Are there good stories on breaking NC?

[SweetiePie12]

I have a good story about it, and many bad ones too.

 

I would like to hear the good one!

[scorpio1978]

The good story is posted here a little back where I mention sending a drunk e-mail, expecting the worst but he came back. We broke up again, but point is, breaking NC in that sense was a good thing. He was very demonstrative and romantic and kind of a bleeding heart like me. Never met anyone like him, so odds are he is one of a kind in that sense. I don't think most guys freely discuss feelings and are perfectly comfortable crying in front of a girl. But, he was, so to him, reaching out wasn't like "Oh, here she goes, bothering me" it was more of "it must be fate!". Yeah, a very feminine way of thinking, but hey, he came back, so there was a happy ending, for a little while at least.

[flitzanu]

You have a valid point, but let's just say hypothetically (and I say this not to argue, but evoke a discussion here) the dumper obviously dumped you, maybe he/she doesn't want a relationship anymore, would be okay with a friendship or starting off slow again but is afraid. Maybe he/she is afraid of making contact because they hurt you and their afraid of getting yelled at, told off, treated badly, etc. so they leave it alone. I don't know if I have a leg to stand on with this thought, but I am very curious to know what people think of this.

 

why do you want a friendship with the person that dumped you? being her friend isn't going to make her want you back, especially when she's banging other dudes. trying to swoon some ex by dropping your ego enough to be friends with the person that dumped you and is seeing other people isn't going to inspire romanticism and sexual tension for her.

 

not to mention, dumpers aren't afraid to end things, walk away from you, treat you like crap, etc...so i don't think there's any "pride" preventing them from contacting you. that's just making excuses thinking they must be too scared or afraid of being yelled at.

[georgia girl]

Never.

 

Only when the DUMPER reaches out, in the hope of a second chance, is there that outcome.

 

I have only read about ONE genuine second chance when the guy came back. On my 3 years on loveshack.

 

I think I may be that story. And I am always cautious about telling it because I am genuinely afraid of giving someone else false hope.

 

My now husband and I broke up because after a year of being together, he was suddenly "afraid of commitment". If he didn't know if he loved me anymore, I was done. I walked away and I went no contact totally for me. I was just so d@mned hurt that I wasn't giving him a chance to hurt me again when I was so vulnerable.

 

Within hours of our breakup, he started attempting to contact me and I just ignored him. It literally went on for weeks. He showed up where my girlfriend and I were out having a drink and I got up and left. He stopped by my house (when thankfully I wasn't there) and left me a long note. I didn't have much to say.

 

The only reason we got back together - and I'm a little embarrassed to admit this - but a good friend of ours came to me and told me flat out that I was being mean. That I wasn't so afraid of getting hurt again as I was trying to hurt him back. (It was true, but I wouldn't have admitted it then.)

 

To show how "not being mean" I was, I agreed to meet him for lunch. More than what he said, it was what he did that convinced me to let him have another chance. He was nervous and he showed me over the next several months that he was genuinely sorry.

 

The story goes on that the first time we were intimate after the breakup, he asked me to marry him and I said no. At that point, we were both hurt, insecure and unsure of each other. We didn't have that true foundation of trust. He was asking to tie me to him and alleviate some of his insecurity; had I said yes, I was doing the same thing.

 

Instead, a few months later we went away to the beach. He got down on one knee and proposed. I love telling the part where I got down on both knees and accepted.

 

We went to therapy throughout this process. And to this day, we work on our marriage all of the time. Because we nearly lost it by both of our actions, we know how delicate it is.

 

What I would tell you all in pain right now is not to hold out for my story but if you pursue no contact, do it for you. Do it to really focus on healing with the absolute conviction that no matter how hurt you are right now, you will live to love again. We all do.

 

And if you do get the opportunity that I got, be cautious. While I don't condone that I was mean, in a lot of ways, I was correct in ignoring him. He really did have to prove it to me. He had broken my trust and while I wish I had been receptive perhaps a time or two before I was, I know in my heart that by being absolutely resolute that there were standards of behavior that were unacceptable to me, I let him know that I valued myself more than I valued him or our relationship. In that way, I reset the equity balance. He had broken my heart; it wasn't up to me to earn a second chance. He had to work as hard as he possibly could for it.

 

Most of all, trust me. Before my husband, I had had my heart broken before. You do learn to love again. You will heal. Don't so idealize this one person and this one relationship that you stop yourself from moving on. In another way, that's what no contact did for me. Because I stayed away as much possible, I had the time to realize that I wasn't desperate for him and that I could find someone else and be happy.

