jagedjobjunkee Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I'm 22 years old, 23 in July. I got married at the age of twenty to a woman i thought, and still think is the one. Before we got married we had a lot of fun together, we could talk for hours about anything. We knew how to make each other happy. Just being around each other was complete bliss to us both. When we got married my wife was six months pregnant with my son, who ended up having a rare type of downs syndrome. (she has a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship too btw) About a year into the marriage i noticed that she was unhappy. It seemed like she wanted other men, and all i wanted was for her to be happy. We ended up having a threesome with my best friend, he was like my brother. He stayed with us for a good month because he had no place else to go, and while I was at work their fun never ended. Shortly after that he ended up going to prison, and i found out she had cheated on me with him. I was heartbroken, but i loved this girl more than anything, even life itself. We tried to make it work, and for awhile it did. A whole year. Towards the end of the year we started arguing a lot, she started flirting with other guys, blowing one of my other friends when he would come over. She would say she was done, and i would beg her to stay. We would both agree to work on things but honestly, neither of us really tried very hard. I would come home from work and the house would be the same as when i left, i think the whole time we were married i cooked way more than she did. we ate out a lot. Not that big a deal, every relationship has flaws. I would play video games a lot, hang out with friends a lot. I imagine she felt neglected by me and my best friend was there for her when i wasn't. We were both too young to be this serious anyway. About 8 months ago my wife gave birth to my beautiful daughter, life seemed amazing at the time. Shortly after that she started talking to my "Best Friend" again. Two months ago she left me, moved back in with her mother and has already started dating this guy. Who, by the way has been in jail three times and prison once. I don't even know why i stayed his friend so long to begin with. Years before i was with my wife he tried getting ME thrown in prison. Wrote a testimony and everything against me. I Had to pay five grand for a lawyer and luckily they dropped the charges. This is a guy i let live with me in my first apartment so he wouldn't have to live on the streets, I sold the last thing my grandfather ever gave me before he died so this kid could pay off his court fines and stay out of jail and now this? I tried talking to him about it a few weeks ago, It seems like he is determined to completely destroy my life. He took my wife from me, he is talking to all my other friends and turning them against me. He told me i am worthless, not worth anyone's love. That he will love her and take care of her way better than i ever could. Said he was a better father than me and called me a dead beat. He said " if you want her back, then fight me for her. Ill make sure you end up with your jaw wired shut and your hands smashed and broken". I can admit that at first i wasn't a great father or husband, we have a special needs child, neither of us knew what to do. We were only 20/21 with a world of stress on our shoulders, but i got better. Ive taken my kids to the zoo, and to the park. In the last 6 months all of my money has gone to her and our children. He has a daughter that is 9 months old and has never bought her jack. He doesn't even live around here, so he has only seen her a few times. Who is he to call me a deadbeat?! My family keeps telling me that she is no good for me, that i need to get the Hell away from her and find somebody that will treat me right... I believe they are probably right, but i still love this girl unconditionally. I would do anything for her. Throughout all of this, she still comes over to my house every single day. Spends all her free time with ME. She only sees him like twice a month, but on those days i don't even exist to her. She told me that she still loves me, that who knows what the future hold? Maybe one day we will get back together, but that we need to be divorced so it will be new and fresh if we do. Everyone is telling me she is just using me as a second option. Something to fall back on. How could she move on so fast? How could she be doing this to me? This guy used to be like my brother, I trusted him with my life and all he has done is wreck It! How can she be with him and expect to still be my friend? Why do i love her so much that i would do anything to have her back? I wanted to grow old with her. We built a family, bought a house together. How can somebody just throw it all away like that? My whole life is crumbling. I've lost the love of my life, and all of my friends. Everyone i talk to doesn't really help me much. I feel like i am losing my foothold. I've lost forty pounds in just a month, i am not interested in doing anything. The only time i am happy is when she is around, but after she leaves the pain is just worse than before! What am i supposed to do?
2sunny Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I'm sorry for your pain. Are any of you drug/alcohol users? This seems like the stories from people living that lifestyle..
Author jagedjobjunkee Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 No, both of us have been clean our entire marriage, before we got together she was into some pills, and i smoked pot. But when we found out she was pregnant with our first child it all stopped.
2sunny Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 No, both of us have been clean our entire marriage, before we got together she was into some pills, and i smoked pot. But when we found out she was pregnant with our first child it all stopped. You may want to check... Her behavior sounds familiar for someone who is altered.
Author jagedjobjunkee Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Well, if she was then she was very good at hiding it, and there was a period of time when I couldn't get a job so i was around her everyday.
aliveagain Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Friend, you deserve someone that only wants you. My advice is run, you have a whole life ahead of you. Start the 180, get as far away from her cheating drama as you can. The more you interact with them the more misery you will bring into your life. Cut her loose, talk to a lawyer tomorrow, start the process, she is no prize. Change your banking, separate your finances, cancel her on your credit cards. As long as the two of you are married there is risk that without a legal separation/divorce you may be held accountable for her/their debts. This is a very poor choice for a wife, stop thinking of her as your wife, she is gone, gone, gone. She is another mans dirt and problem now. 2
Author jagedjobjunkee Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 I still love this woman. I don't just want to rush into court and try to take the kids away. As it stands my son lives with me, and my daughter with her. She brings her over everyday.. I just want to know how I'm supposed to cope with this whole situation. If she says she still loves me then why be with him? She told me if she could combine him and I then she would have the perfect man.. Do you think she is just dragging me along as fallback option?
aliveagain Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Friend, there can not be three in a relationship. She is willing to give everything up(you) just to be with this dirtbag 2 days a month. Listen to your family they won't lie to you, she is no good and yes, you are her fall back position. There are a zillion women out there that won't cheat on you quit wasting one more second on this one. You only love the idea of her, the reality is she's banging your former best friend/brother and has no remorse about playing house with him and your daughter. Give your head a shake, if this scenario was happening to a close friend or family member what advice would you give him? I would hope the word "Run" would be in the sentence. My advice, be a great father but get this lying cheating bag of trash out of your life and to the curb where she belongs. DO NOT SETTLE FOR THIS, you are worth so much more, she is not good enough for you.
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