scorpio1978 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I read all the time stories where people wish they hadn't broken the no contact rule and how they feel stupid and set back, etc. But are there any good stories out there where someone has broken the NC rule and it worked out? Like getting back together or having a good friendship from it? I understand the "they don't want to be with you. if they did, they would call you" but what if the other person has the same mentality? Then you end up in this power struggle and end up never knowing. 1
MusicgirlE Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I'm looking forward to hearing responses to this question, since for me, I don't have a positive story about breaking NC to share.
simplyamazing Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I read all the time stories where people wish they hadn't broken the no contact rule and how they feel stupid and set back, etc. But are there any good stories out there where someone has broken the NC rule and it worked out? Like getting back together or having a good friendship from it? I understand the "they don't want to be with you. if they did, they would call you" but what if the other person has the same mentality? Then you end up in this power struggle and end up never knowing. It's ALWAYS on the dumper to make first contact because if they wanted to be with you... why dump you in the first place? 1
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I read all the time stories where people wish they hadn't broken the no contact rule and how they feel stupid and set back, etc. But are there any good stories out there where someone has broken the NC rule and it worked out? Like getting back together or having a good friendship from it? I understand the "they don't want to be with you. if they did, they would call you" but what if the other person has the same mentality? Then you end up in this power struggle and end up never knowing. Yes/no- My now ex and I have broken up three times this year. Once, we just stopped talking for two weeks and then the other two times, she's get pissed about something and break up with me. The first one was two weeks and she contacted me via email. We reconcilled. The 2nd time she dumped me and we went about two weeks and I called her and we reconcilled again. The third time... there will be no reconcilliation..
Author scorpio1978 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 It's ALWAYS on the dumper to make first contact because if they wanted to be with you... why dump you in the first place? You have a valid point, but let's just say hypothetically (and I say this not to argue, but evoke a discussion here) the dumper obviously dumped you, maybe he/she doesn't want a relationship anymore, would be okay with a friendship or starting off slow again but is afraid. Maybe he/she is afraid of making contact because they hurt you and their afraid of getting yelled at, told off, treated badly, etc. so they leave it alone. I don't know if I have a leg to stand on with this thought, but I am very curious to know what people think of this. 2
Author scorpio1978 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Yes/no- My now ex and I have broken up three times this year. Once, we just stopped talking for two weeks and then the other two times, she's get pissed about something and break up with me. The first one was two weeks and she contacted me via email. We reconcilled. The 2nd time she dumped me and we went about two weeks and I called her and we reconcilled again. The third time... there will be no reconcilliation.. So, just to clarify, she dumped you each time and each time was the one to initiate contact again?
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 So, just to clarify, she dumped you each time and each time was the one to initiate contact again? 1st break up. We got into a fight and walked away from each other w/out saying were done. Like a mutual decision. 10-14 days later, she emailed me. We got back together. 2nd break up. She got pissed at me for something silly and broke up w/me. I went almost two weeks before emailing her then calling her. We got back together again. 3rd break up. She got pissed at me again for letting her know I wasn't digging the way she was starting to talk to me on a regular basis. She got mad and ended it. NC since, almost two weeks and I have no plans to contact her again.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 If you are creating a thread wondering about this, then the odds of it going in your favor are slim to none. 2
SweetiePie12 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I read all the time stories where people wish they hadn't broken the no contact rule and how they feel stupid and set back, etc. But are there any good stories out there where someone has broken the NC rule and it worked out? It is definitely working for me. What hurt the most was the silent treatment, as if I'd fallen off the face of the earth. It's just natural. Like getting back together or having a good friendship from it? I hope we get back together. I understand the "they don't want to be with you. if they did, they would call you" but what if the other person has the same mentality? Then you end up in this power struggle and end up never knowing.Good point. He said he'll call. He said it weeks ago. So maybe he's having internal struggle as am I. I don't know. I'm not a mind reader. I definitely have mixed emotions when I see an email from him. Intense.
