ddlovexx Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Hey there, I've been friends with this guy for a year. I've heard from friends that he'd always been interested in me and attracted but I was in a relationship for a bit. He's 24 and I'm 22. We started talking about two weeks ago, and he said all the right things. How I'm special, different, how this could be great. He said he couldn't wait to see me and cuddle me and kiss me, etc. He is in the Marines so he was away for a week at the time. When he came back, he took me down the shore. I was so excited... until he talked the talk but didn't walk the walk. He didn't hold my hand, he didn't cuddle me- he was distant and nothing like he said he was. We made out a few times, he said a few cute things, but for the most part he was just weird. It's not as if there was no chemistry, we were pretty comfy and flirty with each other. But he would wrestle or poke me and take it too far, or say weird things like "I hate you, you're the worst." I know people will say he's a guy and that's how he flirts because maybe he's nervous or something... but it was just really odd and I didn't like it. The next day we went to our friend's BBQ and he pretty much ignored me the whole time. I didn't need him to be all over me or anything, and our friends knew we were talking, so I don't know why he was like that. He left and I later confronted him saying "If you're not interested, you can just say that. We're adults... you don't have to act distant and weird." He said he does like me and he's mad at me for questioning his feelings. He's gone from talking to me all day every day to not talking to me at all. Therefore, I was obviously right. I don't necessarily care because I'm not sure it would've worked out and I'm not ready to jump into a relationship anyway... but I hate the way he's handled the situation. So now you're just going to ignore me? I'm wondering if I should say something to him or just walk away with class. I do have some kind of feelings for him but I'm more annoyed by the situation than anything. How and why the 180?
Emilia Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Therefore, I was obviously right. I don't necessarily care because I'm not sure it would've worked out and I'm not ready to jump into a relationship anyway... but I hate the way he's handled the situation. So now you're just going to ignore me? I'm wondering if I should say something to him or just walk away with class. I do have some kind of feelings for him but I'm more annoyed by the situation than anything. How and why the 180? It's hard to say but his job might have something to do with it. It could be that you didn't transit from friendship to dating smoothly enough (happened to me in the past) or it could be that he doesn't want to get attached because of his job. Either way it's probably best to move on. The 'why' doesn't matter.
Treasa Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I have no idea why, but he just wasn't feeling it, is really immature, or extremely awkward. Either way, it's not a reflection on you. Just move on.
Author ddlovexx Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 It's hard to say but his job might have something to do with it. It could be that you didn't transit from friendship to dating smoothly enough (happened to me in the past) or it could be that he doesn't want to get attached because of his job. Either way it's probably best to move on. The 'why' doesn't matter. It's just tough because for a few days he kept talking about if it got serious how happy I would be, he would give me the world... etc. He even said he would miss me and facetime me when he was away. I don't know, it's just weird... but why deny it then when I ask for the truth? What's so difficult about "I'm not sure it's going to work, sorry." or something similar? Lame.
Emilia Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 It's just tough because for a few days he kept talking about if it got serious how happy I would be, he would give me the world... etc. He even said he would miss me and facetime me when he was away. I don't know, it's just weird... but why deny it then when I ask for the truth? What's so difficult about "I'm not sure it's going to work, sorry." or something similar? Lame. Because they just don't talk about stuff like that. It's best to leave it. I know it's disappointing but it's better for you I think if you find someone who has more time for you anyway. 1
Author ddlovexx Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Thanks guys, you're right. I need to just forget about it but I'm just annoyed. Moving on! 1
Emilia Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Thanks guys, you're right. I need to just forget about it but I'm just annoyed. Moving on! It will pass don't worry
Author ddlovexx Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Yeah, it's just annoying to see the same pattern every time... tired the games. 1
Emilia Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Yeah, it's just annoying to see the same pattern every time... tired the games. How do you mean?
