whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 Here we go.......during the past week and a half ssssss and I have established contact again and saw each other a few times.....to make a long story short she tells me if I don't move out in the next two weeks (ending next sunday) we're done for good. I say OK...I'll do that (I planned on doing it earlier this month but due to cash constraints couldn't). So.....we see each other a couple of times and on Thursday we say OK, it's gonna be no contact until i get my sh*t done. We texted each other a few times but nothing significant....Yesterday we talked about something insignificant and got into a kind of an argument - nothing big. Today, i move out of the house and text her that.........I get the following reply: "I hope you'll be happy. I am. Bye." I manage to talk to her and am told that these past two weeks were an act...to get back at me for everything she's been through for me. Now, I'll love all the "you got what you deserve you b*stard" replies and all but it's not the act itself that's f*cked up, it's the reasoning behind it. I understand all my f*ckups during this entire relationship......all the lies, manipulation,........however, i'll tell you this.....while all those were acts of selfishness and cannot be defended by anything they were not aimed at intentionally hurting someone (THEY WERE NOT)......Everytime I hurt my gf I was f*cked up cuz I knew she was in pain, I never gloated about it. I don't know.....just had to get this out. sssss, So what MM said was a complete lie? I do think there is more to this than you are letting on. Could be wrong here, but something doesn't add up? One thing I don't get is where your anger went? That hurt and pain? If he is back with his wife and child, then yes, time to move forward, chalk it up as an experience that did hurt you terribly, but do not give up on future love. Life is way to short to hang on to past emotional baggage and not allow yourself to fall inlove again. You are only 22!!!! There will be more loves and more romances, don't shut your heart down because you hurt. Do some therapy and fix yourself so you can live happily!
Author MMBastard Posted October 25, 2004 Author Posted October 25, 2004 I do think there is more to this than you are letting on. Could be wrong here, but something doesn't add up? Oh, so much more....... And wanna know where he's today? At his house, with her. Sure about this????? I just wanted to see how far he was ready to go, what he was ready to do for me, for us...and the truth is that he didn't do anything So a couple of hours after talking to me on the phone (and two days after having your head on my chest talking to me about leaving my wife) you go out with your new boyfriend....nice touch......kinda adds up to what you did in the past 11 months And the reason he asked for your advice on this is because he needs to feed his ego with your posts of support to him and you fell right into his trap Oh you know my ego is blown out of proportion already so I don't think I need ego boosts...... Oh and one more thing, wanna know what happened last night? He was in town with his wife at the same place I was and it was soooo hard for me to stay calm, cause all I wanted to do is to spit in his lying face And now the saddest thing of all.....although I do have utmost respect and admiration for my wife (ohhh, shut it, i know)....it was so damn difficult to know ssssss was there just a few feet away.......ahhhh emotional rant.....and yes my wife rightfully freaked out cause I do think I was unbearable looking in ssssss's direction....well f*ck it, couldn't help it. See, bottom line - there is sooo much more to this than this. Much more than any and all my posts and her replies. And I'm sorry this all turned into an online soap opera. I did so many bad things in the past year, soooooo many. The episode above my sad little way of getting back at her for doing that to me twice. And sadly, it's wrong, I was wrong and selfish to do it. Despite all your replies, criticism and all, I know how I still feel about this girl, what I was ready to do for her (for us) and what "sadly" i would still be prepared to do for her. Neither any of you and, "sadly", her will be able to understand that. I know it's all talk and seemingly no walk but.....I hate my analytical side in all of this, I hate my constant evaluating, my constant fears in thinking is what she did (does) her way of doing things and will happen again tomorrow. I was (am) freaked out if I leave again she'd just be gone (as has happened twice). Strangely, we're on even ground in terms of fears now after almost a year. And I HATE the fact that I "want" to know she'll be around if we're doing this and want to see the slightest sign of willingness to fight for this. Please don't scream out at me for saying this it's how I am and how I feel. The past year has been a very, very terrifying experience for me. Usually i'm not the one to go that route, to do things I did but the emotions for this girl......definitelly not explainable in a simple manner. I'm not looking to "clear my name" here nor have I ever been annoyed for support showed to her. I appreciate it because she deserves all the support. The thing is, I fess up to all my f*ck ups, I can do something about them and YES I get annoyed when she has a perfect "reasoning" for doing something wrong. If I heard ONE "I'm sorry, this was wrong" it'd would be sooo cool. WWIU put it best........there's more to it than this, so much more. You'll never know it nor will obviously she. 4:52
whichwayisup Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 A song comes into my head here...Everybody Hurts by REM.
Ladyjane14 Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 Are you getting any counseling for yourself at this time MMB? If not, why not? And if so, how's it going? You are obviously really confused and in alot of emotional pain. You seem to have sabotaged yourself on every front. It makes me wonder if you are self-destructive in your relationships. And if so, why? I'm no psychologist, but I know that people sometimes have subconcsious reasons for the things they do. You wouldn't be the first young man to inadvertently ruin his burgeoning family simply because on some level he was scared out of his wits at the prospect of a lifetime of responsibiliy. (I'm not diagnosing you or your situation. But maybe it's time someone did. Someone professional.) Have you considered taking a time-out from both of these women and working on your own issues? I'm not saying to abandon your child of course. But maybe in fairness to everyone, especially yourself, you ought to work on gaining some self-certainty and confidence in your choices. You know, everywhere you go, you take yourself with you.
