mammasita Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Am I coming across as too goofy? Do I need to tone it down a bit? So, I suppose its about time for me to update this...... First of all I'm a single mother to a 12 year old boy who swears he knows everything (I have no idea where he gets that from *shrug*). I'm not looking for someone to be his "daddy", his father is around and an active part of his life. Besides my son, I have two dogs that are like my 2nd and 3rd children. I'm not a crazy dog lady who dresses them up and let's them sleep in my bed, although they are a bit spoiled. If I do dress them up its purely for my entertainment (refer to not taking life seriously and goofy statements below). Im looking for someone who doesn't take life too seriously. I need someone who will laugh at my goofiness and appreciate that I laugh so hard that it makes my eyes water and incites the occasional snort. I know it's not terribly sexy, but it's me and when I snort it makes me laugh harder. It's a never ending cycle of laughter. I'm not looking for a booty call or friends with benefits and you won't be able to sway me with your recital of lines from the Hangover or Bridesmaids. Ok, you might be able to if you can growl like Chewbacca or talk to me like the Jedi-master......no I take that back. I will not be swayed but......enjoy that conversation, every minute of, I will. I'm over the club scene but I'm a fan of bars, pubs, live bands, pool, bowling, quiet dinners.......I hate large crowds. Im very low key. Sometimes though, compromise is necessary, I'll deal with a large crowd to get on a new roller coaster. I love to cook. I love science fiction (in case you didn't catch my references to Star Wars). I like to fish....ideally saltwater with a beer in hand.... I have a bad ass casting throw - but I wont touch the worm or fish. I know, I'm a fishing oxymoron. I am a typical woman in that I like to shop.....but here's the kicker - I hate malls (that thing about crowds). If I go, I'm generally in and out. No window shopping and trying things on. I will however, window shop in Best Buy and Lowes. Im always looking for the newest, latest greatest gadget and things at Lowes to spruce up my humble abode. I love shoes. I love animals. I enjoy new movies on opening night and museums. I love the beach. I love music, all kinds - yes even country. I love to learn new things and Im into culinary exploration. 1
sillyanswer Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 The bit about what you're not looking for (booty call etc) is a negative statement. Could you say what sort of dating/relationship you are looking for and make it a positive statement instead? (Because... positive statements give a better impression. But at least you haven't got a huge list of negatives in there!) (And, in general, does saying you're not looking for a booty call really stop people from trying? I'm often curious about that.) 4th word from the end is missing an apostrophe. No, not too goofy. I like the humour. 3
sillyanswer Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Also, there are 2 things that you hate. Hate is a very strong thing... so are you sure you hate them (vs, perhaps, not liking them) ? Leave it if you do, but again it's a negative thing.
Mrlonelyone Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I think you're profile is fine as written. If you are being 100% emotionally honest. You may not get many messages, but you will only get worth while messages. I have a similar line to the booty call line in my profiles. As a bisexual gender variant male, all kinds of people think I want to be part of a threesome. (Often married couples, swingers). So if that discourages people who don't want to treat you like more than a sexual release, then good. Perhaps move it to the end of the profile. The sad fact is online dating comes down to the pictures to a great degree. Do you have a flattering face shot, at least one body shot which shows your shape in a flattering way? Do your pictures match the body type you put down. i.e. You are athletic, as in you are fit or you are trying to get fit (curvy perhaps?) I wish you luck.
Author mammasita Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Haha, no the booty call statement doesn't necessarily stop the offers all together, BUT I've only gotten like 2 messages straight up asking if I wanted something sexual.
ChessPieceFace Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'd stop reading after the first few words of the 2nd line. Personally, being divorced w/ kids is a deal-breaker for me. Even for men for whom it isn't a deal-breaker, the elephant in the room is going to be why you are divorced. It's simply something that has to be known. If you were cheated on for instance, and that's why you are divorced, I'd find a way to put that in the profile as tactfully as possible. As tasteless as that may seem at first glance, you'll be absolving yourself of unfair judgment. Yep, it matters. A lot.
CryForNoOne Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I personally think women's profiles should be written different than men's. Guys need to cast a wide net because it's a numbers game. Women on the other hand, I think it's fine to use negatives and even the occasional hate for deal breakers. After all, better to get rid of them now than when they're trying to get you in the sack. I think you're profile is fine as written and the humor is great. I'd message you if I liked your pic.
