mtnbiker3000 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 So, it's been just about 90 days NC, and I am really hitting the wall, hard. I am barely hanging on by a thread here... Hoping and praying this starts to decrease in intensity soon. Don't know how much longer I can hold on 3
BustedUpInside Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Oh boy, I hear that. Crossing my fingers for both of us
youngnlove89 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'm sorry You've been doing great with the NC don't mess it up!!! Stay strong.
SimonSerenade Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Don't waste your process now, not when you've done so well, another 90 days and you won't even be counting anymore. 1
SadPanda22 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I stopped counting the days of NC after I reached 100. Now it's been over an entire year!! It gets easier, I promise. I had been making progress all along (just like you are), but I didn't really notice that I actually felt better until about 7 months after the breakup. It just takes time, and not everyone heals at the same pace. If I can get through it, you can too. Hang in there man, you've got this. 3
mfleck91 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I too have been having a lot of difficulty lately. There's nothing I want more than to send her a text, I have so much to say, so many questions. It takes every ounce of my strength not to contact her, it's exhausting. 1
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Thanks for the continued support LSer's... Means a lot It's not that I am worried about breaking NC. I know that won't do anything as I am quite confident she has moved on. And even if not, I know she is happier without me in the picture. What I am worried about is my sanity. My piece of mind. My emotional well-being. I feel I am losing all of those, and more. I don't even know what I feel anymore. It's simply pure chaos, pain and suffering. I am not sure how much more I can take...
sporu Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'm going through the same 'phase' like you at the moment. Almost 90 days of No Contact and I just can feel myself going down and down more at every moment. Is there any rational explanation for this kind of behavior? I've been feeling gradually worse since I started No Contact, but at the same time I am noticing progress here and there. + Being more happy with my current situation (being alone again) + Feeling more relaxed about the whole break-up (no more constant anxiety) + The fact that I'm holding on to NC is, for me at least, a real accomplishment and I'm feeling great because of that - Starting to miss her more and more - Really bad mood swings (from happy to sad in a matter of seconds sometimes) - Not sure what to think or feel anymore about the whole situation 3
mfleck91 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'm going through the same 'phase' like you at the moment. Almost 90 days of No Contact and I just can feel myself going down and down more at every moment. Is there any rational explanation for this kind of behavior? I've been feeling gradually worse since I started No Contact, but at the same time I am noticing progress here and there. + Being more happy with my current situation (being alone again) + Feeling more relaxed about the whole break-up (no more constant anxiety) + The fact that I'm holding on to NC is, for me at least, a real accomplishment and I'm feeling great because of that - Starting to miss her more and more - Really bad mood swings (from happy to sad in a matter of seconds sometimes) - Not sure what to think or feel anymore about the whole situation It's like you're in my head
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 It's maddening!!! It really is. I feel like I'm losing it
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 I am spending my 1000th post on Loveshack (Christ almighty), on you, mtnbiker3000. I know how you feel. I had a 'weepy' day yesterday. Nothing will make me break NC (I am far too proud and stubborn), but...I miss him. I miss my friend. I think mine is going to get better once I'm in a healthier relationship. I think that's the cure for me. ONce I can replace it with something better, and more functional, less drama, I know I'll be better. But right now... Just sad. Thanks for lucky #1000 Now, not to downplay your RS in any way, BUT it's almost as if you're kind of lucky in a way. Many others also in this same way. You RS was un-healthy, dysfunctional, filled with drama, etc... I have to believe this makes it a little easier to put a period behind it. Although my RS was definitely unhealthy at times, it was also so awesome and filled with so, so many good and great times with really very few bad ones. And she really is such an awesome person, it makes it so hard for me to move on. Yes, at the end, things were unpleasant between us, but for 2.5+ years we were best friends and did everything together. Now... nothing. Now I am alone. I have no other support structure and I am alone. I miss her friendship so much. I miss texting, talking and just hanging together. I lost a good friend. Sorry, just venting here and not trying to say you and others didn't have these things as well. Just one of those days
