I never wanted to be one of those people... I am sooooo lost and depressed...

[popeye21m]

History: I am 26 and in the Navy and she is 27 . We have 3 beautiful children and she has not been feeling the same way towards me as for a while. She then proceeded to kiss someone else and that sent her over the edge to ask for a divorce. I love my wife more than anyone can imagine. I would give/do anything for her. I would die for her. It just hurts so bad inside that she does not feel the same way. We have tried to make it work since the kiss incident. She has expressed her concerns and desires from me. I felt I have done all I can do, but It just has not been enough in her eyes.

 

I cant control my feelings anymore.. I cry anytime I think of her. This has been going on for months but last nite she said she is done trying and its finally time to put a end to this marriage. I don't deserve this... Its not fair, I have been a good husband. I loved her and cared for her like noone can. We have tried Marriage counseling and she has tried individual counseling & to see a doctor for depression. She didn't give her any meds as he was feeling good at that time. I don't have the heart to ask her to go again. Maybe it isn't depression that is causing her to have these feelings. Maybe she really does not love me anymore.

 

I am thinking of sending her a link to this thread, but she already knows how I feel so there really is no point for me to do that.

 

Evan C.

[bambi_4]

I know its hard what u are going through. Maybe some time apart will help. For her to get her head together and possibly realise what she is losing. For u to get some space away from the situation and see can u get a clearer picture of it. We all have things that we have to deal with by ourselves. Pressurising her into getting help etc. wont work but push her away. It also shows her that u think she is wrong and cant deal with things by herself.

 

Show her that u trust her decisions. Show her u wont stand in the way. Sometimes u have to go back to square one to iron out a problem.

 

I'd say at this stage she needs complete space to make her own decisions and to work on any problems she may have.

 

TRUST HER!!!

 

Whats right for her is right for u, u cant make someone love. If she doesn't love u enough then u deserve someone better.

 

thats my best advice.

 

Best of luck!!!

[beentheretwice]

Couple of things:

 

#1 You are not lost, just temporarily in shock. #2 It's not your fault, you did everything you could and you should be proud of that.

 

The Ugly:

You can't will someone to feel a certain way, most times it will only help to make them steadfast in their current mindset. I think bambi is right...you need to trust that what's right for her is right for you. (although it will seem like one of the hardest things you've ever done).

 

The Bad:

The quicker you accept her decision, the sooner you can start your recovery. There are a lot of good posts here that will help you understand and deal with the emotions and hard times ahead. They will be hard times, expect it and prepare for it. I am 90 days out of your exact situation and without these posts and friends, I'ld still be locked in a room somewhere. I trusted "her decision" and followed the advice of posters here and found solace in my friends.

 

The Good:

In less than 90 days I have made it to a point where I now understand what they were saying by "you deserve better". I have new plans, better plans, and I am thankful that it ended now vs 5 or 10 years from now or hearing about her kissing yet another guy. I miss her less and less each day, and have actually started dating again. I realized just how much of myself I gave up to please her. I rekindled old friends, family and hobbies and discovered great new friends. I am thankful I had this opportunity to reflect on my direction in life. I am a happier person now than I would have been if we were still together.

 

The Now: Keep Your Options Open

Give yourself some time to grieve and then move on. Don't disparage her publicly, be the nice guy you always have been. Remove all emotion when wrapping up your affairs (ie mortgage, kids, divorce etc..) send friends in your place if you have to. Focus on rebuilding yourself, your friendships and pulling your life together. In the end you will be a better person for it, more attractive to other girls, and just maybe it will remind her of who she fell in love with.

 

Good Luck

 

FYI. It sounds like you do deserve better! I sure did. We were together for 11 years, 6 of them married.

[bambi_4]

I agree with all that beentheretwice has said. Sometimes u deserve someone better, right now not great consulation but true.

[popeye21m]

Wow, thanks for all the great responses. I think the worst part is knowing that it will get better, but in my eyes right now, I just dont feel it.

 

I thought when people get married, they mean for it to last? Maybe its just me...

[popeye21m]

We started the divorce paperwork today

[bambi_4]

I'm so sorry to hear that but have faith that all will work out in the end. Stay strong and right now concentrate on yourself and don't worry about anyone else.

 

 

Take care and have faith!!!

 

If u really love someone u'll do whats best for them even if u think its not best for u.

 

[supermom]

Someday this will pass and you will have better days ahead. I got married at 19 and divorced at 21, and am now happily remairred and have a daughter I wouldn't of had if I stayed married to my first husband. I'm 25 now and my ex and I are friends because we understood we were just too darn young.

 

I thought my life was over at the time....but little did I know it was just beginning.

 

Good Luck- Someday you will be okay again

[popeye21m]

I am using that completecase.com

 

Anyone use it on here?