Fun2BMe Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I was in a great relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. I didnt know he smokes until six months in, and not knowing the effects thought it was harmless since the media and all the smokers claim so. Long story short he smoked more and more, would tune me out, would flake on many occasions as I realized it was so that he could get high. He'd rather drive an hour away to smoke with other potheads than to see me sometimes. He became very aggressive, yelling and picking fights if he wasn't smoking. I finally broke up with him Sunday and kicked him out of my house. This was after he had quit smoking (would quit for a few days at a time if I believe him but would always start again). He had quit for 2 weeks and passed a pee test I gave him. I kicked him out because ever since he quit he was always on edge yelling at me. That same night we spoke, I was willing to forgive him but I realized he was high, slurring his words. We had a big fight and I broke up for good. After no contact for 2 days, he's been texting sorry, misses and loves me and calling all morning today. I miss him too and tempted to take him back, but he's been smoking since age 18 and is in his 30's I don't think he will really quit. But I love him so its hard. I feel like he's choosing pot over me yet expects me to go along with it out of love. Thoughts?
Sneaky Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I don’t know much but to me it looks like he really has no intention of changing. I mean, he can’t even show up to talk about your relationship without being high. This is just my opinion but I think if you got together with him now he’ll assume he can keep acting like this and get away with it.
SlickWalrus Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Personally, I feel that everyone deserves a second chance. You tell him your relationship could resume on YOUR terms. You could tell him to pick you or the weed. If he agrees to your terms, tell him that if he's ever high again, that's it and there's no coming back from it. You could also always tell him that you need space and time to think, tell him you recommend that he spends the time wisely by not smoking anything and thinking finding out what he actually wants in life. Endless possibilities. You could also just take a week of no contact and think of what you'll make of your relationship. If you'd like to talk more, feel free to send a PM.
flitzanu Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I was in a great relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. I didnt know he smokes until six months in, and not knowing the effects thought it was harmless since the media and all the smokers claim so. Long story short he smoked more and more, would tune me out, would flake on many occasions as I realized it was so that he could get high. He'd rather drive an hour away to smoke with other potheads than to see me sometimes. He became very aggressive, yelling and picking fights if he wasn't smoking. I finally broke up with him Sunday and kicked him out of my house. This was after he had quit smoking (would quit for a few days at a time if I believe him but would always start again). He had quit for 2 weeks and passed a pee test I gave him. I kicked him out because ever since he quit he was always on edge yelling at me. That same night we spoke, I was willing to forgive him but I realized he was high, slurring his words. We had a big fight and I broke up for good. After no contact for 2 days, he's been texting sorry, misses and loves me and calling all morning today. I miss him too and tempted to take him back, but he's been smoking since age 18 and is in his 30's I don't think he will really quit. But I love him so its hard. I feel like he's choosing pot over me yet expects me to go along with it out of love. Thoughts? giving someone an ultimatum is never going to work out in a positive way. forcing your beliefs and feelings (not saying right or wrong here) is only going to make him resent you. the only way he's ever going to change is of his own volition. you're never going to be able to mold him into what you want, and it is highly unlikely that he is ever going to change if you stay together...because you're already subliminally admitting that you're allowing the behavior, and will likely forgive him again and again.
Keenly Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) Passed a pee test that YOU gave him? I will give you the same advice I gave some one else earlier in the week. While he should have told you his habits well in advance of the 6 month mark, you do NOT get to be with some one for 1.5 years and then decide you want to change their behavior. You leave, or you deal with it. End of options. Edited June 13, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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