swimswithjeans Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 It is 4:00 pm my time. And I have been uttering this mantra all day. I think I am actually going to do it. I will get out of bed. I will take a shower. I will get dressed- maybe even put on a dress. I will put on makeup. And then I will leave my apartment. And then I will get some food. And then I will probably come back home and sleep. I will think about going to the gym, but it won't happen. Everything hurts. I miss him and I know today is a hard day for my ex- he is spending it with his father who is terminally ill. He would always call me or come over after these Wednesdays. And I loved him and would support him and be there for him however he asked (or didn't) me to. I feel like absolute s**t. I do. But I know my support system is larger than his and the idea of him being or feeling alone... Well, that breaks my heart. If I did not have this forum, I really do not know what I would do. As bad off as I'm doing now.. Man, I am sure I would be doing so much worse without all of you. Thank you to those of you who have read my threads and posts... And thank you to those of you who have responded... And thank you to those of you who have posted your own experiences. I have read hundreds of threads in the past couple weeks and feel so so so so so much less alone. I love this man and after 5 days NC he called me yesterday- it only rang for a few seconds, and then it came up on my phone as a missed call. This seems so strange to me; he didn't contact me after that. This is surprising, knowing him. I'm interested to see what happens. This poor man... Has put me through hell... But once he realizes he has lost me for good... I'm sure will be going through a hell of his own. I love him and I know he loves me. I do. He is just so wrapped up in himself and grief and stress... I just wish he knew how to cope in a way that didn't destroy our relationship.
Author swimswithjeans Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 And, my goodness, would I love to email him a link to one of my posts about him so he can see all of this in writing... I am not that cruel though.
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