Author ddlovexx Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Most guys I'm interested play games. Both of my exes left me for another girl. Every guy I'm interested in talks the talk and then doesn't walk the walk... or just changes their mind halfway through and doesn't have the decency to be honest. I don't like unanswered questions/loose ends. I'd much rather get a "Hey, I don't think it's going to work out, etc."... to me it's just the respectful thing to do.
Emilia Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Most guys I'm interested play games. Both of my exes left me for another girl. Every guy I'm interested in talks the talk and then doesn't walk the walk... or just changes their mind halfway through and doesn't have the decency to be honest. I don't like unanswered questions/loose ends. I'd much rather get a "Hey, I don't think it's going to work out, etc."... to me it's just the respectful thing to do. Ah, maybe it's something you should post about here perhaps as a general question. It's either the men you pick or the vibe you give off
Author ddlovexx Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 I used to blame myself but it's definitely the guys... probably because they're all too young for any kind of commitment. I'm not perfect but I've come a long way recently and I'm a great girl when I'm in a relationship, always have been. I finally started to find my self confidence again and I get a lot of compliments from guys and all my good guy friends tell me what a catch I am and how I just have to let these douchebags go. But still... wish guys weren't so lame!
Emilia Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 But still... wish guys weren't so lame! They are not. It's the ones you pick 2
Author ddlovexx Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) <Similar thread merged by moderation> Basically we spoke for two weeks, he sent me lots of "I miss you, can't wait to kiss you, cuddle you" etc. texts. We wound up going down the shore and we had a good time but he was pretty distant. Then we went to our friends house the next day and he practically ignored me. So that was just kind of it. He went from talking to me all day to not at all, I'm not sure why. We didn't do anything more than make out but we definitely had chemistry. Everyone is quick to say "don't bother, move on" but I hate loose strings, so I texted him saying that if feelings had changed, he could just say so, we're both adults. He's basically beat around the bush the entire time, saying he still wants to talk to me but it's moving too fast (what? how?) and I just said okay. He then didn't talk to me for a few days and posted some indirect things on instagram that I knew were related. A little immature. So I texted him today saying that things weren't really going where I was hoping and I feel like he's playing games, but that I hope he's happy in whatever he does, that I'm sorry it wasn't more but hope we can still be friends. He just said okay. I'm okay with it because I'm not sure it would've gone anywhere anyway but I hate how he's handled the situation, like he can't even give me an honest answer about anything. It's got me wondering if I did something wrong and why this continues to happen to me... the girl who is "different, such a good catch, any guy would be lucky to have." I'm a good girl and I have a lot to offer. I'm a hard lover when I let someone in. I seem to always have a lot of interested guys and when I find one I'm mutually interested in, they eventually change their minds. My friends will tell me it's never me, especially since most of them know the guys and they tell me it's the guy and not me, but sometimes I just sit here and wonder. I can let this go- I've deleted his number, he's off to NY for the Marines for two weeks and I'll barely ever see him in the future anyway. I'm just annoyed. He did mention that he's been hurt, etc., but who hasn't been hurt? I've been cheated on twice, left for another girl twice, and verbally and physically abused in my first relationship. If I can learn and grow and let someone in again, I deserve someone who can do the same. I think the issue is that guys my age (I'm 22) just don't know wtf they want. Again, it's not the feelings but the handling of the situation that I'm annoyed over. I shouldn't blame myself over this right? Edited June 14, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
InsaneTrombone Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I shouldn't blame myself over this right? Nope . 1
jphcbpa Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 all you can ever do is be honest and candid about what you want and need. all we have control over is ourselves. we cannot change/control other people and we are powerless over their decisions. also what others do is not because of us, they don't do things to us, they do things based on their own worldview and pain.
Maleficent Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Oh sweety, I can relate! It's been my experience that men would rather have a tooth pulled than just say they are not interested. Really. If a guy is into you, he will try to get you no matter what/who stands in their way. 1
Author ddlovexx Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Oh sweety, I can relate! It's been my experience that men would rather have a tooth pulled than just say they are not interested. Really. If a guy is into you, he will try to get you no matter what/who stands in their way. Yup, I constantly have to remind myself of this! 1
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