An apology would have been nice from cheatin ex!!

[Heartbroken Eagle]

Hello again.

 

A brief recap, my partner of 12 years and mother of my 7 year old son, joined and internet dating site and slept with another guy at least 3 times.

 

When I discovered on her phone of her betrayal, as you could imaging it got a bit emotional and she said she was sorry, but It felt like she was sorry for being caught rather than sorry for the hurt and pain she caused me.

 

We since broke up 3 months ago but she has never apologise or showed any remorse for her actions. She feels that she did nothing wrong and we would have split anyway!!!

 

She knows that she has hurt me and has treated me like c**p, but she seems that it is beneath her to apologise for her actions and lack of respect for me. I would never dream of doing what she did but if I knew i did something that would cause a partner pain I would have the decency to give a heartfelt apology. Maybe I just had a classier upbring than her!!

 

I'm still picking up the pieces of my life as I had to move out of the house we shared, but she has moved on to boyfriend no 2. Even though it would not solve our situation, a real apology would have been appreciated. It may help me feel better quicker as I'm still at the hurt and anger stage...

[maturityassets]

She won't feel it now, she might feel it eventually over time. This is just pure selfishness on her part. Its all about her feelings at the moment, nothing is about yours. Not that I was married to my ex but she simply apologized in telling me things not how she treated me. She won't ever forget you obviously, you share a child and over a decade together. If you had my guess, she will apologize maybe a year or two after everything. When she realizes what she gave up

[SimonSerenade]

Man what a horrible woman you had there, I know how you feel, my ex before this one treated me like ****, cheated and left me for someone else, to this day she has no guilt for what she did, she's never apologised and it's been almost 3 years since the break up, she always asks me for favors and whatever else and as much as I would like to be her friend for my sons sake, it's jut too much, I didn't find out the same way you did, her friend felt bad for me and told me after I'd run around doing things for her after the break up, she was a terrible person, I never even got a meaningful goodbye, just "we've run our course", I hung around heart broken in hope for something as simple as a genuine apology with some words just to indicate I meant something to her.

 

I wouldn't hold your breath for an apology from her, you know she did wrong, everyone else will know shes done wrong, don't punish yourself by hoping for something that'll probably never cross her mind.

[RespectfullyAlone]

She won't feel it now, she might feel it eventually over time. This is just pure selfishness on her part. Its all about her feelings at the moment, nothing is about yours. Not that I was married to my ex but she simply apologized in telling me things not how she treated me. She won't ever forget you obviously, you share a child and over a decade together. If you had my guess, she will apologize maybe a year or two after everything. When she realizes what she gave up

Does that actually ever happen? I havn't had much luck in that department of someone who has done you wrong actually and honestly apologising for it. I think if they were that low a person to cheat or mess up a good relationship in the first place, why would they come to their senses years down the line and apologise? Maybe if they end up being dumped or alone again, and need a sucker to fill their bed until they get the next focus of their attention, maybe you might get a insincere apology then.

 

Man what a horrible woman you had there, I know how you feel, my ex before this one treated me like ****, cheated and left me for someone else, to this day she has no guilt for what she did, she's never apologised and it's been almost 3 years since the break up, she always asks me for favors and whatever else and as much as I would like to be her friend for my sons sake, it's jut too much, I didn't find out the same way you did, her friend felt bad for me and told me after I'd run around doing things for her after the break up, she was a terrible person, I never even got a meaningful goodbye, just "we've run our course", I hung around heart broken in hope for something as simple as a genuine apology with some words just to indicate I meant something to her.

 

I wouldn't hold your breath for an apology from her, you know she did wrong, everyone else will know shes done wrong, don't punish yourself by hoping for something that'll probably never cross her mind.

I know my ex did wrong. My entire family hates her, I hate her despite still loving her. Yet I don't think I'll ever get an apology. And sadly our relationship wasn't well known amongst our mutual friends, thus I am suffering in silence, and she is the belle of the ball, being congratulated and praised and wished well upon, since she is now engaged to this guy she ran back to after leaving me.

