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Do you have the right to set your own standards for selecting a relationship partner?

Xinreeki

By Xinreeki
in General Relationship Discussion

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miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

Posted
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After struggling with women for more years than I care to remember; my standards had fallen so low that I would date anyone as long as they didn't disgust me. I had long since given up trying to pursue girls that I was attracted to, felt I had common interests with or liked their personalities.

 

As the saying goes, beggars can't be choosers.

 

Praise God almighty, that I actually found a pretty girl that's smart, funny and shares some hobbies with me who actually likes me. I know damn well that I better do everything I possibly can to hang on to her for as long as I can, because once she's gone, it might be a very long time till I meet another girl like her that is willing to give me a chance.

 

 

 

This is sad :(. I would hate to be with someone who dated me just because he thought he couldn't get anyone else. She sounds more like a pet than a partner.

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Cosmic Ray Member

Cosmic Ray

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This is sad :(. I would hate to be with someone who dated me just because he thought he couldn't get anyone else. She sounds more like a pet than a partner.

 

I agree. Dude, I think that you either did not express yourself in the right manner, or if you did and what you have said is true, you will probably going to have huge problems with her and yourself in the future. Either change your mindset, or be prepared for it's not going to work because you yourself is going to destroy it by your actions which will be led on by your mindset.

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KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

Posted
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After struggling with women for more years than I care to remember; my standards had fallen so low that I would date anyone as long as they didn't disgust me. I had long since given up trying to pursue girls that I was attracted to, felt I had common interests with or liked their personalities.

 

As the saying goes, beggars can't be choosers.

 

Praise God almighty, that I actually found a pretty girl that's smart, funny and shares some hobbies with me who actually likes me. I know damn well that I better do everything I possibly can to hang on to her for as long as I can, because once she's gone, it might be a very long time till I meet another girl like her that is willing to give me a chance.

 

This is a very very very very bad attitude to have. You need to reread what you wrote over and over again, somedude, until you realize this.

  • Like 3
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Posted
This is sad :(. I would hate to be with someone who dated me just because he thought he couldn't get anyone else. She sounds more like a pet than a partner.

Oh, I know I can get other girls.

 

But they wouldn't even be remotely close to as amazing as she is.

 

I'm not sure how you got the idea that I think of her as a pet.

I agree. Dude, I think that you either did not express yourself in the right manner, or if you did and what you have said is true, you will probably going to have huge problems with her and yourself in the future. Either change your mindset, or be prepared for it's not going to work because you yourself is going to destroy it by your actions which will be led on by your mindset.

Why should we have problems?

 

I know I found a great girl and I want to keep her. Making her happy makes me happy.

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Cosmic Ray Member

Cosmic Ray

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Why should we have problems?

 

I know I found a great girl and I want to keep her. Making her happy makes me happy.

 

You think that just because you "want" to keep her by your side and "want" to make her happy problems won't happen? Most of the time, when some problem appear and we are not objective (in relationships, where emotions are playing major roll most of the time that is the case) we are using not our brain and logic to fix it, but we are led by our emotions and because of that fact we can be only subjective and miss what is really behind the problem and therefore we won't be able to fix the problem, but rather to make it even worst.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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People have the right to choose whoever they want to date but if they ask me why they keep ending up in the same situation over and over again I am going to tell them. If you keep dating the same kinds of people over and over again and doing the same kinds of things then look at yourself if that isn't working.

 

As for traditional stuff I only have an issue with it when people are hypocritical about it. I don't mind courting a woman and making her feel special but if she gives me an attitude about doing any nice and feminine things my chivalrous and romantic feelings will decrease.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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You think that just because you "want" to keep her by your side and "want" to make her happy problems won't happen? Most of the time, when some problem appear and we are not objective (in relationships, where emotions are playing major roll most of the time that is the case) we are using not our brain and logic to fix it, but we are led by our emotions and because of that fact we can be only subjective and miss what is really behind the problem and therefore we won't be able to fix the problem, but rather to make it even worst.

Sorry, at this point I don't know what "problems" can occur.

GoodOnPaper Established Member

GoodOnPaper

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This is a very very very very bad attitude to have. You need to reread what you wrote over and over again, somedude, until you realize this.

 

He sounds too attracted to her for this to be an issue. The problem comes only when you don't feel as attracted as she does and you're unable to break it off.

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Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

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Oh, I know I can get other girls.

 

But they wouldn't even be remotely close to as amazing as she is.....

