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He said "You're paying on the second date."

Sweeetie

By Sweeetie
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FitChick Established Member

FitChick

Posted
Posted

Google restaurants near him and make a list. Then tell him to pick one, it's your treat but you have a very limited budget.

 

It's funny how people who are not rich are telling others what rich people do and why they do it. I date men who are well off and they have all been very generous. I still offered to pay the tip or for coffee or dessert later. If a guy cooked for me, I'd bring dessert or wine.

  • Like 1
SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

Posted
Posted (edited)

Whether he was joking or not it wasn't the smoothest move given it was over a very controversial subject.

 

Look at it this way: If you enjoyed your time with him and do want to see him again; Are you willing to risk losing that he's a potential match over a (possible) bad joke? Go on another date with him, you'll find out if he was kidding sooner or later.

Edited by SJC2008
sweetkiwi Established Member

sweetkiwi

Posted
Posted

It's not rude. He did the traveling and paid for everything. It's only fair you do the same next time. Plus, it was a stupid text message, how do you know his attitude behind the words???

 

Relax and pick up the check. And kiss him.

  • Like 3
RogerWallace111 Established Member

RogerWallace111

Posted
Posted

Were you notably persistent in your attempt to get the bill ? As has been pointed out, texts can be impossible to interpret tone/intent out of, but my guess is :

 

He's not used to women trying to pay for dates. He found it strange or slightly funny that you would put up any resistance to him treating you. He insisted on paying because he's like that. When he got your text he decided to make a joke about your wanting to pay but didn't do it well. My guess is that he's used to always paying and that if you hadn't attempted to throw in on this first date he would've just kept covering it no questions asked.

 

It would be like if you'd been at dinner and recommended the pork haunches to him, and he said "meh, no I'm gonna stick with the craven's salad". And then you said "ok, but the pork haunches are a great choice I've just gotta put it out there". Then when you text him saying you look forward to the next date, he responds "Me too, I'll be sure to try the pork-haunches ;)".

  • Like 6
jolie_baby Established Member

jolie_baby

Posted
Posted
It's not rude. He did the traveling and paid for everything. It's only fair you do the same next time. Plus, it was a stupid text message, how do you know his attitude behind the words???

 

Relax and pick up the check. And kiss him.

 

I agree with this. Good luck

  • Like 1
AMusing Established Member

AMusing

Posted
Posted

I'm going to side with the "the guy might be a doofus, but not a greedy jerk, so give him another chance (or two)" camp.

 

The message was, in my opinion, kind of dumb. I want to think it was meant as a joke, but I can't tell. It is indeed a bit rude sounding, and strangely worded, but I doubt it comes from a bad place. I think you said he wasn't very social in college, and it sounds like now he has a demanding job. To me, that says he probably has a touch of social awkwardness to him. (My guy does, too. I've somehow grown to find it pretty endearing. :love:) On top of that, he sent the message after at least one drink (I'd assume more), right as the high of the evening was wearing off, and since it was probably fairly late at night he was probably pretty tired. My coherency drops in those situations, and his probably did too.

 

You dug the guy during the first date enough to want a second one. What's the harm in getting together one more time? If he is a jerk, you're only out an evening and the cost of a meal.

  • Like 1
RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
Posted
It's not rude. He did the traveling and paid for everything. It's only fair you do the same next time. Plus, it was a stupid text message, how do you know his attitude behind the words???

 

Relax and pick up the check. And kiss him.

 

It is rude.

 

It was his choice to come out there and pay. She was grateful and acted appropriately with a tad more poise and diplomacy than mr. Rich guy.

 

Guys dont get a ton of slack because too many of them are big zeroes in the emotional intelligence dept... and then expect women to overlook it because they are 'men' and allowed to be clueless...

 

Op... if he acts like a gentleman and you like him..then fine... kiss him... otherwise...no

  • Like 1
chuzzbug Member

chuzzbug

Posted
Posted

I think the comment is crass. There are only a few ways in which it is friendly, but in most ways it is not.

 

In light of this potential confusion, someone intending to be coy, or playful, will make it abundantly clear what their intentions are.

 

If you're left wondering, clearly he has not thought it this far through. At this point you *can* judge him for lack of sensitivity.

 

But, if you're feeling generous I would give him a second chance. Go and meet him. Wait for him to thank you for travelling out. If he is acting like this was expected, and in return for his travel on the first date, then you have yourself someone who is likely not generous, emotionally or with his resources. Again, you can make up your mind whether that's what you want.

 

To end, while I don't think there are many firm rules for the early phases of dating, being sensitive is one. Being kind another. Oh, and thoughtful too.

 

Someone who lacks these basic behaviours is unlikely to respond well to a real crisis.

  • Like 2
miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

Posted
Posted
Oh for heaven's sake. For my first date with my current boyfriend, I bought tickets to an event (it was my suggestion to go there). The second date was free. The third date, I think he paid for dinner. After that it's been pretty much even. He has put his foot in his mouth plenty of times (so have I, I'm sure). Still dating him, "even though" I'm as white & Western as they come. If we are so hard to date, why are so many of us in relationships?

