fiftyofsomethin Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) So I THOUGHT I was mostly over my ex. But that was until I just found out I forgot to unfollow her on Twitter (she doesn't use it a lot). And she just made some tweets about an "awesome night" and naturally, being the creep I am, I looked back at the tweets she favorited and she favorited like three tweets from this one guy I knew who went to our school saying how awesome the night was. So my question is: Why, after quite a while of thinking I was fine, am I suddenly caring so much about what she is doing, who she is talking to, and what she thinks of me? And how do I stop this thought process? I realize completely that she doesn't matter to my happiness and she doesn't matter to me at all really, now that we are going off to different colleges. And I know I only get upset because I CHOOSE to be upset, but why can't I just let go of the thoughts about her? I WANT to be happy and find some other girl, I know she wasn't "the one" or anything, but dammit, I still care so much about what she thinks of me and what she is doing. It's like what I WANT is for her to miss me like I miss her and I guess NOT move on in life (with other guys, having fun, etc.). Even if this WAS true, I wouldn't want her back, it would just give me a sort of peace of mind. It's unhealthy and it needs to end. Edited June 11, 2013 by fiftyofsomethin
SuperGeek Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 You care because she's showing interest in another guy and not you. That sucks no matter how you slice it, because it means you are not on her mind at all and it's just proof she's moved on (obviously she has if she's the dumper). Do yourself a favour and DONT read her twitter/facebook profiles. Just shield yourself from it. It's dangerous. I'm guessing you wouldn't knowingly walk into a dirt field that was contaminated with RADIATION from NUCLEAR fallout, right ? It's the same thing, shield yourself from damage. Your ex is CONTAMINATED and you can't go near it. SuperGeek 1
Author fiftyofsomethin Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 You care because she's showing interest in another guy and not you. That sucks no matter how you slice it, because it means you are not on her mind at all and it's just proof she's moved on (obviously she has if she's the dumper). Do yourself a favour and DONT read her twitter/facebook profiles. Just shield yourself from it. It's dangerous. I'm guessing you wouldn't knowingly walk into a dirt field that was contaminated with RADIATION from NUCLEAR fallout, right ? It's the same thing, shield yourself from damage. Your ex is CONTAMINATED and you can't go near it. SuperGeek That analogy just made my day haha. But yeah it's very odd, I just don't understand why it bothers me. I have tried moving on and whatnot and I do alright, she doesn't even cross my mind for weeks at a time, and then the second something reminds me of her or I hear from a friend that she was at a party, or WHATEVER, I go back in the ****ter for another week until I can let my thoughts go, and then it starts all over again the next time. I'm trying to shield myself from my reaction to the content not the content itself. I want to be able to something involving her without getting totally upset, you know?
Author fiftyofsomethin Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Okay, I actually have a slightly stronger hint that my ex and this other guy are starting to "talk". Through the activity on his Facebook account and Twitter accounts with her, I am sort of becoming more and more suspicious. So again, I will ask, WHY THE HELL DO I CARE?!! I just do not understand why I care about this person who I do NOT need to be happy and I just really need to get out of my head/life. It's been up and down. I have a good day, I find something out (most of the time accidentally), and then I am back in the dumps trying to stop overthinking everything and then I end up actually doing just that. I've found that the thought processes that usually get me back into the sad/ruminating moods are when I think about something I could have done differently in the relationship or go into the "shoulda-woulda-coulda" frame of mind. Like "if I just did this, or told her this". And that holds me back from moving on. I can tell you right now that I can envision a very happy life for myself without her, but these stupid feelings keep holding me back. I am talking to a couple of girls right now, I know there will be tons more girls when I get to college, I am working out more, I am working as much as I can at my job, I am hanging with friends and when I CAN'T hang with friends (a past problem for me), I have just started driving around and driving as far as I can. Like just yesterday, no one could hang out with me, so I decided to drive up to wisconsin (I live in the northwest suburbs of Chicago) so that was about a two hour drive round trip and I actually had a fun and relaxing time, as lame as that sounds. Anyways. I just hope this gets better and soon. Any advice or even success stories or words of encouragement would be really great. I've found success stories are the most helpful in getting over breakups rather than straight advice. The prospect of a better future almost always trumps keeping thoughts in the past and finding ways to fix it. - fifty (fiddy) (50) (FOS) (#yoloswagginsgangstaking)
Author fiftyofsomethin Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 I'm just bumping this because I ran into another roadblock and I'd really like some advice. I was having a great day and now I feel debilitated after reading what I just did. God why do I just still care? It's like logically, I know I shouldn't and don't need to care, but it's the fear of running into roadblocks later on that keeps holding me back. I feel like I can handle it or brace for it later on, but all this "preparation" is doing is preventing me from letting go. Advice is very very much appreciated!
bob the brave Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Dunno, I've struggled with exactly the same thing. Yea, it's oddly painful and annoying as hell. Could be two things: 1) You didn't know it, but you really do care for her more than you thought. You know...we don't know how much something is appreciated until you lose it. 2) It's an ego thing. You feel like crap because she is happy with other people, but not with you and doesn't even seem to miss you. That makes anybody feel like crap. There is also the part about how this reflects on her value of your time together. A relationship is kind of like making big plans for a vacation together and opening a joint savings account to fund it. You look forward to it, make plans and sacrifice by periodically adding to the account. Then one day she moves on and goes on vaction with someone else. You find she never put anything in the account. She never took it seriously when you did. You feel cheated and foolish which also hurts your ego. If you miss her every day and would still hurt with her absense if she joined a semenary, could be #1 and you got some thinking to do. If it only bothers you because she is having fun without you, then it is probably #2. If it's #1 and you think you still have a shot, make a phone call. If it's #2, forget what's her name, block everything, stop reading her tweets and find a new girl to drive you nuts.
