Kiss at the end of a first date?

[KungFuJoe]

I know I'm going to get a bunch of different answers here telling me it depends on how the date goes. What if it goes generally well and you genuinely want to kiss her. Do you got for a cheek kiss or lips @ end of date if the opportunity arises? If he goes for lips and you turn your face so he gets your cheek, is this a deal breaker for you? Age 21.

 

There's no definitive answer. It's all about going with the tone and your gut.

 

I've had dates that ended in everything from a goodbye hug to hot, raunchy sex in the back of my car. Just depends on how well things are clicking.

[Cutiepie1976]

I think when a guy goes for the kiss on the first date, it shows he has some confidence, attraction, romantic interest, and masculinity. Failing to go for the kiss, I would interpret as lack of interest, lack of confidence, lack of attraction, or standoffishness.

The bolded part is not true in my experience. The guy who waited 6+ dates to kiss me was very masculine, very decisive, and very confident both in his personal and professional life. He also thought I was the best thing since sliced bread and was quite obviously attracted to me from the moment we were introduced. There are other ways to convey interest and attraction besides kissing (or groping) the person. Most guys get that IME, and most seem adept at reading body language.

 

I've never met a man who didn't go for a kiss on the first date. I'm sure some other countries have a more conservative attitude about this, but in the U.S., it's pretty much a given that the first date will involve a kiss.

Generalizing what a highly diverse country of 300 million does on every single first date based on your experience?? Really?

 

Most of my dating has been in NYC and California. I am a very active dater. IME, most guys wait until the second or third date. It's very unusual to have a guy try for a kiss on a first date. Not what I would have predicted based on various media including movies, but it is what it is.

 

And for a woman to turn her head away when the man tries to kiss her would usually mean she's not interested in him or not attracted to him, in which case he's probably not likely to get a second date.

Again unfounded assumptions, especially given that guys in your experience don't wait beyond the first date to kiss and neither do you.

 

For me, it simply means I don't wish to swap saliva willy nilly with every stranger who crosses my path. It's a personal preference.

 

As I said, most guys are very good at reading body language and don't attempt a kiss on the lips before I'm there. When they do, giving him the cheek has never stopped me from getting another date, and when I was genuinely interested in and attracted to him, has never stopped me continuing to date him. As I said previously, how far things progress on a first date has nothing to do with my (or his) level of interest, attraction, or the outcome.

 

Women aren't a monolithic group, nor is any woman likely to be exactly the same way with every guy on every date.

 

The OP's best shot at having things go well, will be to pay attention to his feelings, the context of the situation, how things seem to be progressing, and most importantly, his date's body language and the cues she is giving him...then go with the flow.

 

Also work your way up to a kiss InsaneTrombone. Blueskyday gave fantastic tips on this, I thought.

[sillyanswer]

And of course physical attraction is important, but there are TONS of ways to show you're physically attracted without having his tongue in your mouth.

 

And there are ways to kiss on the lips without tongues being involved. Maybe not TONS of ways, but at least a handful.

[sillyanswer]

You don't think purposely turning your head away when a man you are on a date with puts himself out there and goes for a kiss is rejecting him in some way? I think it is.

 

I'm going to agree with Kathy, but as an olive branch to the other side I'll also say that sometimes it's seemed to me that a cheek was being offered or presented to be kissed without me noticing or feeling that the woman's head had been turned away from a lip-kissing opportunity... so there are ways to do it without the guy feeling rejected (although I'm not sure that I could tell you exactly what the technique was).

 

 

I usually start a first date with cheek kissing (yes, plural, since she has two of them)... but perhaps that's a topic for a whole other thread!

[InsaneTrombone]

Hey everyone, just wanted to update. There was NO kiss, we kind of said goodbye in the car with an uncomfortable (not weird, just reaching over the arm rest inbetween) hug. It was an early thing and I dropped her off around 6 because she gets up for work very early in the morning. I think the date went pretty well, it was very casual. There were certainly a lot of sexual innuendos being thrown by her the entire day, so I guess that's a good sign of attraction at least? I'll ask her out on a second date and be sure to have it as a dinner / movie combo. Then I'll definitely go for a kiss.

