When a guy flirts with you, you start liking him, then you vaguely hear he has a gf??

[Cfb770099]

I´ve known this guy for a month and a half and he has always given me the impression that he kind of liked me. However, even though he always seems very eager to talk to me, he hasn´t responded to my latest invitation to study together (or at least he sounded very positive at first, he said "great idea, I´ll let you know if I´ll be around school" but then didn´t follow up).

His friend (whom I don´t think he sees much out of school though, so not sure how well they know each other) quickly mentioned he has a girlfriend, when referring to his summer plans he said "he has to do this thing with his girlfriend, or something". He said it vaguely, but I´m sure I heard the word "girlfriend".

 

Is there a higher chance that his friend is mistaken or misunderstood something, or that I misunderstood all of his signals? How do I find out? I would feel so embarrassed now around him because I started developing a mini-crush on him, but now it turns out I´m a complete idiot and just got it all wrong! And I swear I would never have developed this mini-crush if it hand´t been for the way I tought he was looking at me. Once he even mentioned I should come and see his band play, and sat next to me every single day in the last week of classes. I didn´t even know who he was until he introduced himself out of the blue and started acting all nice and interested

One last point is that I have often asked him how his week end was and he never ever mentioned any girlfriend!

 

now I feel like a complete idiot!

[KungFuJoe]

I´ve known this guy for a month and a half and he has always given me the impression that he kind of liked me. However, even though he always seems very eager to talk to me, he hasn´t responded to my latest invitation to study together (or at least he sounded very positive at first, he said "great idea, I´ll let you know if I´ll be around school" but then didn´t follow up).

His friend (whom I don´t think he sees much out of school though, so not sure how well they know each other) quickly mentioned he has a girlfriend, when referring to his summer plans he said "he has to do this thing with his girlfriend, or something". He said it vaguely, but I´m sure I heard the word "girlfriend".

 

Is there a higher chance that his friend is mistaken or misunderstood something, or that I misunderstood all of his signals? How do I find out? I would feel so embarrassed now around him because I started developing a mini-crush on him, but now it turns out I´m a complete idiot and just got it all wrong! And I swear I would never have developed this mini-crush if it hand´t been for the way I tought he was looking at me. Once he even mentioned I should come and see his band play, and sat next to me every single day in the last week of classes. I didn´t even know who he was until he introduced himself out of the blue and started acting all nice and interested

One last point is that I have often asked him how his week end was and he never ever mentioned any girlfriend!

 

now I feel like a complete idiot!

 

He probably liked the attention he was getting from you or you got your signals mixed.

 

Either way, does it matter to you?

[Cfb770099]

But I wasn´t giving him much attention at all! I don´t think he suspects that I like him, and I only started liking him because of all the interest he was showing for me, that´s why I went from thinking he wash´t my type at all to thinking he was actually kind of cute. Did I really make all of this up? If I have it´s the first time it happens.

 

Of course it does matter, because now I liked him and was all excited to see him and stuff, and now I found out he´s taken! That does´t exactly feel good.

[tbf]

It's not unusual that people misinterpret friendliness with interest, especially if light-hearted flirtation is part of the mix. But after years of experience with the gender of your attraction, you'll find that the easiest way to avoid getting invested with previously committed individuals is to assume friendliness unless he asks you out.

 

How to source out if this guy's got a girlfriend is during an interaction with him, compliment him in a backhanded way. "Bet your girlfriend loves this [insert compliment] of you." His response to this comment will drive how you respond.

[Cfb770099]

It's not unusual that people misinterpret friendliness with interest, especially if light-hearted flirtation is part of the mix. But after years of experience with the gender of your attraction, you'll find that the easiest way to avoid getting invested with previously committed individuals is to assume friendliness unless he asks you out.

 

The reason I feel so stupid is that usually it´s men that misinterpret women's flirt. I don´t usually go around thinking all men flirt with me just because they are nice to me!

 

But before a guy asks you out he probably flirt with you to see if you flirt back, right? I always thought my problem was I was bad at flirting back, now it seems like I´m actually unable to decode flirt at all!

 

Could it be that he liked me even though he has a girlfriend, or that he only got together with her very recently? These to possibilities would make me feel at least a little bit better about myself

[tbf]

I don´t usually go around thinking all men flirt with me just because they are nice to me!

Why not? Until he asks you out, flirting is pretty meaningless.

 

But before a guy asks you out he probably flirt with you to see if you flirt back, right?

Sometimes yes, other times no. Depends on the guy, how comfortable he is with flirting and why he flirts.

 

I always thought my problem was I was bad at flirting back, now it seems like I´m actually unable to decode flirt at all!

You don't need to decode flirt. Just return it if someone flirts with you but consider it friendliness unless he asks you out.

 

Could it be that he liked me even though he has a girlfriend, or that he only got together with her very recently? These to possibilities would make me feel at least a little bit better about myself

Sure it's possible. Anything's possible since it's not as if people suddenly die or become blind when in a relationship. Plenty of people cheat too.

 

But why would the above make you feel better about yourself and why would this guy, whether he likes you or not, make you feel bad about yourself? You're still the same person as you were, prior to meeting this guy.

[Cfb770099]

 

But why would the above make you feel better about yourself and why would this guy, whether he likes you or not, make you feel bad about yourself? You're still the same person as you were, prior to meeting this guy.

 

Because I feel stupid for having wasted so many thoughts on him, basing it on my belief that he liked me!

I don´t think I have ever gone so wrong with understanding other people´s behavior like I did this time!

[tbf]

Because I feel stupid for having wasted so many thoughts on him, basing it on my belief that he liked me!

I don´t think I have ever gone so wrong with understanding other people´s behavior like I did this time!

Unless you believe yourself to be perfect, we all make mistakes, whether romantically or platonically. Accept imperfections within and forgive yourself while moving on.

 

But prior to doing so, find out if he does have a girlfriend. If he doesn't, then you're "wrong" about getting angry with your misjudgment.

[Jbum5]

Straight to the point - either: you misinterpreted as mentioned above, or the buffoon actually likes flirting with other women when not in his partner's presence. You've received evidence that points to the latter, so you should be on your way out the door.