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He said "You're paying on the second date."

Sweeetie

By Sweeetie
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Ripnet Established Member

Ripnet

Posted
Posted

This is why I don't text. LOL

Boy I guess many ladies don't have a sense of humour. I don't know but if you offended something over that then you're certainly not my type. I like to tease a lot, not trying to be hurtful. It doesn't matter what a guy says he will be judged harshly over it.

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

Posted
Posted
This is why I don't text. LOL

Boy I guess many ladies don't have a sense of humour. I don't know but if you offended something over that then you're certainly not my type. I like to tease a lot, not trying to be hurtful. It doesn't matter what a guy says he will be judged harshly over it.

 

Nope, just when he says something tacky and I don't know him from Adam.

 

Now, Keith is allowed to say those things. But he doesn't, and he's known and been with me for over 16 years. He finds other ways to joke around with me, and would find this tacky, too. And he has a penis, which I guess qualifies him to remark on this. :rolleyes:

  • Like 1
clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted

I can go either way on this one. Sometimes guys say stupid stuff. He could very well be regretting making such a dumb joke to her over text. This is why I hate texting -- had he said this in person, it would have been abundantly clear whether he was joking around or whether he was dead serious. Maybe he made the joke because she offered to pay at dinner because he did the traveling, so this was the vice versa? Who knows? At any rate, I could see my boyfriend saying something dumb like this, but never having any intention of allowing me to pay. Of course, I would've responded with a McDonald's or pizza slices comment like those mentioned above. :p

 

That said, if you liked him, go out with him again and see what happens. What I would do is act like you believe his text was a total joke. You never even entertained the idea that he was serious about you paying on the second date. Why? Because if you act like you believed him, and then went out on the date, you are indicating to him that you think it is perfectly appropriate for you to pay on the second date. You don't think that. (Do you? I don't.)

 

You need some cojones to do this, but here is what I would do. When the bill comes, if he doesn't grab it to pay it, ignore it. Keep talking, looking around, looking at the TV, whatever. Ignore it. If he finally mentions his text and how you are supposed to pay, look confused. Say "Oh....I didn't think you were serious" in a soft voice. Move very slowly for your purse. Continue looking confused. Furrow your brow. You aren't used to this type of behavior. Then, you pay it, and you never go out with him again.

 

Now, if he has chosen the place and if it is too expensive for you to afford (seriously, do not break your budget over this guy) you say to him "Ohh...I would love to treat but this place you've chosen is out of my budget. Had I realized you weren't joking about me paying, I would have suggested we go somewhere in my price range. But I am happy to pay for half (or my share) of the bill."

 

One more thing...you seem to place great emphasis on his traveling an hour to see you. In my opinion, an hour is nothing. (But then again, I grew up in the suburbs of Detroit, where it takes 45 minutes to get anywhere.) You should certainly thank him for coming to you, but stop acting like he's doing you some huge favor by traveling for an hour. I know people with longer commutes than that. You really shouldn't have even offered to go to him yet, but since you already did, what's done is done. You are worth a man traveling an hour. Get that through your head!

  • Like 1
Ripnet Established Member

Ripnet

Posted
Posted
Nope, just when he says something tacky and I don't know him from Adam.

 

Now, Keith is allowed to say those things. But he doesn't, and he's known and been with me for over 16 years. He finds other ways to joke around with me, and would find this tacky, too. And he has a penis, which I guess qualifies him to remark on this. :rolleyes:

 

Considering I used to be a cashier dealing with hundreds of people. I dealt with stress by saying tacky things. My customers loved it, I got them to laugh. I remember one lady where I joked when she was going to take me out to dinner on her. I was only teasing and she laughed. She tried to have a straight face but she at least end up smiling.

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

Posted
Posted
Considering I used to be a cashier dealing with hundreds of people. I dealt with stress by saying tacky things. My customers loved it, I got them to laugh. I remember one lady where I joked when she was going to take me out to dinner on her. I was only teasing and she laughed. She tried to have a straight face but she at least end up smiling.