[ThomasD]

. . . in the car with an uncomfortable (not weird, just reaching over the arm rest inbetween) hug . . .

Get your dad (or grandfather) to take you to a "Classic Car Show" and explain how the "Front Bench Seat" worked. They prevented this problem even after seatbelts appeared in the mid 1960's.

 

Of course, a Real Gentleman will get out of the car, walk around, open the door for the Proper Lady he is with, and offer his arm to assist her out of the vehicle (since it can be a bit immodest to execute the maneuver in a skirt). From that position a comfortable (though chaste) embrace can naturally happen - and the first-date kiss problem is solved because they are too out in the open for a kiss. But in recent times not too many people have learned these rules.

 

I don't know either you or this young lady but I wouldn't read too much into the "sexual innuendos" thing. It could be she only did it to look like she "fit in" with the crowd you were with, or because she heard "guys like that kind of thing". I'll bet it's not a "natural" part of her personality.

[nevernotanxious]

I've never actually been on a date (sigh) but I would not want to kiss on the first date. I am a very nervous/anxious person, as my username states, and so just going on the date in general would be so nerve-wracking. My nerves would be shot by the end of it so I couldn't handle a kiss too haha. A nice hug or a kiss on the cheek would be alright though.

[KathyM]

If the only way a guy can assess my interest is whether I kiss him or not on the first date, then he's too clueless for me... Yep. I prefer not to date Neanderthals whose relationship skills start and end at the grunting and groping part. I can get that anywhere.

I'm not talking about getting naked and having sex on the first date. I'm talking about an innocent kiss. I think turning your face away when a guy goes for a kiss is a rejection and would hurt the guy's feelings and I don't see any point in being so standoffish if you like the guy and are attracted to him and interested in seeing him again. Just because the man kisses you doesn't mean he is some Neanderthal that is only interested in sex. That's some pretty black and white thinking you have going on there. If the guy goes for a kiss on the first date, he's a Neanderthal only interested in sex?

[orchids]

I'm not talking about getting naked and having sex on the first date. I'm talking about an innocent kiss. I think turning your face away when a guy goes for a kiss is a rejection and would hurt the guy's feelings and I don't see any point in being so standoffish if you like the guy and are attracted to him and interested in seeing him again. Just because the man kisses you doesn't mean he is some Neanderthal that is only interested in sex. That's some pretty black and white thinking you have going on there. If the guy goes for a kiss on the first date, he's a Neanderthal only interested in sex?

It's not being "standoffish".

 

Some people have different ideas of personal space and intimacy. I don't have any strong objection against being kissed on a first date by a guy I find attractive, but I would prefer it to not be on the lips.

 

Some of the other posters are talking about the first kiss being used by a guy as the only judge of interest. If he did go for the lips and I was going to offer my cheek instead, I'd definitely clarify the reason with a smile to smooth out any awkwardness or hurt feelings.

 

And if he isn't going to ask me out again just because I didn't want to be kissed on the lips, forget it- next.

[USMCHokie]

I think OLD and the popularization of multi-dating has made the first date kiss "rule" more common and accepted. When you have options out there, it would make sense to assess how interested you are with them and they are with you. The kiss is simply another way to test how well it might work.

 

If you don't want to kiss them, then it's a sign that your interest is likely low. If they don't want to kiss you, then it's a sign that their interest is likely lower than the next person's. Either way, it allows you to move along more confidently.

[KathyM]

The bolded part is not true in my experience. The guy who waited 6+ dates to kiss me was very masculine, very decisive, and very confident both in his personal and professional life. He also thought I was the best thing since sliced bread and was quite obviously attracted to me from the moment we were introduced. There are other ways to convey interest and attraction besides kissing (or groping) the person. Most guys get that IME, and most seem adept at reading body language.

