Floridita Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 ...and women, too, of course. But I'd really love a guy's input. I work in a small coffee shop, and over the past few weeks I've been building a rapport with a regular customer (three or four times a week, not every day). I was attracted to him, and all body language and small talk indicated that it was mutual. My co-workers mentioned that he only seems to come in when I'm there, and he even mentioned to me once that he never visits our other location--even though it's in his office building. So three days ago I wrote my phone number on his cup, and handed it to him with the number facing me (so he wouldn't see it 'till he left, 'cause I'm chicken). He said he would see me tomorrow and we'd talk more then. On his way out he passed my incoming co-worker, and she said that he was smiling to himself. I took that as a positive sign. Four days later he has neither called nor shown his face in the shop. What's the deal? I thought he at least fancied me.
MidwestUSA Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Well, I'd hate to think he chugged his coffee and never saw your number at all, but it's possible! All you do now is wait for him to come back in. Good luck!
Author Floridita Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 are you positive he saw the number on the cup? Not 100%, since he hasn't shown his face, but it was written in black sharpie on a clear cup with translucent tea in it. I did put it near the bottom (again, I'm so chicken), so there is a possibility that he DID miss it.
KatZee Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I honestly think he DID see it. I think that because now he's been MIA in your shop, where as before he was coming in every other day, 3-4 times a week. I think maybe he got cold feet for a second? Maybe he's nervous to see you, or maybe he's not interested and he's realizing he totally gave you the wrong impression and he's staying away. All you can do is go on in life as usual and see if he comes back. 2
jphcbpa Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 maybe he is out of town dont assume and draw conclusions based on very limited amounts of information.
Author Floridita Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I honestly think he DID see it. I think that because now he's been MIA in your shop, where as before he was coming in every other day, 3-4 times a week. My thinking. Thank you.
TigerCub Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Maybe he does "fancy" you - as in, thinks you're cute but maybe he has a girlfriend and so isn't interested in starting something...
Author Floridita Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I'm way more upset about this whole thing than I should be, but I'll live. Thanks, guys.
Imajerk17 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) Honestly? I don't think he was in a position to date you. I picked my words carefully because I do think he was attracted on some level, I think there was something else. What do I mean by that? A few years ago I flirted with a barista in the coffee shop I used to go to. Even though I was pretty sure she was attracted to me and I was attracted to her, I never asked her out. Why not? The age difference--I was in my mid-30's at the time and she was only 22. As pretty and sweet and as much of a good head on her shoulders as she seemed to have I just didn't want to date a girl still in college. So, possible reasons include age difference, he wants someone more established in their career, he has a girlfriend (or is crushing on someone else).... Anyway as much as I salute your bravery, the way you went about it definitely wasn't the smoothest. I like to test the waters to see how receptive the person would be to hanging out first. "Hey you like hiking XYZ Trail? It's awesome. We should go together some time...." If they hem and haw or mention a boyfriend or how busy they are I know I needn't bother at least for the time being. Sounds like you didn't do that at all, and what's worse you now have to wonder whether he even got the message. (I think he did--why he has been MIA as KatZee said but there are other possibilities as well.) All is not lost, if he was interested he will be back at some point. We men also don't expect women to be good at asking us out either so it's not like you made a fool of yourself or anything. Edited June 12, 2013 by Imajerk17
dasein Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 No way to know OP, I liked the coffee cup stunt, but next time you see him, if he seems interested, maybe tell him when you will be getting off work? or just come out and ask if he'd like to get together? Most guys will take a woman at work telling him when she gets off as an indication of interest, and good prospects would then ask your number directly. 1
Author Floridita Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) So, possible reasons include age difference, he wants someone more established in their career, he has a girlfriend : My part time job for a little extra cash is in no way indicative of my career path, and I'm sure you did not mean offense, but this ruffled my feathers a bit. My feelings aren't directed at you, but rather at the idea that someone who has no idea where I'm headed would go "Oh, she's just a barista." that being said, your post was insightful. ETA: We are the same age. Also I did consider testing waters but being too much of a wimp to say anything I just wrote the number down. Edited June 12, 2013 by Floridita
Author Floridita Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I should add that I went through a god-awful breakup about four months ago, and this the first guy to strike my interest, so to be rebuffed is making me shake my fist at the sky. 1
KatZee Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I should add that I went through a god-awful breakup about four months ago, and this the first guy to strike my interest, so to be rebuffed is making me shake my fist at the sky. Or this could be a sign that you're not ready to date yet. 1
SJC2008 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Anyway as much as I salute your bravery, the way you went about it definitely wasn't the smoothest. . Are you serious? I thought it was very cute and if I were the guy in that siutation I'd brag to all my friends about it! 2
Author Floridita Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Or this could be a sign that you're not ready to date yet. Haha touché! I'm really not looking for anything serious, in all honesty. Maybe I should have just written: "Hey, I need to get laid!" 1
