mfleck91 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) So I'm only on my 10th day of uninterrupted NC. Nearly 4 months post BU and its harder than hell. I wouldn't really consider my earlier attempts to contact her really constitute "contact". My usual pattern would be I go a week NC, then it becomes too much and I send a text which gets no reply. That was my normal cycle the last 3 months. This is actually the longest I've gone without breaking NC, which is sad because it isn't that long. The desire to text her is overwhelming. I'll have the message typed into the phone with my finger hovering above the "send" button and it takes everything to stop myself. I just don't see it getting any easier. I'll always want to contact her. Plus her birthday is in 3 days and I would be proposing to her this week if we were still together. Its a difficult period. Edited June 12, 2013 by mfleck91
Author mfleck91 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I'm seriously close to sending this message, "A simple question, do you think we will ever talk again, will I ever see you again? Or are you set on forgetting me and our memories? I have to know...." I know that I shouldn't, but she has responded to messages like this is the past. The desire is unbelievable
marqueemoon4 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I'm seriously close to sending this message, "A simple question, do you think we will ever talk again, will I ever see you again? Or are you set on forgetting me and our memories? I have to know...." I know that I shouldn't, but she has responded to messages like this is the past. The desire is unbelievable Everyone will say no no no don't do it. And they're probably right. It's hard for me because if the roles were reversed I'd never treat my ex this way, so that's how I would rationalize. Unfortunately everyone isn't like me So, if you think you'll get ignored and would guess she'll be annoyed, do yourself a favor and resist.
Author mfleck91 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 She had said in the beginning that she would talk to me eventually. I just don't know if she will actually contact me one day or if she is just stringing me along with no intention to speak to me again. It would be a lot less complicated if she hadnt left me for another guy
FlockaFlex Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Dont be weak brother. Dont contact show her and YOURSELF that you are strong
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) Please start and maintain some self-respect and dignity. You are now just coming off needy/clingy/desperate. You are pushing her even further away from ever wanting anything to do with you. Hurts I know, but there is NO alternative... Post here instead. Call a friend. Smash your hand in a door... Do whatever you have to, but stay NC!!! Edited June 12, 2013 by mtnbiker3000 1
Author mfleck91 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Damn its hard. I'm usually a very logical guy, and logic says not to contact her. But emotions are running strong, I know everyone here relates to that. I'm having a hard time dealing with the prospect of never seeing/talking to her again.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I'm having a hard time dealing with the prospect of never seeing/talking to her again. Well, chances are if you give yourself some time to clear your head and give her the space she needs by going NC for a while (6 or more months at least) I can almost guarantee that if you reach out to her then, you can surely be on cordial, speaking terms. That is if you don't pressure her to come back to you. You must not want this as an outcome, or forget everything!!! And, if you continue to push and push now, she will never want to speak to you again.
Author mfleck91 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Well, chances are if you give yourself some time to clear your head and give her the space she needs by going NC for a while (6 or more months at least) I can almost guarantee that if you reach out to her then, you can surely be on cordial, speaking terms. That is if you don't pressure her to come back to you. You must not want this as an outcome, or forget everything!!! And, if you continue to push and push now, she will never want to speak to you again. What about the fact she immediately started seeing another guy?
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 What about the fact she immediately started seeing another guy? Actually, I really don't think that matters IF you stay away for a while. At least 6 months, but longer is better. And chances are, he is a rebound and won't be around too long. How old and emotionally mature is she?
aisuru Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Don't contact her. Not now, not on her birthday. As a matter of fact, delete her number from your phone and contact information while you're feeling this vulnerable. Then, go purchase Jimmy Eat World's new album called 'Damage.' I prepurchased it and am listening to it today. It's all about breakups and was just released. Good music. Stay strong. You'll get through it. 1
Author mfleck91 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Actually, I really don't think that matters IF you stay away for a while. At least 6 months, but longer is better. And chances are, he is a rebound and won't be around too long. How old and emotionally mature is she? She will be 22. As for emotional maturity she is complex. She is quite stubborn and based on how she ended the relationship she isn't very emotionally mature. I would definitely say I am quite more mature than her in that aspect
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 She will be 22. As for emotional maturity she is complex. She is quite stubborn and based on how she ended the relationship she isn't very emotionally mature. I would definitely say I am quite more mature than her in that aspect Damn. For some reason I was thinking she was older. 22, huh? Meh, that's pretty young, and I hate to say it but I doubt she wants to talk ever again. Maybe years (not months) down the road, but probably not any time soon. Sorry... Maybe I'm wrong But 22 is very young and chances are this was not very serious in the grand scheme of things. At least for her... Again, sorry...