[SimonSerenade]

It's a hard situation to move on from, you can't help but think about them and feel pain but you know I've been cheated on before and it's never an easy thing to take yourself away from, you feel rejected, you lose your confidence and yet for the cheaters life goes on like what they did didnt even matter, they somehow justify it in their mind and stick with it and the fact is, there is no justification for it, it's a selfish heartless act, the time before that when I got cheated on, I was with my first girlfriend and I forgave her after she left me and I forgave her because she came to my face and told me, she was honest, she fell apart in front of me and she made sure i knew it was her mistake, I moved on from it because of the respect she had for me, it's haunting to know how I'm gettin older and older all the time and getting with women older and older all the time yet I've never met someone as mature as she was and that was a long long time a go now.

 

Key note here, remember this is her fault and this will one day be her mistake, your the big man here and she's the small petty woman, you know in your heart what she should of done and she didn't do it, shes doesn't bare thibking about and if there is a god you know he'll be shaking his head right now in her direction, never stand for less than you deserve, never accept anything less than respect, your a good man, don't sell yourself short, she proved she doesn't deserve you, rise above her and never let her walk all over you again.

[RespectfullyAlone]

So much truth to what you say Simon.

 

It's almost impossible to see any light at the end of the tunnel. You've been cheated on, dumped, rejected, your confidence has gone forever, you're broken, barely able to even get out of bed. And she's off enjoying her life, in the arms of the new guy who she was cheating on all along, and doesn't show any remorse for it. Even mocks you because she's got her sh*t together apparently, and you're still suffering losing the one you love.

 

I have experienced once in the past, a wonderful girl who apologized to me in person like that. She didn't cheat on me as much as she thought she could leave her past behind her. She couldn't and ended up going back to her previous guy, and ended up marrying him. How she handled it, I will always respect her for that. I was sad no doubt, but our relationship never progressed to the point of feeling I was in love with her, so that did make it easier. But the manner in which she apologized, was something I will always appreciate.

 

My current ex, F her. She ditched me while I was overseas with my family on New Years Eve. In fact 2 days beforehand, she's already sent a FB msg breaking up, and ditching the relationship, and was in the arms and most liking sleeping with this other guy already. And that was only 2 days too, after I had left to go overseas. So she didn't muck around and it was clear she was and is a coward. The only thing she ever apologized for, was how she broke up with me. And that she wasn't proud of it, and that I'd never know how sorry she was for that. She never said sorry, she never mentioned anything about us, about leaving me. Only in the manner in how she did it, and that was prompted by her own family that were disgusted too. It never felt genuine, rather a guilt trip on her part so she wouldn't feel so bad, and then could proceed guilt free with her new guy. Her family only found out about me, about our relationship on Christmas Day, and the next day she's gushing saying how much she loves me and this and that to her parents, and 2 days after that she's ditched me via FB msg, and knows I'm in a remote area with no internet or computer access, so I don't find out for a further 2 days pretty much at 8pm on New Years Eve.

 

I can't think of anything more sh*tty than being tossed aside like that. Scrambling to get a cell phone working in the pouring rain at 3am in the morning, pitch black, in the remote wildnerness, phone credit fast running out, battery blinking saying the phone will die any minute. That was my last voice contact with her. And to top that off, she's tired and wants to go to sleep, so doesn't want to talk anymore. That was my final moments with her.

 

Why the F do I still love this girl. Someone please tell me why.

Edited June 12, 2013 by RespectfullyAlone

[SimonSerenade]

Aw man I feel your pain, I was there, the way you get brushed off like that, like your feelings aren't important, it's so selfish, I actually posted a realisation that I had on the coping section trying to explain why I felt so attached to her and my current ex, it's because they take everything away from you and it's so easy for them to give you some of it back but out of some twisted messed up selfish reason, they don't give it up for anything.

 

I remember one moment and I couldn't believe it when I was in that moment, it took every ounce of my being not to break down in tears right there and then, I took my kid back to her house after a weekend with me and in her house people pretty much just walk through the kitchen door, I shouted her and she said "just a minute!", I had to hear her have sex while I waited with my son for her to finish and come downstairs and to top it off she rubbed it in my face saying "sorry, I need a cig", I just said "yeah no problem..." and i just fell apart because I was in disbelief how she could do that, I didn't understand what I ever did to deserve that let alone be cheated on in the first place.

