Phantom888 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 As stated repeatedly, it's all about body language. In my earlier years, I used to ask, "can I kiss you?" and the ladies would think it's cute. Now I just get in my car, touch her hand....and that pretty much tells me if I can go for a kiss. My 1st date kisses (when it happens) are always passionate make-outs. I think it heavily depends on the chemistry.... Your date could be absolutely gorgeous, but the kiss would be blah!
Star Gazer Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I don't think the first kiss should be a gauge of how well the date went, but on how much you like the other person. It gauges a combination of factors such as physical and mental attraction, level of spontaneity and "confidence," and general enjoyability of the company. I'm a first date kisser. If we haven't kissed by the end of date 1, there is a very low chance of a date 2... And I'd bet you're a sex-by-third-date guy too. OP, go with what feels natural, per girl, per situation. Some aren't comfortable with first date kisses, regardless of how much they like you. Following the above sort of lead won't result in much success long term, IMO. 1
Star Gazer Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I think OLD and the popularization of multi-dating has made the first date kiss "rule" more common and accepted. Quite the opposite. A guy I meet off of OLD is a virtual stranger. A first "date" is really a first "meeting." Why would I want your lips on my face after an hour or two together, even if I'm interested in seeing you again? It's very rare that a guy even tries to kiss me on the first date, and if they're interested (and I can tell they are), they almost always contact me for a second date. 1
Author InsaneTrombone Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Quite the opposite. A guy I meet off of OLD is a virtual stranger. A first "date" is really a first "meeting." Why would I want your lips on my face after an hour or two together, even if I'm interested in seeing you again? It's very rare that a guy even tries to kiss me on the first date, and if they're interested (and I can tell they are), they almost always contact me for a second date. That was pretty much my situation. A good moment to go for a kiss never arose, so I didn't push or force the idea. I'm definitely thinking of giving her a hug and a peck on the cheek when I first see her if we decide on a second date. 3
Author InsaneTrombone Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 (edited) edit . Edited June 15, 2013 by InsaneTrombone 1
ThomasD Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 That was pretty much my situation. A good moment to go for a kiss never arose, so I didn't push or force the idea. I think you did fine. I'm definitely thinking of giving her a hug and a peck on the cheek when I first see her if we decide on a second date. I'll be looking for the post mortem . . . errrr, I mean . . . . celebratory announcement when I get back in a week or so. Ummm . . . out of curiosity . . . . would this be your first romantic kiss with a female girl person of the opposite sex? (And if it was . . . . would you admit it in a public forum like this?)
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 As I said, I'm a fairly active dater. I go on hundreds of dates in the short periods between relationships. Insane, your experience was fairly typical. Most guys wait until a second or third date to attempt that first kiss. It's uncommon IME to kiss on a first date. Timing of your first kiss isn't indicative of interest level. You had some physical contact when you played golf. Your confidence level is unlikely to be questioned. Personally, I would greet her with a warm hug and a big smile. Then work your way up to a kiss at the end of the date (meaning, over the date, flirt, play with her fingers/hands if you're sitting, place your hand on the small of her back as you walk out the door, etc. and watch her reactions and cues as you progress things the entire time). FWIW, I will wait for a guy if he progresses too slowly, but if a guy comes on too strong physically and especially if he misreads my cues that I'm not comfortable, then we're done. That date is our last contact. I'm pleasant. We'll still have a ton of fun. But the date will end on time (usually they go for hours longer than planned), and it's over when I walk away. Body language is important. Pay attention to it. 1
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I'm new to this discussion but I personally see nothing wrong with kissing at the end of a great first date. In fact, I love it! I just love to kiss. I'm a sexual person and if I'm feeling it why not go in for a steamy makeout? Actually, if I've had a great time with a guy and he doesn't attempt at least a quick peck on the lips I kind of wonder if A) I did something wrong, or B) if he's a wimp. I think any guy who is really feeling it should GO IN.
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 As a guy i am confused. some women want to wait a few dates while others expect it quickly. in the grand scheme of things does it really matter? If I really liked the guy it wouldn't REALLY matter, but if I sensed nervousness on his part that would be a turn-off. I like confident men. It's a turn-on. So if the guy is confident in his decision to end the date with a hug, that's totally fine. But if I sense hesitation, I'd think he was kind of wimpy
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 really don't understand why that's such a big deal on a first date. guys often get nervous when they really like the girl or find her very attractive. don't see what that should be a turnoff. does your current strategy work for you? there's guys who can't make decisions about anything but they shouldn't be confused with guys who are nervous on an initial date. Well, I don't have a boyfriend, if that's your measure of success. But it's by choice. I turn down a lot of people. I'm very picky I get nervous too but I don't think I show it. At least, I've worked very hard to learn NOT to show it. And I get complimented all the time for being so self-assured and confident. Once I start to know someone I start letting my walls down. Guys getting visibly nervous tells me a few things. That maybe he doesn't think of himself as worthy of being out with me. That he doesn't think he's a catch. That he isn't experienced with girls. That he won't know what to with me sexually. That he wouldn't be able to take charge in a situation. This is JUST me though. I can't speak for all women. I'm a pretty assertive girl myself so when I'm dating, I like being able to be the "girl" and feel taken care of by a capable, confident man. I would compare this quality in men to that inexplicable sex appeal men see in women. She could be the nicest girl on the planet. She could even have her boobs hanging out of her dress. But none of that can compare to a woman who knows how to be seductive in all the right, subtle ways.