 

 

Generalizing what a highly diverse country of 300 million does on every single first date based on your experience?? Really?

I stated what my experience has been, and that of the women I know. Are you saying that today's 20 somethings are more conservative physically than the previous generation? I think the opposite is probably true, with people engaging in sex way too early on in the dating relationship. I seriously doubt there are many who don't even engage in a single kiss when out on a first date.

Most of my dating has been in NYC and California. I am a very active dater. IME, most guys wait until the second or third date. It's very unusual to have a guy try for a kiss on a first date. Not what I would have predicted based on various media including movies, but it is what it is.

I haven't dated in awhile, since I've been married for a number of years. The women I know who are dating or have recently been dating have all said that guys are very aggressive generally, and they expect sex early on. There wasn't a single man in the bunch who didn't go for the kiss on the first date, except one very religious, very shy man who was a 49 year old virgin.

 

Again unfounded assumptions, especially given that guys in your experience don't wait beyond the first date to kiss and neither do you.

 

For me, it simply means I don't wish to swap saliva willy nilly with every stranger who crosses my path. It's a personal preference.

We're talking about a guy you are on a date with, whom you like and are attracted to, not some stranger you have no interest in. So you don't like to kiss a guy unless you know him really well. Sheesh. And some people think I'm conservative. I guess you have me beat in that regard.

As I said, most guys are very good at reading body language and don't attempt a kiss on the lips before I'm there. When they do, giving him the cheek has never stopped me from getting another date, and when I was genuinely interested in and attracted to him, has never stopped me continuing to date him. As I said previously, how far things progress on a first date has nothing to do with my (or his) level of interest, attraction, or the outcome.

Guys are good at reading body language? Since when? Guys have trouble understanding verbal signals, let alone non-verbal body language.

Women aren't a monolithic group, nor is any woman likely to be exactly the same way with every guy on every date.

 

The OP's best shot at having things go well, will be to pay attention to his feelings, the context of the situation, how things seem to be progressing, and most importantly, his date's body language and the cues she is giving him...then go with the flow.

This is not rocket science. Just go for the freakin kiss, already. Most women expect it. Most women would not turn their head away and reject it if they like the guy and are attracted to him. No reason to wait.

Also work your way up to a kiss InsaneTrombone. Blueskyday gave fantastic tips on this, I thought.

Work your way up to a kiss? A kiss is the starting point, that sets the tone for a romantic attraction. Should be done on the first date. I know some may not agree with me, but this is my opinion, and has been my experience. If I looked for some research on the subject, it would probably say the vast majority of couples in the U.S. share a kiss on the first date. Maybe I'll check it out, so it's not just my opinion vs. yours.

[ThomasD]

I've never actually been on a date (sigh) but I would not want to kiss on the first date . . .

As other, much more experienced, women have said in this thread - that's OK. As you read the replies I hope you come to understand that the guy may well be just as anxious and nervous as you, and this by itself is something the two of you will have in common.

 

I was a couple weeks short of 18 the first time I kissed a girl. It certainly wasn't our first date - a few weeks together, perhaps as late as the 10th or 12th date. She was more experienced at kissing, and eventually enjoyed teaching me a lot about the techniques and psychology of kissing. Even then I knew that my inexperience and ignorance actually made me attractive and "cute" to her.

[InsaneTrombone]

It wasn't a 'romantic' date so does that get a free pass on the kiss? It was an afternoon, casual thing for a few hours. Not dinner and a movie.

[KathyM]

First Date Opening Kiss

 

Here's a few pointers from a so-called dating expert.

[ThomasD]

It wasn't a 'romantic' date so does that get a free pass on the kiss? It was an afternoon, casual thing for a few hours. Not dinner and a movie.

Who needs a "free pass"? You're doing fine!

