CulturallyConfused Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) So, today this guy got, up, paid the bill and left for our drinks after 15 minutes of conversation. Honestly, I should have paid attention to the feeling I got when I first met him. He did not look like his picture and was super cold. We had e-mailed back and forth and he was the one eager to meet up. We didn't talk on the phone (big mistake) but had pretty interesting e-mail conversations on regular subjects. I tried to carry on the same conversation but was getting little help. I should have gotten up to go... not only was there no chemistry, but he seemed almost hostile. I totally had recent pictures on my profile and was very polite. Has anyone ever had that happen to them? Some friends I met at the bar said it sounded like was only interested in hooking up and probably did not care to have any conversation. But would the e-mails have indicated something like this? So embarrassing. I totally deleted my match.com profile because I don't seem to have much luck meeting a regular person. Edited June 12, 2013 by CulturallyConfused
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I have had a couple of guys do that after an hour of meeting via OLD. In both cases I had zero attraction towards them and we had nothing to talk about. I was happy that they left. With OLD often, there is just no chemistry. 1
TaraMaiden Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Oh god.... Okay.... this from different friends: One: "The moment we met at the bar, he asked if I had a place in mind, because otherwise his car had reclining rear-seats, and he'd already brought a sleeping bag for extra comfort." Two: "He explained: 'I'm actually gay, but I need to try to become heterosexual, or my mother will disinherit me.' This guy was so obviously gay, even an entire brain transplant wouldn't have changed it. " Three: "Spent the entire evening crying - really - talking about his dog that had died. Sad, I know. This guy was 36. The dog died when he was 12. " I think you got off lightly.... 6
ChessPieceFace Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I should have gotten up to go... "You should have left", but you're mad that he did? Hypocrisy. So we've established that you leaving would be hypocritical, since you complained about him leaving. What then - you'd both sit there and be miserable? I just don't see the point of that. It's just mutual torture. This has to happen a lot with online dating. Within minutes you can instantly tell there is no chemistry, you stick it out for a bit and then it's more and more painfully obvious, and you want to leave and not waste your time and their time. I guess I don't really understand the problem with that. Just sounds like you're mad that your ego was bruised.
Author CulturallyConfused Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Oh god.... Okay.... this from different friends: One: "The moment we met at the bar, he asked if I had a place in mind, because otherwise his car had reclining rear-seats, and he'd already brought a sleeping bag for extra comfort." Two: "He explained: 'I'm actually gay, but I need to try to become heterosexual, or my mother will disinherit me.' This guy was so obviously gay, even an entire brain transplant wouldn't have changed it. " Three: "Spent the entire evening crying - really - talking about his dog that had died. Sad, I know. This guy was 36. The dog died when he was 12. " I think you got off lightly.... OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I am so grateful... so grateful lolol
Author CulturallyConfused Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 "You should have left", but you're mad that he did? Hypocrisy. So we've established that you leaving would be hypocritical, since you complained about him leaving. What then - you'd both sit there and be miserable? I just don't see the point of that. It's just mutual torture. This has to happen a lot with online dating. Within minutes you can instantly tell there is no chemistry, you stick it out for a bit and then it's more and more painfully obvious, and you want to leave and not waste your time and their time. I guess I don't really understand the problem with that. Just sounds like you're mad that your ego was bruised. I would have given a polite explanation that this wasn't working. Dude couldn't make eye contact. Cutting it short was a blessing, but the way he did it was pretty douche-y.
Zahara Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 You're not alone! Idiot #1: I already knew it wasn't going to go anywhere 5 minutes into it, and I am sure he felt the same way. After first drink, he excused himself and said he was going to restroom. Never saw him again and I had to pay for the bill. Two days later he apologized and said he didn't know how to say he didn't feel a spark. Idiot #2: Talked about his ex-wife and how he hates women. I should have left but suffered through it. Upon leaving he said he didn't think there was a connection and we parted ways. This happened last week. I hate dating. 2
tricolors Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I've never done online dating, or blind dates, and I've never dated anyone I didn't already know beforehand, so I've never been in a position where I'm stuck with someone somewhere who I don't know, but... If you have ANY decency in yourself, you'll at least stick around and talk to someone for an hour or so, if they don't otherwise smell horribly or have a completely repugnant attitude. I could take anyone of any age, male or female (I'm straight and into women, just saying on a friendly basis!) and find enough things to talk about in an hour. Are people really this boring and horrible? JFC. There's a whole, weird, strange world I've been exposed to since joining this forum with my two or three questions when I first registered. I've found most of the weirdness revolves around people talking about online dating. After becoming familiar with some of the stories here, I'm thankful I've never had to use it. 1
MidwestUSA Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 You admit you should have listened to the "feeling" that you got when you first met him. So, from the start, you knew you weren't interested. The "feeling" was out there, I'm sure he picked up on it, and it became mutual. Hey, at least he paid the bill!
