Omei Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) Tonight is a hard night, I am 1 month and 10 days into no contact since my Bf left me. During the day I am strong happy, I have made new friends even male ones (I have no current desire or rebounds or any sexual interest) Just friends. I rid of everything my ex had gave me, trashed all the pictures, I sold the jewellery. Hid one of the gifts his mom gave me but kept. And it still hurts I put on a smile I try and try. At night I am awake at 3-4 am after dreams of being together and happy when we first broke up I had no dreams about it I was so thankful but now they're here. I love him so much I am very sad he walked away I am very sad he didn't love me enough to put effort into working stuff out. I am hurt he's left my daughter he would call us "his baby girls" I thought we men't more. I haven't forgotten the bad just for me the good outweighed the bad I used to come on here in the past complaining a lot about us I gave that up and accepted I loved him truly. I thought maybe by now he'd ask for me. It hurts so badly to love and have them not. I am scared for me too, I am scared to trust. He was so good at telling me he was happy and acting like it. Today I found a paper with his handwriting of the trip plans and plan times! slipped behind my dresser while cleaning, i must of missed it, I saw it I cried and cried he was only here in march on the most wonderful trip we really ever did have. I feel used and lied too. I often think "he must of already been considering of leaving me before he came" Oh there was an 8 month space before he came in march. I think so cruel so unfair I would of been so much better if he had not of visited. I am trying so hard to move on. I miss him badly, even tho I know I deserve more. Sometimes I can feel such pain in my chest I don't tell my new friends my troubles I don't want too it might scare them off. Esp the male ones. Edited June 11, 2013 by Omei
Els Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 {{{hugs}}} Omei I really don't know what's left to say, except that I think you're coping well. Everyone has a few setbacks like what you mentioned, but as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you'll get there. Stay strong! 2
Narnia Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'm so sorry you are going through this, it really is hard, but you are doing well. The cliche is true, time heals all wounds. After my ex and I broke up in August of 2011 I thought my world was over and I couldn't imagine ever being happy again. I know how you feel about wishing he never visited in March - my boyfriend had been deployed to Afghanistan and we broke up after he came home. I was so bitter that he wouldn't have just ended it before that, buthe was being selfish and wanted me there so he had something to keep him going. There is no going back, what happened, happened. I can tell you that I am now incredibly happy and look back at that relationship and can't believe that I almost settled for that when what I have now was out there. You WILL move on and you WILL be happy. Be patient with yourself, love yourself and use this time to rediscover yourself. Big ((hugs)) to you and your little girl. 1
Author Omei Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Thanks for the nice wishes I hope I will get better. I do not believe the phrase Time Heals All Wounds. Time only passes, It is what we do with our lives while time is passing that either helps us, heals us or keeps us stuck. And what I am afraid of is what if I never stop being in love with them, Yes it hurts less everyday. It's daytime now and I feel fine. 2
LittleTiger Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'm so sorry you're struggling Omei. (((Hugs))) It's always tough in the beginning but you're doing well. Just hang in there, it will get easier. 2
nugget_718 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Try to distract yourself with other stuff...start a new hobby, go out with friends, or plan some activities with your daughter. Break ups are generally hard because unlike physical pain which can be treated with meds, pain from a broken heart penetrates through the soul. Hang in there, it will get better from here on out. 1
umirano Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I can guarantee you time heals everything. I have experienced it quite a few times, and I don't think I'm special from everyone else (certainly not in this regard). Just be patient. In two, six and twelve months things will look different. I promise.
Author Omei Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Thanks again for the wish's sorry I still don't believe time heals, Just you and what you do. You can't say everything you could never say that to a parent who had their child taken and murdered, You can never say that to a person abandoned by family....I can go on and on. Time lessens pain but it never go's away. I am completely over my baby's daddy of 5 years don't care for him one bit but the physical abuse I went through will always effect me in some way. I think that saying offers a lot of lie to mask what you really need to do for yourself as a person, I think someone could get stuck thinking "time" will heal them and not do anything to actually heal themselves that's how you get stuck in depression for years. The first 2 weeks of my break up I did nothing for myself, that's time passing. Things didn't get better until I forced myself to make friends. Which in life I have *never* done. That's healing (not trying to start a debate just how i think) Today was a good day no tears!
Author Omei Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Today is hell guys have been making advances since they know im single and it hurts it makes me sad i dont believe their sweet talk at all i feel like its Just a get a girl act i Miss my ex so bad i spent 3 hours trying locate his number in im glad i failed im calmer now Hurt so bad almost broke NC
HeavenOrHell Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Time itself doesn't heal, it's what you do to move on which helps, you can stay stuck in hell for a long time if you don't have the right support, or if you don't have enough strength or will power to move forward. I can guarantee you time heals everything. I have experienced it quite a few times, and I don't think I'm special from everyone else (certainly not in this regard). Just be patient. In two, six and twelve months things will look different. I promise.
Author Omei Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Time itself doesn't heal, it's what you do to move on which helps, you can stay stuck in hell for a long time if you don't have the right support, or if you don't have enough strength or will power to move forward. Yes and I have been doing well today I am fine again, once and a while tho I been having these major crackdowns And then I go back to being okay for a few days. And thanks HoH thats what I have been saying. 1
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