 

I know I found a great girl and I want to keep her. Making her happy makes me happy.

 

That is a FAR better way to phrase things somedude81! :)

 

I'm really happy for you, she certainly sounds like a keeper! :)

 

Hope things continue to go awesomely for you and her! :)

  • Like 1
King_Crimson Established Member

King_Crimson

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I think it really depends. There is no 'perfect' person out there for you... there are just people who are compatible with you.

 

It's more a matter of finding someone whose weaknesses complement your strengths and whose strengths complement your weaknesses.

 

That's how I look at it anyway...

Els Established Member

Els

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YES, OP!

 

Without a question!

 

Frankly, it's utterly unfair to the other person to date them out of 'pity' or because you feel you don't have the right to. Fortunately, not many people do that.

 

To me, it's an all-or-none thing. If I'm not interested in anyone, I'd rather be alone. At least I'm not stringing some poor sod along. Either I must be really lucky or my standards aren't as unrealistic as some claim, though, because there have definitely been guys whom I was interested in and who reciprocated it, up to the present bf. :) So, have confidence in yourself, and the values you prioritize! There'll be someone - I'm sure of it.

Edited by Elswyth
Els Established Member

Els

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Sounds nice in theory but it really doesn't work at least for me it never has.

 

I don't do "dates" anyways, I don't believe in that kind of traditional stuff.

 

Then DON'T.

 

DON'T.

 

DON'T.

 

You have the right to want a woman who doesn't want all that, just as how many of us have the right to want a man who does all that. And believe you me, there are no shortage of great guys who are happy to court... AND be loyal, committed, and all of the other 'non superficial' things you mention. Some of you try to act like guys who enjoy doing these things for the woman they love are the statistical equivalent of the dodo. I assure you, that is not the case.

 

Frankly, though, I don't believe someone can be so obtuse as to make 5 posts in this thread and still not get the point of it. I'm calling bridge-dweller on this.

  • Like 2
Els Established Member

Els

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I know I found a great girl and I want to keep her. Making her happy makes me happy.

 

The way you phrased your first post sounds iffy, but if this is what you genuinely meant, I think it's a pretty good attitude to have. :)

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  • 3 weeks later...
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Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

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I was hoping (probably pretty naively) that I wouldn't have to come back to this thread, not for awhile at least, but it seems that many people out there are still so angry and bitter about their lack of success with the opposite sex. :(

 

And it seems to be quite a struggle to get some people to accept that everyone has the right to choose their relationship partner... and becoming bitter and angry about that, is not going to help them find love, as it only makes them more unattractive and decreases their chances of finding someone who loves them for who they are even further. :(

 

I just don't know how best to get this point across...

 

Does anyone out there have any ideas on how it might be best to convey this concept to people who are becoming ever more angry and bitter here on LS? :(

therhythm Established Member

therhythm

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I know women have right to choose men as they wish. It's ok when one doesn't want me. Second, third... tenth...

 

But when you get into hundreds and no luck, something must be wrong...

 

And what have you done to improve yourself? Don't take offense but whining men are usually a turn off for women... you won't get pity sex if you are looking for that!

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Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

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I know women have right to choose men as they wish. It's ok when one doesn't want me. Second, third... tenth...

 

But when you get into hundreds and no luck, something must be wrong...

 

Yes, but its not something that is wrong with every woman on Earth!

 

Its a problem with how you look at life, how you approach life and how you present yourself to others.

 

You can't blame an entire gender for your dating woes. That isn't going to help you find someone. :(

 

You may have been very unlucky in love and life, but you still can't blame every woman for the bad experiences that you've had with a few women, not even for the bad experiences you've had with a hundred women, because not all women are the same!!

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Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

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And what have you done to improve yourself? Don't take offense but whining men are usually a turn off for women... you won't get pity sex if you are looking for that!

 

Surely no one would want pity sex as some sort of consolation prize? :confused: Your self esteem would have to be very low for you to be willing to settle for pity sex, when you what you really want is a relationship. :(

 

And if your self esteem really is that low, then that is the thing you should work to improve.

 

If you improve your self esteem you will become a more confident and happier person, and thus become more attractive to others as a result. :)

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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LOL, pity sex isn't a real thing.

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Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

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I'd gladly take pity sex if ever offered one. But never was offered one. Maybe it doesn't exist at all.

 

Maybe there is something wrong with me. Would be better if that was something I could do something about it and not like height. Another poster in other thread rubbed it in my face how you have to be 6 ft tall to get girls and it pisses me off. Fkin douchebag!