 

I never got a sorry for any of that, if I tried to call her just to understand it she would shout at me and tell me to stay away from her, after everything, an explanation was just too much to ask for, the most I ever got was a small reply to an email I sent and all it said was "sorry if your hurt, I never wanted to hurt you, it just happens", I will never get used to that stoic attitude.

 

It's good you had at least one person in your life at one point that respected you enough to be honest with you like that, the only thing now is getting yourself to a point where you can trust someone again and trust them to be honest, respectful and understanding, I honestly think one of my flaws when I was with my recent ex was just that, she could make a promise and it would be no big deal if she broke it but because of what the one before her put me through I couldn't see passed it and it was more important now than it ever was.

 

What really got me was the excuses and how they justify what they do, a girl on this website was having a laugh with me and she accused me of being the cheating one and made me feel like I unconsciencely was cheating, she even even went as far as to say that she did it because she couldn't handle the fact I wasn't over my best friend who died, i was in love with my best and she does in my arms, I never asked for anything from her, just understanding.

 

It's hard but looking back, I'm sure you can find as many messed up things as I can, I still loved her too until I realised what it was that she did to me, right now my current ex is being just as hostile as she was and honestly, after you've been through something like this, it gets easier in the future.

[Heartbroken Eagle]

Guys thanks for replying. The thing about this website is that you realised that you are not alone and someone else can relate to the pain you are feeling.

 

I am having a really tough couple of days since I was told that her new bf stayed over at the weekend and met my son. Now I just had a text from her asking me to look after my son on a certain weekend whilst she goes away with him. She is a very sensitive person is my ex.

 

I really want to know why she feels she had the right to treat me like c##p prior to our split and all the lies plus why no real apology. I feel if I can get that, then I can move on and get on with the rest of my life.

 

I really need some closure because I'm constantly consumed with anger against my ex. Now there's some jealousy mixed in, even I know this is not healthy...

 

This is so not me!!!!

[SimonSerenade]

Your absolutely right, this website is a pure blessing for people who just can't cope anymore, I don't know where id be if I didn't have someone to talk and relate to.

 

I know you love your son and want to be there for him but those conditions just aren't acceptable, do her no favours and have your son when your supposed to, the first step is making sure she can no longer take you for granted or taking you for granted, she did you wrong and has to take responsibility for her actions, right now she's acting like a child and probably thinks of herself that way.

 

Nobody has the right to treat you like she did, not under those circumstances, the only one who would be angry and calling her all the names under the sun right now is you and only you, she has no right what so ever, she's doing this to keep the power and keep you around because if this doesn't work for her, there you are, it's hard but accept you may not get that sincere apology and that's horrible but that's who people like her are, horrible people.

 

It's by no means a reflection on you, it's her, she's the problem, closure is something so simple to give for a real person but she's not a real person, right now, she's beneath what's required to be a person, right now how she is, you ain't getting an apology, maybe in the future when she acts her age and comes back down to earth, maybe then you'll get a sincere apology, I'm still waiting for mine from both exs, both are still having problems getting off the throne.

[encryptedsignal]

I can relate about wanting an apology. I was cheated on as well, and the girl has no remorse, It pretty messed up how they do that. And then try to make it seem like it was ok. Most likely you may get yours though, she may need something from you or an item of hers you have returned and you can just say no and ask for an apology if thats what they want.

[marqueemoon4]

I know you feel like an apology would make you feel better.. but even if you got it, she'd still be gone and most likely you would still hurt. About three weeks ago I told my ex via text that I have suffered every day since she left in 2010 (the truth, unfortunately). She said "I'm very sorry". Was she being sincere? I have no idea. Did it make any difference? No, not really.. we are still divorced and she is still with another man. She cheated on me while we were together and technically with another person while we were separated. She will never admit any wrongdoing for anything. She can't face it.

 

I know what I really want is for her to say I was wrong, I love you, I'm so sorry and I want to make up for all the pain I've caused you. But she doesn't care, and has been over me for a long time. It's not going to happen.

Edited June 18, 2013 by marqueemoon4

[Sugarkane]

I never got an apology even years later or any answers as to why I was dumped by text After a year. You might not ever get one, knowing what cheaters are like.