Chris715 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 What an insane difference a few months make. My ex girlfriend was the center of my world at the end of last year and the beginning of this one. We were without a doubt the most important people in each others lives and I was the closest I've ever been to anyone with her. Fast forward past months of fighting, bitterness, and pain on both sides and now 3 weeks of NC and she's like a complete stranger to me. It's almost like she was never even in my life. There's pain at times still, but mostly now I just feel this emptiness that she used to fill up and I know nothing or no one can fill it again. And maybe it's unhealthy that I made her the center of my life like that but what's done is done. Why the hell do we do this to ourselves? The closer we get to someone, the more potential there is for pain and destruction, that's the sad but true realization I've come to after the months of pain after the break up. Anyway, just having a tough night and needed to vent somewhere, that's all.
bluegreen Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I wondered about this very thing because of same situation and now since we did not managed to maintain even a friendship I think of this same thing. Did I became total stranger to him no idea since we are not talking I can't ask but want to know so badly
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I know exactly how you feel. She was my world for EIGHT YEARS. The Sun rose and set on her, over a year post BU, and I still feel emptiness. Pathetic since there are much better people around me, and who WANT to be with me. It must just be in our heads. And oh damn! If I ran into her today, she would be a TOTAL stranger to me! So weird now.
Dundas Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I understand. I made my ex-girlfriend the center of my world for 2.5 years... and I was wayyyyy too wrapped up in her. We broke up 2 months ago, when she left me for her younger brother's friend who's in high-school. He had the nerve to tell me to 'stop talking to her before he gets angry and while he can still call me his friend.' Lol. She relieves my shift once a week at work and every week I feel less and less, and every time I see her, I feel more distant and more like she's just some stranger. She blocked all access to her Facebook, but she forgot that I have the password to her even younger brother's Fb, and from time-to-time I log in just to see her stuff... I know I shouldn't, but I can't help myself. I see pictures of her with the new guy and they make me sick - I admit I'm really jealous, I keep calm but it really does eat at me. I shouldn't do it to myself but I can't help it. I don't want to move on, but I have been moving on. I made my Facebook so that friends-of-friends could see everything... because I want her to see my stuff... she probably knows that's why I did it, too. Should I just revert everything back to Friends, or is it too late? Ugh, the internet makes everything complicated and I'm tired of playing these games with myself. She probably thinks it's funny... but I no longer care what she thinks, I just wanted her to see how much I've changed for the better without her in my life. I'm too nice about this entire situation, but I can't help it. I'm just not the kinda guy to hold onto bitterness.
KatZee Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 It's almost like she was never even in my life. There's pain at times still, but mostly now I just feel this emptiness that she used to fill up and I know nothing or no one can fill it again. You know what's going to be even MORE weird?? When you keep on with NC and fast forward a year, or more and you feel no more pain. You feel nothing when you think of her, you feel nothing when you see her pictures, it's just NOTHING. It's not emptiness, it's just complete indifference. You're going to realize how so far disconnected you are from her, and you're going to feel as if you guys were never in a relationship at all. This is at the point I'm at with my ex. I spent 3 years with him and I'm so far removed that I honestly don't feel as if we ever dated. It's a really strange feeling, but it's a great one. You WILL find someone to fill your life again, but until then, really focus on you and focus on filling your own life for yourself. That way when it's time for you to meet the next, you'll be happy, healthy, and a full person on your own. 3
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 You know what's going to be even MORE weird?? When you keep on with NC and fast forward a year, or more and you feel no more pain. You feel nothing when you think of her, you feel nothing when you see her pictures, it's just NOTHING. It's not emptiness, it's just complete indifference. You're going to realize how so far disconnected you are from her, and you're going to feel as if you guys were never in a relationship at all. This is at the point I'm at with my ex. I spent 3 years with him and I'm so far removed that I honestly don't feel as if we ever dated. It's a really strange feeling, but it's a great one. You WILL find someone to fill your life again, but until then, really focus on you and focus on filling your own life for yourself. That way when it's time for you to meet the next, you'll be happy, healthy, and a full person on your own. Could not agree more. Amazing how i once knew that woman so intimately (eight years together) and now it would be weird just to hug her (post one year BU) She's a total stranger to me now. Only the memories exist. I wish they would leave me as fast as she did. 1
Author Chris715 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 You know what's going to be even MORE weird?? When you keep on with NC and fast forward a year, or more and you feel no more pain. You feel nothing when you think of her, you feel nothing when you see her pictures, it's just NOTHING. It's not emptiness, it's just complete indifference. You're going to realize how so far disconnected you are from her, and you're going to feel as if you guys were never in a relationship at all. This is at the point I'm at with my ex. I spent 3 years with him and I'm so far removed that I honestly don't feel as if we ever dated. It's a really strange feeling, but it's a great one. You WILL find someone to fill your life again, but until then, really focus on you and focus on filling your own life for yourself. That way when it's time for you to meet the next, you'll be happy, healthy, and a full person on your own. I can't see how any of that is great, honestly it seems pretty terrible to me. I really hate NC. It's doing absolutely nothing for me and I'm really tempted to break it today :/
