Mana15 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Hey, guys So, it's been nearly 3 months since we broke up (1 since I started NC) and I admit I've seen better days. Maybe because last week I was talking to a friend of mine and we ended up talking about my ex, which REALLY set me back. But as time goes by, I'm starting to actually WANT to forget him, which is what, in my opinion, was missing for me to move on. However, I have a few questions to y'all that I've been meaning to ask anyone that is or has been through this very same situation: 1 - Do you guys think I should tell my mom about my break up? I admit I was hiding my relationship from her because she really likes to pry into my life. But at the same time, I was thinking maybe I should tell her because no one in my family knows and I could really use some family support... 2 - This one is to anyone who's been through NC. Do you gradually lose hope as time passes while you do NC? 3 - My ex left me for someone else. Do you guys think in this kind of situation, if they want us back (and I'm not saying I believe it will happen, although I still dream about it sometimes), we should feel like second choice because things with the other person didn't work out?
aloneinaz Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 1) Absolutely tell your Mom! You could use the support and Mom generally are great at providing it. 2) NC is for YOU not to hold out hope that he'll come running back. At 3 months, I'd say it's over. I've never exceeded 30 days when I went back to an ex after a break up. Some do though. 3) You shouldn't even consider going back if you were left for someone else. To question, yes, you'd look desperate and needy to take him back and he'd has little respect for you until he dumped you again for the next new girl. You should stop worrying about him and focus on you. You hooked up with this ex, find someone new and you won't give this ex two seconds of your thoughts.
Author Mana15 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 1) Absolutely tell your Mom! You could use the support and Mom generally are great at providing it. 2) NC is for YOU not to hold out hope that he'll come running back. At 3 months, I'd say it's over. I've never exceeded 30 days when I went back to an ex after a break up. Some do though. 3) You shouldn't even consider going back if you were left for someone else. To question, yes, you'd look desperate and needy to take him back and he'd has little respect for you until he dumped you again for the next new girl. You should stop worrying about him and focus on you. You hooked up with this ex, find someone new and you won't give this ex two seconds of your thoughts. I know what you mean. If this wasn't happening to me, I'd say the same you're saying to me. The thing is, I don't even see how this could happen. Everything was fine between me and my ex until a couple of weeks before we broke up, when he grew colder and I realized something was wrong. Maybe he left me for this girl because we were in a sort of LDR at the time due to our schedules (which doesn't justify the fact that he left me for someone else, I know). But as I said, everything was fine up until that point. Our relationship was almost flawless, we had great chemistry and our friends said we were sort of a "wonder couple", because we had been dating for longer than any of them (2 years and a half, to be exact). And about the 2nd question, I meant to ask if those who do NC start it with hope and it eventually disappears with time.
flitzanu Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I know what you mean. If this wasn't happening to me, I'd say the same you're saying to me. The thing is, I don't even see how this could happen. Everything was fine between me and my ex until a couple of weeks before we broke up, when he grew colder and I realized something was wrong. Maybe he left me for this girl because we were in a sort of LDR at the time due to our schedules (which doesn't justify the fact that he left me for someone else, I know). But as I said, everything was fine up until that point. Our relationship was almost flawless, we had great chemistry and our friends said we were sort of a "wonder couple", because we had been dating for longer than any of them (2 years and a half, to be exact). And about the 2nd question, I meant to ask if those who do NC start it with hope and it eventually disappears with time. what do you mean by starting NC with hope?
J_L_C Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I think she means that when someone begins NC, they usually still have some hope that the ex may come around. But when time goes on and they don't, do you ever lose that hope?
MusicgirlE Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 1 - You should definitely tell your mom! 2 - Each day that passes, I lose hope that i'll hear from him again. I really wish I would, but the longer it goes, the less likely the person is going to think about you (in my opinion, of course). 3 - Two ways to look at this: either your ex realizes he made a mistake and genuinely misses you, OR if the other girl dumps him, and he wants to be with someone, he will go back to someone who he thinks will get back together. For your sake, I hope it would be the first option (that he genuinely misses you). Sorry to hear you are going through this! Breakups are absolutely horrible, unless it's a mutual thing.
simplyamazing Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 3. If you were left for another, no way you should EVER go back. I know it's hard to take a break up, even worse when you find out it was because they got with someone else, and you want to hope that they realize they made a mistake. I say, even as hard as it is, let them live with that mistake forever. Ex left me for someone else after she moved away (this was after promising that once she got her crap in order, she'd move back to be with me, a month later she wanted to breakup with me citing too long, well the real reason was because of another guy I found out later). Now she gets to live with that mistake forever, and I get to move on and find someone better.
flitzanu Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I think she means that when someone begins NC, they usually still have some hope that the ex may come around. But when time goes on and they don't, do you ever lose that hope? i'm just curious if it means "hope" that by going NC it will force the other to chase them. if that's the case, then you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
Author Mana15 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 i'm just curious if it means "hope" that by going NC it will force the other to chase them. if that's the case, then you're doing it for the wrong reasons. No, no! J_L_C is right. I'm not doing this to get him back, but I still have some hope, which is probably the thing that's holding me back the most at the moment. But everyone starts NC with a little of hope that their exes change their mind, right? Does that hope disappear with time?
rogerskevin Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 1) Absolutely tell your Mom! You could use the support and Mom generally are great at providing it. 2) NC is for YOU not to hold out hope that he'll come running back. At 3 months, I'd say it's over. I've never exceeded 30 days when I went back to an ex after a break up. Some do though. 3) You shouldn't even consider going back if you were left for someone else. To question, yes, you'd look desperate and needy to take him back and he'd has little respect for you until he dumped you again for the next new girl. You should stop worrying about him and focus on you. You hooked up with this ex, find someone new and you won't give this ex two seconds of your thoughts. I agree with Mana15, you can share and use the support of your mom.
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