He said "You're paying on the second date."

[Xinreeki]

His text demonstrates he has limited empathy and gratitude.

 

She is trying to avoid men like that... or situations where she is constantly giving the other person the benefit of the doubt while he is transactional and a taker.

 

Since so many men are quite accustomed to being takers emotionally, it is not surprising that people insist she exercise her EQ while he is expected to have little or none.

 

In other words... she is looking for a man with high EQ. He doesn't have it.

 

But all I'm saying is that we all make mistakes.. And in a relationship people may make mistakes too, so sometimes you have to be willing to give people another chance, or at least a chance to properly explain themselves.

 

Again, of course, it is completely up to the OP what decision she makes.

 

She knows more what he was like etc then we do.

[RedRobin]

If that is what she is looking for, then yes, I completely agree with you. She should move on to find someone who has that high EQ.

 

I'm not sure if she is... that is just my interpretation based on what she posted here about her past experience and why his text struck her the wrong way.

[TheGuard13]

The problem is that it is simply not right for someone to literally tell someone else to pay. And that, at such an early stage where you're trying to show your best side to someone you are trying to impress, brings with it red flags. You don't make a joke like that.

 

Nor did he do so.

 

The use of a smilie, for those of you who are not up on your texting, is a very clear indication not to take his previous statement too seriously.

 

Again, this man's biggest crime is that he wasn't that funny when he tried to be. But he also wasn't trying to be that funny.

 

The whole reason why he paid, whether to impress me or to just show his manly side, has now gone completely out the window for this comment, and I respect him less. It ruined the gratitude and awe I had for him because he literally told me to do the same for him (not that I wouldn't have anyway).

 

If you’re this uptight about it, and what you “do and don’t do”, and a misfiring attempt at humor ruins "gratitude" and "awe", you should probably let this guy find someone who shares his (admittedly not that funny) sense of humor.

 

I don't think you're socially compatible.

 

I can't tell if I pity the guy or feel like he's lucky for dodging a bullet.

 

And I think you’re backpeddling a bit. You like the guy, but you don’t REALLY like him, and you’re looking for excuses not to see him anymore. When you could just, you know, not see him anymore.

 

People are seriously missing the point here...

 

She was doing her best to make their first meetings NOT ABOUT MONEY.

 

And yet here she is, making it about money.

 

She had a good time and expressed her gratitude.

 

He stomped on it with a lame "me too" and used precious text time to make a demand... a rather passive-aggressive one at that... RATHER THAN EXPRESS INTEREST AND EQUAL GRATITUDE.

 

You guys who say she should overlook it don't have a clue.. or you are equally guilty of caring ZERO about a woman's time and feelings... which is all too common... unfortunately.

 

Sorry... it sounds like the OP is looking for a man with high EQ. This dufus just doesn't have it. NEXT!

 

I’m sorry, he “stomped” on it because he dared to only say "I had a good time, too"?

 

His text demonstrates he has limited empathy and gratitude.

 

No it didn’t. His text has nothing inherent about empathy and gratitude in it. And again, since you've ignored this question prior, where does he

display limited gratitude? HE’s the one who traveled AND paid.

 

In other words... she is looking for a man with high EQ. He doesn't have it.

 

Neither, far as I can tell, does she. People with high EQ understand the difference between someone making a demand and an obvious attempt at humor. And people with high EQ's do things like...oh, I don't know, if they're not sure about the meaning of something, they ask the person who said that thing what they meant by it.

 

Just saying.

[escafeld]

I have a feeling this guy is more than willing to pay if he is truly interested in her, and maybe even took it as a slight when she offered her money the first time. His (I don't want to call it tacky or lame or classless, because this has gone too far) comment could have been a response to that affront to his masculinity and the "rule" that men pay on the first date. So much could have been avoided here by simply SPEAKING on the phone rather than TEXTING! Maybe he's just not good at conveying himself via text; I know I'm not. So there, I've acknowledged a shortcoming, dear me, I fear no one will accept me as I am and look past my horrid social skills. .

 

Hear what you say Midwest, and like you I'm sure the man would be willing to pay again in the future as would the OP, BUT what if the woman is unhappy for the man to pay?

 

The default assumption is that women are at best happy for a man to pay and at worst ambivalent about it..but in some cases women WANT to pay and see a man who's accepting of that as being truly liberated from the macho concepts others have referred to.

 

I'm old school like you and believe the responsibility to pay is principally mine but I'm learning the hard way that many women see that as a weakness from a relationship perspective.

[RedRobin]

If you’re this uptight about it, and what you “do and don’t do”, and a misfiring

attempt at humor ruins "gratitude" and "awe", you should probably let this guy

find someone who shares his (admittedly not that funny) sense of humor.

 

Hmm... I don't think she's uptight at all. He's the uptight one for making the date about who pays. Not her.

 

I don't think you're socially compatible.

Neither do I.

 

I can't tell if I pity the guy or feel like he's lucky for dodging a bullet.

 

Really?? dodging a 'bullet'?? That's hilarious.. but yea... he's probably not going to get laid on the third date or sooner... so yea... if that is your definition of 'dodging a bullet'... then I agree.

 

And I think you’re backpeddling a bit. You like the guy, but you don’t REALLY like him, and you’re looking for excuses not to see him anymore. When you could just, you know, not see him anymore.

 

No, she liked the guy until he pulled that stunt.

 

 

And yet here she is, making it about money.

 

Nope. He did. He was the one who initiated the text.

 

 

I’m sorry, he “stomped” on it because he dared to only say "I had a good time,

too"?

 

He said 'me too', then responded with his demand.

 

I'd be thinking... ALRIGHT ALREADY!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT I'LL SPLIT THE CHECK WITH YOU DUMB*SS!!

 

No it didn’t. His text has nothing inherent about empathy and gratitude in it. And again, since you've ignored this question prior, where does he display limited gratitude? HE’s the one who traveled AND paid.

 

When you offer something and immediately expect something in return... and you then make demands on what that something is... shows lack of gratitude... then offers that demand while the other person is demonstrating gratitude... shows lack of empathy.

 

I get it that lots of you guys are perfectly clueless though... Goddamn... were you raised in a barn for chrissakes??

 

Neither, far as I can tell, does she. People with high EQ understand the difference between someone making a demand and an obvious attempt at humor. And people with high EQ's do things like...oh, I don't know, if they're not sure about the meaning of something, they ask the person who said that thing what they meant by it.

 

Oh... I believe many of the women here thought it was rude... and plenty of people (including me) suggested she go out on another date to find out... still, she's put off, and I don't blame her.

 

Many of the men think she should overlook it because too many refuse to develop EQ and are used to women overlooking their lack of it.

[CryForNoOne]

It's unbelievable how long this thread had dragged on. He made a not so funny joke in slightly bad taste, she took it the wrong way. Move along people...

[Robert]

I trust the thread starter has gotten her answer, thanks all for the participation