 

Did you tell any of them to pay for your dinner or go out on dates with any of them? If so, how did that work out?

 

I use humor at work, too.

 

It's still tacky to say that to someone.

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

Posted
Posted
Considering I used to be a cashier dealing with hundreds of people. I dealt with stress by saying tacky things. My customers loved it, I got them to laugh. I remember one lady where I joked when she was going to take me out to dinner on her. I was only teasing and she laughed. She tried to have a straight face but she at least end up smiling.

 

 

 

 

 

Not the same. That is a customer relationship, not a woman you are courting. Not to mention you said it in person where you could better convey it.

 

 

 

 

I would consider that funny, but through text to a girl after One date? That is tacky.

Course, I like my men with class.

  • Like 1
crude Established Member

crude

Posted
Posted

This doesn't apply to the OP who was overly generous with her last BF, but I love how dating a man allows women to stray from normal rules of decency. If someone treated you to a good time, most humans would immediately want to repay that person or they'd feel guilty. If friends go out on a regular basis, one of the people demanding that the others pay for him/her would mean they'd become an ex-friend. But when a woman is dating, of course the man has to pay for everything, or he's cheap and not a man. Dating allows a woman to be a true lowlife.

  • Like 1
Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted

 

 

 

I would consider that funny, but through text to a girl after One date? That is tacky.

Course, I like my men with class.

 

I don't know how to say this without sounding argumentative, but I feel the above statement is judgmental. And I hang around with people who pretty much define what acting classy means.

 

If the OP feels the statement lacks class, then, of course, she is free to stop seeing him. But whether or not the statement means this man has or lacks class is down to subjective opinions. What matters is how the OP feels about it, in the end.

  • Like 2
Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted
This doesn't apply to the OP who was overly generous with her last BF, but I love how dating a man allows women to stray from normal rules of decency. If someone treated you to a good time, most humans would immediately want to repay that person or they'd feel guilty. If friends go out on a regular basis, one of the people demanding that the others pay for him/her would mean they'd become an ex-friend. But when a woman is dating, of course the man has to pay for everything, or he's cheap and not a man. Dating allows a woman to be a true lowlife.

 

:rolleyes:

 

Take one discussion and turn it into a statement on all women. Any specific advice for the OP?

 

:rolleyes:

  • Like 2
miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

Posted
Posted
I don't know how to say this without sounding argumentative, but I feel the above statement is judgmental. And I hang around with people who pretty much define what acting classy means.

 

If the OP feels the statement lacks class, then, of course, she is free to stop seeing him. But whether or not the statement means this man has or lacks class is down to subjective opinions. What matters is how the OP feels about it, in the end.

 

 

 

 

 

I actually completely agree. I find it tacky, so I wouldn't date him.

  • Like 1
Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted
I actually completely agree. I find it tacky, so I wouldn't date him.

 

:)

 

I think this was a classy way to discuss the topic :laugh:.

  • Like 1
Treasa Established Member

Treasa

Posted
Posted
:)

 

I think this was a classy way to discuss the topic :laugh:.

 

That whole exchange cracked me up. :laugh:

  • Like 1
TheGuard13 Established Member

TheGuard13

Posted
Posted
After the date finished, while he was still on the train home I sent him a text saying "I had a wonderful time tonight and am looking forward to seeing you again. Thanks for travelling all the way to see me. Next time I shall do the travelling :)"

 

He replied saying "Me too :-) Yes and next time, dinner and drinks are on you too ;-)"

 

Isn't this a little rude, and also strange? I didn't ask him to pay for me on our first date, in fact I offered to pay for him, so this comment was quite unnecessary. It is something a guy would say to a male buddy, not to a girl he's dating. This guy is also quite rich and earns a lot, whereas I just finished university and have a simple casual job at the moment. Besides what is the point in insisting on paying for a girl if you tell her to pay next time- doesn't that ruin the point and isn't it against the "showing masculinity" thing?

 

This rudeness is a bit of a turn-off for me and it's scarred the good impression I had of him during our date. :sick: Should I talk to him about it?