Lansing Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 If I found you attractive I would have loved to have gotten this from an employee at a coffee shop. One time I met a girl in my building and I didn't have long to talk to her but there seemed to be a "spark" so I left a note on her car (we ran into each other in the parking garage) and she called me. That was probably the most unusual way of meeting a girl before. It was nothing serious, pretty casual for a couple of months but definitely convenient I would find a girl leaving a note flattering especially if I was attracted to her.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I agree with Imajerk. There may be something that makes asking you out a non-option. There is no way you could know that. Since it's your place of employment, I think you had to make the first move. Pat yourself on the back for taking that step, rather than criticizing yourself and focusing on ways in which it could have been less wimpy. Nothing you can do at this point other than wait. If he shows up again, be cheerful and friendly. Act as if nothing happened and follow his cue. The ball is in his court to progress things. Until he does (if he does), try not to worry about it. 3
Author Floridita Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Interesting array of responses. It's been five days. I'm writing this trololol off. If he comes in and clearly missed it maybe I'll say something. 1
RogerWallace111 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) Does the guy come across as shy ? Or is he straightforward & bold ? If he seems like the shy type, it is possible he's gotten nervous about the situation. There are definitely guys who'll overthink things and psyche themselves out once a reciprocal "move" has been made. If not, as has been said, it's very possible he's got a girlfriend. I'd be really surprised if it was an issue of you working as a barista. Unless he's specifically looking for a sugar mama. If a guy were unwilling to date women in food/beverage service he'd be greatly narrowing his range of possibilities. And unless you're really bad at reading people I don't imagine it's a "he's not actually into you" deal. Especially if he timed his visits to the shop for when you were working. That would also make the girlfriend explanation less likely... Curious to hear if anything goes down... P.S. How old are you ? Edited June 13, 2013 by RogerWallace111
Adele0908 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 My opinion is that he might have a girlfriend or someone else in his life at this moment. I think it was pretty forward to give him your number. It ruins the mystery when you let a guy know that you like him before he likes you. Men are hunters. So now he gets the ego boost, but may not feel anymore urge to pursue you. Also because he frequents the coffee shop where you work at, he might feel obligated to call you. He might not come back until he calls you first. It would be too awkward for him to come for coffee and see you there when he hasn't called you, and see your confused and maybe even angry face. teehee I would refrain from giving out your number again, if the man has not directly asked for it. It never worked for me the few times I tried it,and I'm a total knockout. Lol j/k but yeah, you never know what the deal could be, it's just my POV.
Author Floridita Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) RogerWallace: He has seemed quite shy with me, yes. Very quiet and polite. He's a little bolder with my (lesbian) co-worker. More "Hey, man!" with her. I did assume there was no girlfriend based not only on a conversation he had with the same co-worker, but also on never having heard of one from him or seen one. I mean, if a guy is wandering around his neighborhood on the weekends, sipping tea and running errands...wouldn't a significant other accompany at some point? He's also come in and talked about his "night with the guys" but never a mention of "date night." Maybe she lives in Canada! PS-I'm in my mid-twenties. Adele: I don't think slipping a number is too forward. I think if I had asked him to take me right there on the counter I would have been too bold. And if he's turned off by my giving him my number then we are fundamentally not a good match anyway. I'm...strong, shall we say...and if a guy does not like that then he's better off without someone else. Edited June 13, 2013 by Floridita 1
Author Floridita Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Update: He never saw the number. He came into the shop this morning while my co-worker was there, and upon hearing his order something like *this* happened: Her: "Oh, are you [name redacted]? I heard about you from my co-worker." Him: "Which one?" Her: "The pretty one with red hair who gave you her number." Him: "....what number!?" She said he felt like an idiot for missing it, and looked like a kicked puppy when she said I wasn't there right now (temporary leave of absence, not because of him lol), so she told him to hang on and wrote it down for him. 2
Star Gazer Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 My part time job for a little extra cash is in no way indicative of my career path, and I'm sure you did not mean offense, but this ruffled my feathers a bit. My feelings aren't directed at you, but rather at the idea that someone who has no idea where I'm headed would go "Oh, she's just a barista." that being said, your post was insightful. He has no way of knowing your career path if you didn't share it. I know many people, who have obtained career success and stability, who wouldn't entertain a relationship with a barista...myself included (unless I knew it was part-time and for fun or something). :/ That said, my guess is that he saw the number and he has a GF. If he just wasn't interested because of the barista thing, he'd still be coming in. I suspect he kinda freaked out, thinking he accidentally did/said something to make you think he'd be interested, and feels guilty.
Star Gazer Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Update: He never saw the number. He came into the shop this morning while my co-worker was there, and upon hearing his order something like *this* happened: Her: "Oh, are you [name redacted]? I heard about you from my co-worker." Him: "Which one?" Her: "The pretty one with red hair who gave you her number." Him: "....what number!?" She said he felt like an idiot for missing it, and looked like a kicked puppy when she said I wasn't there right now (temporary leave of absence, not because of him lol), so she told him to hang on and wrote it down for him. I stand corrected! 1
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