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I think what makes this one difficult more than most, is that I haven't connected with someone like I did in this situation. It was very mutual and very intense. I'm kind of worried I won't find that again... Yes, here too. Strong connection!! Very mutual and very intense, especially at the beginning. I had no way of doing anything except exactly what I did: Fall... hard and fast!! Now paying the price, big time!! I am weak!! And yes, she may have been something I will never get again. I know that is self-defeating, but it may also be true. I'm no spring chicken and have had my fare share of experiences and this was something very unique and special. Enough for a ring and a proposal. Uggghhh. I think I am going to be sick
fiftyofsomethin Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Thanks for lucky #1000 Now, not to downplay your RS in any way, BUT it's almost as if you're kind of lucky in a way. Many others also in this same way. You RS was un-healthy, dysfunctional, filled with drama, etc... I have to believe this makes it a little easier to put a period behind it. Although my RS was definitely unhealthy at times, it was also so awesome and filled with so, so many good and great times with really very few bad ones. And she really is such an awesome person, it makes it so hard for me to move on. Yes, at the end, things were unpleasant between us, but for 2.5+ years we were best friends and did everything together. Now... nothing. Now I am alone. I have no other support structure and I am alone. I miss her friendship so much. I miss texting, talking and just hanging together. I lost a good friend. Sorry, just venting here and not trying to say you and others didn't have these things as well. Just one of those days Oh yes. I feel your pain big time brother. Every single self-help article I read or supporting post on here tells us to remember the reasons you broke up or the flaws about her... well what if there weren't any big flaws, or hell, what if we LIKED those flaws? And I mean I never even got a straight reason WHY we broke up! She gave me the whole "I'm too busy to be in a relationship right now" thing and as we all know here at LS, that is complete bull****. If you liked someone enough, you would make it work. And it doesn't help that she is living it up and talking to new guys all the time. We had too many mutual friends to count so it doesn't help that I hear stories about her from them on a nearly daily basis. And on top of it, we haven't talked since a month after the breakup. Oh how I wish I were in the shoes of one of these other folks on here who have to ignore texts and calls from their ex... I doubt she even has my contact data anymore. So from one small misunderstanding, we have taken these huge precautions to not talk because we "don't understand how we feel about each other or what we want from now on" But you know what does make it better and gives me a bit of hope? Just letting go of all my worries about the future and past through living in the moment. I strongly suggest reading or listening to the book by Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now". If I ever feel a bit anxious about the future or I find myself ruminating on the past, I simply hop in the car, hook up my ipod with the audiobook on it, and drive and drive and drive. I am always feeling better after an hour or two of that. I know this has gotten on quite a tangent, but I do want you to know that you aren't alone. I certainly thought I was the only one in a situation like mine until you posted that. Good luck! We both sure as hell need it.
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Yeah, I don't know what the crap is going on, but I have spiraled downward today, hard!!! I need to renew my copy of Power of Now and get back to it. Only got through the first couple of chapters a while back... Thanks for the encouragement. I am in bad shape today. Bad shape Maybe it's because I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I hate where I live. I don't know anybody. I hate my crappy job. I feel like she is over this, while I am still in the belly of the beast and nothing is looking good for me at the moment... I am just overwhelmed and don't know how to turn the corner. Thank goodness I have a therapy session tomorrow. That is the only thing keeping me sane right now!
fiftyofsomethin Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Yeah, I don't know what the crap is going on, but I have spiraled downward today, hard!!! I need to renew my copy of Power of Now and get back to it. Only got through the first couple of chapters a while back... Thanks for the encouragement. I am in bad shape today. Bad shape Maybe it's because I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I hate where I live. I don't know anybody. I hate my crappy job. I feel like she is over this, while I am still in the belly of the beast and nothing is looking good for me at the moment... I am just overwhelmed and don't know how to turn the corner. Thank goodness I have a therapy session tomorrow. That is the only thing keeping me sane right now! Honestly as improbable as it sounds, simply telling myself that everything WILL be great in the future and BELIEVING it helped me. Don't force yourself to need EXACT reasons, just be confident that things will work out. Try to look up ways of how to have more of an abundant mentality rather than the one of lack you currently posses. It's amazing how thinking abundantly can help.