VivianLee Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 Ummm to MMB and ssssss.....if the past 11 months have been so horrible.....then why are you sad it ended?? Sounds to me like you both survived a sinking ship and should be happy to be alive. Get therapy and leave others (MMB's wife and ssss new bf) out of this misery!! I've made stupid mistakes and decisions...now I will say.... You both need to grow up and stop acting like childrenm there are people suffering because of your silly and childish behavior. MMB's wife didn't ask for this and his poor child surely didn't ask for her Daddy to act a like a fool over someone. I've had to say this to myself too but MMB....even if your wife doesn't matter to you, that child is worth 1,000 sssss and you need to note that and act accordingly.
Author MMBastard Posted October 25, 2004 Author Posted October 25, 2004 Originally posted by VivianLee Ummm to MMB and ssssss.....if the past 11 months have been so horrible.....then why are you sad it ended?? Sounds to me like you both survived a sinking ship and should be happy to be alive. Get therapy and leave others (MMB's wife and ssss new bf) out of this misery!! I've made stupid mistakes and decisions...now I will say.... You both need to grow up and stop acting like childrenm there are people suffering because of your silly and childish behavior. MMB's wife didn't ask for this and his poor child surely didn't ask for her Daddy to act a like a fool over someone. I've had to say this to myself too but MMB....even if your wife doesn't matter to you, that child is worth 1,000 sssss and you need to note that and act accordingly. wow, i like your post Viv.....that's true, we've, I guess, both acted childishly and both out of certain fears. We both lack that "one" conversation, although we've had thousands. The relationship was fueled with adrenaline, breaking up then going back together, fighting...... Thus my desire to actually have that "grown up" period and see her differently, get rid of certain of my fears. But thank you, I appreciate the post Are you getting any counseling for yourself at this time MMB? If not, why not? And if so, how's it going? You are obviously really confused and in alot of emotional pain. You seem to have sabotaged yourself on every front. It makes me wonder if you are self-destructive in your relationships. And if so, why? I'm no psychologist, but I know that people sometimes have subconcsious reasons for the things they do. You wouldn't be the first young man to inadvertently ruin his burgeoning family simply because on some level he was scared out of his wits at the prospect of a lifetime of responsibiliy. (I'm not diagnosing you or your situation. But maybe it's time someone did. Someone professional.) Yes, since i love psychology, I've overanylized this as an escape route from responsibility. However, I don't think it is the sole reason for all this. There is another aspect to this.....and my wife put it well....It's like opening a box of candy but not being able to taste any.....you're dying to know what they taste like.
whichwayisup Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 Hey! You're gonna be OK. Time is on your side MM ...I've left out the B! Hang in there and things will work out somehow. Just love your kid and try hard to let go of the bad stuff!!
guest Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 MM, I agree with ladyjane, you did things to sabotage your own marriage briefly after it started, and you still don't seem to be able to accept your own responsibility in all of this. Whatever your feelings for SSSSS, you would have left the marriage on your own if it was that bad, you wouldn't have needed a crutch to do it. SSSSS, I am glad that you are moving on with your life and trying to let go of the damage this relationship caused you, I wish you luck in doing so. Some advice: build a career for yourself, become financially independent, build a life for yourself with things that you love and which give you pleasure and purpose. It is entirely possible that when you marry, if you do, that your marriage will fail, your husband will cheat on you etc., and you should never be in a position where you are entirely financially or emotionally dependent on someone else.
Ladyjane14 Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 Originally posted by MMBastard I've overanylized this as an escape route from responsibility. However, I don't think it is the sole reason for all this. There is another aspect to this.....and my wife put it well....It's like opening a box of candy but not being able to taste any.....you're dying to know what they taste like. Dude........don't you think you kind need to find out what that's all about? It's pretty normal for people to feel that way now and then --wondering what that candy might taste like. But when you start f*cking up your life over it, and doing it in a habitual way, that's when you've got to start asking yourself WHY. I really do think that you're not going to be able to figure this all out on your own. I think your own analysis may be flawed here. Why not get some therapy and find out where all that is coming from?
Joyce Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 I am so confused by this thread. MMB are you still with your wife? I do not know your whole story.. maybe that is why I am confused. I had an affair on my H and the OM left me to have a normal life and to be with a single person. It hurts and makes you feel very used when you loose someone you loved. I can understand how you both feel used. The OM/OW go through a lot of stress being 2nd and waiting for you to leave to be with them. They patiently wait for you to leave to prove your love to them. The MW/MM are stressed they know they want out of the marriage but it is scary. They are hurting their spouse. They are loosing their family and home. Everything they worked hard to get where they are. Affairs hurt so many people. It tears apart families and people. They are very addictive. You both are valid in feeling the way you do. Both of you risked so much for the affair and hurt a lot of people along they way. It's sad that you two argue as much as you do. It will take a lot of time to heal all of the broken wounds. We are not here to judge we are here to listen and offer any advice we may have. Please take the time to do some soul searching. Think about what really matters in life. Think about what you want out of life.
Recommended Posts