shexy Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I think it's a little bit long.... And from my previous experience, talking about dogs seems to be a huge turnoff to men :-\ I have also been told by my friends when I was doing online dating before not to say "I love, I love, I love" a lot in your profile. I did that too, and they said it comes on pretty strong. Same with the "I hate..." statements too. I like that it's very lighthearted and a lot of it sounds very positive :-)
Author mammasita Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Thanks all. I agree that a single divorced mother is not bad thing (of course im biased lol) and i shouldnt have to nor do i want to say anything about why I'm divorced on my profile. If I'm asked, I'm an open book. If i were a man, I'd be scared of a woman who had 3 kids by different dads and was never married.
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 The only thing icons confusing is thr you say you aren't looking for a father for your child, yet you aren't looking for a booty call. It just seems contradicting, you you want a relationship with someone who won't be involved in your child's life? I don't see how that makes sense.
FitChick Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I agree that a single divorced mother is not bad thing If i were a man, I'd be scared of a woman who had 3 kids by different dads and was never married. You are either a single, never married mother or a divorced mother. Women miss that distinction and I agree that it is important to men. If divorced, you at least tried to have a committed family life, unlike someone who wanted extra money from child support or who thought she could trap a man into marrying her if she got pregnant.
CryForNoOne Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 The only thing icons confusing is thr you say you aren't looking for a father for your child, yet you aren't looking for a booty call. It just seems contradicting, you you want a relationship with someone who won't be involved in your child's life? I don't see how that makes sense. She's saying she wants a partner or husband not a father for her child. That was pretty clear to me...
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 She's saying she wants a partner or husband not a father for her child. That was pretty clear to me... I guess that I don't understand what woman would want a partner or husband but not have him be a father figure. Idk. I guess I just found that off putting. How does that even work? If looking for a caring relationship and NOT just sex, would you just keep the two separate or something. I wouldn't think any man you want a relationship with you would eventually want to have a relationship with your child too. Maybe that's just me though. 1
salparadise Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) The fact list section of the profile usually contains a place for marital status and children, so I'd suggest not even mentioning that in the essay. As an older divorced man, D is the standard and best reason for a woman to be dating. If someone has never been married by her 40s I'd be more worried about her ability to form deep bonds, emotional availability, than if she's divorced. If someone is widowed and had a storybook marriage, she may idealize her departed husband and compare others to him, which could be problem. Or she could be still grieving years later. What we really want to know in the case of divorce, is whether she has finished processing and truly moved on now. Indications that she still has it in the front of her mind will make me wonder about that. So don't lead with that stuff and certainly do not feel that you have to apologize or explain anything. Otherwise, convert the comments about what you hate into positive statements about what you love, or just take some of it out, and pick a few things, like cooking, to expand and let your enthusiasm come shining through. Be forward looking and minimize the past. I like your sense of humor, so you could do more of that. Just make sure it's positive. Self depreciating humor is great, but don't do that about the things that men actually worry about. For example, being a shopaholic could be code having a credit card habit, and that's not a notion you want to plant in a guy's head (especially those of us who escaped such things by way of our own divorces). Drop the line about loving the beach. All women love the beach and 99.999 percent go on about it in their profile. I think it's a real bonus if it's not mentioned, or if she says she'd rather vacation in the mountains. Say something funny about the dogs but don't refer to them as your children. That indicates potential BSCness. Dogs are high maintenance critters to begin with and nobody wants to date someone whose life revolves around them, and has trouble differentiating them from children. The fishing stuff is funny, I'll admit, but I can assure you that a guy who fishes is not going to be impressed that you won't touch the bait or the fish, and after about the 5th time doing it for you, it will get really old. He'll be encouraging you to put the rod down and drink more beer. Scratch the negative stuff about the booty/fwb. That just shows that you have a negative/defensive posture and that it's significantly on your mind. A guy who is relationship oriented will not be thinking about it. Instead describe in positive terms the kind of relationship you want. If you're shopping for a car and the first thing the salesman starts talking about is how trustworthy he is, it indicates that he feels a serious need to convince you of that. A truly honest salesman would never have that need cross his mind. And a really good salesman won't be so much selling a car as incorporating it into the wonderful dream that you already have. Create an image that fits into their dream. Edited June 12, 2013 by salparadise 1
salparadise Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I guess that I don't understand what woman would want a partner or husband but not have him be a father figure. How does that even work? If looking for a caring relationship and NOT just sex, would you just keep the two separate or something. I wouldn't think any man you want a relationship with you would eventually want to have a relationship with your child too. A step parent, especially when the father is in the child's life, is not expected to fill that role. You certainly wouldn't want someone who isn't a positive influence, but there is a significant distinction. A good step parent stands back and let's the parents do the parenting while being supportive and accepting.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 It's all about the pictures. This is especially true about women's profiles. Not getting many messages? Switch up the pictures. And make them not too sexy or you will get the wrong kind of attention.
