myn Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Hello everyone, I know this post could get a lot of responses along the line of who cares what someone does on facebook etc. etc. I know it's kind of pathetic to care about that kind of thing but it's the world we live in as modern daters so if you could keep that kind of feedback to yourself I'd appreciate it. hurt and pain from heartbreak is real to the person experiencing it whatever the cause. Just the short version - was dating someone for a few months (we were both dating more than one person and were open about it), he said he had fallen in love, i felt the same, then a few weeks later he broke up with me because he said he had to figure some stuff out, which didn't feel quite right. it turned out he had "fallen in love" with one of the other women he was dating. a few weeks later i unfriended him on facebook because it hurt me to see his updates especially when they involved this other girl. but of course i still went to look at his page sometimes (masochistic i know but i'm sure many of us have done this kind of thing). about a month later, he blocked me, even though i had made no attempts to contact him. and for some reason this reopened the wound and made me feel insulted and hurt again. why would he do that when i had left him alone? he had no way of knowing i looked at his page once in awhile...
aisuru Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'm sorry. I understand. Social media be damned! *shakes fists* 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Hello everyone, I know this post could get a lot of responses along the line of who cares what someone does on facebook etc. etc. I know it's kind of pathetic to care about that kind of thing but it's the world we live in as modern daters so if you could keep that kind of feedback to yourself I'd appreciate it. hurt and pain from heartbreak is real to the person experiencing it whatever the cause. Just the short version - was dating someone for a few months (we were both dating more than one person and were open about it), he said he had fallen in love, i felt the same, then a few weeks later he broke up with me because he said he had to figure some stuff out, which didn't feel quite right. it turned out he had "fallen in love" with one of the other women he was dating. a few weeks later i unfriended him on facebook because it hurt me to see his updates especially when they involved this other girl. but of course i still went to look at his page sometimes (masochistic i know but i'm sure many of us have done this kind of thing). about a month later, he blocked me, even though i had made no attempts to contact him. and for some reason this reopened the wound and made me feel insulted and hurt again. why would he do that when i had left him alone? he had no way of knowing i looked at his page once in awhile... See the post started by me on pretty much this same exact topic... A lot of good info about what you seek, without having everyone re-write their responses... It's titled: 'Check FB to kill hope??'
Author myn Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 dear mtnbiker, thank you for giving me the link to the thread. i did look at it earlier, and there is a lot of helpful info on there... but still, what bothers me is why he blocked me when i had already unfriended him and had made no attempts to contact him? after all, he broke up with me and started dating someone else right away... so is it just to be hurtful, or is to indirectly tell me he wants me more or less "erased" from his consciousness?
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 dear mtnbiker, thank you for giving me the link to the thread. i did look at it earlier, and there is a lot of helpful info on there... but still, what bothers me is why he blocked me when i had already unfriended him and had made no attempts to contact him? after all, he broke up with me and started dating someone else right away... so is it just to be hurtful, or is to indirectly tell me he wants me more or less "erased" from his consciousness? Meh... I think it's just putting a period behind everything. Probably nothing any more personal than what you've already experienced regarding this situation... And besides, as many here will agree with. Who cares? It's over. He's gone. Time to move on. Forget about what he does or why....
grace777 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 People behave strangely in breakups. Maybe he blocked you because he doesn't want you to see posts, even as a general browser who isn't an fb friend? Maybe he suspects you're looking.
Author myn Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 thanks grace - oof. that's kind of embarrassing, especially as i was looking
DesertDogg Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I know exactly what you're going through, because I'm experiencing the same thing. My ex g/f dumped me on 03/19. I went into immediate no contact for 30 days and then reopened a line of communication in an attempt to get her back. It seemed to work fairly well, and we were talking for about a month. Then, she opened up to me, and sent me an email about "what she wanted." Apparently, my response wasn't deferential enough and she freaked out and send a bunch of nasty emails back to me. She was angry and refused to talk. So immature and stupid. Anyway, she said that we could talk in about a month or so and be friends. The 30 days is coming up on 06/19. A few days ago, on Thursday (06/07) she put me on the "restricted list" on FB. I can't see anything but public posts. I'm sitting here wondering why she would do this now. It is such a slap in the face, insulting, and rude. Not to mention it is completely immature. But, this is perfectly in line with her personality. I'm trying my best not to react to this or do anything. I haven't "restricted" or "unfriended" her on FB. She can see my profile without limitation. Since that time, she has posted 5 pictures since Thursday. I can see the time was on Saturday night at 11pm, which leads me to believe she was out. Perhaps, she has a new boyfriend and was out with him. I don't know because I can see her profile. We have mutual friends and I asked one friend to let me login to her account so I could see, and she refused. I don't want to ask any other friends (including my sister-in-law) to tell me what's on her page because this is crossing the line and seriously stupid. Not to mention incredibly pathetic. Still, I find myself wondering what she's hiding. It seems so premeditated as if she knew she was going out. Blocked me on Thursday, new photos on Saturday, etc. I'm trying to just forget the whole thing. But, as we all know this is easier said than done. I should never have given myself hope in trying to get her back. And, she lead me down the primose path that it would happen again. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I think our ex's "restrict" or "block" us as a way to move on for themselves. Who knows. It is irritating. The best thing you can do is to just try to not let their behavior dictate your actions. There is an old saying, "It doesn't matter what happens to you in life, what matters is how you react to it." So I'm trying not to react to her immature behavior, take the high road, and just move one.