Author mfleck91 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Damn. For some reason I was thinking she was older. 22, huh? Meh, that's pretty young, and I hate to say it but I doubt she wants to talk ever again. Maybe years (not months) down the road, but probably not any time soon. Sorry... Maybe I'm wrong But 22 is very young and chances are this was not very serious in the grand scheme of things. At least for her... Again, sorry... Well that sucks. I thought it was serious and I'm pretty sure she did too. Always talked about marriage.
BustedUpInside Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Well that sucks. I thought it was serious and I'm pretty sure she did too. Always talked about marriage. I know that at 22, whenever my boyfriends talked about marriage I would always act really excited too. It wasn't that I didn't like them, or think that I loved them, but in reality it was just a fantasy game for me. Sometimes when I realized how serious they were about the future, I would break up with them and then start dating someone who just wanted to have fun. I was too young to really think about being married. Unfortunately, I was also too young and immature to take other people's feelings into account. It wasn't that I didn't care if I made them sad, but I just really only cared about making myself happy no matter what. Which included forcing friendships when I should have stayed away, being physically affectionate and then saying that I still didn't want a relationship. Since then, I have grown up a lot and am slightly embarrassed of hurting some of the men in my past, but of course, some men hurt me too. It is all part of the process but it doesn't make it any less painful when you are going through it. Trust in the fact that you are reacting in a perfectly normal way. I am assuming that this the first time that you have been really in love with a girl, because you were talking about marriage. It is soo hard to let go of those first loves because if you let it go then you have to give up some of the idealism that you had about what love actually is. Just try and breathe. Know that this will pass. It never feels like it while you are still sad, but you will get over this. Don't make it harder on yourself by trying to hold on when she is obviously trying to let go. Letting her go doesn't mean that you didn't love her or that she didn't love you, it just means that you can't make it work all on your own, and you are better off just trying to work on yourself.
Author mfleck91 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 I know that at 22, whenever my boyfriends talked about marriage I would always act really excited too. It wasn't that I didn't like them, or think that I loved them, but in reality it was just a fantasy game for me. Sometimes when I realized how serious they were about the future, I would break up with them and then start dating someone who just wanted to have fun. I was too young to really think about being married. Unfortunately, I was also too young and immature to take other people's feelings into account. It wasn't that I didn't care if I made them sad, but I just really only cared about making myself happy no matter what. Which included forcing friendships when I should have stayed away, being physically affectionate and then saying that I still didn't want a relationship. Since then, I have grown up a lot and am slightly embarrassed of hurting some of the men in my past, but of course, some men hurt me too. It is all part of the process but it doesn't make it any less painful when you are going through it. Trust in the fact that you are reacting in a perfectly normal way. I am assuming that this the first time that you have been really in love with a girl, because you were talking about marriage. It is soo hard to let go of those first loves because if you let it go then you have to give up some of the idealism that you had about what love actually is. Just try and breathe. Know that this will pass. It never feels like it while you are still sad, but you will get over this. Don't make it harder on yourself by trying to hold on when she is obviously trying to let go. Letting her go doesn't mean that you didn't love her or that she didn't love you, it just means that you can't make it work all on your own, and you are better off just trying to work on yourself. This is probably the best response I've ever received on here, thank you. It was actually her that brought up marriage most of the time, but maybe you're right. I think she may have realized how serious I was about it and she freaked out. Selfish of her and at my expense
BustedUpInside Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 This is probably the best response I've ever received on here, thank you. It was actually her that brought up marriage most of the time, but maybe you're right. I think she may have realized how serious I was about it and she freaked out. Selfish of her and at my expense Thank you! You're right, it is selfish of her to take your feelings for granted, but that is what happens when someone is immature. She is probably not a bad person, just incredibly self-centered. The problem is that you can't change a person's character. They have to want to change or just naturally mature through experiences in their life. You can't wait for her to change, because you don't know the person she will become. Maybe, in the future, you both will change in ways that will make you even more incompatible than you are now and you will see that it was a fortuitous thing that you were able to get a fresh start now. You are so young and your life is going in these new and amazing directions. I would be willing to bet that in as few as a couple of months you won't believe how sad you were right now, but it sucks because until you get to the other side, it is hard to imagine that this state of mind isn't permanent. I really do feel for you though. Keep your head up and know that you are valuable and deserve respect.