 

You don't have to be 6 foot tall to get girls! That notion is ridiculous!! :confused:

 

Plenty of short men are in loving relationships, plenty of short men are married. :)

 

As I said, my bf is about 5 foot 5 and I love him dearly. :love:

 

Height really doesn't matter, if you have an awesomely happy and positive personality (something you CAN work on improving! :)) then you CAN attract girls! Its been proven time and time again! :)

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Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

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LOL, pity sex isn't a real thing.

 

Yes it does sound like a pretty mythical concept. :p

 

But maybe there are people out there who have experienced it? Still, I don't think most people would want to experience it, not unless, as I said, they had severe self esteem issues which they needed to address. :(

 

Low self esteem can be awful to live with. :( I know, as I've struggled with low self esteem for a long time myself, but if its very bad and you are really depressed, you need to seek out help and work to improve it, so you can feel better about who you are and happier in general. :)

 

The best news is that as a side effect of improving your self esteem, you are highly likely to become more attractive to others too! :)

  • Like 1
JustAReformedGirl Established Member

JustAReformedGirl

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My thinking is, that yes, everyone has the right to set their own standards for selecting a relationship partner, or to stay alone if they find noone who is compatible with them / prefer to be single. :)

 

And if someone sets their standards too high, then they will end up alone, and rightly so, as they will put excessive restrictions on who they deem to be compatible with them.

 

So for any men out there who see certain women as being "too selfish" or "too entitled"...

the answer seems simple to me, don't date those women!

 

Same as my advice would be to any women out there who deem certain men to be "too bitter" or "too angry",

Simple, don't date those men!

 

So my question is this, does this line of thinking make sense to most people out there? Or am I missing something? :confused:

 

Yes, I believe everyone has the right to decide for themselves what they want in a partner, the type of relationship they want with them, and all that comes with it. As long as they are honest with themselves and their potential partners, I see no problem with it. It only becomes an issue when their motives are unclear, and they expect their partner to be some sort of mind reader.

Weezy1973 Established Member

Weezy1973

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Great point OP! Yes of course people can have whatever preferences they want. That should go without saying. However I do think that for many people their primary attractors are not relationship oriented (and sometimes are the antithesis of relationship oriented) and that is why they struggle to find relationships. And as you rightfully noted, those people are likely to remain single a lot longer. Although, clearly there is some middle ground as well (i.e. casual dating, FWB, NSA sex etc.).

ltjg45 Established Member

ltjg45

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I don't see what is the problem.

 

I want a woman without tattoos. I'm patient when it comes to finding her. I may even have to look overseas to find such a woman.

 

That's fine with me.

 

I also don't want a woman that wants to live a ghetto lifestyle. I see it everyday and it repulses me, even if I live the same lifestyle for basically my entire childhood.

 

Lastly, I don't want a woman who is over 200 pounds. I'm sorry but I refuse to see myself going over that weight limit. I would sooner commit suicide.

 

I'm willing to wait for as long as possible until I find her or I die alone. I'm willing to live by those choices. Everyone else, be damned.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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I don't see what is the problem.

 

I want a woman without tattoos. I'm patient when it comes to finding her. I may even have to look overseas to find such a woman.

 

 

Wow. Is the entire population of American women tainted with tattoos now? That is alarming.

 

Just teasing you. Of course you get to have your own preferences, and so does everybody else.

 

Even though I have a tattoo and now I'm saddened to know that you and I will never be as one. :(

ltjg45 Established Member

ltjg45

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Wow. Is the entire population of American women tainted with tattoos now? That is alarming.

 

Just teasing you. Of course you get to have your own preferences, and so does everybody else.

 

Even though I have a tattoo and now I'm saddened to know that you and I will never be as one. :(

 

I see it so much down here, it's depressing.

 

Sometimes I just want to scream, "Is there ANYONE here who doesn't have a tattoo?"

 

I guess the only good thing I can say about my family is that only one of my 3 brothers has any tattoos.

 

I guess I should change my preference that as long as your tattoos is not easily seen in your regular outfit, I'll be fine with it.

 

However, if you got them over your arms, legs, and other parts of your body that can be seen with no effort, I rather pass.

 

Of course, I have nothing against women who has tattoos. I just can't see me be attracted to them. I certainly hope they will find a guy that will accept them for who they are. :)

 

I am just not one of them.

 

Besides, you are already taken. Even if you was a perfect fit, I still wouldn't exercise the thought of chasing you. :D

Edited by ltjg45
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