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Do you have the right to set your own standards for selecting a relationship partner?

Xinreeki

By Xinreeki
in General Relationship Discussion

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Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

Posted
Posted

My thinking is, that yes, everyone has the right to set their own standards for selecting a relationship partner, or to stay alone if they find noone who is compatible with them / prefer to be single. :)

 

And if someone sets their standards too high, then they will end up alone, and rightly so, as they will put excessive restrictions on who they deem to be compatible with them.

 

So for any men out there who see certain women as being "too selfish" or "too entitled"...

the answer seems simple to me, don't date those women!

 

Same as my advice would be to any women out there who deem certain men to be "too bitter" or "too angry",

Simple, don't date those men!

 

So my question is this, does this line of thinking make sense to most people out there? Or am I missing something? :confused:

  • Like 15
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

Its funny i feel that people see high standards as selfish, everyone has standards...some are more relaxed than others....doesnt make them any less valid.......

 

i agree if you dont like a persons standards dont date them seems easy enough why whinge about them or complain or knock standards......you arent compatible ...so move on and find someone you are compatible with...seems easy huh....deb

  • Like 3
Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

Posted
Posted
My thinking is, that yes, everyone has the right to set their own standards for selecting a relationship partner, or to stay alone if they find noone who is compatible with them / prefer to be single. :)

 

And if someone sets their standards too high, then they will end up alone, and rightly so, as they will put excessive restrictions on who they deem to be compatible with them.

 

So for any men out there who see certain women as being "too selfish" or "too entitled"...

the answer seems simple to me, don't date those women!

 

Same as my advice would be to any women out there who deem certain men to be "too bitter" or "too angry",

Simple, don't date those men!

 

So my question is this, does this line of thinking make sense to most people out there? Or am I missing something? :confused:

 

Of course we can set our own standards. After all, who better than yourself to know what attracts you or makes you happy?

 

People start blaming the other sex for all of their own woes when they face rejection and failure time after time. "Women are selfish and shallow" or "Men are sex-crazed *********s." Yeah sure there are bad apples of each sex out there. It goes both ways. Hell I was dumped 3 months before my own wedding for the wedding planner.

 

I have faced a ton of rejection and heartache, and after I pick myself up and dust myself off, I always look inward to see how I can improve with the next opportunity. The only common denominator in all of my dating experiences, is me.

  • Like 6
Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

I agree absolutely.

 

As I have often, redundantly and annoyingly typed here, one of the most lame things EVER is when a person's complaining about how nobody likes them because, say, they're short or overweight - while at the same time rejecting potential dates because those folks don't embody their own standards.

 

Having standards is self selecting. If your standards are unrealistic for you, you might either end up single or decide to adjust them.

 

But please! Anyone who has their own standards, accept that other people have theirs - and that YOU, or I, or whomever, might not fit into them.

  • Like 5
Ripnet Established Member

Ripnet

Posted
Posted
Its funny i feel that people see high standards as selfish, everyone has standards...some are more relaxed than others....doesnt make them any less valid.......

 

i agree if you dont like a persons standards dont date them seems easy enough why whinge about them or complain or knock standards......you arent compatible ...so move on and find someone you are compatible with...seems easy huh....deb

 

It's not the standards that some men have a problem with. It's how men are expected to court women. Usually that means paying for the date, initiate contact, entertain her, etc.

It's Just Me Established Member

It's Just Me

Posted
Posted

Everyone has standards/criteria. For anything from grocery shopping, furniture, homes, hobbies, cars... you name it. Why should relationships be any different? Mine were pretty high when I was dating, but I held out. We are soon to hit our two-year dating anniversary. It took me five years to find him after my divorce. I guess that makes me a little stubborn. :laugh:

Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

Posted
Posted
It's not the standards that some men have a problem with. It's how men are expected to court women. Usually that means paying for the date, initiate contact, entertain her, etc.

 

Believe it or not there are MANY men out there who enjoy courting women and making them feel special, and showing them a good time.

 

And those are the kind that are always top notch in my book.

 

If you don't "like" those kinds of women, find one who doesn't give a rip if you do those things or not.

 

But I refuse to buy into this notion that because I love it when a man willingly courts me, that makes me a bad woman.

  • Like 5
KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

Posted
Posted

Set your standards as high as you want them! The sky's the limit. You gotta spend the rest of your life with this person...he/she better be all you ever dreamed of and then some!