aisuru Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 dear mtnbiker, thank you for giving me the link to the thread. i did look at it earlier, and there is a lot of helpful info on there... but still, what bothers me is why he blocked me when i had already unfriended him and had made no attempts to contact him? after all, he broke up with me and started dating someone else right away... so is it just to be hurtful, or is to indirectly tell me he wants me more or less "erased" from his consciousness? It's the same reason I blocked my ex on twitter (he doesn't have FB) and un-connected with him on LinkedIn. He doesn't want to be with me? Then I don't need any link to him. The End. Ignore he fact that I sometimes check out his twitter even though I'm not active on my twitter. I followed all the "rules" of cutting off social media in my early days and blocked him. Kind of wish I hadn't gone that far, but whatever. It is for the best for me for him to at least think I want ZERO to do with him. Don't take it personally. 1
Author myn Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Desert Dogg, I understand your frustration, your case is especially upsetting since it sounds like she was giving you breadcrumbs and then manipulating the situation as a power play by restricting the access. It honestly sounds like a game to exert control over the situation. In my situation I wonder if I was the one that was immature since I unfriended first, but I didn't block him. I just didn't want to see his page because it hurt me. So why would he block me a few weeks after that when I hadn't contacted him at all. Sure I looked at his page a few times but there's no way for him to know that. It makes me feel humiliated, like I'm a crazy stalker when I didn't bother him for months.
aisuru Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Desert Dogg, I understand your frustration, your case is especially upsetting since it sounds like she was giving you breadcrumbs and then manipulating the situation as a power play by restricting the access. It honestly sounds like a game to exert control over the situation. In my situation I wonder if I was the one that was immature since I unfriended first, but I didn't block him. I just didn't want to see his page because it hurt me. So why would he block me a few weeks after that when I hadn't contacted him at all. Sure I looked at his page a few times but there's no way for him to know that. It makes me feel humiliated, like I'm a crazy stalker when I didn't bother him for months. It could be any number of reasons. To one up you as punishment. Because he wants nothing to do with you ever. Because he knows it will bother you. (oooo look, it bothers you!) IT DOESN'T MATTER. That's the reality. It doesn't matter. Embrace, accept, release. You'll be better for it.
Author myn Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Thank you aisuru. I know that I have to let it go, it's just fresh. Gonna wake up tomorrow and forge ahead. What else can you do?
DesertDogg Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Myn, Thanks for your advice. I didn't think of it like that, but I think you are absolutely right about the power play. She is a very manipulative person and tries to get the upper hand. She is very immature in many ways. It is so manipulative of her to restrict access to me. I'm not going to stoop to her level and "restrict" her because I know deep down inside that is what she WANTS. She is just waiting for me to "restrict," her so she can then unfriend me. It's like this complicated chess game she has that she can just cut me out of her life and won't have to deal with me. I'm not going to give in to her silly mind games, but instead take the high road. Eventually, though I think she will unfriend me unilaterally. Whatever. Go for it, babe. The worst part is that I'm going to a conference in 2 weeks and I have to deal with her. (We had a long distance relationship, and was a friend/colleague of mine before we starting dating). Anyway, I am dreading having to have to see and deal with her. We have mutual friends, will go the same parties. Ugh, this is going to suck. Anyway, in reference to your situation. It was probably a bad idea to unfriend him. Once you unfriend someone, it is really a move made out of spite. I'm sure you didn't want to kill your friendship, but by unfriending someone you are really putting the nail in the coffin. I'm sure he was very upset by your move, and thus had to "one-up" you by blocking you. That's it, pure and simple. I'm sure he had no idea that you were looking at his page, but it had nothing to do with that. It had everything to do with you unfriending him. He was probably hurt and pissed and then thought he had to retaliate. The only option was to block you. I don't think he did it because he didn't want to cut you out of his live forever. I think it was pure revenge and as aisuru said it was to punish you.
aisuru Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Thank you aisuru. I know that I have to let it go, it's just fresh. Gonna wake up tomorrow and forge ahead. What else can you do? You can only trudge forward. You'll be okay. I promise.
Mack05 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) myn I just blocked an ex who had blocked for me for years (I did a checkup of all my ex's last night wondering how they are doing). I also blocked my ex 'nearly' fiance. I wasn't to be nasty or out of spite, or because I am still in anyway attached to her. I just have zero interest in knowing any little detail in what is going on on her life. She is a great girl who helped me enormously, (more then she will ever know) but for numerous reasons I don't like her as a person -> which is a strange paradox. I appreciate the time we had in each others lives, I hope she is happy (I really want that for her) but that is it. I can't say why this guy blocked you. Maybe as revenge for unfriending you? The games people play can be pathetic post break-up. Not only that they can be very hurtful.. Edited June 11, 2013 by Mack05
aloneinaz Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Who cares why he blocked you. You need to move on. I don't think de-friending or blocking someone who dumps you is immature what-so-ever. The person in dumping you said they don't want to see you anymore as a lover or a friend and don't want you IN THEIR LIVES. WHY on earth would you feel compelled to then keep them as a "friend" on FB or any other site? My on and off again ex broke up with me. I waited two days to get my things back and then blocked her. I did it for self preservation and for ME to heal and move on. I'm sure she's now blocked me (I haven't checked). I think it's crazy how some folks want to stay friends w/people who don't want them in their lives. I need to worry about me and having any contact w/her isn't helping me move forward. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) Reading this it reeks of crap 12 year olds get worked up over. Its so sad that people let crap like this control their lives... DUMP THE EFFIN ACCOUNT IF YOU CANT HANDLE IT! There is life after FB, as hard as that might be to conceive.. TFY Edited June 11, 2013 by thefooloftheyear
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