branson Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) Hi folks, I'm 24m, she is 24f. We had a great first date. I thought we had a great second date as well. We kissed at the end, had a very fun conversation, etc. Well I threw caution to the wind and asked her out at around 2pm the day after ... for that same sunday. A little bit intense, I KNOW. Anyway, she responded by saying she was busy all weekend and this week, so maybe next weekend? I thought this is a lukewarm response (since she didn't say which specific day over the weekend/when), but she did seem generally enthusiastic (she had some exclamation points in her text, she said she likes the place I suggested, etc). I guess if I didn't know someone all that well and they wanted to hang out really soon after we saw one another and I wasn't 100% (which I am not with her, I cannot expect she feels that way about me) I'd be a little hesitant too. especially if I have other stuff going on in my life! If she doesn't get in touch this weekend (which I don't think she will - she seems to be a very conservative type), I'm planning to call her on Monday and ask her out to a really cool concert (it's a quieter concert, music I think she really enjoys). Did I screw everything up by jumping the gun in asking her out? I haven't contacted her since, won't be contacting till I call her (i.e. we won't have been in touch for about 8-9 days since I asked her out last). I just feel so stupid right now for asking her out so quickly ... I hope I can salvage this situation Edited June 12, 2013 by branson
Janesays Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 No, her lukewarm response probably has nothing to do with her feelings for you. It's probably annoying for her to get asked on the date with less than a couple of days notice. As someone with a very busy schedule who plans and schedules EVERYTHING, I simply can't just 'throw caution to the wind' and drop my work, family, friend obligations on a moments notice. I need a few days. It's really annoying to have guys who INSIST on operating that way and having to keep turning them down over and over again because I already have plans. Didn't mean I didn't like them. Just means that I have other things going on. And I don't ditch out on work, friends, family for ANYONE. If I make plans with someone, I KEEP THEM. This stays true even if I'm seriously crushing on a new guy.
Author branson Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 OK fair enough. I'm busy this weekend so I am planning to call her on Monday (she said "maybe next wknd" referring to the upcoming weekend...) telling the mutual friend that she's not sure, definitely interested as friends not sure about dating, etc ... can I just ignore that for now? I mean, I get that she's not sure. that's fine. I am also fine if she's not like insanely excited about me yet. I'm definitely the kind of guy who it takes time to get to know & really like I'm glad I've made a move and we've kissed, so it's not like she feels I'm cold or anything. just that it takes me a little while to be something other than "funny" and "lighthearted". it takes me some time to open up about my life, my work, etc.
SJC2008 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Sunday was the day after your date and you asked her out for that day? Assuming this it was over eager but not all hope it lost but it is damage control time lol. Don't wait too long to call her becuase she'll think you got but hurt by being turned down. TBS the next time you call her DON'T ASK HER OUT! Talk to her, shoot the crap for a bit and then end the call. Don't tell her you'll caller another day or anything, tell her in your lingo: "Ok good talking to you I'm gonna run". Then call her a couple days later and feel things out and if you feel good tell her you'd like to plan another date.