 

 

 

 

 

I know right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Same here, my boyfriend and I from the get go have been even contributers. The first date he paid even though I offered to pay my half. Since then we have been even.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yet again, the tunnel vision. Him makin it about money when those of us who find it rude consider it a lack of tact, and having nothing todo with money in the slightest.

  • Like 1
Ed the 3rd Established Member

Ed the 3rd

Posted
Posted
I interpreted it as him putting in the wink just to not make it sound too serious/cold; the alternative would be "Food and drinks are on you next time." Which would be enough to put a girl off.

 

The point here is, a man offers to pay for a woman to show his masculinity and impress her. And why bother doing that if he tells her to pay next time. It defeats the purpose.

How much moolah someones willing to burn does not heighten their masculinity. Just thought I'd point that out. Chivalry is chivalry.

  • Like 3
KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

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When it comes to dating, it should NEVER be awkward. There should be a smooth, comfortable flow to it. If someone does something right off the bat that makes you feel awkward or makes you wonder, "what's with this person?", then I would just move on.

 

Seriously. The little "weirdness" you "feel" in the beginning...that's your gut telling you it's not right.

 

And what he said just sounds downright cheesy to me. What guy says that? He's obviously a very frugal guy who is probably VERY uptight with money.

  • Like 2
ChessPieceFace Established Member

ChessPieceFace

Posted
Posted (edited)
If we are so hard to date, why are so many of us in relationships?

 

Better question - why are so many of you unhappy and complaining, whether you are in relationships or not. The culture of self has poisoned everyone, but women much moreso.

 

That said, the women in this thread coming together and saying to ditch the OP's date over a single comment are on the far more entitled and impossible end of the spectrum. The entitled women are by far the majority. However, if I didn't believe there weren't still a small percentage of good women, it would be pointless for me to come here.

 

the boys here posting do not represent what real men think of dating or women. The bitterness alone towards the female posters should send up a red flag as to their maturity making their comments jaded and sad...and unreliable since the OP is a female and they obviously distrust and dislike females....wow. I wish Love Shack had an over 13 rule.

 

Right, when people disagree with you, they are immature. Or maybe they have a point which eluded you. I don't even need to make my case any further. Most western women are entitled and selfish and the ones in this thread have gone out of their way to prove that point for me.

Edited by ChessPieceFace
Keenly Established Member

Keenly

Posted
Posted

If so many women complain about the quality of men in the dating pool, yet at the same time pick apart every little small detail trying to find hidden meanings or messages, what good is that going to do to help you find some one to make you happy?

 

 

I've seen it too many times, where people will intentionally poke holes in their relationship or potential relationship because they leave zero room for misinterpretation or human error.

 

 

Just relax.

 

 

As for a long time ago when people were saying "sounds more like he is talking to you like one of his buddies rather than a date " that's because we as men want to be able to feel like we CAN be really close with you in a friendship style way. In an ideal relationship, you are friends AND lovers.

  • Like 3
KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

Posted
Posted

I'm a guy and I think what op's date texted was extremely tacky. Just shows a lack of tact and social know how. If a woman said that to me, I'd feel the same way.

  • Like 1
KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

Posted
Posted
If so many women complain about the quality of men in the dating pool, yet at the same time pick apart every little small detail trying to find hidden meanings or messages, what good is that going to do to help you find some one to make you happy?

 

 

I've seen it too many times, where people will intentionally poke holes in their relationship or potential relationship because they leave zero room for misinterpretation or human error.

 

 

Just relax.

 

 

As for a long time ago when people were saying "sounds more like he is talking to you like one of his buddies rather than a date " that's because we as men want to be able to feel like we CAN be really close with you in a friendship style way. In an ideal relationship, you are friends AND lovers.

 

I'm of the opinion that you should poke all the holes you want. The reason why most LTR fail is because people aren't picky enough in the beginning. They just want to be in relationship so they ignore the signs or their gut tellling them something is wrong. Then, months or years down the line, when they can't stand it anymore, it all comes out and they break up, having wasted all that time when it could have been avoided in the beginning.

 

When I look back on my failed relationships, I can see the very obvious signs I ignored at the time. If I had just been pickier or more selective I could have saved myself a lot of anguish.

serial muse Established Member

serial muse

Posted
Posted
Were you notably persistent in your attempt to get the bill ? As has been pointed out, texts can be impossible to interpret tone/intent out of, but my guess is :

 

He's not used to women trying to pay for dates. He found it strange or slightly funny that you would put up any resistance to him treating you. He insisted on paying because he's like that. When he got your text he decided to make a joke about your wanting to pay but didn't do it well. My guess is that he's used to always paying and that if you hadn't attempted to throw in on this first date he would've just kept covering it no questions asked.

 

It would be like if you'd been at dinner and recommended the pork haunches to him, and he said "meh, no I'm gonna stick with the craven's salad". And then you said "ok, but the pork haunches are a great choice I've just gotta put it out there". Then when you text him saying you look forward to the next date, he responds "Me too, I'll be sure to try the pork-haunches ;)".

