The dramatic "we can't be friends" letter

[Own Worst Enemy]

I had to send this piece of predictable crap today, because we had an event booked in the diary. I was driving myself mental vacillating between I should go and he'd realise what he was missing (yeah right, stupid stupid Hollywood) and literally wanting to kill myself over the thought that he might have met someone else. Eventually I thought better just to draw this line, rather than wait for the event and then say I can't go or risk his mates telling me stuff I don't want to hear.

 

So I sent him a letter (because I wanted to pay for the ticket so had to put money in the envelope) saying that it would be better if I didn't go and that we should make the break permanent now that we've already done a few weeks. Originally we'd said we would not see each other until I felt better about everything, which in his head had become a fixed term of 3 months and magic wand would make it all fine. I've now made that permanent.

 

I don't recommend it. I feel like hell. But it was because we had this event in the diary and he'd already broken NC about the next one in sep, so it had to be done. The mistake was leaving that door open a few weeks ago, not sending the letter today.

 

I think my heart might actually have broken and he hasn't replied at all... He's never ever not written back to prolong the drama by begging to remain best friends before. My brain is convinced this is because he has met someone. However I know it's for the best. I know I know I know.

 

I just liked it so much better in my fool's paradise. This really hurts

[Mcnulty]

I hear you.

 

It hurts like hell, I know, been 2 months since we cut all ties, knew it had to be done, but has it made it any easier? Nope.

 

If you love someone enough you'll set them free, this is what we have HAD to do, for our own sanity.

 

Aside from the pain, the predominant feeling is sadness, lives with me everyday, how I wish it would pass.

 

I wish you strength.

[Own Worst Enemy]

"I wish I was somewhere over you" as the song says.

 

That cycle of devastation, anger, cool f*ck-you, sorrow is exhausting but in some ways it's worse when it turns to dull grief as it feels so permanent.

 

Still it can't last forever, right? Nothing else does, so why would this?!