly never be her friend though.
Author maturityassets Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Cool, Then cut off "R" and don't be concerned about being "friends". I agree, 20 years old? Neither one of you knows where you'll be in 5-6 years. Most likely not around each other. Enjoy life! I get what you are saying. I'm not going to be close to her at all, like I'm not going to seek out a friendship of hanging out or talking even often. Its not like I have made contact with her, and probably still won't until months down the road. Just I have made my mind up that I don't want a relationship with this person because it just has too much of a serious connotation. And you are probably right, 5-6 years she might not even be a part of my life. She was still important once though, so I don't see the point of just dismissing her as a ghost of a lover. Just feel like moving on is just accepting that I don't want anything more now. I don't recommend everyone to befriend their ex though.
Author maturityassets Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 That's really sad to hear how love can't conquer feelings like that, that's the way of the world though now for most people, people would rather sleep around or just plain be on their own, it really is sad that when most people find that special relationship and have that commitment they give it away for something sleezy like that, I wouldn't recommend being her friend unless your 100% over it and even then it's going to be hard to forget her in that way entirely. I'm like you, I've always expressed myself in long meaningful relationships and weirdly enough that life style of partying and whatever never appealed to me and never will, my ex is 21 so I can kind of understand where she's coming from, I'm 25, 26 in September so I would rather just be with someone meaningfully or be on my own, strangely, I don't think I'd find anyone else who fits me quite as perfectly as she did so I might find it hard it hard when I do decide to move in and find someone again. I'd certainly never be her friend though. You know generally its just a weird stage for people at my age. I'm an existentialist, so I believe an individual has to find their own meaning in this life. What they do and say defines who they are. And you know so people search for their own sense of maturity in this mess we call life. I can confidently say that our relationship would have ended eventually anyway. I had certain expectations that love overcomes personal identity problems, but if you have not a clue who you are and what type of life you want, then what makes you sure you want to stay with someone? I would have never been the one to end the relationship honestly, unless for some reason I found someone else and even then I would have forced myself out of integrity to stay and work in my relationship. Just I value commitment. And I'm not one for casual sex either, you know I was surprised by the offers I got after my break up from old and new contacts, and I just blew them off. I know as a guy its expected that the only thing we want is sex, but honestly sex is meaningless to me if its with someone I don't care about. So I think tings are going steady with E though, she says stuff how she just admires my sense of independence and how I don't give a damn what people think because I don't let those things define me.
SimonSerenade Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 You made a lot of good points, I never really thought a lot about anything, I've always been comfortable with who I am so I've never seen the reason to change, I've been independent since age 17 when I moved out of my parents house, all I've ever known is work and commitment, i think because of that I never related to most people I knew and casual sex was never an option with me, I've had 3 serious relationships and lived with 2 of them so provide for them and just enjoyed my spare time going on fun days out or playing a video game here and there, I've just never felt like I missed out, never for a moment in my life did I go through a moment of wanting anything else, seems anyone I've been with has had different ideas and just wanted to be wild and loose. You sound like a good man with your head on straight so I'm sure you'll make the right choices and forgive yourself if you make some wrong ones, like you i wouldn't of ended any of my relationships, if there was arguments and disagreements then so be it, its all natural, you just stay strong and pull through it, too many people too often think the only option is to break up over everything, I think once you get to a certain age you realise how backwards that is and learn how to accept people for the good and bad they bring to the table.
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