  • Like 2
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
It's not the standards that some men have a problem with. It's how men are expected to court women. Usually that means paying for the date, initiate contact, entertain her, etc.

 

 

but this thread is about standards is it not or have i got it wrong...

 

 

.not another thread about women expect me to court them pay for them entertain them......if you dont want to do that ....dont do it..not all women do expect this treatment i dont....i think i have written that line a thousand times........deb

  • Like 1
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Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It's not the standards that some men have a problem with. It's how men are expected to court women. Usually that means paying for the date, initiate contact, entertain her, etc.

 

You don't have to do anything if you don't want to do it!

 

Not all women are the same, and not all women "expect" such things, so just go for the ones who meet your standards and who don't expect things you don't want to do. :)

 

Seems silly to do things just to please someone else against your will. :( Don't do that.

 

If you have a problem with how certain women act, then don't date those women, and if you have a problem with every woman on the planet, then don't date any women!

 

You are free to choose what you do and don't do. You are free to choose who you date and don't date. :)

 

You have the power to decide! :)

  • Like 2
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
You don't have to do anything if you don't want to do it!

 

Not all women are the same, and not all women "expect" such things, so just go for the ones who meet your standards and who don't expect things you don't want to do. :)

 

Seems silly to do things just to please someone else against your will. :( Don't do that.

 

If you have a problem with how certain women act, then don't date those women, and if you have a problem with every woman on the planet, then don't date any women!

 

You are free to choose what you do and don't do. You are free to choose who you date and don't date. :)

 

You have the power to decide! :)

 

 

AMEN........plus ten more amens....deb

Ripnet Established Member

Ripnet

Posted
Posted
Believe it or not there are MANY men out there who enjoy courting women and making them feel special, and showing them a good time.

 

And those are the kind that are always top notch in my book.

 

If you don't "like" those kinds of women, find one who doesn't give a rip if you do those things or not.

 

But I refuse to buy into this notion that because I love it when a man willingly courts me, that makes me a bad woman.

 

I never said that. Fine and dandy. I don't know but I never dated someone who was entitled to be courted. Most women I dated initiated calls I didn't have to initiate them all the time. They showed interested instead of leaving me in the dark, wondering if she's just being nice or really interested in me.

El Brujo Established Member

El Brujo

Posted
Posted
My thinking is, that yes, everyone has the right to set their own standards for selecting a relationship partner, or to stay alone if they find noone who is compatible with them / prefer to be single. :)

 

And if someone sets their standards too high, then they will end up alone, and rightly so, as they will put excessive restrictions on who they deem to be compatible with them.

 

So for any men out there who see certain women as being "too selfish" or "too entitled"...

the answer seems simple to me, don't date those women!

 

Same as my advice would be to any women out there who deem certain men to be "too bitter" or "too angry",

Simple, don't date those men!

 

So my question is this, does this line of thinking make sense to most people out there? Or am I missing something? :confused:

 

It's about figuring out what you like and what you don't. The kind of woman I like, the next guy would push her away in disgust.

Ripnet Established Member

Ripnet

Posted
Posted
You don't have to do anything if you don't want to do it!

 

Not all women are the same, and not all women "expect" such things, so just go for the ones who meet your standards and who don't expect things you don't want to do. :)

 

Seems silly to do things just to please someone else against your will. :( Don't do that.

 

If you have a problem with how certain women act, then don't date those women, and if you have a problem with every woman on the planet, then don't date any women!

 

You are free to choose what you do and don't do. You are free to choose who you date and don't date. :)

 

You have the power to decide! :)

 

I'm not speaking for myself. I can get dates. I really don't care who won't date me.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted
It's not the standards that some men have a problem with. It's how men are expected to court women. Usually that means paying for the date, initiate contact, entertain her, etc.

 

So what? If YOU have a problem with that, then never do it. Women who "expect" that and you would not be compatible, right?

 

That said, though, a man who's really interested in a woman might go to great lengths to court her. If he does, that's his choice and he has no right to later turn on her for wanting him to take her on nice dates and buy her flowers. He started it.

  • Like 2
KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

Posted
Posted

I've been with my woman for nearly 14 years and the courting has never stopped...and will never stop.

 

That's just how I roll. :)

  • Like 6
Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

But I refuse to buy into this notion that because I love it when a man willingly courts me, that makes me a bad woman.