Author fiftyofsomethin Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Dunno, I've struggled with exactly the same thing. Yea, it's oddly painful and annoying as hell. Could be two things: 1) You didn't know it, but you really do care for her more than you thought. You know...we don't know how much something is appreciated until you lose it. 2) It's an ego thing. You feel like crap because she is happy with other people, but not with you and doesn't even seem to miss you. That makes anybody feel like crap. There is also the part about how this reflects on her value of your time together. A relationship is kind of like making big plans for a vacation together and opening a joint savings account to fund it. You look forward to it, make plans and sacrifice by periodically adding to the account. Then one day she moves on and goes on vaction with someone else. You find she never put anything in the account. She never took it seriously when you did. You feel cheated and foolish which also hurts your ego. If you miss her every day and would still hurt with her absense if she joined a semenary, could be #1 and you got some thinking to do. If it only bothers you because she is having fun without you, then it is probably #2. If it's #1 and you think you still have a shot, make a phone call. If it's #2, forget what's her name, block everything, stop reading her tweets and find a new girl to drive you nuts. God. Thank you so much. That really helped to hear that. I appreciate it. As much as I wish it was #1, it's most definitely and obviously for me, #2. I have been quite sure lately it's simply my ego. Like if I were to find out that she was miserable and wanted me back, I would feel GREAT. I know that sounds terrible, but it would make me feel wanted/valuable. It's not really something I can stop however, we have many mutual friends so it's hard to not see things involving her that some friends post without un-following those friends too. I don't want them to have to deal with that "drama" they are my friends as much as they are hers. I mean, going back to the value thing, there is this soon-to-be sophomore girl who I talked to last year when I was a senior in HS and she was a freshman in hs, and I am about to be a freshman in college and I mean, honestly, if she was maybe one or two years younger than me rather than four, she would very likely be the perfect girl, I could go into details, but I have never connected with someone as much as her, and she has admitted that she likes me (very much and often) and the actual fact that I had to turn a girl down (I mean it's ****in' illegal, immoral, socially unacceptable... should I go on?) makes me sort of feel good knowing that there is someone essentially "starving" for my attention/affection. Oh God, how strongly do these vain feelings dig deep into your ego. For nothing ever makes you happy while holding onto them.
pureinheart Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 So I THOUGHT I was mostly over my ex. But that was until I just found out I forgot to unfollow her on Twitter (she doesn't use it a lot). And she just made some tweets about an "awesome night" and naturally, being the creep I am, I looked back at the tweets she favorited and she favorited like three tweets from this one guy I knew who went to our school saying how awesome the night was. So my question is: Why, after quite a while of thinking I was fine, am I suddenly caring so much about what she is doing, who she is talking to, and what she thinks of me? And how do I stop this thought process? I realize completely that she doesn't matter to my happiness and she doesn't matter to me at all really, now that we are going off to different colleges. And I know I only get upset because I CHOOSE to be upset, but why can't I just let go of the thoughts about her? I WANT to be happy and find some other girl, I know she wasn't "the one" or anything, but dammit, I still care so much about what she thinks of me and what she is doing. It's like what I WANT is for her to miss me like I miss her and I guess NOT move on in life (with other guys, having fun, etc.). Even if this WAS true, I wouldn't want her back, it would just give me a sort of peace of mind. It's unhealthy and it needs to end. I deal with the same stuff and it sucks! It's like where is this coming from! First- YOU ARE NOT A CREEP (sorry for screaming, but I do that sometimes, lol), what you're going through is normal believe it or not. ((((((((hugs)))))))) Hey, not trying to be uncool, but if you do the Bible at all there is a great Scripture to bring thoughts into submission (Casting down all vain imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and pulling into captivity every thought unto the obedience of Christ) sorry if this is uncool, but it's one tool that I know works and you need support...k... love ya! 1
Author fiftyofsomethin Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 I deal with the same stuff and it sucks! It's like where is this coming from! First- YOU ARE NOT A CREEP (sorry for screaming, but I do that sometimes, lol), what you're going through is normal believe it or not. ((((((((hugs)))))))) Hey, not trying to be uncool, but if you do the Bible at all there is a great Scripture to bring thoughts into submission (Casting down all vain imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and pulling into captivity every thought unto the obedience of Christ) sorry if this is uncool, but it's one tool that I know works and you need support...k... love ya! No. I absolutely loved that reply! You are in no way uncool for that! I personally am not a religious person, but when presented with scripture or bible verses, I try to hunt for the deeper meaning. I have found that almost everything in the bible revolves around trying to get the followers to give up the anxiety/worries of what will come and ruminations of what has happened and simply embrace and enjoy the moment for what it is. It is this stillness and presence and alertness that can often be described as the presence of Jesus Christ or God as they explain it in the Bible. It is very philosophical and likely didn't make any sense, not even to me. (I do that sometimes). But I do appreciate it. All the best for you, me, and all! - Fifty
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