Titania22 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 This is crazy to me. Why play such games? If you like a guy, compliment him. It'll make him like you more. Sometimes it is harder to compliment someone I really like, because of nervousness. If I really like someone my behaviour is more extreme, so when I do compliment them, it can easily come across badly or too over the top. It's not so much playing games, as trying not to screw things up. 1
Author SJC2008 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Perhaps because she's a gurl...? I don't think men compliment other men quite as much as women are willing to compliment other women...so guys would be losing out on quite a number of potential compliments from that alone. And if women are hesitant to compliment men for any number of reasons, then I would speculate that men do indeed receive fewer compliments in general. Well I wanted to say women but didn't want to come accross as biased. Most people here know that my take is that it's hard to find genuine people in general.
USMCHokie Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Well I wanted to say women but didn't want to come accross as biased. Most people here know that my take is that it's hard to find genuine people in general. This is what I don't understand about making observations about thing like gender, age, race, etc. If these are simply observations of the world, why do they imply bias?
aussietigerwolf Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 yeah, I compliment people regardless of interest if I think they should be.
Anela Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I'm polite and smile a lot, although not as much as I used to (I used to have a smile plastered to my face out of nervousness at times - I don't do that so much anymore). I have trouble giving compliments to anyone, due to my shyness, and not wanting to come off as creepy or trying too hard. I've had to work at just speaking up and saying something complimentary (or anything else) to friends, someone I'm interested in, or even family.
Author SJC2008 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 This is what I don't understand about making observations about thing like gender, age, race, etc. If these are simply observations of the world, why do they imply bias? Good point. Given that I asked about women in my OP, I should of said that I haven't come accross many genuine women but I went the PC route to not open a can of worms.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Sometimes it is harder to compliment someone I really like, because of nervousness. If I really like someone my behaviour is more extreme, so when I do compliment them, it can easily come across badly or too over the top. It's not so much playing games, as trying not to screw things up. Exactly. I feel that when I am attracted to someone, I already give off subtle signs of that so a compliment on the top would be too much. I don't want to come across as creepy. It's also a bit of over-analyzing on my part. When I am not into someone romantically, I don't second guess and I just say what's on my mind. So even though my compliments are genuine, it doesn't mean that I am romantically interested. For me it's just instinct and not game playing. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 How long did you know her? How soon into your friendship did she start complimenting you? With the first women I figured that was the way she was becuase she was very upbeat and genuine. With the second woman I mentioned I took it as sure fire interest becasue she asked my name and said "It was really nice to meet you" when "Thanks" would of been plenty and is what most of my customers say. I knew her about a year. She started complimenting right away. Telling me I was funny and cool. After a longer time, she came with the serious compliments, telling me I was very supportive and awesome and all that. I would never take a compliment from a woman to mean a serious sign of interest going forward unless she told me I was hot. Women enjoy attracting and being attractive to those they would never be attracted to. I hope you are a troll, but on the off case that you are a real woman, I'd just like to say: "Leading on and roping in a person that you have no interest in is one of the most EVIL things you could ever do in this world."
Calcmag Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 [quote=JuneJulySeptember;4964474 I would never take a compliment from a woman to mean a serious sign of interest going forward unless she told me I was hot. Ding ding - this is the winner. I'm a woman, and I compliment both men and women quite often and it's always a sincere compliment. And should never be taken as a indication that I'm interested in them sexually. Why not say something nice to someone if you're thinking it? Most of us are so used to being trampled on by other people that it makes someone's day if they hear something nice about themselves. We should all be kinder to each other. 2
CryForNoOne Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 You've got to be able to read people. It really depends on if some is shy/reserved or an extrovert. Some guys/girls throw out compliments left and right and touch almost everyone they interact with. To me, those are the hardest people to read. Though I've gotten better because I now recognize many hints women drop in casual conversation to express interest. The introverts are the easiest to read. Compliment - not interested. Never compliment - interested. Funny how that works... 1
Emilia Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 The introverts are the easiest to read. Compliment - not interested. Never compliment - interested. Funny how that works... yeah, you have to turn the expectations around 180 degrees agree that extroverts are harder to read 1
CryForNoOne Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 yeah, you have to turn the expectations around 180 degrees agree that extroverts are harder to read It's actually more telling on the first date. They do all they talking - friendzoned. Sit there like a wall flower - crazy about me... 1
carhill Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Women enjoy attracting and being attractive to those they would never be attracted to. This is a wonderful way of expressing the 'she likes that I love her' perspective which I have forwarded in the past, and compliments provide a valuable lubrication socially, even those trending to the subtle. OP, in your stated situation, I would have done the same thing, thanking her for her compliment and her patronage, and then not given it a second thought. Reading your thread, I had to think hard about the last woman who complimented me, and that would be the wife of a close friend, who is a very straightforward and outspoken old-school NYC'er. She hands out criticisms and compliments in equal doses and I respect her and like her for that. Outside of that, its been years since I've heard a compliment from a woman and they generally aligned, in retrospect, with the perspective forwarded by the quoted poster. Long life experience has taught to accept them as the vapors of the moment. Nice to smell but fleeting. That's OK. Good luck.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 How it is... https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/1016363_605955886095154_1467186487_n.jpg
dasein Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Women have rarely paid me compliments when they are very sexually interested in me. Sometimes, sometimes when on the verge of limerence, but not quite there, they will float a compliment to try to self-medicate the uncertainty by seeking some validation or some returned compliment. If they are head over heels already, I almost never hear positive statements of any kind, mostly negative in a somewhat accusatory tone, or undue probing, looking for chinks I guess. For example, the waitress who is all "dear and honey" is not interested, but the one who scowls at you a bit may be (or she could just be a bitch). Just one POV of course. I find their closeness and level of touching more useful than anything coming from their mouths to determine attraction level.