 

It was a joke. This guy's biggest crime is that he's not as funny as he tried to be.

 

Sheesh.

  • Like 6
MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
Posted
It was a joke. This guy's biggest crime is that he's not as funny as he tried to be.

 

Sheesh.

Yep, this here. And what chesspiece said earlier. So he went against his "showing masculinity thing" by asking/joking about OP paying next time. Did she not go against her "showing femininity thing" by offering to pay on the first date? Is it any wonder people are confused and get butthurt over nothing? WTF? I'm with the guys here. Can say I've never had this problem as I always pay for the second date anyway.

 

(I'm not even gonna get started on the whole texting thing and the way it allows things to be taken completely out of context)

  • Like 3
crude Established Member

crude

Posted
Posted
:rolleyes:

 

Take one discussion and turn it into a statement on all women. Any specific advice for the OP?

 

:rolleyes:

 

I mentioned it before. He paid for the first date, now even if he was kidding, it's her turn to plan something nice to show him that she's appreciative of him and his time and company. Because she doesn't have the big $$$$, her date should be simple and inexpensive. If he wants more, then he can pay the difference.

  • Like 3
Keenly Established Member

Keenly

Posted
Posted

Women are impossible.

A nervous man put his foot in his mouth and you want to discard him for it.

 

 

 

Completely disregarding the fact he traveled to you, and then paid. Obviously the date was good because you kissed him on the cheek.

 

 

If this is how you are going to be, so callous and unforgiving, perhaps its best to just stay single. I don't quite know what you were expecting. Maybe a golden god of a man who exists solely to please you and never says anything wrong or makes a mistake.

  • Like 5
Treasa Established Member

Treasa

Posted
Posted
Maybe a golden god of a man who exists solely to please you and never says anything wrong or makes a mistake.

 

That's pretty much what I expect. :confused:

 

However, he's more milk chocolate than golden. :love:

  • Like 2
MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
Posted
That's pretty much what I expect. :confused:

 

However, he's more milk chocolate than golden. :love:

Ooh, I get all the dark! :)

  • Like 3
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
That's pretty much what I expect. :confused:

 

However, he's more milk chocolate than golden. :love:

 

If you're taking the milk and MidwestUSA is taking the dark, am I stuck with white? :(:laugh:

  • Like 3
LeGenDary_Man Established Member

LeGenDary_Man

Posted
Posted (edited)
And this was after we had agreed to a second date so it wasn't a discreet invitation to meet again! So the story is..

 

I went on a first date with a guy who I met online, last weekend. We live in different cities and he came on a 1-hour train journey to see me. I really appreciated him coming all the way so I offered to pay for both of our dinners, which he wouldn't let me do, he also bought us drinks afterwards. During the date I felt attracted to him. He wanted to kiss me goodbye but I don't kiss on the first date so he got the cheek and I hugged him.

 

After the date finished, while he was still on the train home I sent him a text saying "I had a wonderful time tonight and am looking forward to seeing you again. Thanks for travelling all the way to see me. Next time I shall do the travelling :)"

 

He replied saying "Me too :-) Yes and next time, dinner and drinks are on you too ;-)"

 

Isn't this a little rude, and also strange? I didn't ask him to pay for me on our first date, in fact I offered to pay for him, so this comment was quite unnecessary. It is something a guy would say to a male buddy, not to a girl he's dating. This guy is also quite rich and earns a lot, whereas I just finished university and have a simple casual job at the moment. Besides what is the point in insisting on paying for a girl if you tell her to pay next time- doesn't that ruin the point and isn't it against the "showing masculinity" thing?

 

This rudeness is a bit of a turn-off for me and it's scarred the good impression I had of him during our date. :sick: Should I talk to him about it?

Speaking as a completely objective third party observer with absolutely no personal interest in the matter, I think that you are overreacting.

 

If you knew that this guy is rich, why did you offered to pay for your FIRST date with him? Even if you decided to pay for courtesy's sake, you could balance things out like requesting him to allow you to pay for the drinks at minimum. Anyways, no need to beat around the bush.

