InsaneTrombone Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I know I'm going to get a bunch of different answers here telling me it depends on how the date goes. What if it goes generally well and you genuinely want to kiss her. Do you got for a cheek kiss or lips @ end of date if the opportunity arises? If he goes for lips and you turn your face so he gets your cheek, is this a deal breaker for you? Age 21. 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Just because the date is going great, doesn't mean she will be open to a kiss. I almost always have great dates, but rarely do I want a kiss on a first date. Please read her body language. Does she welcome your touch? What is her reaction as you escalate things in anticipation of a kiss? Her body language will tell you everything you need to know. On a handful of occasions, I've enjoyed french kissing guys who subsequently became boyfriends on a first date. Generally, I don't like kissing until a second date, or better still, a third date. Sometimes longer. With one serious boyfriend, it was probably our sixth date or something like that...it was a while. How quickly we kissed didn't necessarily reflect my overall interest level (or his). Simply reflected how I (we) felt in the moment and the chemistry on that date. When you don't read body language, it can be an utter disaster. I had one guy who I was quite obviously physically avoiding towards the end of the date...to the point that he repeatedly commented on it. He suddenly grabbed me, and when I pulled away and turned my face away from him, grabbed my face and held it firmly in place while he tried to swallow my tonsils.:sick: Then waxed eloquent about how it was the best kiss ever.:sick: Ugh! Total nightmare. I've never encountered anyone else that bad or clueless. He was an exception, thankfully. 3
USMCHokie Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I don't think the first kiss should be a gauge of how well the date went, but on how much you like the other person. It gauges a combination of factors such as physical and mental attraction, level of spontaneity and "confidence," and general enjoyability of the company. I'm a first date kisser. If we haven't kissed by the end of date 1, there is a very low chance of a date 2...
orchids Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Cheek is sweet and says enough without being too forward... I like to think that guys should err on the side of conservative. You can let it all go later 4
ThomasD Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Based on what I read in some other threads I'm surprised nobody has told you to have sex with her on the first date and then decide whether she's worth kissing. (That's called hyperbole for the sake of humor. Honest!) Actually - the two ladies ("orchids" and "Cutiepie1976") gave you very good advice. As a Male Guy Person of the Masculine Gender, you have a reputation to maintain. So you respectfully and somewhat slowly (so she can think about what's happening and respond accordingly) move in for a kiss on her cheek or forehead. If she is a Very Proper Young Lady of the Feminine Gender you will be permitted to place a perfunctory symbol of your affection. No harm; no foul. (An alternative approach - which, I'm told, makes a favorable impression on may girls is to simply ask, "May I kiss you?", and follow through accordingly.) But pay attention to her body language, as "Cutiepie1976" said. Yeah - that's easier said than done for somebody with little dating experience. (I know something about "limited experience" since I have dated only two girls in my life.) Certainly don't imagine intentions that go beyond what she really means, but she just may raise her face and offer her lips. My personal standards probably wouldn't be comfortable with, or even attempt, more than a few passionate kisses on a first-date with a girl I wasn't familiar with. And if she is stiff, unrelaxed, and resisting even a nominal hug - don't try to force a kiss! I must in all honesty say that a first-date kiss probably depends a lot on the couple's prior history. Is this a blind date your roommate set you up with just so a group could go to ballgame and keep the boy/girl ratio balanced? (50/50 as to whether I'd even try for a kiss.) Is this a friend, or even good friend, you've known for years but just started dating? (You may get a pretty good kiss. Or several.) And then there was the kiss, on the first date, of the day we first saw each other, with my second girlfriend. That was a SERIOUSLY REAL kiss! One year plus two weeks after that first date (and first kiss) we kissed at the altar in church, and are still kissing almost 40 years later. You can read much more about it in the thread "If you've had your first kiss, is the first kiss with the next person special too?" at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/400531-if-you-ve-had-your-first-kiss-first-kiss-next-person-special-too#post4961169 . (Spoiler Alert: We had been writing to each other for over 3 months, and were "in like" and on the verge of "in love" before we met.) 1
sillyanswer Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 What if it goes generally well and you genuinely want to kiss her. Do you got for a cheek kiss or lips @ end of date if the opportunity arises? With emphasis on "if the opportunity arises", yes, lips. If he goes for lips and you turn your face so he gets your cheek, is this a deal breaker for you? Age 21. No biggie (age much older) because if I enjoyed the date I'd still ask for another. One extra comment - why should these first date kisses on dates that are going "generally well" have to wait until the end of the date?
