elora69 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Hello everybody ! I need some advices, inputs, insights... any kind of thought ! Here my story, will try to make it short ! 2 months ago, my ex broke up with me after a 3 years relationship. I was devastated but I did everything I could to try to move on. Kept busy, taking care of myself and seeing my dear friends. I've been working hard on myself and my issues to change and be happy. At the same time, a lot of things happened in my life and it's like everything (almost) is changing. I feel different and even good I have to say. But recently, I am thinking about contacting my ex , to say hi, to have some news and also because after 3 years I think it's just stupid to become strangers. We almost had no contact during those 2 month. I just sent him a formal mail about a concert (at his bar) I was going to (he replied). Then we saw each other at the concert. He was working, I just went to say hi, he gave me few free drinks and then hug me when I left after the concert. But we almost didn't talk. It was few weeks after the break up. Then few weeks after that I felt the need to write him a mail. I told him all I couldn't say when we broke up. No hard feelings, just saying I was grateful for the time we shared and wishing him all the best. He didn't reply but I wasn't really expected one. I did that for myself as a part of the letting-go process. Anyway, I realised that I wanna share with him all those things happening in my life recently. And when I look back at the relationship (happens sometimes) I really feel we started the wrong foot . I have considered our relationship from a different angle and with hindsight and I can clearly see now all the mistakes I made. I am not putting all the blame on me right, but it's true it takes 2 people for a break up. And I know now what I did wrong. And it certainly palyed a part in his decision to end our relationship. But I still believe we could have something great and new. But is it just denial or me being blind or smething ? Is it ok to contact him ? Or should I just forget about it ? Thank you for reading me ^^ PS: English is not my mother tongue so sorry if my english is weird or if I made some mistakes. I tried to be as clear as possible.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Really bad idea. If he wanted to know what was going on in your life he'd ask. And you are still too emotionally wound up to be handle to handle a negative response or no response.
Author elora69 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Thank you Simon Phoenix for your reply. You're right. Right now I'm just thinking about contact him again but won't do it until I am sure I am ready.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Thank you Simon Phoenix for your reply. You're right. Right now I'm just thinking about contact him again but won't do it until I am sure I am ready. I don't think you are even close to that stage to be quite honest. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but you shouldn't have to be the one to broadcast your changes.
Author elora69 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 I don't think you are even close to that stage to be quite honest. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but you shouldn't have to be the one to broadcast your changes. Who is Debbie Downer ? And I really appreciate your honesty. I know I am not ready yet but thought I wouldn't be that far haha ! Since the break up, I have been doing all I can to move on.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Who is Debbie Downer ? And I really appreciate your honesty. I know I am not ready yet but thought I wouldn't be that far haha ! Since the break up, I have been doing all I can to move on. Debbie Downer is a term for someone who is negative. But yeah, you shouldn't even consider contacting your ex until you feel that a negative response, or no response whatsoever, wouldn't make you feel bad. And then wait another month after that to make sure. And if you do contact them, do not contact them saying "Look at me, I've changed!" He'll think that's a bunch of BS and honestly, if you feel the need to advertise those changes, he'll probably be right.
Author elora69 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Thank you for the explanation^^ Actually the idea of maybe conctating my ex popped in my head a week ago and to be quite honest it bothers me. But I guess it means I have still some way to go (not long I hope). And believe me if I contact him, it will be when I'll know I can handle any kind of answer. I don't wanna be a wreck again. But it's true, I still have feelings for him. Not as strong at they used to be though. But I think I will do as you said. Be ready and then wait for a month. Sounds wise. And as for the "Hey, look I've changed !" that's so not the idea. The work I did (still do) on myself is just for me, to be a better person and finally feel good in my own shoes. I wouldn't even think about broadcasting or advertising or whatever those changes. I won't lie, I'd like him to see me now... is it a bad thing ? And, some friends of mine he knows, are getting married, others are having a baby etc etc and it makes me so happy that I want to tell him about. Errrr sounds stupid, right ?
Simon Phoenix Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 And, some friends of mine he knows, are getting married, others are having a baby etc etc and it makes me so happy that I want to tell him about. Errrr sounds stupid, right ? Yeah, don't do that. He would have barely cared about that when you were together. Guys generally don't discuss marriages and babies. If I were him I'd look at you dumbfounded wondering why you were telling me about this stuff.
Author elora69 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Hahaha thank you for your advices. Thing is those friends of mine are people he knows well and it's just very good news ! I was so happy for them. I thought he would be happy too... But as I'm talking to you I'm not so sure haha.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Hahaha thank you for your advices. Thing is those friends of mine are people he knows well and it's just very good news ! I was so happy for them. I thought he would be happy too... But as I'm talking to you I'm not so sure haha. That's the type of conversation where most of us doze off except to say "That's nice honey" every so often when our girlfriends are just blathering on. Since you aren't his girlfriend, he would not want to be subjected to that conversation at all. If you ever do contact him, do not go that route. One of the perks of being single for a man is not having conversations like that.
Author elora69 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Noted !! For me, it sounded normal... God, am I that naive or stupid ? Feel like I don't know much about men in the end lol... Anyway, by the time I'll contact him (if I contact him), time will have past and it will be just pointless to bring this up. right now I feel totally confused hahaha
Leigh 87 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Seriously, I have been next to a guy who got a text from a girl he briefly saw. She texted: yay I passed my exams!" Him: wtf, why is she telling me that LOL"
Leigh 87 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Also - if he really wanted to see you or talk to you badly, he would. Him not contacting you, after NC, and after a 3 years relationship, shows that: he once cared very much for you, I am sure, but he is NOT interested in engaging with you. He has either moved on and does not see a friendship as a good option at this stage (although he may change his mind a year or more later when things have settled between you) Or he has almost moved on, yet is not indifferent to you yet, but WANTS to be.
Author elora69 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Thank you Leigh 87, you're probably right, actually you're right. I think he alreday moved on... And he said that he wouldn't call me to let me move on... Erf and 1 year it's so loooong ! Why can't I just move once for all too ? I did all my best I think to get through all this s**t and now I feel like I'm back to square one... with all those weird thoughts and feeling. Jeez !
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