JR91 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Ive been lurking forums and google searching for a while now. So I finally decided to get the forums input. Me and my Woman have been together for 4 months. Our relationship started pretty fast and i am afraid its ending at the same speed. It was great up until the end of the third month things started going down hill. She started being distant and gave me signs that made me realize she might be doubting our relationship. I have to admit after reading all these posts I realized I've been a bit clingy. So We talked and she said she has been stressed at home. Last time i went to visit her she was pretty upset that i didn't text her before knocking but after spending some time with her she came around n said she was glad i went to visit her and "sorry for being a jerk". I have been feeling bad ever since she said there was no passion in our relationship. She is older than me by 7 years and she had gotten out of a 3 year relationship before i met her. When we got together she was in the process of moving out of her and her ex's apartment and was filling for divorce. things were great, now shes been on and off. Some days we are on good terms and others not so good. We dont argue we communicate well. Its just that this time I feel like its worse. After realizing I had been clingy I told her and offered to give her space. We are still together but since then she has restricted me from her FB and took off our FB picture we had together. We haven't kept contact for about 3 days now, I am waiting for her to come to me. Another thing I think has been stressing our relationship is the fact that she lives at home with her mom (they dont get along very well) and she has work and a child so we never really have any time to ourselves. I really hope its our situation and not really me. She knows i want to work things out but with every passing day she is more distant and i feel if i try to go see her or contact her it will only make it worse. She did say she would be busy till after Thursday. If she doesn't contact me by Sunday I feel it may be over. We usually always hangout on Sundays she has never passed an opportunity to see me when she has a day off. I want to know if anyone else here has experienced this and if playing it cool is the best thing to do since we are still together. Or if the ship is sinking. I was pretty hurt at first but after reading how many other people have gone through almost the same thing i have been feeling a little better. I just keep my mind on myself and occupy my time with things that i need to get done to better myself and make myself feel happy. Should I play it cool and wait for her or should i try to meet up with her and take her out somewhere. how did things turn out for you guys if you went through this?
Fun2BMe Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 It could be that her mother is giving re a hard time about dating hen she isn't even divorced yet and also has to be stuck watching her child every time she goes out, but the fact that she as blocked you from her Facebook means she is hiding something - either you from someone else or someone else from you. She might be working things out with her ex. Or she just might not be into you she's realizing and isn't making a final break up until she decides. It could be that she doesn't want to hurt your feelings by breaking up and thinks you will eventually get a clue and go away. At this point maybe wait a couple of more days then without any pressure casually ask if she's planning to spend Saturday with you or not so you can plan things accordingly. Good luck.
Author JR91 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 I doubt her mother is giving her a hard time about the divorce thing and she never asks her to watch her kid. We only hangout when her ex has her kid Or late at night when her mom goes to work. she doesn't seem to want me around. Shes a pretty blunt and honest person so I am not sure what is going on. I feel that if it was me she would have told me by now. I guess all i can do is wait till after Thursday to try and arrange something with her. I want to text her and ask her how shes doing but I feel that it would make me seem clingy.
Fun2BMe Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 How about sending her a simple text such as "thinking of you" which doesn't require a response from her so she won't feel suffocated or you're being clingy. It's like a catch 22 because if you send nothing at all she will feel neglected too.
Author JR91 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 How about sending her a simple text such as "thinking of you" which doesn't require a response from her so she won't feel suffocated or you're being clingy. It's like a catch 22 because if you send nothing at all she will feel neglected too. True, Im just losing touch with what i should do since things i have read mostly involve a broken up couple. She just texted me asking how i was doing. I want to say something sweet but I feel like it would mess it up. I want her to miss me.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Ill give you my honest opinion but you are not going to like it. She was in a relationship for 3 years and hasnt grieved appropriately before starting a new relationship. She is filling a void with you and is now confused. This is why rebounds never work, its not you. it is her.
Author JR91 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Ill give you my honest opinion but you are not going to like it. She was in a relationship for 3 years and hasn't grieved appropriately before starting a new relationship. She is filling a void with you and is now confused. This is why rebounds never work, its not you. it is her. This has come to mind too, they had been broken up about half a year before i met her but still living together. They went separate ways the month i met her. She said she was ready that she had already gone through the emotions n felt good about a new relationship. Before these distant feelings completely arose she would tell me she had been having bad dreams day after day. N that she couldn't sleep because Past relationships would pop into her head. Maybe I am the nicest coolest guy she has met and she found it nice, but now she is realizing that she prefers to be alone. I hope this isn't the case Shes a great woman, I guess ill find out sooner or later if this is all true. She says i make her really happy and that she is glad i came into her life when i did. This rebound thing isnt too farfetched, I really hope its not the case.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 This is what she told you. ive rebounded before so i know how it works. She may have been done in her mind, but they were still living together. you have no idea if they were fooling around and what truly happened. Her distance is proving this. If i were you i would end things before you get even more hurt. her blocking you on facebook means she is hiding something. I get you care about her, maybe tell her you will give her space and for her not to contact you until she knows what she truly wants. But also be prepared that this could backfire as well.