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Because it can be riskier to do otherwise. It's already nerve wracking for some guys to attempt that first kiss. If his attempt is premature and she politely rejects the kiss, they're both stuck sitting through the awkwardness for the remainder of the date. It tends to put a damper on things. Also, at the end of the date there are generally opportunities for slightly more privacy and the logistics to get closer for a kiss are easier. Sitting across the table from each other in a restaurant or somewhere similar where he'll have to reach over without knocking anything over and there are people all around to "watch the show" vs. walking her to her car at the end of the date, a situation where there are often no (or few) people around in the immediate vicinity.
blueskyday Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I don't usually kiss on first date. I like to get in a guy's physical space and touch him, however. It's my thought that you have go make her want that first kiss. Get close to her. Hold her hand. Touch her hair and smile. See how she acts. Does she pull away? Then smile and back off until she touches you or moved closer to you. Then return her touch. I love a good first date body hug. It sets her up to want to kiss. Press your whole body against her. Smell her neck. Sigh. Pull back and smile into her eyes, holding her hands. It's a progression. Get close physically. Look in her eyes. Get close emotionally. Let her get used to you being close. Then kiss her. But don't go for huge passionate kiss right away. There is a lot to be said for that first kiss for you feel someone's lips pressed against yours. There so many nerve endings in our lips! Use them. Then you will know to deepen the kiss depending on her response. Two of the best first date kisses I did get, however, was playful. One guy who was sitting next to him movies in the middle of the movie whispered in my ear that he didn't think it could wait for that first kiss they gave me a gentle kiss on the lips 2
blueskyday Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 sorry my post would not edit. I meant to say that I had a quick, gentle kiss in the middle of the movies once. It was just perfect!
RedRobin Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 It's a progression. Get close physically. Look in her eyes. Get close emotionally. Let her get used to you being close. Then kiss her. But don't go for huge passionate kiss right away. Yep... and all that isn't happening on the first 'date' unless I know them in some other context well in advance. This is the number one reason I don't date strangers. Too many of them expect the same progression regardless of context or prior knowledge. Big waste of time for me. 1
Babolat Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 40 something male here.... First dates for me are to get to know the person a little better. Rarely is there even touching. In some cases the woman has been very touchy/feely with me, very flirty, and things progressed fast, and usually ended fast. I personally do not touch or kiss a woman right away. The LTR relationships that I value, the ones I think of, the touching and kissing "just happened" at some point after the first date. In one case it was on the 2nd date, though we were drinking. The kiss was wonderful and we talked about it all the time while dating. We both agreed the alcohol brought down our inhibitions, but we both wanted to kiss and touch. In another cases it was 6+ dates, and the first kiss was awkward and horrible, yet I married her! In another case it was the 3rd date. And I agree, pay attention to body language. And, if you are not that into her, why kiss at all?
KathyM Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I think when a guy goes for the kiss on the first date, it shows he has some confidence, attraction, romantic interest, and masculinity. Failing to go for the kiss, I would interpret as lack of interest, lack of confidence, lack of attraction, or standoffishness. I've never met a man who didn't go for a kiss on the first date. I'm sure some other countries have a more conservative attitude about this, but in the U.S., it's pretty much a given that the first date will involve a kiss. And for a woman to turn her head away when the man tries to kiss her would usually mean she's not interested in him or not attracted to him, in which case he's probably not likely to get a second date.