 

My best wishes to all of you. It hurts so badly to be heartbroken. But don't ever grovel at the foot of the one who hurt you. It destroys equity and once destroyed, the relationship can't stand without it.

 

Take care. Hugs. It's a tough lonely spot right now. You have friends here.

[lop98]

that's such a great post, georgia girl.

 

I broke NC once, with my first love and first heartbreak... when we broke up, I went NC immediately, very painful but very smooth check-out... ah I was younger and wiser... within the first week I threw everything away and blocked him everywhere. For the next 2 years, he was always on my mind, I started a relationship eventually, got on with school but would always think about him. One summer I just decided to contact him, I was so nervous and just said hi and sent him a little update, he replied the next day all happy, we exchanged emails for days, then became msn buddies again and as time went by, I realized I had hung on to a shadow of what I thought was love for a ridiculously long time. We're good friends now, we completely moved on, share relationship advice, I even became friends with his now ex and think cheating on her was the mistake of his life (he agrees).. we have a nice friendship, no sexual tension left or anything like that. It helped that we were both transitioning into adults at that time, so it's easy to leave behind stories and life stages altogether I guess.

[SweetiePie12]

it was what he did that convinced me to let him have another chance.

 

I love this. I've been told how words are so easy, and it's my actions he's watching for.

 

Instead, a few months later we went away to the beach. He got down on one knee and proposed. I love telling the part where I got down on both knees and accepted.

 

Love it!!

[scorpio1978]

I think I may be that story. And I am always cautious about telling it because I am genuinely afraid of giving someone else false hope.

 

My now husband and I broke up because after a year of being together, he was suddenly "afraid of commitment". If he didn't know if he loved me anymore, I was done. I walked away and I went no contact totally for me. I was just so d@mned hurt that I wasn't giving him a chance to hurt me again when I was so vulnerable.

 

Within hours of our breakup, he started attempting to contact me and I just ignored him. It literally went on for weeks. He showed up where my girlfriend and I were out having a drink and I got up and left. He stopped by my house (when thankfully I wasn't there) and left me a long note. I didn't have much to say.

 

The only reason we got back together - and I'm a little embarrassed to admit this - but a good friend of ours came to me and told me flat out that I was being mean. That I wasn't so afraid of getting hurt again as I was trying to hurt him back. (It was true, but I wouldn't have admitted it then.)

 

To show how "not being mean" I was, I agreed to meet him for lunch. More than what he said, it was what he did that convinced me to let him have another chance. He was nervous and he showed me over the next several months that he was genuinely sorry.

 

The story goes on that the first time we were intimate after the breakup, he asked me to marry him and I said no. At that point, we were both hurt, insecure and unsure of each other. We didn't have that true foundation of trust. He was asking to tie me to him and alleviate some of his insecurity; had I said yes, I was doing the same thing.

 

Instead, a few months later we went away to the beach. He got down on one knee and proposed. I love telling the part where I got down on both knees and accepted.

 

We went to therapy throughout this process. And to this day, we work on our marriage all of the time. Because we nearly lost it by both of our actions, we know how delicate it is.

 

What I would tell you all in pain right now is not to hold out for my story but if you pursue no contact, do it for you. Do it to really focus on healing with the absolute conviction that no matter how hurt you are right now, you will live to love again. We all do.

 

And if you do get the opportunity that I got, be cautious. While I don't condone that I was mean, in a lot of ways, I was correct in ignoring him. He really did have to prove it to me. He had broken my trust and while I wish I had been receptive perhaps a time or two before I was, I know in my heart that by being absolutely resolute that there were standards of behavior that were unacceptable to me, I let him know that I valued myself more than I valued him or our relationship. In that way, I reset the equity balance. He had broken my heart; it wasn't up to me to earn a second chance. He had to work as hard as he possibly could for it.

 

Most of all, trust me. Before my husband, I had had my heart broken before. You do learn to love again. You will heal. Don't so idealize this one person and this one relationship that you stop yourself from moving on. In another way, that's what no contact did for me. Because I stayed away as much possible, I had the time to realize that I wasn't desperate for him and that I could find someone else and be happy.

 

My best wishes to all of you. It hurts so badly to be heartbroken. But don't ever grovel at the foot of the one who hurt you. It destroys equity and once destroyed, the relationship can't stand without it.

 

Take care. Hugs. It's a tough lonely spot right now. You have friends here.

 

Fabulous perspective and wonderful advice!! It's not giving "false hope" I don't think. It's teaching people how to live, or suggesting how to. It's great to read a story like this, not so much because there was a happy ending, but I think that this shows people how to gain strength and perhaps how to execute it perfectly. I am very happy for you that things worked out to your advantage. Thank you for this.