Anela Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Ding ding - this is the winner. I'm a woman, and I compliment both men and women quite often and it's always a sincere compliment. And should never be taken as a indication that I'm interested in them sexually. Why not say something nice to someone if you're thinking it? Most of us are so used to being trampled on by other people that it makes someone's day if they hear something nice about themselves. We should all be kinder to each other. I agree. I'm also more likely to compliment when I'm in a really good mood, and just feeling happier. Not always, but it's easier for me now, and they slip out. Later on, I'll hope it was appreciated.
tbf Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Anyone notice the immediate assumptions about evil intent by women who pay men compliments but aren't interested, even though the same women pay other women compliments and get this, aren't interested in them either? 1
Anela Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Anyone notice the immediate assumptions about evil intent by women who pay men compliments but aren't interested, even though the same women pay other women compliments and get this, aren't interested in them either? Some would assume that we're insincere there, too - as in your thread elsewhere: the talk about being politically correct, and more concerned about images than actually being honest. I used to have trouble trusting compliments, for that very reason, just because I had been bullied and also had a few family members who would say glowing things to your face, and then turn around and say nasty things about you, like telling someone you're a bad mother. I was more insecure, so I didn't trust. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I've never complimented a guy unless I was flirting with him. That said, I've done that to guys I didn't expect to see again in my life, but was nevertheless attracted to.. Like, if we did some small talk while I was waiting for him to finish something he had to do... nothing came out of it, but it felt nice to give out a compliment especially when they didn't expect it at all (I guess most men are not used to getting compliments, unlike women).
NoMoreJerks Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I'm also more likely to compliment when I'm in a really good mood, and just feeling happier. Yeah, this is definitely true for me. But I usually compliment a guy when I am trying to hit on him. I'd have to be in a playful/happy mood, naturally -- I've never given out compliments when stressed/in a foul mood, etc.
tbf Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Some would assume that we're insincere there, too - as in your thread elsewhere: the talk about being politically correct, and more concerned about images than actually being honest. I used to have trouble trusting compliments, for that very reason, just because I had been bullied and also had a few family members who would say glowing things to your face, and then turn around and say nasty things about you, like telling someone you're a bad mother. I was more insecure, so I didn't trust.People can give insincere compliments for social purposes but it's also possible that people like some aspects of another person and dislike other aspects. While compliments are nice to receive, they don't have a lot of impact on me. This doesn't mean I believe or don't believe them. It just depends on how I view the individual, their intent, their pattern of behaviour and our past historical interactions. People give compliments for different reasons: For a purpose, in that they want something from you.Social grease.As a genuine reflection of liking you, whether it's platonic or not.As a genuine reflection of liking that aspect of you or that particular look or behaviour.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) Anyone notice the immediate assumptions about evil intent by women who pay men compliments but aren't interested, even though the same women pay other women compliments and get this, aren't interested in them either? It's pretty clear that I was responding to a poster who was talking about women who purposely try to attract men they are not interested in. Of course, I don't think a simple compliment entails that. And yes, men who do it are just as evil. I have no respect for 'players'. Like seriously, I'm trying to get rid of my negative attitudes, what do people on here want me to do. Stop posting? If enough women posters like this post, lets say 10 or so, then I'll stop posting forever. Sound fair? Everybody wins. Edited June 12, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember
Author SJC2008 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I was very attracted to the first woman! She had an awesome aura about her. Compliment aside, there's no way I could of hit on her as I feel she was way out of my league and while you shouldn't let "leagues" hold you back, I'm a realist. I get the opposite factor too. There's no pressure or nerves getting in the way when you're not romantically interested in someone.
Anela Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 It's pretty clear that I was responding to a poster who was talking about women who purposely try to attract men they are not interested in. Of course, I don't think a simple compliment entails that. And yes, men who do it are just as evil. I have no respect for 'players'. Like seriously, I'm trying to get rid of my negative attitudes, what do people on here want me to do. Stop posting? If enough women posters like this post, lets say 10 or so, then I'll stop posting forever. Sound fair? Everybody wins. I didn't see your post - i was talking about comments made elsewhere. But it fits: a negative attitude will have someone doubting the sincerity of someone giving compliments. I've done it, too! I still do, although not as much. It depends on how I'm feeling, or I how I feel about the other person. I would trust TBF, because she seems to be very honest and straightforward, and I like her. Now someone could see my writing that as me sucking up to her - you see? Anyway, I have complimented a man that I'm interested in, more than once, but I do it no more or less than I do with anyone else. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I didn't see your post - i was talking about comments made elsewhere. But it fits: a negative attitude will have someone doubting the sincerity of someone giving compliments. I've done it, too! I still do, although not as much. It depends on how I'm feeling, or I how I feel about the other person. I would trust TBF, because she seems to be very honest and straightforward, and I like her. Now someone could see my writing that as me sucking up to her - you see? Anyway, I have complimented a man that I'm interested in, more than once, but I do it no more or less than I do with anyone else. I didn't even see your post, but seriously, some people here need to take it easy. I have a mother, a sister, and a soon to be niece that I adore with all my heart. I DO NOT hate women. And neither do most of the other frustrated men on here.
Recommended Posts