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Thank you! You're right, it is selfish of her to take your feelings for granted, but that is what happens when someone is immature. She is probably not a bad person, just incredibly self-centered. The problem is that you can't change a person's character. They have to want to change or just naturally mature through experiences in their life. You can't wait for her to change, because you don't know the person she will become. Maybe, in the future, you both will change in ways that will make you even more incompatible than you are now and you will see that it was a fortuitous thing that you were able to get a fresh start now. You are so young and your life is going in these new and amazing directions. I would be willing to bet that in as few as a couple of months you won't believe how sad you were right now, but it sucks because until you get to the other side, it is hard to imagine that this state of mind isn't permanent. I really do feel for you though. Keep your head up and know that you are valuable and deserve respect. Nice one BUI. Much more thoughtful and caring than my response. Not even sure why I am trying to offer advice right now Funny thing is, even when you are significantly older, the emotional turmoil is the same. Heartbreak is heartbreak. Sure, we may be a little wiser and thick-skinned, but still stings like a mother no matter how old you are. Pleasant thought huh, fleck???
BustedUpInside Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Funny thing is, even when you are significantly older, the emotional turmoil is the same. Heartbreak is heartbreak. Sure, we may be a little wiser and thick-skinned, but still stings like a mother no matter how old you are. Pleasant thought huh, fleck??? Don't scare him! You know that it is different now. The hurt is the same deep hurt but there is a better perspective with it. With age comes the knowledge that you will get over it. Sometimes it takes a really long time but there is always the thought that if you got over it before you can get over it again. There is not a breakup that can actually break you, even if it feels like it sometimes. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Don't scare him! You know that it is different now. The hurt is the same deep hurt but there is a better perspective with it. With age comes the knowledge that you will get over it. Sometimes it takes a really long time but there is always the thought that if you got over it before you can get over it again. There is not a breakup that can actually break you, even if it feels like it sometimes. Yes and no. I agree with what you are saying. But at the same time, this was the worst BU I have ever dealt with. Because this is the most I was ever in love... But fleck, yeah, can't be worried about the future. You are young and yours is bright Pretty soon, this will only be a distant memory... 1
BustedUpInside Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 this was the worst BU I have ever dealt with. Because this is the most I was ever in love... I definitely hear that. This is the worst hurt I ever felt over anything in my entire life, but I know it is not forever. There is no way that I will feel depressed like this for the rest of my life. It's just not possible that I won't eventually get over him and feel better. OP, mtnbiker, everyone else you will eventually feel better too. It's just the nature of things.
Author mfleck91 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Each day closer to her birthday the harder it gets, 2 days now
bob the brave Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 OMG, get a grip bro. Are you telling me she has been NC for 4 months? I mean no reply to your texts? I know it hurts. You had planned your entire future with her and looking forward to proposing. Ouch...man that's got to hurt. So, I understand. I know it is not want you want, but breaking NC is like ignoring reality. You want the relationship to continue and contact keeps a connection, but it is not real. You simply have to let it go. No matter how much it hurts, put what's her name in your rear view mirror, crank up the tunes and head on down the road. There's a girl in the next town just waiting for you.
Author mfleck91 Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 I just woke up in the middle of the night from a horrible dream. I dreamt my ex was basically rubbing it in my face that she is sleeping with this other guy. I've never had a dream as bad as the one I just had. I had to come in here at write this to try to calm myself down. It's her bday so she is heavy in my mind. As soon as I woke up I felt a very familiar feeling, it was the same feeling I felt when I first found out about the other guy. I had enough rage that I was shaking uncontrollably, and I had such a knot in my stomach I thought I would throw up. I just know in my gut she is sleeping with him. We were together 4 years and she wasn't "ready" to sleep with me. She's been with this guy 4 months....what makes him so special
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Why do you even still have her number in your 'phone? You need to delete it and forget it completely..... Read this, too. For some reason, I thought she was older too... But it seems she's actually closer to her teens than I imagined.
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