BradJacobs Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I know I'm going to get a bunch of different answers here telling me it depends on how the date goes. What if it goes generally well and you genuinely want to kiss her. Do you got for a cheek kiss or lips @ end of date if the opportunity arises? If he goes for lips and you turn your face so he gets your cheek, is this a deal breaker for you? Age 21. Always go for a kiss during or at the end of date one provided you like her enough to sleep with her. If she gives me the cheek there is no date two. Just not the speed I'm looking for ... And some men have commented about if the opportunity arises? Make your own opportunity. It's a common thing for me to tell a woman that I want to kiss her or that I plan on kissing her in X seconds/minutes. Make it playful and fun but there is no such thing as no opportunity. 2
KathyM Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I think it's been pretty much established that women like confident men. Going for the kiss on the first date shows confidence and interest. It's a good thing, and most women expect it. 1
Author InsaneTrombone Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 I think you did fine. I'll be looking for the post mortem . . . errrr, I mean . . . . celebratory announcement when I get back in a week or so. Ummm . . . out of curiosity . . . . would this be your first romantic kiss with a female girl person of the opposite sex? (And if it was . . . . would you admit it in a public forum like this?) No I was in a 4 year relationship prior to this date, but obviously its been a long time since ive been on a regular date or tried making a move on someone I just started speaking to. So ive got plenty of experience kissing and all that jazz, just been a while since ive had to get through the initial barrier of a new person I suppose.
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Because as a guy....I have no idea if you are doing the steamy makeout with 10 other guys this month So what if I am? It's not sex. It's just kissing. I guess to each his own.
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 If she doesn't want a kiss, she will make it pretty damn obvious that she doesn't want to kiss. 1
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Because it doesnt mean anything if you are doing it with 10 other guys......you are kissing me just because you like the situation, not because its something special between us. But leave it up to a guy like me to have to explain that to a woman Why does it have to "mean something" though...why can't it just mean that you're in the moment, the mood is right, it feels good and it's fun?
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 By the way, I just realized I sound like a man talking about sex in the above post... 1
KathyM Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Give us a damn hint once in awhile I just did. Most women expect a kiss on the first date if she likes the guy and is attracted to him. It shows confidence and interest, and sets a romantic tone for the relationship. 1
RedRobin Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Because as a guy....I have no idea if you are doing the steamy makeout with 10 other guys this month .... and as a woman, I feel the same way. If he has low boundaries or needs to push for instant intimacy, then I have my doubts that he is someone who has the patience to establish or maintain a relationship.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 The way to go is to read body language and explore with touch before you go plodding with your mouth. A girl who won't take my hand obviously doesn't want me leaning into her with my mug. A smart guy will figure out what's what well before that moment of truth. Be observant and subtle. Is she welcoming or positively responsive to physical gestures when you're walking together. If you don't explore this first and walk around all uptight, chances are you'll blow it. PS: She knows when she has touched back favorably and gets what it means. 1
sillyanswer Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I never went for the kiss at the end of the first date. I never had any idea the other women were even open to kissing at all. Should I attempt? Depends on the woman, and perhaps on how well the date goes. The two posts just above yours show two different viewpoints from women.
sillyanswer Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I mean on most of my dates I've sat on opposite end of the table as my date. And it's been like that for an hour or two of talking and zero touching at all happened. Ok, so having identified a problem with most of your dates... consider changing this. On a square table sometimes you can sit either side of a corner rather than opposite each other, or there are dating options that don't involve dinner and tables at all! Another option is to have that dinner and then go to another venue for a drink or for dessert.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Damn that touching thing is tricky. I mean on most of my dates I've sat on opposite end of the table as my date. And it's been like that for an hour or two of talking and zero touching at all happened. Should I just take a shot and initiate some hand touching while sitting and talking then? If you're just meeting for the first time I would say no. But do try when you get moving. Assumedly your time will have went well and you'll be able to tell if she's at all connecting with you. Do gentlemanly things like offering your arm. The arm is not a personal gesture whereas the hand is. If she won't take your arm, she probably won't take your hand. Transitioning from arm to hand is easy but some won't go for it. That's where you know. I had it happen to me. Had a nice date. Took my arm on the way out, avoided my hand. It's a lot less traumatic than getting your face pushed away, I can tell you that. Her loss.
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