KatZee Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 You're not alone! Idiot #1: I already knew it wasn't going to go anywhere 5 minutes into it, and I am sure he felt the same way. After first drink, he excused himself and said he was going to restroom. Never saw him again and I had to pay for the bill. Two days later he apologized and said he didn't know how to say he didn't feel a spark. Idiot #2: Talked about his ex-wife and how he hates women. I should have left but suffered through it. Upon leaving he said he didn't think there was a connection and we parted ways. This happened last week. I hate dating. I am SO glad I have never experienced dating. This sounds like a complete and utter nightmare!!! I'm detecting a distinct correlation between OLD and weirdos.
CarrieT Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I posted this one back in 2011, but it still stands up as one of my worst: When I was very actively working the OLD scene, I met a guy I had been talking with for sometime in downtown San Francisco. Now I have to set the scene.... There is an area called Yerba Buena Park which is surrounded by large hotels, museums, fountains, shops, and nestled amongst all of this is a small, Gothic church. We set the time to meet in the park and when he arrived, I was already there, sitting on the grass. He "helped" me up by grabbing me a bit more than I was ready to be grabbed. We talked about where to go and what to do and he motioned to the church, asking if I had ever been inside. I said no - and that I was not a Christian - but that I really like architecture and we could go in and wander around. He sort of takes me by the elbow and leads me towards the church. When we entered, we could see that it was full and there was a service starting - in Tagalog no less. Well, I'm here to chat and get to know someone, not listen to a Christian service in a language I don't understand but he sort of pushes me into a pew and sits down. So I sit. In between us are his wallet, cell phone, and keys. A huge ring of very loud keys. So he keeps moving his "things" around, making a lot of noise (honestly, this guy needed a man purse!) and situates his "stuff" on the other side so that he could get closer to me. And he puts his arm around me and a hand on my thigh. In a church. I've known this guy about six minutes and he is trying to touch me in a public place... The next thing I know, he is glancing all around the church - scoping it out, as it were - and, before I know it, he picks up all his stuff and walk away saying, "I'll be right back." I don't know where the heck he was going but I immediately scoped out an exit and hightailed it outta there. Walking as fast as I could, I crossed back over to the other side of the park to a restaurant I'm rather fond of, hoping and praying I got out of there fast enough to not have him follow me. Sure enough, within a few minutes I am getting a barrage of texts and phone calls asking where I went. I simply texted back that I didn't feel we had any chemistry and left it at that. Shortest date I ever had and over the following three weeks, he kept trying to call and text me before I had to tell him to go away. Creepy....
Author CulturallyConfused Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 You're not alone! Idiot #1: I already knew it wasn't going to go anywhere 5 minutes into it, and I am sure he felt the same way. After first drink, he excused himself and said he was going to restroom. Never saw him again and I had to pay for the bill. Two days later he apologized and said he didn't know how to say he didn't feel a spark. Idiot #2: Talked about his ex-wife and how he hates women. I should have left but suffered through it. Upon leaving he said he didn't think there was a connection and we parted ways. This happened last week. I hate dating. Now just imagine if Idiot #2 thought there was a connection... how much more you would have had to suffer listening. It's hard to be a nice person. Dating sucks. There has to be a better ay to get to know people without all the weirdness .