 

In my mind (of course, I'm a male guy person so I may not know) spending an unstructured afternoon in the park could be exceptionally romantic. "Dinner and a movie" can easily lapse over into a cliche', or a rather artificial atmosphere.

[ThomasD]

First Date Opening Kiss

 

Here's a few pointers from a so-called dating expert.

I don't know if he's any more, or less, "expert" than anybody else on here.

 

He suggests STARTING the date with one of those kiss-on-the-cheek kinds of kisses. Since this breaks the ice, the kiss at the end of the date comes more naturally and will be more sincere. In current U.S. culture, I can see that working if there's a prior history of acquaintance between the couple, and some girls may even see it as "charming" or "cute" coming from a total stranger. On the other hand (or cheek), if it's your first (or very close to the first) face-to-face meeting it might get you slapped in the face!

[InsaneTrombone]

I don't know if he's any more, or less, "expert" than anybody else on here.

 

He suggests STARTING the date with one of those kiss-on-the-cheek kinds of kisses. Since this breaks the ice, the kiss at the end of the date comes more naturally and will be more sincere. In current U.S. culture, I can see that working if there's a prior history of acquaintance between the couple, and some girls may even see it as "charming" or "cute" coming from a total stranger. On the other hand (or cheek), if it's your first (or very close to the first) face-to-face meeting it might get you slapped in the face!

Yeah, it was our very first face to face meeting.

[ThomasD]

Yeah, it was our very first face to face meeting.

I suspect you followed your instinct, and I don't think your instinct misled you.

 

This "opening kiss" idea may be usable on your second date. Especially if you approach it in a whimsical, almost comical way - which lets you laugh it off as a joke if it falls flat. Or is she too serious-minded to take much humor? But if she IS very serious-minded, you might point her to that web page with some comment like "Don't you think this is a silly idea from some guy who is only trying to sell his book?". Or maybe, greet her at the door with some cheesy (but original!) line like, "Hey, before we start tonight I have to finish up what didn't get done LAST time." and launch into the "opening kiss".

 

Does anybody here (boy or girl?) have any experience with this "opening kiss" approach? Or will we make this poor guy the guinea pig?

[InsaneTrombone]

I suspect you followed your instinct, and I don't think your instinct misled you.

 

This "opening kiss" idea may be usable on your second date. Especially if you approach it in a whimsical, almost comical way - which lets you laugh it off as a joke if it falls flat. Or is she too serious-minded to take much humor? But if she IS very serious-minded, you might point her to that web page with some comment like "Don't you think this is a silly idea from some guy who is only trying to sell his book?". Or maybe, greet her at the door with some cheesy (but original!) line like, "Hey, before we start tonight I have to finish up what didn't get done LAST time." and launch into the "opening kiss".

 

Does anybody here (boy or girl?) have any experience with this "opening kiss" approach? Or will we make this poor guy the guinea pig?

No we were both pretty much joking around a lot, many sexual innuendo jokes as I said. We didn't touch much. During golf I put my arms around her to get her form and stuff right but other than that nothing really..and the idea of holding hands on the first date, first face to face meeting felt weird to me. Anyways, if a second date occurs I'll definitely recommend watching a movie and get over that barrier rather quickly.

[ThomasD]

Not dinner and a movie.

Now you have me thinking . . . . (which makes my brain hurt!)

 

Get a copy of the movie "Somewhere in Time" from the library, or download it. Watch it together. (But NOT at your place, or at her place! That is TOO suggestive! Get some friends together and watch it in the activity lounge in your dorm or apartment building, or get some friends to host a small group in their comfy family room, etc.)

 

Then . . . do a "critique" of how the movie characters (Richard and Elise) handled their first meeting, first date, first kiss, etc. Have everybody in the group suggest how they would handle the situation. That should give you plenty of inspiration and information to successfully handle your real-world situation.

 

(There are probably other films where this idea would work, but I know "Somewhere In Time" is ESPECIALLY good for this discussion. After watching it I think you'll see why - e.g., Richard "rehearsing" his introductory line.)