 

OK, now this is a helpful alternative viewpoint. I still think saying "you pay" is rude, but I'll buy it as, potentially, an extremely awkward response to you offering to pay the first time. I think the McDonald's response that xxoo offered would be the perfect comeback to see if this is all in good fun...or not. :)

  • Like 1
William Established Member

William

Posted
Posted (edited)

Looks like moderation has a small cleanup. Back in a few.

 

With the most non-conforming postings cleaned up, and with moderation mindful of the social climate of LoveShack, posting re-opened to on-topic and conforming postings. Thanks.

Edited by William
Ripnet Established Member

Ripnet

Posted
Posted

 

When I look back on my failed relationships, I can see the very obvious signs I ignored at the time. If I had just been pickier or more selective I could have saved myself a lot of anguish.

 

No relationship is perfect. Every couple have disagreements/arguments. If you sweat the small stuff how can a person deal with bigger issues?

 

There is no such thing as failure in my book even in relationships. It's a learning process. I used to be very picky and it wasn't very realistic because no woman could match my expectations. I realized soon enough I shouldn't be so serious and learn to relax.

 

There is no right or wrong here just different point of views it depends who you talk to.

  • Like 1
Ripnet Established Member

Ripnet

Posted
Posted
If so many women complain about the quality of men in the dating pool, yet at the same time pick apart every little small detail trying to find hidden meanings or messages, what good is that going to do to help you find some one to make you happy?

 

 

I've seen it too many times, where people will intentionally poke holes in their relationship or potential relationship because they leave zero room for misinterpretation or human error.

 

 

 

I don't think it's a bad thing because there are women out there who don't do that so it's to their advantage.

KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

Posted
Posted
No relationship is perfect. Every couple have disagreements/arguments. If you sweat the small stuff how can a person deal with bigger issues?

 

There is no such thing as failure in my book even in relationships. It's a learning process. I used to be very picky and it wasn't very realistic because no woman could match my expectations. I realized soon enough I shouldn't be so serious and learn to relax.

 

There is no right or wrong here just different point of views it depends who you talk to.

 

Disagreements and arguments are one thing. Character and personality traits that make you shake your head are a completely different thing and should NEVER be overlooked.

 

And it's the small stuff that matters the most.

 

I'm the pickiest guy in the world and it worked out perfectly for me.

Ripnet Established Member

Ripnet

Posted
Posted
ut women much moreso.

 

That said, the women in this thread coming together and saying to ditch the OP's date over a single comment are on the far more entitled and impossible end of the spectrum.

 

 

 

 

Well some men agree with that also. If it bothers OP so much she's much better position to stop dating him. Why waste his precious time and money? I think she would be doing him a favor and eventually he'll find a woman that will appreciate him.

Grumpybutfun Established Member

Grumpybutfun

Posted
Posted (edited)

If something feels off to you then it is worth testing others' opinions and seeing if your instincts are correct to the situation. Dating isn't easy. However, if he did nothing else on the date to make you feel uncomfortable then the text may have just been in jest. Lots can get lost in translation with texting since it is a terse form of communication.

Good luck in your dating endeavors,

Grumpy

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed condescending remark
Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

Posted
Posted

Right, when people disagree with you, they are immature. Or maybe they have a point which eluded you. I don't even need to make my case any further. Most western women are entitled and selfish and the ones in this thread have gone out of their way to prove that point for me.

 

By the same token I could say most western men are angry and bitter. There is certainly enough evidence here on LS to support that theory, thats for sure. :rolleyes:

 

But none of that relates to the topic of the thread! And for the record I advised the OP to give the guy another chance, as it to me at least, it seems like it could just be a moment of social awkwardness on his part. :)

 

Still everyone has the right to date someone who meets there standards, and if someone doesn't meet those standards, then the answer is simple, they don't date them! And if noone meets those standards, then guess what, they'll be alone because they won't find anyone who is compatible with them!

 

Same goes for you, you don't date women who you deem to be "too entitled" right? So that works both ways. Men can simply choose not to date any woman they deem to be "too selfish and entitled". Seems obvious really? Surely?

 

Everyone can date whoever they want to date. Everyone has the right to set the standards they employ for choosing a relationship partner. And if noone meets someone's standards because they have set them too high, it'll be their loss, because they'll be alone, and rightly so!

 

So can we move on from the bitter rages at the "majority of western" women, or the "majority of bitter western men"... please? :(

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

Sounds rude to me and it would have put me off. Dunno what else to say ...

Ripnet Established Member

Ripnet

Posted
Posted
Disagreements and arguments are one thing. Character and personality traits that make you shake your head are a completely different thing and should NEVER be overlooked.

 

And it's the small stuff that matters the most.

 

I'm the pickiest guy in the world and it worked out perfectly for me.

 

It takes time to know people. There's been times where I thought this person was like this or that but it turned out to be different. Everyone deserves a fair chance. Btw a family member that I knew for years turned out has different character that I thought she had. In the end I stopped talking to her. I never knew it was coming for a long time.

 

People change, beliefs change and yes even a person's character can change.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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