Author branson Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) I asked her out on friday to see if she was free on Sunday itself. I don't know if I'd want to call and just talk, to be honest. we're both really busy, I don't really do the "call and chat" all that much except with VERY close friends. This girl & I haven't spoken since our date last thursday (no calls, no texts, etc except for me asking her out and her not being able to make it). I feel like a casual phone call would might be a little bit awkward if I don't even ask her out. I don't know if that's where we are right now. I haven't felt like texting her randomly just because again ... since I jumped the gun, I want her to know I'm not like going nuts over here trying to get her to date me, I am a laid back guy (who is clearly interested in her because I asked her out before and I am going to ask her out in a few days). If anything, I could send her a quick text over the weekend about how crazy work is, and then plan to call on Monday or Tuesday. what do you think about that? even then, I don't know what exactly I'd say. a text out of the blue saying "WOW SO CRAZY BUSY WITH WORK!!" seems totally random, and frankly ... why should she find this interesting or cool? I would rather give her a quick recap of my week and its craziness over the phone, get her to laugh a little, and then i'll ask her out. Edited June 13, 2013 by branson
SJC2008 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I asked her out a few days before Sunday to see if she was free on Sunday itself. so I don't know if I'd want to call and just talk, to be honest. we're both really busy, I don't really do the "call and chat" all that much, and since we haven't been texting or anything over the past few days ... I don't think that's where we are right now. If anything, I could send her a quick text on Monday and then plan to call on Tuesday. but I just don't want her to feel claustrophobic. She is super hard working & busy, I don't want her to feel like responding to me is another activity. I want her to feel excited about seeing me, but she should know I"m laid back. so I feel like a casual phone call would be awkward at this point. I'm really busy this weekend, so I'd rather give her a ring when I'm ready to ask her out and just ask her out. I feel like I can make it a fun conversation about the intense work week and my brother's graduation weekend (always funny stories with both of these situations). What day of the week did you ask her out for this past Sunday? Did you ask her our on the phone or via text? Your math isn't adding up for me. If you asked her out a few days before Sunday that'd be Thursday, a few technically means 3. So if you asked her out on Thrusday and are contacting her on Monday that'd be 11 days, WAY too long brother. Either way, a good rule of thumb is that you shouldn't let more than three days go without contact. It's been more than three days, drop her a "Hey how's your week been" or something.
Author branson Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 OK haha let me clarify everything: date on thursday, I ask her out on Friday to hang out on Sunday. she replies saying she's busy all weekend, and pretty much all week so "maybe next weekend" I'm swamped this coming weekend, not planning to ask her out for this weekend. I am OK sending her a text tomorrow saying "hows your week! ive had three 16 hour days ... and I have another 3 ahead of me :)"
SJC2008 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 OK haha let me clarify everything: date on thursday, I ask her out on Friday to hang out on Sunday. she replies saying she's busy all weekend, and pretty much all week so "maybe next weekend" I'm swamped this coming weekend, not planning to ask her out for this weekend. I am OK sending her a text tomorrow saying "hows your week! ive had three 16 hour days ... and I have another 3 ahead of me :)" Do it tonight it's already day 5 bro!
shexy Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Please don't feel stupid for asking her out quickly...there are no rules. You like her and wanted to go out again, there is NOTHING wrong with that! If she says no, she says no, but don't think it's because you asked her out after the 2nd date. 3
It's Just Me Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Agree with Shexy. And maybe make an effort for lunch or a nice dinner during the week, if you can.
dasein Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Here are some minor tricks when dating new women. Never ask out for a weekend date the first few dates, always ask for Monday through Wednesday. It sends the message that you don't give your weekend time to just any stranger at first, and that's as it should be. Ask out for the same day of the week for the first few dates. This will plant the seed in their mind that you have other activities on the other nights, and they may even say, "so I take it I'm your -Tuesday- plan?" after a couple of weeks of it. To which you answer "huh?" smiling with no other facts or explanation at all (good time to grab their ass or pull them to the side for a kiss). Keep this up for awhile and IME, if there is basic attraction to begin with, this helps it along, and if you do your job on the dates, she will be asking you what she has to do to get some weekend time. People respect and value things they have to earn, not what they are given, applies to all of us. Every other guy will be pressing for that weekend date from the get-go, giving themselves away like hand me down clothes. You, though, have a rich, full life as it is, and so vet them before they get your "top priority" weekend time. Never ever talk about this, just do it. Good luck, and good luck with your next invite of this woman. Incidentally, I advise women do the exact same thing with new people, just never dated a guy to be able to confirm successful results from that.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Did you say that she told her friend that she is interested in you as friends, but not sure about dating, did I read that right? If thats the case youre in trouble. Cant take that lightly.