tricolors Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Now just imagine if Idiot #2 thought there was a connection... how much more you would have had to suffer listening. It's hard to be a nice person. Dating sucks. There has to be a better ay to get to know people without all the weirdness . Yes, there is: It's called meeting people organically, what I've always done. Do activities and hobbies you enjoy (NOT things like bars!) and meet people. If you don't have a hobby where you can meet people, find one! 2
CarrieT Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Dating sucks. There has to be a better way to get to know people without all the weirdness. Honestly, I got to a point with all my really bad dates to sort of accept the adventure aspect of it. In the grand scheme of things, I figured these dates were just an hour or so out of my life and also made good story-telling fodder. I had the "dating sucks" attitude when I was really desperate to meet someone for a relationship. When I got to the point of just going with the flow of just experiencing the situation for the newness of expanding my horizons, it wasn't as bad. 1
Author CulturallyConfused Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Yes, there is: It's called meeting people organically, what I've always done. Do activities and hobbies you enjoy (NOT things like bars!) and meet people. If you don't have a hobby where you can meet people, find one! I have plenty of hobbies, too many actually. I don't go to bars. The hobbies are just not conducive to meeting people romantically. You're talking to the queen of doing too many cool and interesting things (art, band, volunteering, etc)
TaraMaiden Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I bet you don't pole-dance....? See? You could meet tons of guys that way!! Keeps you fit too!! 2
Author CulturallyConfused Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Honestly, I got to a point with all my really bad dates to sort of accept the adventure aspect of it. In the grand scheme of things, I figured these dates were just an hour or so out of my life and also made good story-telling fodder. I had the "dating sucks" attitude when I was really desperate to meet someone for a relationship. When I got to the point of just going with the flow of just experiencing the situation for the newness of expanding my horizons, it wasn't as bad. Thank you. Beautifully said.
Zahara Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Now just imagine if Idiot #2 thought there was a connection... how much more you would have had to suffer listening. It's hard to be a nice person. Dating sucks. There has to be a better ay to get to know people without all the weirdness . True, I actually fet bad and sat through it. I could have politely requested for a change in topic but he was on a roll! Dating does suck. Have you ever tried www.meetup.com? I'm a member on there and participate in various activities and enjoy being around people that share my interests. It's another way to meet people. And who knows who you may meet, when you least expect it! No bites for me yet but I've made some very good friends. 2
KatZee Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I have plenty of hobbies, too many actually. I don't go to bars. The hobbies are just not conducive to meeting people romantically. You're talking to the queen of doing too many cool and interesting things (art, band, volunteering, etc) Try a single's event. That's where I met my most recent guy. I'm the queen of doing too many cool and interesting things too and I've been single over a year. My friend and I signed up for this single's event (happened to take place at a bar) but I wound up meeting this guy and we've been talking for a few weeks now, have been out on 3-4 dates and he seems like a really great guy. 1
dasein Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Sorry you had this experience, but frankly it doesn't sound like that big a deal. If you perceive it as such, OLD may not be for you. Am assuming if he said something rude to you, you would have posted it. Some people do OLD as a quick meet and greet, others spend more time on first meets. I just don't see the "god awful" here. 1
Author CulturallyConfused Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 True, I actually fet bad and sat through it. I could have politely requested for a change in topic but he was on a roll! Dating does suck. Have you ever tried www.meetup.com? I'm a member on there and participate in various activities and enjoy being around people that share my interests. It's another way to meet people. And who knows who you may meet, when you least expect it! No bites for me yet but I've made some very good friends. Thanks, I'm going to try that. It would be nice to meet people without all the pressure of a date.
Estate Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 The problem with OLD, Meetup, etc... is that you're basically meeting people who live online. It's like if LS had a night on the town.... would it be awesome fun or 80% socially awkward, bitter, unsociable people? That's the internet! Most people have friends, they get dates, they ahve a social life and just don't need it. Every so often you come across someone who's new in town, just doesn't know a lot of people yet or genuinely is busy with work/college, etc... But with OLD and Meetup I've just found 80% of people to be on it because they are just socially awkward, and thats why they need friends. That's not a conducive environment to actually making friends unfortunately. 1
Author CulturallyConfused Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Try a single's event. That's where I met my most recent guy. I'm the queen of doing too many cool and interesting things too and I've been single over a year. My friend and I signed up for this single's event (happened to take place at a bar) but I wound up meeting this guy and we've been talking for a few weeks now, have been out on 3-4 dates and he seems like a really great guy. That's awesome! I might try a singles event if I can get the courage to do it.
Author CulturallyConfused Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Sorry you had this experience, but frankly it doesn't sound like that big a deal. If you perceive it as such, OLD may not be for you. Am assuming if he said something rude to you, you would have posted it. Some people do OLD as a quick meet and greet, others spend more time on first meets. I just don't see the "god awful" here. I think you're right, OLD isn't for me. I just got a super sleazy and weird feeling and then I felt like a fool for trying to make conversation when there was none to be had.
KatZee Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 That's awesome! I might try a singles event if I can get the courage to do it. Just do it! Even if you don't meet someone, at least it gives you the practice of approaching, flirting, and making conversation with guys. I went and had a great time, I even made friends with women there (even though that wasn't the point of being there lol). We drank, danced, talked to guys, and I went home with a brand new number, and now a new guy. 1
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