jttier Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 This is mostly off the cuff but there have been a few lingering questions/things I've wanted to say in my head lately. I'm going to try to write and organize my thoughts as elegantly as I can so please bear with me. I think this is something I have to get off my chest so im gonna post it here instead of sending it to her. (I have a previous thread that went into detail about my relationship fallout if anyone's interested.) Amy, You told me the other day that I think you're so "heartless" for breaking my heart. That I don't understand how much it hurt you to do that to me. It's probably true that I have a hard time empathizing for you. I want to believe you're a good person and didn't do what you did to hurt me intentionally, maybe you thought you were letting me down gently, maybe thats giving you too much credit. I don't know. What I do know is that I don't think that what you did makes you heartless. After everything happened between us, after I walked in on you and saw something that was burned into my head for the rest of my life, after the only thing you did that night was look in me in the eye and mutter "what do you want me to say", after all the lies and deception and half truths, I still wanted to try and work things out. When we next saw each other a week after that and both cried and talked for almost 2 hours face to face you had a chance to finally do the right thing. To look me in the eye and just be HONEST with me and say "I'm sorry John but I don't want to be with you". But you didnt. You told me you didnt love him. That you were still in love with me. That you wanted to start over, take things slow and rebuild. You gave me hope. But deep down you didn't mean any of what you said. Because you didn't try. If you really loved me, if you cared for me at all, If anything that we shared was special to you and made you feel like like I really meant something, like the way you did to me, then you would have DONE something to make it right. Actions speak louder than words. You did nothing. You had lost you're feelings for me gradually over time and instead of communcating with me when I tried to talk about us you shut me out completely, emotionally and physically. You made me feel like I'm not good enough, like everything we had can be replaced by someone else. Like I am nothing. Like I wasnt even worth enough as a person to be told the truth. Not to sound melodramtic but its probably the worst feeling I've ever experienced. I hate it. What I struggle the most now is letting go of the future I thought we had together and the person I thought you were. And no offence but its easy to tell someone else that everything happens for a reason and one day they'll be so happy, when you've already found someone else. I know you hope we can be friends someday but that won't happen. Frankly there's no reason for me to be friends with you, how could I even if I wanted to?... I don't trust you. I know you're with him now. I've regrettably checked facebook and instagram and you look very happy together. We were that happy together once, happier even. I wish things had worked out differently but I have to accpet that you've moved on. I will never forget you Amy. Maybe one day our paths will cross again. Sincerely, John Well thats it. I know I internalize a lot of feelings and emotions that I shouldn't, that I blame myself when I know in my heart I tried my best but im trying to let go. I know that if I sent this to her it wouldn't change anything so I doubt I will. I think deep down im so desperate for type of contact that I'd take an argument over a message like this over perpetual silence, pathetic as that is. Anyway thanks for reading and having a place to vent is a huge help. Any helpful advice/similar stories/comments are always welcome.
aloneinaz Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Please don't send that. Write as many of those letters as you need to get it out of your system, but don't send it. The relationship is over and you need to work on you moving on.
eachcomingnight Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Good for you for deciding to post here, instead. I agree that this is the right way forward - as you said, it really won't change anything, and won't make you feel any better (most likely, way worse, when nothing comes of it). I can't really relate to your story but I did connect with a few of the things that you wrote. My ex also tried to reassure me that "everything happens for a reason" which I think is a really hollow and selfish thing for a dumper to say. First, because after being dumped this idea is certainly not going to connect with you as you go through the grieving process, and in addition, it's kind of condescending to presume that they both know this and that it's up to them to reassure us of this. I am sorry that you have had to go through such an awful situation, and that your ex took the cowardly way out instead of addressing her issues head on. It sounds like you have a pretty good grasp on things - I noticed you mentioned missing a future with the person you THOUGHT she was, rather than the person she actually is - so this should help you as you face the road ahead. Best of luck.
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