Janesays Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Ignore all the nonsense and game playing techniques that some of these other posters have advised. If a guy doesn't give me enough enough notice, I may WANT to go out, I just can't because I already have plans. HOWEVER, any guy who waited a freaking week to talk to me, I would assume isn't interested at all and I will have swallowed my disappointment and moved on. My advice is to just ask her out whenever the heck you want to...but make it easier for her to say yes by giving her a couple days notice. If she likes you, she likes you whether you take her out on Tuesday or Saturday. That is silly nonsense. Only little boys look at dating as if it were a chess game to be won or lost. And you can not manipulate someone into liking you. Just be as authentic as you can and if she keeps saying 'yes', you can rest assured that she digs you. 1
KungFuJoe Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Here are some minor tricks when dating new women. Never ask out for a weekend date the first few dates, always ask for Monday through Wednesday. It sends the message that you don't give your weekend time to just any stranger at first, and that's as it should be. Ask out for the same day of the week for the first few dates. This will plant the seed in their mind that you have other activities on the other nights, and they may even say, "so I take it I'm your -Tuesday- plan?" after a couple of weeks of it. To which you answer "huh?" smiling with no other facts or explanation at all (good time to grab their ass or pull them to the side for a kiss). Keep this up for awhile and IME, if there is basic attraction to begin with, this helps it along, and if you do your job on the dates, she will be asking you what she has to do to get some weekend time. People respect and value things they have to earn, not what they are given, applies to all of us. Every other guy will be pressing for that weekend date from the get-go, giving themselves away like hand me down clothes. You, though, have a rich, full life as it is, and so vet them before they get your "top priority" weekend time. Never ever talk about this, just do it. Good luck, and good luck with your next invite of this woman. Incidentally, I advise women do the exact same thing with new people, just never dated a guy to be able to confirm successful results from that. Pretty much just ignore all this and you'll be fine. 2
dasein Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Pretty much just ignore all this and you'll be fine. OP is certainly free to ignore my time-tested, proven, good advice with reasoning attached, or your meaningless retort, with no accompanying reason whatsoever, as he sees fit. The object is to have a life rich enough so that your weekend time is precious and not to be given to strangers until they prove themselves. If one's life isn't that full and rich, address -that- before expecting dating to substitute for a full social life.
CryForNoOne Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Here are some minor tricks when dating new women. Never ask out for a weekend date the first few dates, always ask for Monday through Wednesday. It sends the message that you don't give your weekend time to just any stranger at first, and that's as it should be. Ask out for the same day of the week for the first few dates. This will plant the seed in their mind that you have other activities on the other nights, and they may even say, "so I take it I'm your -Tuesday- plan?" after a couple of weeks of it. To which you answer "huh?" smiling with no other facts or explanation at all (good time to grab their ass or pull them to the side for a kiss). Keep this up for awhile and IME, if there is basic attraction to begin with, this helps it along, and if you do your job on the dates, she will be asking you what she has to do to get some weekend time. People respect and value things they have to earn, not what they are given, applies to all of us. Every other guy will be pressing for that weekend date from the get-go, giving themselves away like hand me down clothes. You, though, have a rich, full life as it is, and so vet them before they get your "top priority" weekend time. Never ever talk about this, just do it. Good luck, and good luck with your next invite of this woman. Incidentally, I advise women do the exact same thing with new people, just never dated a guy to be able to confirm successful results from that. Sorry. I agree to ignore this. If a girl likes you, she'll make time. I'd rather know right away if I'm not worthy of weekend time (I usually am). Seriously, how precious are a few hours on a weekend. If I have to "earn" that, it's not worth it... 1
dasein Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Sorry. I agree to ignore this. If a girl likes you, she'll make time. I'd rather know right away if I'm not worthy of weekend time (I usually am). Seriously, how precious are a few hours on a weekend. If I have to "earn" that, it's not worth it... You misread. You don't have to earn the weekend time, she does.