KatZee Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 The night I met the guy I'm talking to now, he actually took the initiative and gave me a peck on the lips when we said goodbye. He asked me out on a legit date 40 minutes later and when we went out he didn't try to kiss me. I personally don't kiss people on first dates. I still don't really know you. I'm always cautious and reserved in the beginning. It has nothing to do with my interest level for you at all, I just like to get a feel for the guy before we start swapping spit and having physical things get in the way. I enjoy building the foundation from the bottom up, not top to bottom. It's always worked best for me that way and it helps weed out a TON of jerkoffs. If a guy is going to say "forget it" and not give me a second date because I didn't kiss him, then screw it, he's not a guy I want to be with anyway. My guy and I went on a second date, and he did go in for it and we did kiss on the 2nd date, and then on the 3rd. Still not hot and heavy making out, but again, I move slow at first. I think it's really sweet he's like on par with my pace and not pushing for HIS needs. It all depends on the date, how comfortable you feel with her, how he/she is acting with you... some people are totally cool kissing on the first date, some people are totally cool screwing on the first date. I personally don't understand the rush, but to each his own. 5
RedRobin Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 And for a woman to turn her head away when the man tries to kiss her would usually mean she's not interested in him or not attracted to him, in which case he's probably not likely to get a second date. Not true at all. Do you make a habit of kissing perfect strangers on the lips? Someone you've talked to a few hours? Guys who go for a kiss (or more) and expect one with a stranger are not masculine... Just the opposite... they come across as impulsive, needy, and unable/unwilling to control their desires. Of course, if all they are looking for is physical attraction, then fine. Those who are looking for a relationship need to demonstrate other qualities.... 5
KatZee Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Definitely not true at all. I didn't kiss on the first date. And he asked me for a second date 10 minutes after he dropped me off. 2nd date we lightly kissed, and then he asked me out on a THIRD date. Not kissing/slightly kissing him hasn't impacted whether or not he asks me out on further dates. He's clearly interested in me and isn't bothered that I'm a slow mover. A guy that doesn't get to makeout on a first date, and then who doesn't ask the girl out again, IMO is only looking for one thing, and that in itself is a huge turn off to me. A guy trying that with me on date one is most certainly NOT getting a second date. A guy can show initiative, and alpha behavior without trying to be all up in my goodies 5 seconds after meeting me. 2
KathyM Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Not true at all. You don't think purposely turning your head away when a man you are on a date with puts himself out there and goes for a kiss is rejecting him in some way? I think it is. I don't think people do that normally with someone they are interested in and attracted to. It comes off as a rejection of the guy, just like putting your arm out to create distance if the guy tries to get closer to you or put his arm around you. It comes off as pretty cold. Do you make a habit of kissing perfect strangers on the lips? Someone you've talked to a few hours? If I was willing to go out on a date with a guy, that means that I was interested in him and was attracted to him, so yes, I would allow the kiss on the first date. Guys who go for a kiss (or more) and expect one with a stranger are not masculine... Just the opposite... they come across as impulsive, needy, and unable/unwilling to control their desires. Of course, if all they are looking for is physical attraction, then fine. I don't see it that way. Are you always this standoffish on the first few dates? Those who are looking for a relationship need to demonstrate other qualities.... Agreed. But that doesn't rule out the physical attraction, which is also an important quality.
RedRobin Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 You don't think purposely turning your head away when a man you are on a date with puts himself out there and goes for a kiss is rejecting him in some way? I think it is. I don't think people do that normally with someone they are interested in and attracted to. It comes off as a rejection of the guy, just like putting your arm out to create distance if the guy tries to get closer to you or put his arm around you. It comes off as pretty cold. If I was willing to go out on a date with a guy, that means that I was interested in him and was attracted to him, so yes, I would allow the kiss on the first date. I don't see it that way. Are you always this standoffish on the first few dates? Agreed. But that doesn't rule out the physical attraction, which is also an important quality. If the only way a guy can assess my interest is whether I kiss him or not on the first date, then he's too clueless for me... Yep. I prefer not to date Neanderthals whose relationship skills start and end at the grunting and groping part. I can get that anywhere. 4
USMCHokie Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 There is clearly a generational gap and difference in values here....