SweetiePie12 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 starting off slow again but is afraid. Ooo, I like that. Right now I want to meet him in the zone he's comfortable with -- email. Maybe he/she is afraid of making contact because they hurt you and their afraid of getting yelled at, told off, treated badly, etc. so they leave it alone. Interesting! I don't know if I have a leg to stand on with this thought Oh, more than one indeed!
simplyamazing Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 You have a valid point, but let's just say hypothetically (and I say this not to argue, but evoke a discussion here) the dumper obviously dumped you, maybe he/she doesn't want a relationship anymore, would be okay with a friendship or starting off slow again but is afraid. Maybe he/she is afraid of making contact because they hurt you and their afraid of getting yelled at, told off, treated badly, etc. so they leave it alone. I don't know if I have a leg to stand on with this thought, but I am very curious to know what people think of this. Just for discussion sake, I'll say that I suppose anything is possible, though extremely unlikely. The dumper wasn't afraid to dump the dumpee, or at least built the courage up to do so. I don't see why, if they wanted to be with the dumpee after realizing it was wrong, they couldn't work up the courage to contact the person... regardless of the reaction of the dumpee. I think it's a bad idea to keep hope that breaking NC will result in the other side even responding, muchless want to restart a failed relationship. After the breakup, the ball is 100% in the dumpers court when it comes to contact. After that it's 100% back to the dumpee. 6
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 i think there are times when it's approriate to break no contact even when you are the dumpee. As I wrote earlier, I have on a few occasions and we got back together. I think it depends on the break up situation too. If the break up came from a fight or argument but the relationship was ok, then it makes sense to reach out if you love them. Often in those situations, both parties are simply being stuburn and one needs to break down and reach out to the other. In other cases when we get dumped for another person or we are truthful with ourselves and know the relationship wasn't in good condition, it's best to NC, heal and move on to someone we are more compatiable with. My story should be a cautionary tale. Most reconcillations don't work. The things that caused the break up in the first place are still there when you get back together. When you do get back together, the initial honeymoon phase and excitement of the reconcilliation end quickly and people go back to being themselves which cause a repeat of the same fights and arguments that broke you up the first time. My Mom always said "people don't change". She is right.
Leigh 87 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Never. Only when the DUMPER reaches out, in the hope of a second chance, is there that outcome. I have only read about ONE genuine second chance when the guy came back. On my 3 years on loveshack. 2
BC1980 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I broke NC many times in the beginning, and it made things worse. Every time. For him and me.
totallylost5040 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I think it depends on what you are looking for when you break NC. If its just small talk, then whatevers. But if you are breaking NC to pour your heart out... meh.. probably not a good idea.. But anything can happen, as long as you play your cards right. I think if there was something there that wasn't broken by some sort of abuse, it can be rekindled. It takes a lot of self realization and growth as well. It will be tough, but it'll make you a stronger person. Do what you wish. 1
Author scorpio1978 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 So, to answer my own question, it can be a good thing, but I was wanting to hear other's perspectives and stories. I find the topic interesting. I broke NC once after I was dumped. I was in Afghanistan, met someone, fell madly in love and when he left to go home and I was still there, the e-mails stopped from him. He sent me one last message about how he was struggling to get back to his normal life and that he couldn't be the man I needed. He basically broke my heart and crushed me. Everywhere I looked when I came back him, I looked for him, but he wasn't there. It was a devastating time. I actually initiated contact about 4 months after I returned, which was about 7 months after he dumped me. I will admit, I was drunk and sent him a ridiculously pathetic e-mail about how I loved him still and wished he would come back. I regretted it immediately when I woke up the next morning, not expecting to hear from him, and feeling like a moron. He ignored my previous attempts to contact him while I was still overseas, so I didn't expect much. I opened my e-mails to see a response and I immediately felt nauseous, expecting it to be something terrible like "please never contact me again". But, it started off with him apologizing for hurting me, telling me not a day went by where he didn't think of me, but that he just wasn't ready for all I wanted. I let it go, finally having closure that people seek so badly, but the e-mails flowed in from him once the gates were opened and slowly, but surely, we re-connected and got back together. It was like we never left off. But, I had a lot of issues with forgiving him for leaving me the way he did and our relationship was long distance. We were sadly beyond repair and 8 months later split up again. So, yeah, you could say it's totally on the dumper, but in some cases, I repeat SOME cases, breaking NC can be good. I just don't know if my case is that rare or if others have had good luck too. I think that if I was able to get over the issues I had with him, it would have been great. While what he did was wrong, I understood why and no man has ever loved me as much as he did. He made up for what happened in more ways than you can imagine. I will always regret not trying harder, but some things just can't be fixed. I was just curious how others' experiences have turned out.