Jono85 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 You know what's going to be even MORE weird?? When you keep on with NC and fast forward a year, or more and you feel no more pain. You feel nothing when you think of her, you feel nothing when you see her pictures, it's just NOTHING. It's not emptiness, it's just complete indifference. You're going to realize how so far disconnected you are from her, and you're going to feel as if you guys were never in a relationship at all. This is at the point I'm at with my ex. I spent 3 years with him and I'm so far removed that I honestly don't feel as if we ever dated. It's a really strange feeling, but it's a great one. You WILL find someone to fill your life again, but until then, really focus on you and focus on filling your own life for yourself. That way when it's time for you to meet the next, you'll be happy, healthy, and a full person on your own. i hope i get to this point, but i'm 6 months NC and almost a year broken up, and i still haven't reached it. i'm still in the stage where it's crazy at times when I actually think about it and realize we're essentially where we were at before we met; two complete strangers. the immense pain i felt in the beginning isn't obviously around anymore, and i can go almost a whole day without thinking about her sometimes, but the shock of us never crossing paths again just hasn't totally dissipated. it has completely for the ex before her that i pined just as long for (and likely messed up my relationship with the current ex), so a part of me is confident i'll get there. but then again the current ex was as close as i've ever been to anyone, and i was def in much deeper, so i have doubts. i think i'm realizing it just won't go away completely until i meet someone else that i fall in love with and open up to etc.
chuzzbug Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 The memory of having had a feeling, which you can no longer experience, is deeply unsettling. The memory of love persists long after love is gone. It's a little like the feeling, but without the direct stimulation. I have never gotten used to it. The Portuguese word saudade stands in for this emotional memory echo. It's a terrific word. It also serves to remind one that this strangeness you describe is felt by enough people for there to be a word for it.
HopelessRomantick Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Could not agree more. Amazing how i once knew that woman so intimately (eight years together) and now it would be weird just to hug her (post one year BU) She's a total stranger to me now. Only the memories exist. I wish they would leave me as fast as she did. I feel and agree with you. It sucks to be in a commited relationship, intimately involved with another and then it all goes away leaving only memories and the two of you just people who once knew each other. I too wish the memories would leave me quickly. 10 months later and still at least once a day I get a jolt of remembrance and I have to put my head down and breath, forcing myself to think of something else. That moment when it occurs sucks and my heart pounds. Getting better but still sucks. I depend a lot on LoveShack.org. It has helped me a great deal. 2
Author Chris715 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 I feel and agree with you. It sucks to be in a commited relationship, intimately involved with another and then it all goes away leaving only memories and the two of you just people who once knew each other. I too wish the memories would leave me quickly. 10 months later and still at least once a day I get a jolt of remembrance and I have to put my head down and breath, forcing myself to think of something else. That moment when it occurs sucks and my heart pounds. Getting better but still sucks. I depend a lot on LoveShack.org. It has helped me a great deal. I can respect you guys wanting to forget and for the pain to be done but personally I don't want to forget what I had with my ex and I don't want to move on from her because then it feels like I'm giving up.
HopelessRomantick Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I can respect you guys wanting to forget and for the pain to be done but personally I don't want to forget what I had with my ex and I don't want to move on from her because then it feels like I'm giving up. I ain't getting any younger and I can't wait around hoping she'll come back. I would have given my life for her, I loved her without condition and guess what? It wasn't enough or what she wanted. I have to believe or at least I'm trying to really convince myself she's gone forever. Maybe she'll regret some day but by then it will be too late and too much time in between.
KansasChica Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I absolutely NEVER thought I would get over my ex. We were so enmeshed that it was like we practically knew what the other was thinking. I shared everything with him and we had so many good memories: so much love and so much pain at the same time. When he suddenly ended the relationship, I was crushed. Not only did he blame me for everything and act like a complete victim, he also completely cut me out of his life and treated me like a stranger- there were times when I would pass him on the street and he would pretend like he didn't know me. It was like a stab in the chest every time. How could this person that I loved so much just pretend like we never happen?? Then, the impossible happened: year and a half later I clicked with someone else. Even though it didn't work out, I am just grateful that it happened at all. I no longer care what my first ex does or doesn't do. I'm completely apathetic to his life and future. I mean, I wish him the best, but it no longer occupies all of my thoughts anymore. You will move on. Hang in there! 3
HopelessRomantick Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 wow, inspirational post by KansasChica. Thanks! This give me hope of moving on.
bluegreen Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Someone wisely said what we miss and long for was memory of love that very thing proved itself to me short time ago I even made a post about it.
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