[scorpio1978]

that's such a great post, georgia girl.

 

I broke NC once, with my first love and first heartbreak... when we broke up, I went NC immediately, very painful but very smooth check-out... ah I was younger and wiser... within the first week I threw everything away and blocked him everywhere. For the next 2 years, he was always on my mind, I started a relationship eventually, got on with school but would always think about him. One summer I just decided to contact him, I was so nervous and just said hi and sent him a little update, he replied the next day all happy, we exchanged emails for days, then became msn buddies again and as time went by, I realized I had hung on to a shadow of what I thought was love for a ridiculously long time. We're good friends now, we completely moved on, share relationship advice, I even became friends with his now ex and think cheating on her was the mistake of his life (he agrees).. we have a nice friendship, no sexual tension left or anything like that. It helped that we were both transitioning into adults at that time, so it's easy to leave behind stories and life stages altogether I guess.

 

 

Yet another story of how one can live again after such heartbreak. It's a breath of fresh air to think about how people can move on yet be friends in the future. I actually share a similar story in which when I was 19, I fell in love, moved to Hawaii to be with him and it didn't work out due to age, lack of finances, etc. I moved back to the mainland and lost the relationship. Some things happened. I won't elaborate, but a serious adult matter was handled pretty poorly by him and he dropped off, never to talk to me again, leaving me to handle things on my own. He contacted me 10 years later to apologize to me for how terribly he treated me. He had his heart broken and it took that experience for him to realize how it felt and what he did to me. We're great friends now. He calls me for girl advice and I talk to him too about my men troubles. You never know what is down the road. Things may seem hurtful and hopeless and I swore I would never get over him and what happened, but I really treasure having him as a friend. It took time and us growing up to realize we could do that and not hold onto anger. I often wonder what would have happened if we stayed together. I can honestly say I would still be with him, but I still am in a way, just in a different format and it works just fine!

[bluegreen]

Yes mine.

I broke it half because I missed what we had and not him actually it took me bit of time to realize that and saw him doing same pattern in new meet ups.

Right away it felt like someone threw cold glass of water on me pinning I felt was there no more desire to talk again have closure same as well it took that to see him for who he is.

 

Someone capable of selling very good b s talk ability to one day call someone friend other viciously gossip and make fun of them treat ex's like garbage while he was with me and I can go on and on far from it that I was perfect but comparing to him am still as pure and innocent lovely girl as always even more so.

 

 

In last few weeks I broke contact lost him and found the actual truth: once you see person for what they really are NC will cease to be a pain and issue for you it will actually become relief and weight will fall of your shoulders.

[scorpio1978]

Yes mine.

I broke it half because I missed what we had and not him actually it took me bit of time to realize that and saw him doing same pattern in new meet ups.

Right away it felt like someone threw cold glass of water on me pinning I felt was there no more desire to talk again have closure same as well it took that to see him for who he is.

 

Someone capable of selling very good b s talk ability to one day call someone friend other viciously gossip and make fun of them treat ex's like garbage while he was with me and I can go on and on far from it that I was perfect but comparing to him am still as pure and innocent lovely girl as always even more so.

 

 

In last few weeks I broke contact lost him and found the actual truth: once you see person for what they really are NC will cease to be a pain and issue for you it will actually become relief and weight will fall of your shoulders.

 

I agree! In some cases, breaking NC is a relief because if they act like an ass or treat you badly again you realize "Hey, I don't need this crap!" and it is a relief. That's one way of looking at it indeed!

[bluegreen]

Others will get there to am sure now am glad to be able to support rather then make posts what a nice feeling that is : ))))

Could anything be more qualifying then good story for NC ?

[jncapital1]

Actually two of my best friends had break ups and no contact with their now wives. In one situation, the guy was just having trouble committing because of a bad first marriage so they broke up several times, dated others and have now been happily married for almost ten years. In the other case, it was again a guy friend who walked away. They both dated others and one day he called her and said she was the one and they've been married seven years.

 

I guess it depends on the circumstances, doesn't it? As long as there isn't abuse or cheating, I guess circumstances, and minds can change. I'm going through this right now. I met this great girl, we were immediately smitten with each other and had a great three months. She is a widow with two young daughters. She started getting less excited about us and one night simply stood me up. I haven't heard from her since. It's been three weeks.

 

I don't know if there is a chance but I hope so. I'm not contacting her now, giving her time and hoping that she figures out we're a great match. Hopefully she will but maybe she won't. Either way, I'll be fine but I sure hope no contact works.