aussie sam Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Ok, so some of you have seen my posts about my confusion with this German girl who I have been in contact with (I live in Germany). I'm 25 and she is 22 and she is ridiculously good looking! I met her a little over a month ago and have met up with her a few times, but last time was the first time that we were alone and I got to know her a bit better and it was nice. It was like a first date and I didn't make any moves, hoping for another one on one the next week where I could go a little deeper. She agreed but then when I tried to set up a date she told me that the weekend would be better since she is starting a new job and didn't know her hours yet. I have had far stronger emotional connections with other people, but we got on well last time we met alone and I know that it's usually slower when there is a bit of a language barrier. I know her well enough by now to know that if we meet up on the weekend then she will make sure it will be with her extended group of friends, and then I will be stuck without my friends. So I sent the following. ME: Hey (girls name), how is the new job going? Are you going to (certain event) at (certain venue) this weekend? We're going there at about 9pm on Saturday and it would be nice to see you! HER: Yeh let's go! ME: Ok great. I'll let you know when I'm there! This is a typical conversation for us, in which I will be conversational, she will reply straight to the point and then I will end the communication. I can't stop thinking about her though. I guess it's the whole "want what you can't have" or "want it when you don't know where you stand with her". I can't work out if she is uninterested, interested or playing hard to get. The closest she has come to flirting is when she told me in a very matter of fact (German) way that she thought I could be a model and then gave me some details for a casting agency she knew of…all the while being very serious. Any suggestions or insight? I don't have a very clear head at the moment
SJC2008 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 You've known an attractive women for a month and haven't made a move. Think about how many suitors women have in general, now think about how many suitors attractive women have. 1
Zio Corda Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 A little cold water reality: Chilling with your buds is not a date. Not making any moves is not a date. She hasn't shown you any indication that she's interested in you as more than a social acquaintance. If you want to see if there's potential with this girl, YOU need to turn up the heat! You need to ask her out on a one-on-one DATE. So instead of: "Hey (girl) me and my buds are hanging out at (x) you should join us." Say this: "Hey (girl) I'd like to get to know you better. Would you like to go out for dinner with me on (x) night?" 2
Author aussie sam Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 You've known an attractive women for a month and haven't made a move. Think about how many suitors women have in general, now think about how many suitors attractive women have. Yes this is a very good point, I can see now a lot of mistakes I made. I just got confused because these Germans really do have a different way of dating... so much so that almost every other foreigner I know here have sworn off Germans. This is my first experience trying to date one. We met when she came up to me at a party and started engaging me and then showed an interest in me. She seemed cool so I went about setting up dates which she rescheduled into group hang outs. I felt like she maybe wanted me to escalate things here but that really wasn't going to happen in a group situation with a whole lot of unknowns and potential ex boyfriends and me being the only foreigner in the group. So I was friendly to everyone but then decided not to pursue anymore..... Then she asked me to hang out so I made sure it was one on one and then cautiously said yes. This is the one I call our first date. I didn't escalate here because small flirty comments go under the radar with these girls so anything short of full on love declaration gets brushed off. Also I was unsure where I stood and also I would have been doing it almost solely based on her looks. Anyways I went home and thought about it and decided that I would try again for a proper date which I asked her out on (specific dates/times/places etc as per all my other requests with her) which is when she said that she could only do the weekend. I don't know this girl well but one thing I DO know is that if I had of asked her out on the weekend she would have said yes but decided where we meet and what we were doing... and all her friends would be there too! As I read my own post and what you guys have said it seems quite a lot clearer. There is obviously a lot more to it but all I can do is go for broke and learn a lesson for next time. Oops!
Zio Corda Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 aussie, you seem very unsure about this girl. What exactly are you after? A hook up? A relationship? Just really unsure and want to get to know if she has a personality beyond her looks?
Author aussie sam Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 aussie, you seem very unsure about this girl. What exactly are you after? Yes you are right! All I have had since my last relationship 6 months ago is hookups. When I met this girl that is exactly what I was after. So I set about approaching this in the same way as has worked before. But somehow I let myself get tangled up in web of group dates and uncomfortable situations. If I'm being honest it's probably the challenge of being outside of my comfort zone and not being able to have what I want which keeps me coming back to this girl. It seems too late now to just be a hookup and I started to think that after these group dates that if she was interested then she was wanting more which had me thinking if I wanted more too. It just felt wrong to go for the hook up after all this. I guess if I'm being honest I would prefer something casual but I don't know how to approach that from the situation I have put myself in. Especially since this girl is guarded with her emotions and feelings... but I still sense that that may have been on the table at some stage. Is there a way?
Zio Corda Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Yeah looks like the situation got away from you and it's probably too late for a hook up now. If it was me I'd move on, unless you want to try for something more serious.
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