sarahjones90 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) I'm going to summarize this the best I can. I met a guy, I'm 18 and he's 20, in the military. First time we hung out, we just had a good time, went around town with our two friends and ended up coming home to drink and just joke around. It was the first time we met, long story, but he ended up sleeping over and we kissed while we drank but nothing more than a kiss. Eventually we went to bed and he ended up sleeping with me even though he only got to sleep for a couple of hours since he had work the next morning. He ended up kissing me before he left which was a little random since I haven't really dated before but I find that a good sign since he wasn't drunk in the morning. Anyways, the next time I hung out with him, it wasn't too great because we didn't have anything planned and we just kinda hung out and it was a little awkward, meeting his roommates who knew about me but not much, but we did kiss before I left and they were long kisses not just pecks. Then the next time, I was invited to a party by his base where I met his friends/people he worked with so I was assuming that was a good sign. Not only that, but they referred to me as his girl/we had some PDA kissing/hugging/sitting on lap kinda stuff, nothing too serious since I do have limits considering I'm not dating him, but we also slept together that night too since I wasn't going to drive home that late after drinking, but again, nothing happened and we went to bed while my friends and his fooled around in the other room. We kissed a couple times in front of everyone before I left too and we kind of then planned to see each other a couple days after that, but something came up, which is fine because I knew he was having some issues. But then his work schedule changed, so our other plans had to be cancelled too. Then recently, he invited me over to another small party he had with his roommates but he invited me late at night and I live an hour away, so there was no way I was going to go/I had no way to get there which he knew but he got upset I couldn't come which I suppose is a good kind of mad. But then again, before that we had plans for him to come in a few days and again he didn't go through with it! Even better, my plans changed and I ended up on his side of town to see someone and he knew that, but he made zero effort to see me or even have me come over so I just said whatever and left without seeing him and his texting that day got really weird, a lot of random one work texts so I did straight up ask if he was mad at me for not coming but he said no and was just very vague which is not like him at all. I just don't understand what went wrong because I don't think someone shows that much affection in front of their co workers and then makes such a ****ty effort to see you unless I go to him. I just don't get it. I'm also leaving for two months which he knows and I leave in a week. Should I just wait and see if he will even bother to come say goodbye to me? Do you think he kind of anticipated that I might be curious whats up between us and that's why he doesn't want to see me or from what I know, he had issues with one of his friends plus financial issues but I still think that's no excuse. I just don't understand what went wrong, if I did anything, or what's going on because I did start to like him and the way he always acted with me, he seemed like he liked me too even though we really never went through a friends stage... It just kind of makes me sad and I'm trying not to be clingy but for heavens sake I'm going to leave soon and I've made it clear I wanted to see him and make up for not coming the last time, is it so wrong I've actually made an effort? Edited June 12, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
CulturallyConfused Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I wouldn't try to see him. I think you made up sufficiently for not coming to see him. You sound like you showed enough interest and courtesy. He needs to reciprocate
Author sarahjones90 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I agree, I'm just very guilty of giving people chances and doing too much for them and I just feel let down being led on just for it to all go downhill. I'm just wondering what went wrong, did I scare him off? 1
CulturallyConfused Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I agree, I'm just very guilty of giving people chances and doing too much for them and I just feel let down being led on just for it to all go downhill. I'm just wondering what went wrong, did I scare him off? I think he was trying to get sex. I don't think you did anything to scare him off.
Author sarahjones90 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 What makes you think that? I'm new to dating, was no point in high school and most guys are just idiots, but he knows I haven't dated anyone and I won't do more. The last time I saw him I initiated some of it so he knew I was interested but if he knows I won't have sex, why invite me over again? I guess I'll just leave with my head up. Everyone thinks I'm stupid to give people chances especially when I'm too good for them but I just feel like it's so hard to meet anyone these days, especially someone who can handle me since I'm far from ordinary
KatZee Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I don't see anywhere in this wall of text that this guy is interested in anything more than some free booty. He hasn't taken you out on any proper dates, every time you see him you're hanging at his place and you wind up in his bed. Make no mistakes, the only reason he's not talking to you anymore is because you didn't put out. He put the bare amount of effort to try and get you to hook up, nothing happened, and it's on to the next for him. Him kissing you doesn't mean he wants you for any long term thing, and him getting mad because you couldn't drive an hour at night to go to his party isn't a "good kind of mad." He sounds inconsiderate if you ask me. If he cared at all he wouldn't have gotten mad he would have said, "you're right you shouldn't come now, i'll give more advance notice next time, lets reschedule a date for XXX." He's not getting what he wants from you, that's the end of it.
Author sarahjones90 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Well for one thing, him clearly saying things like "hoping to find a girl that can keep up with my craziness" kind of stuff, even publicly and he's said before he's not a hit and quit kind of guy. And I've only been to his place once, the one time I didn't stay over but what I don't get is him STILL trying to get me to come over if he already knows I won't put out or do anything, like why bother? If he was going to hit it and quit it then join a dating site, its not that hard! I don't know, I guess move on. What if he does try to contact me again, though? Then what does that mean? I'm just tired of guys acting like this all the time, especially since guys in the military should appreciate someone whose going to be there and complain about how hard it is to find someone like that, but whatever floats their boat I suppose.
PogoStick Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Knowing you will leave for 2 months, I wouldn't want to get too involved and tied down.
Zahara Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Well for one thing, him clearly saying things like "hoping to find a girl that can keep up with my craziness" kind of stuff, even publicly and he's said before he's not a hit and quit kind of guy. And I've only been to his place once, the one time I didn't stay over but what I don't get is him STILL trying to get me to come over if he already knows I won't put out or do anything, like why bother? If he was going to hit it and quit it then join a dating site, its not that hard! People can say all sorts of anything. Don't fall for words so easily. He tries to get you to go over because he's thinking that at some point you'll give up and put out. A guy will try even when you tell him no. Joining a dating site to get sex is much more effort than working a girl that he knows is interested in him and that he's currently having physical contact with. In his mind, it's only a matter of time before he hits the jackpot. Besides, all he ever does is invite you to parties. Has he ever planned a date with you? He's losing interest because he's probably 1) realizing he can't get it 2) it's too much work.
Author sarahjones90 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I kind of figured the 2 months thing could be part of it, but then again, if you can't try for that long, how do you expect a girl to be there for you when you deploy for 6+ months which he will be. As for the date, we've talked about it before, mostly just joking. I know, I guess I should probably just stop and move on. The sad part is, he could get it, if he just tried a little harder, but otherwise, no I won't and I'll stick to that.
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