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 A step parent, especially when the father is in the child's life, is not expected to fill that role. You certainly wouldn't want someone who isn't a positive influence, but there is a significant distinction. A good step parent stands back and let's the parents do the parenting while being supportive and accepting. I never said to fill that role, but to be a father figure? Maybe it's just because every couple I know of where there is a significant other and a child they are as big of an influence as the actual father or mother is. They are just as involved. I know lots of couples where it is acceptable by both parents to have another person in their life to be involved with the child. It just sounded like she wanted someone who wouldn't be involved in her child's life at all. I could have mistaken the meaning though.
salparadise Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I never said to fill that role, but to be a father figure? Maybe it's just because every couple I know of where there is a significant other and a child they are as big of an influence as the actual father or mother is. They are just as involved. I know lots of couples where it is acceptable by both parents to have another person in their life to be involved with the child. It just sounded like she wanted someone who wouldn't be involved in her child's life at all. I could have mistaken the meaning though. Yes, it's a delicate balance for sure. I agree with her in the sense that a new dating partner would not become a part of the children's lives unless/until it becomes a serious relationship with a future in mind. I do not think that people should introduce young children to people they're dating, and allow them to form attachments. I've dated a number of people since my divorce and I only introduced my daughter to one. They didn't spend enough time together to form an attachment, and that was the right choice because the relationship is now over. I believe in keeping all of that stuff very much separate. I can't imagine a father being ok with the ex's new boyfriend becoming a significant person in the children's lives and displacing him, and his role as father, to some degree. I stand by my earlier statement that the best way is for the step parent to stand back, not attempt to take on parenting responsibilities, but be supportive and accepting. I agree that you wouldn't want the wrong person to become your children's step parent, of course. But the point is really that it's not necessary, perhaps not even appropriate, to talk about all of this in a dating profile. Many men who would be accepting of a woman having children from their prior marriage would not be interested in dating with that issue front and center. I did a coffee date once with a woman who had screwy ideas regarding this stuff––she said something to the effect that if we were going to date, I'd need to have the approval of her kids. I politely explained that I wasn't interested in seeking the approval of anyone's kids, and excused myself.
ChessPieceFace Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Most guys don't read an internet dating profile. They look at your photo and go from there. So upload a hot photo, write that you're looking to meet kind, genuine guys for friendship, dating and maybe more. That's it. No matter what you write on your profile, you won't weed out the douchebags who want to just shag, because they don't read the profile to begin with. Hot photo, friendship, dating, maybe more. That's it. ... where is this coming from. You've personally interviewed "most guys" to determine this? Let's say for the sake of argument that you're right, and that "most guys" just care about the picture. What does that say about those guys? And these are the guys you would be catering to. You need to rewind and start over from the beginning. "What guys do I want to attract?" And there you have the basis for making your profile. Unless of course you just care about attracting the maximum amount of penises, in which case, sure. Go for what "most guys" would want.
salparadise Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Most guys don't read an internet dating profile. They look at your photo and go from there. So upload a hot photo, write that you're looking to meet kind, genuine guys for friendship, dating and maybe more. That's it. No matter what you write on your profile, you won't weed out the douchebags who want to just shag, because they don't read the profile to begin with. Hot photo, friendship, dating, maybe more. That's it. That's about the third time this notion has been floated in this thread. Complete BS. It's a misandristic notion promoted to denigrate men and make women feel superior, and it's simply not true. 2
Author mammasita Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 The only thing icons confusing is thr you say you aren't looking for a father for your child, yet you aren't looking for a booty call. It just seems contradicting, you you want a relationship with someone who won't be involved in your child's life? I don't see how that makes sense. I've scanned some of the responses after this.....so I don't know if this was said - BUT, you are right in that anyone I date should expect to be involved in my sons life. Not as his father but as a postive male role model. For me theres a HUGE difference between role model and father. A father should also be a role model but a role model will not always be a father.
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I've scanned some of the responses after this.....so I don't know if this was said - BUT, you are right in that anyone I date should expect to be involved in my sons life. Not as his father but as a postive male role model. For me theres a HUGE difference between role model and father. A father should also be a role model but a role model will not always be a father. I just would leave thy part out.
MidwestUSA Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Maybe I'm just weird, but I kind of "prefer" a man in his late 30's to have been divorced. It means he has loved enough at one point to make the ultimate commitment to a woman, even if it sadly didn't work out. All (and I mean ALL) of the dudes I've dated who have been over 37 and never married have had some sort of commitment issues or are waiting out for a dream woman who doesn't exist. This is just my experience, however. Third reason: half of the "never marrieds" I dated were OCD germophobes. Freaky, absolutely freaky. I had one rip the sheets out from under me to launder them after we had sex. Sorry, OP! Off topic. Love your sense of humor, and I'm the same way about bait, live bait specifically. I would drop the booty call comment as well and lay off the dogs as children (this comes from experience).
CryForNoOne Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 That's about the third time this notion has been floated in this thread. Complete BS. It's a misandristic notion promoted to denigrate men and make women feel superior, and it's simply not true. Actually it's kinda true but it's out of necessity not choice. Most woman are inundated with messages so their response rate to guys is naturally very low. I learned to stop wasting time reading profiles as a result. Browse hundreds of pics, skim a few profiles, send several one liners. Once I get a response, THEN I read the profile. This is what most guys who are SUCCESSFUL with OLD do. Those who memorize every detail of her profile before there is even any contact are usually the ones whining here about never getting any responses.
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