J_L_C Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Hi Everyone, So...I saw my therapist for the first time in months for talk therapy. Due to our medical plan in Canada, he had to reduce our appointments to medication only discussions because I will be receiving rTms in the summer. It's unfortunate, but it's only for the next month. Anyway, I insisted on this one appointment and he was able to accommodate me. I explained the recent troubles with my ex (e.g., finding out he met someone on vacation, fell in love and is flying there this week). I asked him about how to go about the next couple of weeks KNOWING he will be with her 24/7. Unfortunately he said, there is no amount of therapy that will take my mind or obsessive thoughts away from that. I told him I'm going to struggle and will likely be in a very irritable mood. I'm also going to constantly wonder how it's going, are they even more in love and how soon will she be moving here, etc, etc, etc...the thoughts go on. The only thing he could suggest to me was mindfulness. I have been trying to keep myself busy and turning my thoughts away when I find myself getting into this repetitive cycle, but IT'S DAMN HARD. I get to the point where it is so frustrating I just give up because it's such a tough mind-workout session for me and I just wind up exhausted. Does anyone have any helpful advice for me on how to divert my thoughts? How to NOT obsess over what is going on with them? How to stop thinking about his last words to me, telling me he didn't care if I died....and still no remorse from him?
aloneinaz Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 You need to understand that your CHOOSING to do this to yourself. You've almost made this behavior a HABIT. You're living your life around obsessing about your ex. Only you can choose to break this addiction or habit. If you can't on your own, consider medication for the short term to try and stop this obsessive behavior. There are many drugs for OCD that will stop your spinning thoughts and help you process CLOSURE of that relationship. 1
Minneloa Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) JLC, With all due respect, I would say that posting a thread soliciting opinions on whether or not your ex's LDR is going to succeed is EXACTLY the kind of thing that helps feed your obsession. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/400889-long-distance-love-does-work Edited June 12, 2013 by Minneloa 2
Leigh 87 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 The most intensive therapy on the planet can't save you, J L C. Seriously. You have to CHOOSE to change. A drug addict CHOOSES to change. THEN they seek therapy to help them overcome their highly destructive habits. Overcoming your low self worth and getting your self respect back and overcoming your obsessive tendencies towards men is a mean feat on its own, okay. It is, however, not even POSSIBLE to accomplish anything, if you are REFUSING to help yourself. COLD. TURKY. NEVER mentioning your ex again, never wondering about his life or new loves. That is what you do need. It is highly disturbing that you are obsessing over a man who literally does not give a crap about you. 2
Omei Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Does anyone have any helpful advice for me on how to divert my thoughts? How to NOT obsess over what is going on with them? How to stop thinking about his last words to me, telling me he didn't care if I died....and still no remorse from him? One of the things that's helping me get through my break up is anger and remembering the types of things they did/said to hurt me. Try being angry at what he said about you dying that's so ugh! Just get mad! Don't care why should you if he said that to you think on that! Don't always be mad but reply it in your head and convince yourself you're better without it. That's what I do anyway
destroyed4sho Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Hi Everyone, So...I saw my therapist for the first time in months for talk therapy. Due to our medical plan in Canada, he had to reduce our appointments to medication only discussions because I will be receiving rTms in the summer. It's unfortunate, but it's only for the next month. Anyway, I insisted on this one appointment and he was able to accommodate me. I explained the recent troubles with my ex (e.g., finding out he met someone on vacation, fell in love and is flying there this week). I asked him about how to go about the next couple of weeks KNOWING he will be with her 24/7. Unfortunately he said, there is no amount of therapy that will take my mind or obsessive thoughts away from that. I told him I'm going to struggle and will likely be in a very irritable mood. I'm also going to constantly wonder how it's going, are they even more in love and how soon will she be moving here, etc, etc, etc...the thoughts go on. The only thing he could suggest to me was mindfulness. I have been trying to keep myself busy and turning my thoughts away when I find myself getting into this repetitive cycle, but IT'S DAMN HARD. I get to the point where it is so frustrating I just give up because it's such a tough mind-workout session for me and I just wind up exhausted. Does anyone have any helpful advice for me on how to divert my thoughts? How to NOT obsess over what is going on with them? How to stop thinking about his last words to me, telling me he didn't care if I died....and still no remorse from him? Hi JLC, Firts you have to realize that you JUST broke up with your ex and starting NC NOW.....even though it has been 10months, you were still in contact AND having sex for a many months. YOu have to ACCEPT that you will be thinking about him for a LOONG time to come and make peace with that. Your brain needs to process evertthing that has been happening in the last year of your life. ACCEPT the fact that you will be thinking about him everyday and that it is OK. Also if you can set a time during your day where you will cry about him, like in bed before you go to sleep. I found that this helped me stop crying about it all day. You were in an addictive relationship as was I. I found that the book How to Break your addiction from a person helped me a whole lot. Go to the library and check it out PLEASE NOW!! In addition, do you really have a borderlline disorder???? You dont strike me as having that disorder, but again, I am not a doctor.
Chi townD Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 When he's gone, you be gone. Take a trip to somewhere you've never been. What you should do is get out of normal settings. That place will be a constant reminder of him. You drive down the road and you'll see the restaurant you two always ate at, or you drive pass the movie theater and you'll think about the first movie the two of you saw together. Or even in your house! The couch were the two of you used to cuddle up on. Get out of those settings. Go somewhere new and exciting! Take a girlfriend with you. If it's new to you, there won't be a memory to share or compare your Ex to. That should help. 1
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