 

This guy traveled long distance for you and also paid for his FIRST date with you, so you should give him another chance.

 

It is stupid to assume that every rich person likes to spend a lot. People don't become rich by spending a lot but rather saving a lot.

 

Also, a rich person is more likely to test a potential suitor then a person who is not rich. A rich person is unlikely to take risks in the game of relationships. This guy might be searching for a potential suitor who does not fancies his money but rather him.

 

So overlook the text part and have a second date with him to get to know him better. Who knows, you might be the RIGHT ONE for him; you may end-up as a wife of a rich man. Don't give-up so easily on this opportunity.

 

Even if you end-up paying for the second date, try a third one as well before you make a final decision to continue to see him or not.

 

Most importantly, spent within your means; you can suggest to him that if you are paying for the second date, you are also likely to choose a venue for the second date.

 

Good luck!

Edited by LeGenDary_Man
  • Like 3
Treasa Established Member

Treasa

Posted
Posted
Speaking as a completely objective third party observer with absolutely no personal interest in the matter, I think that you are overreacting.

 

If you knew that this guy is rich, why did you offered to pay for your FIRST date with him? Even if you decided to pay for courtesy's sake, you could balance things out like requesting him to allow you to pay for the drinks at minimum. Anyways, no need to beat around the bush.

 

This guy traveled long distance for you and also paid for his FIRST date with you, so you should give him another chance.

 

It is stupid to assume that every rich person likes to spend a lot. People don't become rich by spending a lot but rather saving a lot.

 

Also, a rich person is more likely to test a potential suitor then a person who is not rich. A rich person is unlikely to take risks in the game of relationships. This guy might be searching for a potential suitor who does not fancies his money but rather him.

 

So overlook the text part and have a second date with him to get to know him better. Who knows, you might be the RIGHT ONE for him; you may end-up as a wife of a rich man. Don't give-up so easily on this opportunity.

 

Even if you end-up paying for the second date, try a third one as well before you make a final decision to continue to see him or not.

 

Most importantly, spent within your means; you can suggest to him that if you are paying for the second date, you are also likely to choose a venue for the second date.

 

Good luck!

 

I like this.

  • Like 1
Phoebe Established Member

Phoebe

Posted
Posted

I would have replied with "Great, which do you prefer McDonalds or Burger King? :)".

 

If he got offended with that then I would know that he was serious from the start and then yes I would consider that strange. Not that I feel a man should always pay for dates, but making a statement like that is a little rude. Hopefully, and most likely, though he would just send another joking text back my way.

  • Like 2
yessy21 Established Member

yessy21

Posted
Posted

I think you misunderstood his words.

 

In my opinion maybe the words were coming from a place in his head that wants to know if youll meet him halfway.

 

I know there is a term for this i just forgot.

 

I dont know if youll understand what im saying so im going to try to put it in a different manner.

 

he might just be trying to see if you would be willing to put in your 50% of time and money into the beggining of a possible relationship.. he probrably doesnt even know he's doing that but thats the magic of having a brain...

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

Posted
Posted

Google cheap restaurants near where he lives. Tell him to pick one from the list, saying it's your treat but you have a very limited budget and these are the only ones you can afford.

  • Like 1
serial muse Established Member

serial muse

Posted
Posted
Women are impossible.

A nervous man put his foot in his mouth and you want to discard him for it.

 

 

 

Completely disregarding the fact he traveled to you, and then paid. Obviously the date was good because you kissed him on the cheek.

 

 

If this is how you are going to be, so callous and unforgiving, perhaps its best to just stay single. I don't quite know what you were expecting. Maybe a golden god of a man who exists solely to please you and never says anything wrong or makes a mistake.

 

Hah. If a woman had said to a man, post-date "next time you're paying ;)" and the dude posted about it here on LS, as in, well guys, is she a golddigger or what? :confused:

 

the world would have erupted in GOLDDIGGER accusations.

 

So come off it.

 

It's rude, regardless of gender, always and forever, to say to someone, "you pay". The end.

  • Like 9
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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