iouaname Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 So for the past few months I've kept myself stuck in this vicious cycle with my ex. I would take some time away and we'd end up in contact (many times my doing, but not always) because we have a lot of mutual friends and do a lot of the same activities with them. Well I couldn't take it anymore. Today I posted a short goodbye to all of them, said goodbye individually to the close ones, and said goodbye to my ex. All of this done through short texts. I think most of them know the situation. I'm worried that some of them will think it was like a "suicide goodbye" because they know the emotional state I'm in, but it wasn't. I just can't handle it for myself anymore. I can't be in contact with them anymore, I can't keep knowing what is happening with his life. I just needed to cut it all out. I have a bad habit that I need to break, and this was the only way that I could think of doing it. I'm now just having some anxiety, but it's odd - not so much about my ex, but about a lot of the mutual friends. I'm losing a couple of people who I consider good friends. Not because I don't like them or want them in my life, but because I'm emotionally unable to handle being a part of theirs and by connection, his. Rough morning. It's 5am here. I doubt I'll sleep at all... don't know what to do next...
cavalier99 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Hmmm. I guess it wasnt a bad idea if it helps you stick with it. Now you just need to follow thru and stay NC until you get over it. You will eventually recover by the way. Rock on! Cav 1
crazy1234 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I think you did the right thing.I had to get rid of some of my ex's friends and cousins cause i dont know why i just couldnt stay in terms with them for some weird unearthly reasons.Take you'r time to let go of these feelings and maybe someday when you'r strong enough you can always contact them back. 1
Author iouaname Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 It was definitely for the best. I've known it was something I've needed to do all along. I've been having anxiety all morning - my chest feels like I just ran a mile and my stomach is in knots. I'm sad because I'll miss them all (my ex included) and I'm wondering if I should have done it differently, etc. etc. but I know it needed to be done and this time I know I need to stick with it or I'll never feel better.
Author iouaname Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Ugh, I've been feeling sick all day. Been lying in bed for most of it. I don't know what I'm expecting, really. I know that I did the right thing by removing myself from the entire situation and I know that I should have done this sooner. I have nobody to blame but myself for the fact that I'm nearing six months and still feeling like this, but I just feel so hopeless.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Ugh, I've been feeling sick all day. Been lying in bed for most of it. I don't know what I'm expecting, really. I know that I did the right thing by removing myself from the entire situation and I know that I should have done this sooner. I have nobody to blame but myself for the fact that I'm nearing six months and still feeling like this, but I just feel so hopeless. I really can't say anything except that I can relate.^^^ Although I am feeling better today. Sun, Mon and yesterday was like I was in the Sarlac Pit from Return of the Jedi... Slowly being digested for 1000 years Hang in there. Keep moving forward and things will start to turn around!! 1
Author iouaname Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I really can't say anything except that I can relate.^^^ Although I am feeling better today. Sun, Mon and yesterday was like I was in the Sarlac Pit from Return of the Jedi... Slowly being digested for 1000 years Hang in there. Keep moving forward and things will start to turn around!! You've managed to keep no contact for quite a while, right? Congrats! I don't know what makes this time different than all of the other times I tried to go no contact - I think it's just that I really put the extra effort in to disappear? It's just hard, though. It's almost like I don't even trust myself to keep to the no contact...
Simon Phoenix Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 You've managed to keep no contact for quite a while, right? Congrats! I don't know what makes this time different than all of the other times I tried to go no contact - I think it's just that I really put the extra effort in to disappear? It's just hard, though. It's almost like I don't even trust myself to keep to the no contact... I mean, at this point you know what breaking it does -- which is nothing good. You just have to fight through it. Everytime you break it because "it's too hard" you make it that much harder the next time. Eventually enough has to be enough and you have to stick with it. Hopefully this step does it.
