jukeboxromeo Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 What do you do when you hook up with someone just to help get over an ex, and they end up becoming magnetized to you? I had a situation last weekend that I've been trying to figure out how to handle, and I could use some tips. A girl that I work with is apparently totally into me, and I'm like "eh, I could go either way." We hooked up at a party last weekend. If you've read my story that I've posted previously you know that I just ended a relationship that wasn't going well, but I've gotten to the point in my life where I feel comfortable enough to move on quickly from breakups- whether I'm dumped or the opposite. And no, I don't need a hook-up to do so, I just feel like I don't get as attached as most do when in a long-term relationship. Call me guarded or whatever, I stay distanced until I feel the time is right to open up. She's leaving for basic training for the Army in a month, but she's constantly trying to tell me "You're a stud" and "OMG you're so hot" and the like. Honestly I feel like she's trying to get her fix before she's isolated from the male species for a while. But I'm just interested in finding out more about different women - figuring out how to approach them, (A weakness dating/relationship-wise of mine) find something in common with them, (because my last relationship we had nothing in common). Should I be just straight up with this girl? I'm not the type to purposefully hurt someone's feelings, but I'd kind of feel like a jerk if I just told her it happened because I'd just gotten out of a relationship. Any advice is well appreciated.
ses Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Yes, be honest and tell her that you're not looking for anything serious. Of course she'll be hurt but it's better than to lead her on with false hope. A lot of women tend to associate sex with emotional intimacy so I'm not surprised she's already attached. She probably read into it more than you would have liked. Lesson learned. I know it's common to hook up after a break up, but do it with some discretion. Be open with your expectations with each partner and maintain an emotional distance. Don't hook up with someone who already has an interest in you because it will cause more harm than benefit. Talk to her and cut your losses.
USMCHokie Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 She's leaving for basic training for the Army in a month, but she's constantly trying to tell me "You're a stud" and "OMG you're so hot" and the like. Honestly I feel like she's trying to get her fix before she's isolated from the male species for a while. But I'm just interested in finding out more about different women - figuring out how to approach them, (A weakness dating/relationship-wise of mine) find something in common with them, (because my last relationship we had nothing in common). Then give her her fix while you get yours. Besides, when she leaves for training, you're basically in the clear.
Author jukeboxromeo Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Yes, be honest and tell her that you're not looking for anything serious. Of course she'll be hurt but it's better than to lead her on with false hope. A lot of women tend to associate sex with emotional intimacy so I'm not surprised she's already attached. She probably read into it more than you would have liked. Lesson learned. I know it's common to hook up after a break up, but do it with some discretion. Be open with your expectations with each partner and maintain an emotional distance. Don't hook up with someone who already has an interest in you because it will cause more harm than benefit. Talk to her and cut your losses. Way more than I would have liked. She totally embarrassed herself through text last night, and I think if I play my cards right, I can make that work for me and make it seem like she's spooked me. And to tell the truth, she kind of has.. Even with someone I *am* interested in, I try to be emotionally distant until I'm able to gauge their interest level. So someone just up and spilling their guts to me makes me wanna haul ace* the other way. Honestly, when all this happened - I hadn't gone out that night expecting to hook up, or even meet someone new. I was just getting out of the house because it's way easier than sitting at home sulking. And I didn't know she liked me previous to this last weekend, because we'd never talked before. And for Hokie - She seems like the kind who might follow me home sometime and be upset if I were seeing someone else.. So continuing to get my jollies because she's leaving would only make things worse when she comes back from training, and I'm dating someone else. Thanks for the advice guys. I'll see what happens.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 "You're a great person, but we aren't a match." -or- "I'm flattered, but I don't feel the same way. Sorry." Those are my two standard rejection lines in a situation like this. That's all that has to be said. There is no need to blame her for the outcome. You didn't like her even before she sent that text making herself vulnerable.
Author jukeboxromeo Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 "You're a great person, but we aren't a match." -or- "I'm flattered, but I don't feel the same way. Sorry." Those are my two standard rejection lines in a situation like this. That's all that has to be said. There is no need to blame her for the outcome. You didn't like her even before she sent that text making herself vulnerable. Sorry, I didn't mean to come off as blaming her, and you're right. A simple "No, thank you" will be fine. I appreciate the advice, everyone.
shexy Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I feel sorry for the girl going into the military...ugh, she has NO idea how miserable she's going to be :-\
coffeebean201 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 sounds like she likes you. Some people express feelings emotionally/verbally (she is like that). Some people instead hang around when they like you (maybe you are more like this?). And some - do both (talk and hang around) Just because people have different communication styles doesn't mean it is embarassing. you have a hot potato in your hands. She's well on her way to falling in love she might need some nice help with what is appropriate boundary when you start dating someone else, or simply backing off.
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