CryForNoOne Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 OP is certainly free to ignore my time-tested, proven, good advice with reasoning attached, or your meaningless retort, with no accompanying reason whatsoever, as he sees fit. The object is to have a life rich enough so that your weekend time is precious and not to be given to strangers until they prove themselves. If one's life isn't that full and rich, address -that- before expecting dating to substitute for a full social life. C'mon I know for a fact that my life is rich and fulfilling. Almost every woman I've dated is taken aback by how busy I am and how many hobbies and pastimes I have. That said I'll always make time on a weekend for someone I'm interested. In regards to your advice of days of the week, i will say that almost all my first dates are on weeknights. The time window is too short for it to feel like i wasted my evening if it goes poorly. The second date is almost always a weekend so if it goes well we can stay out really late. It has always worked really well for me and its not game playing...
dasein Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Well different strokes for different folks. I know my way works for me, and have the results to prove it. May not work for everyone. I never take a new woman out on a weekend until we have had 3-5 dates, and provided they are at least baseline interested, it really gets them wondering and more interested.
Janesays Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 . I know my way works for me, and have the results to prove it. Oh, so you're happily married to the girl of your dreams? Because that's the ONLY 'result' worth counting. Unless the answer to this question is an enthusiastic yes, your way has gotten you NOWHERE. For the record, both Kungfu and I have achieved our end game. And we never had to play games to get there. 1
MrCastle Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 The girl is just not that into you, sorry to say so bluntly, but it is what it is. When someone is into you, they make the time. When people see you based around when it's convenient for them you are not a priority in their life. The post you made about you hearing through the grapevine she likes you as a friend but not sure where she wants to take things romantically is all you need to know. Toss this one back in the water. Only little boys look at dating as if it were a chess game to be won or lost. Yeah. Girls never do any of this ever.
dasein Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Oh, so you're happily married to the girl of your dreams? Because that's the ONLY 'result' worth counting. Unless the answer to this question is an enthusiastic yes, your way has gotten you NOWHERE. For the record, both Kungfu and I have achieved our end game. And we never had to play games to get there. I count not being married as one of the great successes of my life, and that's the ONLY 'result' worth counting for me, spare the empty sermonizing about -your- -personal- value system which gets you NOWHERE in terms of credibility with me or any other reasonable person. Tend to your garden and I will gladly tend mine. Moreover, while end goals and desires are personal and subjective in nature, dating results are quantifiable in terms of getting more enthusiastic yes and less no, and will gladly stack my expertise in that area versus yours or any other married person's here who may or may not have dated more than the same person for years and years. No problem with married people dispensing dating advice here on the dating forum where people discuss... dating and dates, as opposed to marriage and relationships, live and let live, but it's kind of nervy and obnoxious for married people, some long married, to come here and lecture experienced, recent, active daters about what works and does not in dating.
Janesays Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I count not being married as one of the great successes of my life Finally! We agree! So, OP, if you want to lead a life like Dasein here....perpetually dating, girl after girl after girl, never making any sort of real lasting connection, never getting married, never having a family, never experiencing true love....but gaining plenty of dates that lead NOWHERE but to the bedroom if you're lucky (or just super manipulative) for some empty casual sex, follow his 'time tested proven' advice. If you want something more than that, I suggest you listen to the people who have actually managed to accomplish that goal.
Janesays Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Yeah. Girls never do any of this ever. The ones that do are just as big of idiots! 1
MrCastle Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Finally! We agree! So, OP, if you want to lead a life like Dasein here....perpetually dating, girl after girl after girl, never making any sort of real lasting connection, never getting married, never having a family, never experiencing true love....but gaining plenty of dates that lead NOWHERE but to the bedroom if you're lucky (or just super manipulative) for some empty casual sex, follow his 'time tested proven' advice. I have to admit. This sounds awesome.
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