 

No kidding. I am completely fine with paying for myself, paying for my husband / boyfriend, earning more $$, whatever. That does not lessen my delight and appreciation when I'm being courted. It's very flattering and romantic.

 

I also reciprocate by doing "typically feminine" things that most men really appreciate - my husband certainly does. And I'm not all pissy because he LOVES it when I bring him coffee or make his lunch. Or wear sexy lingerie.

 

Going to some lengths to show you are very into a person is usually positive.

  • Like 2
Ripnet Established Member

Ripnet

Posted
Posted
So what? If YOU have a problem with that, then never do it. Women who "expect" that and you would not be compatible, right?

 

That said, though, a man who's really interested in a woman might go to great lengths to court her. If he does, that's his choice and he has no right to later turn on her for wanting him to take her on nice dates and buy her flowers. He started it.

 

Sounds nice in theory but it really doesn't work at least for me it never has.

 

I don't do "dates" anyways, I don't believe in that kind of traditional stuff.

Ripnet Established Member

Ripnet

Posted
Posted (edited)
No kidding. I am completely fine with paying for myself, paying for my husband / boyfriend, earning more $$, whatever. That does not lessen my delight and appreciation when I'm being courted. It's very flattering and romantic.

 

I also reciprocate by doing "typically feminine" things that most men really appreciate - my husband certainly does. And I'm not all pissy because he LOVES it when I bring him coffee or make his lunch. Or wear sexy lingerie.

 

Going to some lengths to show you are very into a person is usually positive.

 

True love can not be bought with money. Loyalty, honesty, commitment and true love doesn't involve any money at all. What you are talking about are superficial stuff.

Edited by Ripnet
chuzzbug Member

chuzzbug

Posted
Posted

Yes, you can ask for anything from your partner, or potential partner.

 

As long as you admit that both "yes" and "no" are possible answers.

 

Anytime you have a criterion, you will exclude people. Just make sure that your criteria are sincere.

zebracolors Established Member

zebracolors

Posted
Posted

I've realized my standards don't always fall into the same categories at the same time, I suppose for me since I started dating again, in October of last year, Im not so sure I even realized my criterion but all of the men that I spent time with, be it a date or just socially were all confident, and successful men. They treated me fine, I had fun with them, but I never even gave it a thought. But in all that time I sadly didn't fully "see" one man who I've come to realize is quality until more recently, and he's very different in personality, and it was his gentle and kind personality that I became attracted to. I just wish now I had not been so blind to his quality when I first met that man.

  • Like 1
irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
Posted
And if someone sets their standards too high, then they will end up alone, and rightly so, as they will put excessive restrictions on who they deem to be compatible with them

 

Right, and some of those restrictions, do not even matter in a relationship/dating.

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

Posted
Posted
Sounds nice in theory but it really doesn't work at least for me it never has.

 

I don't do "dates" anyways, I don't believe in that kind of traditional stuff.

 

 

 

 

 

Ah it all makes sense.

NO wonder you come off so bitter.

  • Like 1
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted

After struggling with women for more years than I care to remember; my standards had fallen so low that I would date anyone as long as they didn't disgust me. I had long since given up trying to pursue girls that I was attracted to, felt I had common interests with or liked their personalities.

 

As the saying goes, beggars can't be choosers.

 

Praise God almighty, that I actually found a pretty girl that's smart, funny and shares some hobbies with me who actually likes me. I know damn well that I better do everything I possibly can to hang on to her for as long as I can, because once she's gone, it might be a very long time till I meet another girl like her that is willing to give me a chance.

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

Posted
Posted
True love can not be bought with money. Loyalty, honesty, commitment and true love doesn't involve any money at all. What you are talking about are superficial stuff.

 

 

 

Have you been in a serious relationship before?

 

 

 

 

Being a woman in a beautiful loving relationship with a man that dotes in me, I can say things like making him lunch everyday, dressing sexy for him, and making coffee for him are all things that mean a lot.

 

 

 

 

It's not the money or the act, it's the thinking. Ita the fact that I love him so much that even though I would rather be sleeping I'll wake up and make him breakfast at 5 in the morning.

The best part? How appreciative he is. Just how all the things he does for me or gets me make me super appreciated. We do things because we love the ther person and want to do them to show them that love, Its never obligation.

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