todreaminblue Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 i also agree with the poster who said abtou the booty call comment...you will find guys who will think lets see if i can change her mind and take it up as a challenge because they have no life....lol i liked your profile...gave me a giggle...ok i am a woman but your honesty i feel is refreshing or should be too a guy anyway....good luck i wish you the best....the beer in hand thing......it depends on who you want to attract....in my opinion you dont need it in there.....your profile is quirky and cool without it.....deb
CryForNoOne Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'd stop reading after the first few words of the 2nd line. Personally, being divorced w/ kids is a deal-breaker for me. Even for men for whom it isn't a deal-breaker, the elephant in the room is going to be why you are divorced. It's simply something that has to be known. If you were cheated on for instance, and that's why you are divorced, I'd find a way to put that in the profile as tactfully as possible. As tasteless as that may seem at first glance, you'll be absolving yourself of unfair judgment. Yep, it matters. A lot. I totally disagree. No point getting into that level of detail. And besides, if it's a deal breaker - begone. No point her explaining it to you... 3
ChessPieceFace Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I totally disagree. No point getting into that level of detail. And besides, if it's a deal breaker - begone. No point her explaining it to you... If the OP is fine with eliminating all the guys (including great guys) who would have legitimate reservations about inserting themselves into a situation of single-mom + kids + father is still around, then sure. Keep all the relevant facts of the divorce hidden, and convince yourself that any guy who dislikes this veil of secrecy "doesn't matter." If on the other hand the OP is looking for ways to increase her success rate (which I would have to imagine is the entire reason for her posting this thread) then she might want to consider, I dunno, some basic honesty. OP, if you have a clear and justifiable reason for being divorced (i.e. husband cheated or did other unforgivable things) then it's in your best interest to somehow allude to it in your profile. Something short and non-accusatory. Could even be as simple as "you can ask for details if you want", showing that you aren't hiding things but you also aren't airing dirty laundry. I'm not a master of phrasing but I'm sure it can be done tactfully. Being divorced is a huge strike against you. You can face it head on as best you can, or pretend "it isn't a problem." It is certainly your choice.
Mrlonelyone Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 If the OP is fine with eliminating all the guys (including great guys) who would have legitimate reservations about inserting themselves into a situation of single-mom + kids + father is still around, then sure. Keep all the relevant facts of the divorce hidden, and convince yourself that any guy who dislikes this veil of secrecy "doesn't matter." If on the other hand the OP is looking for ways to increase her success rate (which I would have to imagine is the entire reason for her posting this thread) then she might want to consider, I dunno, some basic honesty. OP, if you have a clear and justifiable reason for being divorced (i.e. husband cheated or did other unforgivable things) then it's in your best interest to somehow allude to it in your profile. Something short and non-accusatory. Could even be as simple as "you can ask for details if you want", showing that you aren't hiding things but you also aren't airing dirty laundry. I'm not a master of phrasing but I'm sure it can be done tactfully. Being divorced is a huge strike against you. You can face it head on as best you can, or pretend "it isn't a problem." It is certainly your choice. I disagree. She doesn't have to put that in the profile. However on the first or second date talking about exes and relationship experience is acceptable to many.
Drseussgrrl Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 If the OP is fine with eliminating all the guys (including great guys) who would have legitimate reservations about inserting themselves into a situation of single-mom + kids + father is still around, then sure. Keep all the relevant facts of the divorce hidden, and convince yourself that any guy who dislikes this veil of secrecy "doesn't matter." If on the other hand the OP is looking for ways to increase her success rate (which I would have to imagine is the entire reason for her posting this thread) then she might want to consider, I dunno, some basic honesty. OP, if you have a clear and justifiable reason for being divorced (i.e. husband cheated or did other unforgivable things) then it's in your best interest to somehow allude to it in your profile. Something short and non-accusatory. Could even be as simple as "you can ask for details if you want", showing that you aren't hiding things but you also aren't airing dirty laundry. I'm not a master of phrasing but I'm sure it can be done tactfully. Being divorced is a huge strike against you. You can face it head on as best you can, or pretend "it isn't a problem." It is certainly your choice. It's very common for men and women in the OP's age bracket to be divorced and/or have kids. It's not a "huge strike" against her. It means she's LIVED. I'm only 33 and if a dude is divorced, I don't need all of the details about it mapped out in his profile. If I'm interested, he can tell me himself. Sometimes things just don't work out between two people and that's ok. If it's YOUR dealbreaker, then just move on to the next profile. Easy peezy. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I'd stop reading after the first few words of the 2nd line. Personally, being divorced w/ kids is a deal-breaker for me. That's a positive, because a woman with a kid wants to date only men who are fine with it. Even for men for whom it isn't a deal-breaker, the elephant in the room is going to be why you are divorced. It's simply something that has to be known. If you were cheated on for instance, and that's why you are divorced, I'd find a way to put that in the profile as tactfully as possible. As tasteless as that may seem at first glance, you'll be absolving yourself of unfair judgment. Yep, it matters. A lot. That's ridiculous. People reading your profile are strangers. It's not their business why you're divorced. If they want to get to know you, they'll find out in due time. If not, move right along! I think that your tone implies that women, especially if they have a child and / or are divorced, somehow owe apologies and explanations to all and sundry. Not the case. 3
ChessPieceFace Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 It's very common for men and women in the OP's age bracket to be divorced and/or have kids. It's not a "huge strike" against her. It means she's LIVED. If you aren't divorced, you haven't lived? Standing by my revised idea of adding "I can give the details through PM if it's an issue." Does a ton of good with seemingly no negatives: - Addresses the elephant in the room (divorce) - Shows willingness to be open and honest - Indicates the OP has nothing to hide about the details of the divorce - Refrains from publicly airing dirty laundry Or, keep painting very justified concerns as unjustified.