Author JR91 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) This is what she told you. ive rebounded before so i know how it works. She may have been done in her mind, but they were still living together. you have no idea if they were fooling around and what truly happened. Her distance is proving this. If i were you i would end things before you get even more hurt. her blocking you on facebook means she is hiding something. I get you care about her, maybe tell her you will give her space and for her not to contact you until she knows what she truly wants. But also be prepared that this could backfire as well. She didn't block me just restricted me from seeing some of her posts, she still has our pictures up but not as her default. They were fooling around while broken up. she told me they hated each other but did it just because it was there. they eventually stopped 3 months before meeting her. She said she would break down and cry and even feel like vomiting. I did offer to give her space and told her to let me know when she wants me to go see her. I havent kept in contact with her for 3 days now, she texted me an hour ago asking how i was doing, i kept it blunt said i was ok and asked her how she was doing. She said fine too and i ended it there. Im just worried that neglect will push her away. So maybe ill just text her once in the morning and once at night. Edited June 11, 2013 by JR91
undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Why would she restrict you? Thats what im trying to get you to see, i get that you care but there is something going on here. How serious were you guys? She may have been telling you that, and to me it sounds very hard to believe. why would she fool around with him if she didnt want to?
undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 She is the one doing the distance! If shes not reaching out there is a problem. She ended it after that? She just wants to know you are still there. I would talk to her about this issue directly in a very calm manner and see how she reacts. If shes defensive there is something going on.
Author JR91 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 She is the one doing the distance! If shes not reaching out there is a problem. She ended it after that? She just wants to know you are still there. I would talk to her about this issue directly in a very calm manner and see how she reacts. If shes defensive there is something going on. She has restricted me twice in the past because she was upset at me. N did change her default too because of the same thing. i know for a fact something is bothering her. We are going to talk about it this week, if she doesnt reach out to me and ask to see me by the end of the week im going to call her and ask her what she is feeling. Like i stated before she said she had been stressed lately so I really dont wanna get out of hand and come off as too clingy. thanks for the advice I know ill be heart broken if she ends it but i know im strong enough to get over it. Only thing that scares me is her keeping in contact with my friends and bumping into her. I know for a fact that if she ends it I wont let myself become her friend. I've done it before with other females and it hurts to see the one you love interacting with others n not knowing who she will endup going home with, Not being able to do anything because she is no longer your girl. If it ends I guess at least it was a lesson learned. Don't jump into things too fast.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Youre welcome, i hope things do work out for you. I just feel that im right in this issue because of my womanly instincts, the fact she continues to restrict you is not good. You say you have mutual friends? Can they see the posts you cannot? In all honestly you do not sound clingy at all, your idea sounds fair. keep everyone posted!
Author JR91 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Why would she restrict you? Thats what im trying to get you to see, i get that you care but there is something going on here. How serious were you guys? She may have been telling you that, and to me it sounds very hard to believe. why would she fool around with him if she didnt want to? We were pretty serious she let me hang around her family, we took our kids out together. she would tell me everything about herself. everything was going good. we even bought event tickets ahead of time because we planned on doing so much together.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 That is hard then i can imagine, but usually rebounds are very intense and strong. I hope im wrong here though
Author JR91 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Well it hurts to say that she changed the login info to an account we had together. I think this is going really bad. I dont see why she would do that if she still had some hope for us. i asked her if we could talk before the week ended she pretty much said no by telling me to wait and see what happened cause she is putting all her attention to her kid. :/
undergroundlife13 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Well it hurts to say that she changed the login info to an account we had together. I think this is going really bad. I dont see why she would do that if she still had some hope for us. i asked her if we could talk before the week ended she pretty much said no by telling me to wait and see what happened cause she is putting all her attention to her kid. :/ Just end it please, she is showing in her actions what is happening. Or you ciuld try an ultamatum "we need to discuss things or i feel we should break up" i know how heartbreak feels and im very sorry. please end it before she does
Author JR91 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Just end it please, she is showing in her actions what is happening. Or you ciuld try an ultamatum "we need to discuss things or i feel we should break up" i know how heartbreak feels and im very sorry. please end it before she does Yeah its just really hard, i keep thinking maybe im overacting. I read a recent post on here about a guy who was too clingy and needy i realised that is exactly how I was being with her. I wish I would have figured it out sooner. If i didn't know any better id say it was probably her writing that post. *sigh* love sucks.
Author JR91 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 What do you define as clingy? well to start I would pretty much do everything with her and be there when she needed me. I would never really challenge her and always tried to call her even though there wasnt anything important or interesteing to say. At first it was fine. Now i can see that i was being a pushover. I guess i didn't give her a challenge. Thats what I think. im going to give her this week and see where it all goes. reading all these posts is getting to me, If she is feeling what that other poster is feeling im sure there is no way back. I have yet to read a good outcome when it comes to a girl wanting space Im certain its over. Im sure she will do the dumping when i see her I dont think im strong enough to do it myself since im affraid that im over reacting. I really hope she does it soon if my gut feelings are correct.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) That is not clingy. What people dont realize is in a true relationship there is no clingy. There are outside forces involved. Wouldnt you rather break up with het before she does it? The fact she is doing all this is only obvious. Tell her how you feel, or this relationship will not work. This is unacceptable behavior, and maybe shes waiting for you to end it? Edited June 12, 2013 by undergroundlife13
Author JR91 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I dont want to break up with her I love her. I could care less who does it first not like it will make me feel any better. I will tell her all this when we finally talk.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 It doesnt seem like she wants to talk. Maybe she has ended things already? Communication is needed. Dont stay with someone taking you for granted, stick up for yourself!
Author JR91 Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Well we finally talked and yeah she had been feeling unhappy with our relationship but wanted to wait till monday to talk about it. So now its basically over, we aren't officially broken up because she says she wants me to call it quits when I think im ready.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Then call it quits, i know it hurts but shes basically telling you to break up with her
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