landshark Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Not going to repeat what everybody has said but I've only seen one instance where it works and that's when the dumped got shown the door because they wouldn't commit to the dumper. I made it very clear to my ex after trying to get back with my ex to no avail that I did not want to hear from her UNLESS she wanted to sit down put the relationship on the table, put a torch to it, sift through the ashes and find the good and then own up to the bad and then build a new relationship. No breadcrumbs....Phoenix gives good advice on this one, and he has been on the merrygoround of getting back together in the same old same old circumstances...stay strong, stay in NC.
Author scorpio1978 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Phoenix, perhaps a story where there was uncertainty in the NC like "should I do this?" and somebody broke it and didn't feel shi**y or stupid or worse off. Maybe something positive. I'd like to see both sides, but most posts are how they broke NC and it backfired or was terrible. Fair enough. Many times it's a bad idea, but there have to be some stories where people broke it and it turned out for the better. Perhaps those people just aren't on this forum 1
BustedUpInside Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Phoenix, perhaps a story where there was uncertainty in the NC like "should I do this?" and somebody broke it and didn't feel shi**y or stupid or worse off. Maybe something positive. I'd like to see both sides, but most posts are how they broke NC and it backfired or was terrible. Fair enough. Many times it's a bad idea, but there have to be some stories where people broke it and it turned out for the better. Perhaps those people just aren't on this forum I'm not trying to be mean, but I think it is the same as asking if there are any good stories from people touching a hot stove. Maybe there are a few times where you touched a hot stove and it just happened that you didn't get hurt for whatever reason, but the overwhelming majority are going to report stories of getting burned. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Phoenix, perhaps a story where there was uncertainty in the NC like "should I do this?" and somebody broke it and didn't feel shi**y or stupid or worse off. Maybe something positive. I'd like to see both sides, but most posts are how they broke NC and it backfired or was terrible. Fair enough. Many times it's a bad idea, but there have to be some stories where people broke it and it turned out for the better. Perhaps those people just aren't on this forum So you are basically looking for justification to do it then? 1
Author scorpio1978 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 I'm not trying to be mean, but I think it is the same as asking if there are any good stories from people touching a hot stove. Maybe there are a few times where you touched a hot stove and it just happened that you didn't get hurt for whatever reason, but the overwhelming majority are going to report stories of getting burned. Not mean at all. It's not a personal issue I am looking for answers on. I am at peace with my NC decision. It's just a curiousity thing. I value conversations and people's opinions and I thought to myself "I never see positive stories about breaking NC. Are there any?". 1
Author scorpio1978 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 So you are basically looking for justification to do it then? No. Again, this is not a thing about justification. I am in a NC situation and plan on keeping it that way. This isn't about me. I have a good story about it, and many bad ones too. I like to see how other's experiences have been. I see the same topics here over and over and thought is might be refreshing for a new perspective. If there aren't any, then cool. Just asking 2
SweetiePie12 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 perhaps a story where there was uncertainty in the NC like "should I do this?" and somebody broke it and didn't feel shi**y or stupid or worse off. Oh, yes, that's me. Things heated up (relative to the cold treatment of before) when I heard he did a good job on some project. Something told me: tell him you heard he did a good job; email him. I ignored that tiny voice in me for hours, until finally I did it. Nice thing to do. It opened up our communication drastically. Put a lot of pep in my step. Maybe something positive. I'd like to see both sides, but most posts are how they broke NC and it backfired or was terrible. Fair enough. There are unusual exceptions indeed!
SweetiePie12 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 It's not a personal issue I am looking for answers on. I am at peace with my NC decision. It's just a curiousity thing. I value conversations and people's opinions and I thought to myself "I never see positive stories about breaking NC. Are there any?". Definitely. Some people have need for a strong demonstration of devotion, and breaking NC can be an example of that.
Recommended Posts