KatZee Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 You don't think purposely turning your head away when a man you are on a date with puts himself out there and goes for a kiss is rejecting him in some way?... It comes off as a rejection of the guy. Kissing a guy on the cheek at the end of the date shouldn't come off as "rejection." Personally, if I'm rejecting someone, they won't even get that. They'll get a "bye!" as I jump out of their car. And quite honestly, in the very early stages of dating, it's really not my problem if the guy is so "offended" and feels "rejected" because we didn't make out. No one's going to look out for my best interests but ME. I'm not in the habit of kissing people that I don't know. Kissing to me is really intimate. My mindset early on in dating is getting to know the guy, not stressing out that he's feeling so "rejected" because I wasn't physical with him. Being physical isn't even on my radar. I want to know HIM. What HE'S about. What kind of person he is. I'm not going to act purely on physical attraction, get lost in that mess, only to find out he's a liar/cheater/player and wind up feeling used. Going out on a first date doesn't mean i'm so into you. It means I found you interesting, I'm willing to get to know you better. And of course physical attraction is important, but there are TONS of ways to show you're physically attracted without having his tongue in your mouth. Whatever happened to being cute and flirty? Lightly touching his arm, getting into his personal space? Gazing into his eyes and tilting your head towards him? 5
USMCHokie Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 The free love generation is now in their 60's and 70's. It is hard to believe there is still a generation alive who would take issue with kissing on the first date. I don't know how old KatZee is, but if I recall, RR is a bit older.
KatZee Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I don't know how old KatZee is, but if I recall, RR is a bit older. I'm 29. Which may seem odd because all the 20 something or others are down with the casual stuff, but I'm totally old school, and I like it that way. 1
USMCHokie Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I'm 29. Which may seem odd because all the 20 something or others are down with the casual stuff, but I'm totally old school, and I like it that way. This is just a difference in values. No one is right or wrong. You have judged any sort of physical displays of affection short of a relationship as "casual." I'm guessing you just value those physical acts more than others.
RedRobin Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 it means almost nothing to so many. No romance, no nothing. it's a base on the way to a home run to them. Exactly... then the next 'date' becomes about where the next base is...and so on and so on... instead of getting to know each other. waiting will come back into style after the divorce rate gets high enough. fewer people are getting married in the first place... these days people think they are 'committed' if they aren't sleeping with multiple people. What a joke... Anyway, waiting has always been 'in style' for people who have something to lose by not waiting... whatever that reason is. 1
ThomasD Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 There is clearly a generational gap and difference in values here.... To some extent that's true but it doesn't seem to be real clear-cut. I'm rather pleased to see relatively "conservative" answers (in line with my own thinking) from some of the 20-somethings. The free love generation is now in their 60's and 70's. It is hard to believe there is still a generation alive who would take issue with kissing on the first date. Yup, that's me. Gray haired, over 60 guy with a slight touch of a flower-powered hangover. . . . As a Male Guy Person of the Masculine Gender, you have a reputation to maintain . . . It seemed like there was a socially-prescribed ritual for first-date kissing: the guy was expected to (politely) try, and the girl was free to totally (but respectfully) decline; or offer a substitute (cheek, peck on the lips, etc); or perhaps give a full-on kiss (or two or three, but less than making-out). And these options by themselves didn't necessarily indicate her interest or attraction to the guy. That's one reason why my (now) wife's kiss on our first date was especially notable. I knew she was raised in a somewhat strict, socially conservative, religious family. I later learned she had been instructed that first-date kisses should be of the cheek variety, if at all. But the kiss I got from her had affection, desire, attraction, passion, in it. No, we didn't go to a full make-out session, but I sensed that wasn't far off (and I was right).
ThomasD Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 . . . waiting has always been 'in style' for people who have something to lose by not waiting... whatever that reason is. (Shameless self-promotion follows.) Did you comment in the threads "Postponing Sex and Effects on Relationships" at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/395596-postponing-sex-effects-relationships-6.html#post4916522 ?
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