thecrucible Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Hey I met up with someone from the internet yesterday and I think it went well but can't help obsessing over a few things and wanted advice to clarify what is going on here. So I met this guy not expecting to fancy him, and he turned out to be kind of cute. We got on well enough that we extended the date by 2 and a half hours. I felt some slight chemistry with him, not over the top but with the potential of building. He was a real gentleman during the date which impressed me, but didn't make me fall for him just yet. Anyway so we were mostly talking about hobbies, politics, and not too many serious things. I didn't want to bring up scary questions right off the bat or talk about other dates, though inevitably some detail about past boyfriends slipped in (though I was selective about what I shared). Then after we extended the date I asked him, "so what do you look for in a woman?" and he asked me the same. He said he's still figuring out what he wants and I told him that I have a pretty good idea since I've had 2 long term relationships. Although he did say that he likes a woman with a nice smile, he didn't go much deeper than that. It turns out that he has never been in a long term relationship and he said, "I hope that doesn't put you off". I said that it didn't. There were a couple of times during the date when he asked me if I wanted to go on another date. I felt that there some interest there and he seemed fairly confident and not overly eager which made me glad! At the end we hugged (initiated by me) but we didn't kiss (we were sitting in a shopping centre). He also asked me a couple of times during the date if I was still nervous (because I said I was initially) and brought up points of conversation from our earlier messages, and it surprised me how much he remembered. Later on I emailed him to say thank you for the date and left an 'x' at the end. He responded in kind then I might have got carried away with my response the next day (today) when I said, "Even thought of a few ideas of what we could do based on what we talked about (haha not bungee jumping) so I think you know what I mean ;)". I asked my male friend and he said that would have come off as strong to the guy. Although I'm worried about how that came across, I haven't sent a follow up or anything. So a few questions - does this sound promising? Should I have asked more serious questions or do you think that's best left for later? Did I come on too strong? And do you consider it a red flag that he has had no long term relationship experience at 24? I feel prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt. I am 23 and have had 2 LTR (adding up to 5 years) and am not instantly put off by his experience relative to mine, although I need to understand the reasons. I didn't ask him any questions about sexual experience (since I feel like that's none of my business and wouldn't be appropriate to ask yet). Looking forward to hearing your tips.
Author thecrucible Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) Oh another question - should I send him my mobile phone number? And is it a bad sign that he asked me if I wanted a second date but didn't make any solid plans with me? So confused. :/ Meant to correct the above. He did ask me for a second date in his email afterwards. Edited June 12, 2013 by thecrucible
Author thecrucible Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Hope you guys can help! Thanks. I don't want to lose this guy's interest because he is on vacation for a few weeks.
Mike W Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I don't consider that a red flag. I am a 25 year old man, maybe women disagree, I don't know. Some people just have a hard time finding someone they really like who feels the same. Personally, if I really like the girl I don't care at all if she comes on a bit strong. It makes things that much less confusing!
MidwestUSA Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 It sounds like it was a really good date. Try not to worry about him losing interest while he's gone. I wouldn't personally give any thought to the fact that he hasn't been in an LTR. Relax, don't overthink things. As for giving him your mobile number, it depends on your level of comfort, but if it were me, I wouldn't have a problem with it. It certainly sounds like he wants you to be at ease (asking if you were still nervous - that's sweet!) and is taking things at a pace similar to yours. Anytime a guy remembers little detail about things you've chatted about prior, well, it's a good sign! Good luck! (And no, I don't think you came on too strong)
Sunshine87 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 It's too early to tell. I think you need to exercise some patience. I don't think you did anything off putting. Your text indicated some interest but nothing extreme. What's wrong with showing a guy some interest? It only becomes a problem when it is excessive or unrequited. I think you should give it a day to two. I know it's difficult to be patient but if there is one thing I learnt about dating, it's that you need to be patient.
Sunshine87 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 It sounds like it was a really good date. Try not to worry about him losing interest while he's gone. I wouldn't personally give any thought to the fact that he hasn't been in an LTR. Relax, don't overthink things. As for giving him your mobile number, it depends on your level of comfort, but if it were me, I wouldn't have a problem with it. It certainly sounds like he wants you to be at ease (asking if you were still nervous - that's sweet!) and is taking things at a pace similar to yours. Anytime a guy remembers little detail about things you've chatted about prior, well, it's a good sign! Good luck! (And no, I don't think you came on too strong) You don't think a guy could lose interest because he's away on vacation?
MidwestUSA Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 You don't think a guy could lose interest because he's away on vacation? Well, yes, but I advise not to worry about it because there's nothing she can do about it. No one is invested here yet. It sounded like a really nice first date; that's about all I can say.
Author thecrucible Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Thanks for your thoughts everyone. Silly me! He actually responded about an hour after I posted this. I have just replied to his message and wished him a good time on vacation. I agree about being patient. Historically, I've fallen in way too deep too quickly so I'm reminding myself to scale back a bit. I've not focused solely on him. I'm still talking to other people so I can maintain distance until I know more about him. Now I have to think of good questions to ask him if I see him again. For a while I worried that I didn't ask enough serious questions on our first meeting but now I'm glad that I didn't 'cause I don't want to barrage the poor guy. Will have to think of subtle ways to figure out our compatibility. I have been single for 2 years and know that I'm past the desperate stage, sort of settled into it. But I hope I know what I'm getting into with anyone I end up dating.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Now I have to think of good questions to ask him if I see him again. For a while I worried that I didn't ask enough serious questions on our first meeting but now I'm glad that I didn't 'cause I don't want to barrage the poor guy. Will have to think of subtle ways to figure out our compatibility. I have been single for 2 years and know that I'm past the desperate stage, sort of settled into it. But I hope I know what I'm getting into with anyone I end up dating. Your first date sounds great. A few pieces of advice: Relax!Please don't turn dates into job interviews. I'm guessing you wouldn't prepare questions when meeting a new friend. No need here to barrage the guy with questions. Have a conversation. Let it flow wherever it will. Just show up, show interest, and plan to have fun connecting with your date. Those are the most enjoyable dates. That's when you start to experience magic on your dates. Not when you come with prepared lists of questions.
Author thecrucible Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Your first date sounds great. A few pieces of advice: Relax!Please don't turn dates into job interviews. I'm guessing you wouldn't prepare questions when meeting a new friend. No need here to barrage the guy with questions. Have a conversation. Let it flow wherever it will. Just show up, show interest, and plan to have fun connecting with your date. Those are the most enjoyable dates. That's when you start to experience magic on your dates. Not when you come with prepared lists of questions. Thank you. I like your idea about not preparing questions so I won't do that. However I will make a point of asking him more questions about himself since I will feel less awkward. Well I'm not going to get my hopes up. He messaged this morning saying "we'll decide on something when I'm back. Thanks for your number. Talk to you soon". I get the sense that perhaps I did come on a little strong so I'll scale back since he seems to be keeping it chilled out and relaxed for now. It would be wrong for me to consider that as a sign of disinterest, and I don't. But I don't think his mind is scaled to somewhere a bit ahead, he's just thinking about the next meet and taking it date by date. Time will tell what happens. Perhaps this date will be some kind of decider about whether this will go anywhere. I'm keen to hear from men and what their general mindset is about second dates. We didn't kiss on the first date so do I assume that if no move is made on the second that it isn't going anywhere? I'm worried that first date went on too long (4 hours) and that I didn't really leave him wanting more because people always say 3 hours tops! Cheers for the advice.
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