IS IT Better late Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Guys, We need new girls! She doesn't have to replace the girl we lost but we need someone to occupy that down time on the weekend. Believe me I'm as messed up as anyone on LS, I almost cried at work yesterday I'm so messed up. Here's what sucks, you get ready to go on a date with a new girl and go through the same procedure but your not going to see the girl you want. That really hurts. But at least you get to interact with a new girl and get your mind off your ex for a few hours and who knows maybe some touches too! Point is, being alone and counting the days since you last saw and spoke with your ex is horrible. I do it, I still look at her old texts, Guys who are good at getting over lost loved ones, go find more girls. Not easy but that's where I'm trying to put my energy now. I've waited for months dealing with the breadcrumbs hoping, praying she comes back. But its not happening. I can't live in this pain anymore I need the help of some female compaionship. Think about it!
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 We need new girls! She doesn't have to replace the girl we lost but we need someone to occupy that down time on the weekend. I've waited for months dealing with the breadcrumbs hoping, praying she comes back. But its not happening. I can't live in this pain anymore I need the help of some female compaionship. Think about it! Meh, this has never been my MO. I mean, I get what you are saying and sure I've had my fair share of women in my days. More than some less than others, but just going out to 'get' one, has never really been my thing. Especially as I get older, I am looking more for quality than quantity. Plus, I think I need some more time before I alert the universe I am ready. Now, on the other hand, a little 'beast with two backs' action could be a nice diversion and let one know they are still desirable and capable of attracting the opposite sex.
Leigh 87 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Stay strong. I am way earlier in the NC process and seriously, if I am doing as well as you are doing, I will feel pretty darn good about myself. I too, did everything with my ex for 2.5 years. I understand what you mean by there being some bad aspects to the relationship, yet for the most part: feeling extremely happy and content. Look, I look at it this way: our 4 dogs and him were everything to me. My whole life was pretty much them. Coming home to them. Waking up with them (yes the dogs with us in bed). Looking forward to him coming home from work every day. NOW, we are literally saying goodbye to our whole way of life, and we are starting over. That is not to say you did not have some things on your own you enjoyed whilst with her; obviously you ride? Amongst other things. If you were anything like I was with my ex, though, you both really made each other your world and thought mostly about each other during the day. So the biggest part of your life that gave you feeling before, is gone. Meaning it is like starting a new chapter in your life. You will be okay. I envy you, actually! I am only in the really early stages of NC. It will hit me like a ton of bricks when, after months of him not reaching out (he knows I do not want friendship and he knows not to ever reach out UNLESS the unthinkable happens); when I realise he has not reached out, and has therefore moved on. One way or another, on his own or with someone new. You're at the most scary bit! You know they have decided to move on without you. I have not even faced this fact yet. Because it has yet to have happened. Anyways. You're doing very well. Most people that don't know about the No Contact thing DO torture themselves for many months, until their ex gets a new partner and they melt down over it (since they are still in contact). At least we want to let go. Well I hope I can maintain NC like you have done. MAN. How on earth have you lasted this long in NC? Seriously. It just feels so hard right now... They were my whole life..... Hey, if it makes you feel any better: you're thread has made me more determined to stick to NC! Because I can see that, as upset as you are, you would be 100 times worse if you set yourself back and spoke to her again.
fiftyofsomethin Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Guys who are good at getting over lost loved ones, go find more girls. Not easy but that's where I'm trying to put my energy now. No, guys who are good at getting over past relationships have a sense of abundance and that they CAN get someone new and better if they wanted to. They don't even NEED someone new, just the fact that they know they can have someone if they wanted is good enough. Why do you think that the dumpers have it so easy most of the time? They have checked out long before you actually broke up. They knew it was coming. They weighed the options. They were in control. They know that they can have something again if they wanted it. It isn't simply a matter of going out, although it can help if you DON'T DO IT FOR THE WRONG REASONS, it is a matter of getting in the right mindset. One of abundance and giving yourself the belief that it will all work out eventually. If you sit at home all day wishing she will come back and envisioning a future of pain and loneliness, guess how your future will end up? It's amazing how effective the right mindset can be. It's really a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you BELIEVE your life will be great, it effects your present mood and makes you let go and just enjoy yourself right now. I do this even before giving speeches and whatnot. Instead of worrying about how terrible my speech is going to be, I just stare at a picture on the wall before going up and sort of getting lost in it, making a story, and I find that when I go up and give my speech, I am present, confident, and I give a great speech. That was sort of a weird analogy, but it works. Just believe you are great, believe your future is great, enjoy yourself in this moment, and you will be the best you can be. Good luck guys!
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