Author iouaname Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I mean, at this point you know what breaking it does -- which is nothing good. You just have to fight through it. Everytime you break it because "it's too hard" you make it that much harder the next time. Eventually enough has to be enough and you have to stick with it. Hopefully this step does it. I keep reminding myself how far I've pushed both of us in this situation and that there is nothing left to be done except for just cutting all ties. It's a favor to him as much as it is to me.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 You've managed to keep no contact for quite a while, right? Congrats! I don't know what makes this time different than all of the other times I tried to go no contact - I think it's just that I really put the extra effort in to disappear? It's just hard, though. It's almost like I don't even trust myself to keep to the no contact... Yeah, I am just shy of 90 days. I wish I could say it gets easier, but if you've been reading my posts, you'll know (at least for me), it's a never ending cycle of up and down and back and forth. Last few days were bad. Today is better . I hope a tipping point is close. I really do... As I've stated, she is either respecting my wishes for NC, or just doesn't care to speak to me at this point. And I would feel silly/clingy/needy/desperate if I reached out to her, so NC seems to be working for me. My problem is my own thoughts and feelings. That's where the difficulties lie for me. I literally go crazy with fabrication and thoughts. Most of the time I can smack myself and snap out of it. But sometimes it just overwhelms me, like yesterday. Again, hang in there and keep plowing forward and things will get better. That much I can say with certainty!! C'mon... Sarlacc Pit?? Nobody?? 1
StraylightRun24 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 iouaname, I'm right there with you. It will be 6 months at the end of the month and the last week has been extremely rough, but it was my own doing! I caved and glanced at her FB and then to make matters worse I went to her website and watched a video with her in it. I'm pretty sure it was the video that did me in because I hadn't heard her voice since the last time we spoke. I'm hoping this was the final kick to the nads I needed to finally let go completely, but probably not....I'm an idiot! Just know you aren't alone with the approaching the 6 month plateau and still not being over it. Btw I think you did the right thing by cutting contact with all the mutual friends, at least for now. This doesn't mean you can't reconnect with them sometime down the road when you are finally 100% indifferent towards your ex! BTW mtnbiker.....fellow nerd here and I do appreciate the Sarlacc Pit reference! In fact my last date with my ex I took her to see The Hobbit, which she had no desire to see. Hmmmmm I wonder if that was the final straw that broke the camels back?! She didn't like Star Wars or anything with Hobbits! 1
Author iouaname Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Thank you both! I've spoken a little bit about it in other threads, but I believe that I have borderline personality disorder, and I believe that I have done a lot of damage to just the general relationship between my ex and I. While he was no saint - I was an emotional wreck constantly, there were several times he would find out from others that I was suicidal or self-harming and would become resentful at me for it. He told everyone that I was "overwhelming" in his life, and I know that I was. So I am trying to remove myself from it for both his sake and my own sake. It is just incredibly difficult and I sometimes don't know where to find the strength to overcome all of this. I feel so much guilt, shame, embarrassment, etc. about the situation and I have the constant need to "fix it" by speaking with him, when in reality that doesn't fix it at all.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Sounds like you and I are in the same boat as far as needing to dig deep and get to what's really going on with ourselves. I believe this is much more vital to future happiness than squaring up with my ex. Sure, there are some unresolved issues there and it hurts to think about and analyze them, but I am now so desperately trying to address some personal issues that I know have been causing damage to all parts of my life. This is where my efforts now lie.
CaliBabe Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 iouaname you did the right thing! I know you feel crappy now but just know that you made a huge step for yourself and you are proving to yourself how much you value YOU. Keep with this, it will only get better.
forgetmenot75 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 hi there, i'm sorry you're feeling sad. I don't think you've had to do such thing as saying goodbye to all your friends though (I don't agree with the majority here). that's a pretty rough decision, that you later might regret. What you should have done is slowly part away, and with this I mean: not meeting them so often for example. Or meeting when you know he wont be there. But now you have no boyfriend and no friends, and that's a pretty sad combination. I think you did something that at the end is going to hurt you. Don't take those decisions so impulsively. I know you needed a break, but you could have got it more smoothly, without leaving so abruptly the group.
cavalier99 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I can virtually guarantee if you stay nc you will get over it 100 percent. If you dont it will take forever. I can relate to all your guys feelings but dont feel them at all any more. it is weird to look back and think that was me only months ago. It is like a distant bad dream. Life is great now with out my ex. Stay NC like your life depends on it. Make it your religion. Eventually you wont need it anymore once it has served it purpose. Hang in there until its over. And it does end. Rock on! Cav 3
Sneaky Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I can virtually guarantee if you stay nc you will get over it 100 percent. If you dont it will take forever. I can relate to all your guys feelings but dont feel them at all any more. it is weird to look back and think that was me only months ago. It is like a distant bad dream. Life is great now with out my ex. Stay NC like your life depends on it. Make it your religion. Eventually you wont need it anymore once it has served it purpose. Hang in there until its over. And it does end. Rock on! Cav Just commenting because I like this post a lot and needed this right now. I'm only on day 12 and already it's getting more and more difficult. Still, I'll keep at it. 1
Author iouaname Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 hi there, i'm sorry you're feeling sad. I don't think you've had to do such thing as saying goodbye to all your friends though (I don't agree with the majority here). that's a pretty rough decision, that you later might regret. What you should have done is slowly part away, and with this I mean: not meeting them so often for example. Or meeting when you know he wont be there. But now you have no boyfriend and no friends, and that's a pretty sad combination. I think you did something that at the end is going to hurt you. Don't take those decisions so impulsively. I know you needed a break, but you could have got it more smoothly, without leaving so abruptly the group. It isn't that I have no friends, it's just a particular group of friends that I had to say goodbye to. I know that I might regret it, I already sort of regret it, I am just not sure what to do. I feel like I have tried so many different things with regards to making this easier for myself and none of them have really worked...
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