MobileMan626 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 So i met with my ex earlier today. I was going in with the impression that i would spill all my emotions on the table at some point and apoligize and ask for her back and if she didn't take me back or atleast agree to take steps to build towards a new relationship i would walk and never talk to her again. Welp that didn't happen, but i'm way more pleased with what did. So i got to the coffee shop a little earlier, she arrived not to long after. When she first walked in my heart was beating 1000's harder than a humans should. I was so nervous. Luckily she said she had to go to the restroom real quick so before we even said hi or hugged she ran into the bathroom. Instantly i had an ephipany , my hole attitude changed. I realized that if i really want her back i have to build something completely new with her. I can't keep dweling on the past and apologizing. I had to move forward and show her i've changed. Which i have tremendously. So when she came out i gave her a light hug. We sat down and immediately she said ok so " What did you want to tell me". My stomatch dropped and i started mumbling a little(when i do this she loses respect for me) She then said "Don't beat around the bush just say it" At that point i could tell she was expecting me to get all emotional and beg for her back. Sooo. I didn't I switched gears. I sat up striaght relaxed my anxious self ,Embodied a sense of confidence and looked her dead in the eye. Alot has been going on with my life. Like ALOT. i'm am way more successful than i was when i was with her. Opportunities have been coming left and right. Basically i'm having the time of my life. So i told her what was going on. About me getting signed to a major record Label & all of the fun things i've been doing. I didn't try to boast or make myself seem better than her i was just honest about what was going on in my life. I was Very Humble and slightly Vague You should of seen the look in her eyes when i was telling her these things. She seemed so amazed and curious . And there i was just non chalantly sitting with my new haircut, new clothes, well fit body. God i know she felt something ! Because her attitude towards me changed. She started being .....................NICE Laughing at all my jokes, seeming verY interested, initiating conversation topics.(Things she NEVER did, She used to be soo cold) We really connected it was so great. When i asked what was going on with her she replied with the same ol same ol. How work sucks. Her friends suck. Her basketball career is on holt because of her torn acl. She hinted that she had noone really there for her. She also hinted that she wanted to see this movie but had noone to go with and was going to go even if she went alone. (I think that means isnt seeing anyone or to get me to ask if we could go together) I cut the meeting sort because i had to go. She seemed dissapointed. So i walked her to her car. We talked a little longer. I asked a few more questions about what was going on with her and that was it. Gave her a light hug and left. She said "It was good seeing you" With a big smile. I think i made a great impression on her. No i know i did. At first i didn't know what it took to get my ex to notice me in a positive light again but now i do & i know exactly what to do to get her back. I am not asking for advice on what i did because it already happened and i'm pleased so thats all that matters. I just really wanted to vent
BeholdtheMan Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 *snip* I'm not familiar with your whole backstory, but it seems like you're still trying to gain this woman's approval (albeit without being to obvious about it). I would suggest you stop trying to validate yourself to her. You don't have to prove yourself. Just keep up the self-improvement and don't initiate contact with her more than she does with you. What happened during your interaction was that she started off with a very low opinion of you. You were essentially emasculated in her eyes. By not acting like a spanked puppy, you rehabilitated your image somewhat. However, if you continue to seek her validation, she'll catch on. Right now, you should avoid showing too much interest in her. You want to shift the dynamic between the two of you so that she's the one chasing you. Yes, this sounds an awful lot like playing games...but guess which people tend to win in life? Those who know how to play the game.