todreaminblue Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 If you aren't divorced, you haven't lived? you are twisting that posters words(sueessgirl wanst it) that is not what she stated........deb 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Standing by my revised idea of adding "I can give the details through PM if it's an issue." Does a ton of good with seemingly no negatives: - Addresses the elephant in the room (divorce) - Shows willingness to be open and honest - Indicates the OP has nothing to hide about the details of the divorce - Refrains from publicly airing dirty laundry Or, keep painting very justified concerns as unjustified. It's not an elephant in the room, I promise. Most people who are willing to consider entering a relationship with a divorced person are also willing to learn as appropriate the details of it. Divorce, and the intricacies of a marriage are PRIVATE. Keeping things private and having personal boundaries does not indicate having something to hide. Really, if a person needs to know all the details of what went wrong in another person's former marriage in order to decide whether to date them - that implies a great deal of judgement is being leveled at the divorced person. Their "reasons" have to be acceptable. That's wrong. She doesn't even KNOW you! If you think that a person's reasons for divorce are your business before you meet her for coffee, then tell her so, or, better yet, don't even consider dating a divorced woman. That's a completely valid choice. Simple. 4
Drseussgrrl Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Maybe I'm just weird, but I kind of "prefer" a man in his late 30's to have been divorced. It means he has loved enough at one point to make the ultimate commitment to a woman, even if it sadly didn't work out. All (and I mean ALL) of the dudes I've dated who have been over 37 and never married have had some sort of commitment issues or are waiting out for a dream woman who doesn't exist. This is just my experience, however. 1
It's Just Me Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I think it's a bit too long and revealing. Let the men on here weigh in and contradict me, but... I'd shorten that to about half of the current text. People don't read, and if it's long, they read even less. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I think it's a bit too long and revealing. Let the men on here weigh in and contradict me' date=' but... I'd shorten that to about half of the current text. People don't read, and if it's long, they read even less.[/quote'] Sadly, I think that many of them just look at the picture. Doesn't matter what you write. (NOT ALL)
chuzzbug Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I suggest structuring your profile around what you want, not what you don't want. Second, the way someone starts a profile suggests the central theme to their personality and life. If you identify yourself as a mother first, and feel like you need to provide details about your son, fine. But be aware that this might not be the ideal way. After all, while anyone serious with you will form a relationship with your son, they're in it for you first. 1
CryForNoOne Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Maybe I'm just weird, but I kind of "prefer" a man in his late 30's to have been divorced. It means he has loved enough at one point to make the ultimate commitment to a woman, even if it sadly didn't work out. All (and I mean ALL) of the dudes I've dated who have been over 37 and never married have had some sort of commitment issues or are waiting out for a dream woman who doesn't exist. This is just my experience, however. I'm 41 and divorced. My friends from college who never married are either players or hopeless around women. In either case I'd never set them up with my single GFs. So I totally get where you are coming from...
KungFuJoe Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I have never done OLD, but I also agree with keeping info about the divorce as scarce as possible. You can fill in on the details if things start to develop, but who you were with before has nothing to do with getting to know YOU as a person.
chuzzbug Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Agreed. A good template is a list of a) what you offer b) what you want the other person to offer Both phrased in a way that reflects your values. There will be plenty of time to stipulate what you don't want. I, for one, am attracted to people who spend their energy (and in OLD, that means words) describing the reality they desire, not the one they wish to avoid. It's a subtle distinction, but it reflects a state of mind.
Mrlonelyone Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 If the OP is fine with eliminating all the guys (including great guys) who would have legitimate reservations about inserting themselves into a situation of single-mom + kids + father is still around, then sure. Keep all the relevant facts of the divorce hidden, and convince yourself that any guy who dislikes this veil of secrecy "doesn't matter." If on the other hand the OP is looking for ways to increase her success rate (which I would have to imagine is the entire reason for her posting this thread) then she might want to consider, I dunno, some basic honesty. OP, if you have a clear and justifiable reason for being divorced (i.e. husband cheated or did other unforgivable things) then it's in your best interest to somehow allude to it in your profile. Something short and non-accusatory. Could even be as simple as "you can ask for details if you want", showing that you aren't hiding things but you also aren't airing dirty laundry. I'm not a master of phrasing but I'm sure it can be done tactfully. Being divorced is a huge strike against you. You can face it head on as best you can, or pretend "it isn't a problem." It is certainly your choice. I disagree. She doesn't have to put that in the profile. However on the first or second date talking about exes and relationship experience is acceptable to many. OP, being divorced is a deal breaker for many. Why not just tell it so people who feel that way won't bother you?
Imajerk17 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I think the text is fine. What will make it or break it are the pictures. A good body-shot of you(wearing form-fitting jeans is fine) a couple pictures with female friends and NO picture of you getting too palsy-walsy with another guy. Most women's profiles miss this so if you get this right you will have an advantage over 90% of the competition. PS: No need to go into any detail with the divorce at the profile stage. That is really more of a second or later date topic IMO.
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