[sillyanswer]

Does anybody here (boy or girl?) have any experience with this "opening kiss" approach? Or will we make this poor guy the guinea pig?

 

If that's where there's a cheek kiss at the beginning of the date, then yes... I think I said so on the previous page.

[RedRobin]

I don't know if he's any more, or less, "expert" than anybody else on here.

 

He suggests STARTING the date with one of those kiss-on-the-cheek kinds of kisses. Since this breaks the ice, the kiss at the end of the date comes more naturally and will be more sincere. In current U.S. culture, I can see that working if there's a prior history of acquaintance between the couple, and some girls may even see it as "charming" or "cute" coming from a total stranger. On the other hand (or cheek), if it's your first (or very close to the first) face-to-face meeting it might get you slapped in the face!

 

Unless the person comes from a culture where they do this to everybody, or I already know the person fairly well in another context, I assume any kind of physical contact (hug, kiss on the cheek, whatever) is their way to kick start the grope fest known as 'dating' in the US

 

I don't find it romantic, charming, or cute. I find it presumptuous.

 

My experience is that men who do this are simply checking how low a woman's boundaries are... and also demonstrating that he has no interest in getting to know her or developing any real intimacy. I'm sad that this is being offered as advice. Though I'm not surprised... since so many men here count dating 'success' as how many women they sleep with. Probably geared toward the OLD crowd who use their genitals to make all their decisions for them.

 

If this happens to me in the future, I expect I will smile. Thank them for coming to meet me. Then end the date immediately.

[KathyM]

I don't know if he's any more, or less, "expert" than anybody else on here.

 

He suggests STARTING the date with one of those kiss-on-the-cheek kinds of kisses. Since this breaks the ice, the kiss at the end of the date comes more naturally and will be more sincere. In current U.S. culture, I can see that working if there's a prior history of acquaintance between the couple, and some girls may even see it as "charming" or "cute" coming from a total stranger. On the other hand (or cheek), if it's your first (or very close to the first) face-to-face meeting it might get you slapped in the face!

Well, he does make a living giving dating advice and is a published author on the subject, so he probably knows more about the subject than people on LS. He suggests starting the date with either a kiss on the cheek or a short kiss on the lips to set the tone as a romantic encounter. He suggests being bold and showing confidence, and keeping the woman off guard. He suggests going for the longer kiss later on the first date. He says that to not kiss her on the first date would give the impression of insecurity, lack of confidence, or lack of interest. That is what I have been saying on here. The guy should be bold. Women like confidence in a man. Most women do want to be kissed on the first date if they are interested in the guy and attracted to him. As the dating expert said, first dates are normally with someone you've talked to prior to the date, and have gotten to know through conversations, either in person or Email, so it's not like a total stranger. My husband WAS a total stranger to me on our first date, since it was a blind date set up by my sister's boyfriend. But my sister's boyfriend knew him well from work, since they worked together, we spent three hours getting to know each other on the date. After that time, I knew enough about him to be interested, attracted, and receptive to a romantic gesture. I can't imagine any woman slapping a man whom she was on a date with, was interested in continuing to date, and was attracted to. That's pretty Victorian.

[ThomasD]

. . . I can't imagine any woman slapping a man whom she was on a date with . . . That's pretty Victorian.

I agree with the "Victorian" part but I can still imagine a first date where a girl might be interested, etc, yet respectfully decline the kiss or tone it down to a perfunctory gesture. I tried to explain this back in Post #31.

 

Obviously, you and "USMCHokie" seem to be at one end of the spectrum on this question; "RedRobin" and "orchids" are at the other end. In the meantime, should we tell "InsaneTrombone" (the original poster) that we're all giggling a little inside ourselves as we watch him agonize over this dilemma?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I rarely kiss on the first date, I have before and it never worked, the ones I waited on lasted longer than the ones I didn't. Just my experience