Author MobileMan626 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 I'm not familiar with your whole backstory, but it seems like you're still trying to gain this woman's approval (albeit without being to obvious about it). I would suggest you stop trying to validate yourself to her. You don't have to prove yourself. Just keep up the self-improvement and don't initiate contact with her more than she does with you. What happened during your interaction was that she started off with a very low opinion of you. You were essentially emasculated in her eyes. By not acting like a spanked puppy, you rehabilitated your image somewhat. However, if you continue to seek her validation, she'll catch on. Right now, you should avoid showing too much interest in her. You want to shift the dynamic between the two of you so that she's the one chasing you. Yes, this sounds an awful lot like playing games...but guess which people tend to win in life? Those who know how to play the game. I'm not trying to validate myself to anyone. She asked me those questions so i gave her answers. I'm simply stating what happened and what i observed. I rehabilitated my image alot more than somewhat. I already know the hole act not interested advice and i'm doing that I'm doing everything right for once. Not being needy, Not chasing, and living my life to the fullest. Can't you just say good job i'm happy for you ? Why does it have to be a game ? Sheesh
Author MobileMan626 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 well... I think you did well anyway. Thank You
BeholdtheMan Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Why does it have to be a game ? SheeshIt's a metaphor. Relationships are not a game in that your lover's heart is not something you should toy with for you amusement ...but relationships are a game in that certain rules generally apply, and we have to apply our intelligence to maximise our chances of success Anyway, good luck to you
totallylost5040 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 So i met with my ex earlier today. I was going in with the impression that i would spill all my emotions on the table at some point and apoligize and ask for her back and if she didn't take me back or atleast agree to take steps to build towards a new relationship i would walk and never talk to her again. Welp that didn't happen, but i'm way more pleased with what did. So i got to the coffee shop a little earlier, she arrived not to long after. When she first walked in my heart was beating 1000's harder than a humans should. I was so nervous. Luckily she said she had to go to the restroom real quick so before we even said hi or hugged she ran into the bathroom. Instantly i had an ephipany , my hole attitude changed. I realized that if i really want her back i have to build something completely new with her. I can't keep dweling on the past and apologizing. I had to move forward and show her i've changed. Which i have tremendously. So when she came out i gave her a light hug. We sat down and immediately she said ok so " What did you want to tell me". My stomatch dropped and i started mumbling a little(when i do this she loses respect for me) She then said "Don't beat around the bush just say it" At that point i could tell she was expecting me to get all emotional and beg for her back. Sooo. I didn't I switched gears. I sat up striaght relaxed my anxious self ,Embodied a sense of confidence and looked her dead in the eye. Alot has been going on with my life. Like ALOT. i'm am way more successful than i was when i was with her. Opportunities have been coming left and right. Basically i'm having the time of my life. So i told her what was going on. About me getting signed to a major record Label & all of the fun things i've been doing. I didn't try to boast or make myself seem better than her i was just honest about what was going on in my life. I was Very Humble and slightly Vague You should of seen the look in her eyes when i was telling her these things. She seemed so amazed and curious . And there i was just non chalantly sitting with my new haircut, new clothes, well fit body. God i know she felt something ! Because her attitude towards me changed. She started being .....................NICE Laughing at all my jokes, seeming verY interested, initiating conversation topics.(Things she NEVER did, She used to be soo cold) We really connected it was so great. When i asked what was going on with her she replied with the same ol same ol. How work sucks. Her friends suck. Her basketball career is on holt because of her torn acl. She hinted that she had noone really there for her. She also hinted that she wanted to see this movie but had noone to go with and was going to go even if she went alone. (I think that means isnt seeing anyone or to get me to ask if we could go together) I cut the meeting sort because i had to go. She seemed dissapointed. So i walked her to her car. We talked a little longer. I asked a few more questions about what was going on with her and that was it. Gave her a light hug and left. She said "It was good seeing you" With a big smile. I think i made a great impression on her. No i know i did. At first i didn't know what it took to get my ex to notice me in a positive light again but now i do & i know exactly what to do to get her back. I am not asking for advice on what i did because it already happened and i'm pleased so thats all that matters. I just really wanted to vent Wow! That's exactly what I'm supposed to do "soon". She wanted to meet up and exchange pics that we've taken a while ago while on vacation. Right now I don't have the courage to let her know when. So basically the ball is i my court to let her know when we should meet up again. I want to make sure I'm super confident. That's awesome man, I hope it works out well for you. i'm doing the same exact thing, just doing things I've been wanting to do while I should have done while we were dating, I don't think that anything will happen right away per se, but I think if she sees you in a different light its a good sign for you and yourself. If you want, you can briefly get to her emotions may later and just communicate with her, if you want. Did you leave on a good note and say I'll ttyl or what?? Do you think she'll contact you?
totallylost5040 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 by the way, im guessing YOU initiated contact? Is there a brief backstory to this?
Author MobileMan626 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 by the way, im guessing YOU initiated contact? Is there a brief backstory to this? No i didn't But i'm not getting into all the details
totallylost5040 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 huh? You said the first things out of her mouth were "what did you want to tell me" So she contacted you so that you could say something? im confused. but right on.
Jono85 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 meh. i'm happy for you, and it's awesome your life is coming together really well, but getting her back b/c you're "on top" right now, is not something you should want to do. real relationships survive through thick and thin. when your in the dumps, a great girl will lift you up. the fact that you needed to validate yourself and tell her how awesome everything is going in your life for her to start wanting you back, is more sad than awesome. i just couldn't do this. i know i can win my girl back like this, b/c i similarly have worked on a ton of things and am in a much better place. i also look muchh better. but f*** that. why should she be able to let me go, and then pick me back up when i'm new and improved?? so now i have to work to get my girl back? screw that, she tossed it when things got a little bad. didn't want to fight to keep it going. i'll be damned if i'm gonna do any more work to get her back. anyway, all that matters is you're happy though. just hope you see what's going on here. so that when you're in your next 'rut' you're not too surprised when she wants nothing to do with you anymore. 1
totallylost5040 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 In the same boat, about to see her again in a bit..... I gotta prep myself for game time I guess! lol
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